C H A P T E R    E I G H T E E N

Homecomings and Hallelujahs

❄●❄

                  "WHEN THE MOON fell in love with the sun, all was golden in the sky. All was golden when the day met the night."

                  Louis gave up trying to keep his eyes open. He felt one of his earbuds slipping out, but he just couldn't bring himself to put forth the effort to fix it. Lottie had gone to bed an hour ago now, and he had nothing else to keep him occupied; he's watched every movie he owns dozens of times, read every book on every shelf in his room, and ran out of inspiration to write before the lads had even gone. All he had left was a playlist Zayn made for him on Spotify two years ago that he never listened to because he hated Zayn's taste in music.

                  However, he's been pleasantly surprised by the playlist's contents thus far. This song, in particular, was lulling him into a peaceful sleep.

                  "When the sun found the moon, she was drinking tea in a garden under the green umbrella trees in the middle of the summer."

                  Louis smiled, tilting his head to rest on the sofa pillow. He liked the lyrics. More like peppermint hot chocolate, he thought.

                  "When the moon found the sun, he looked like he was barely hanging on, but her eyes saved his life in the middle of summer."

                  Begrudgingly, Louis peeked open an eye to check both the time and what song was playing. But he had a message and two missed calls.

                  Louis? Why aren't you answering the door? Are you okay? Are you sleeping?

                  As soon as he finished reading it, he jolted upright and received a second text.

                  I'm worried, please just let me know you're alright and I can always come back in the morning. I know it's late, I understand, I just want to make sure you're alright.

                  Louis tossed his headphones and phone to the side and darted as quickly and quietly as he could to the door. He flipped the dead bolt and yanked it open to find a distressed Harry anxiously typing on his phone. The poet's eyes flicked up to Louis' and softened with relief.

                  "Louis," he breathed, tucking his phone into his pocket and pressing a hand to his chest. "I'm sorry if I woke you, I was just really worried – "

                  "Get in here, you late idiot. What the hell took so long?"

                  Harry began unwrapping his scarf and unbuttoning his jacket as he stepped into the flat. "There was really bad weather and the train was delayed. I'm so sorry – you shouldn't have waited up. I could have come over in the morning or after school." His face lit up as Louis took his things. "Or I could visit you at work! We could have lunch together."

                  Louis chuckled and draped everything over a stool in the kitchen. He heard Harry follow him and went straight to work preparing the hot chocolate.

                  "Could you spike that actually? Long last couple of days."

                  Louis' brow jerked upwards. "Alright. Want to talk more about it? You didn't say too much on the phone, although that was probably partly my fault."

                  "Nah. I'm fine. The look on your face when you opened the door mostly remedied it, and this lovely surprise you're putting together now will fix the rest."

                  It was this weird sensation, like Louis could feel the space between his back and Harry shrinking despite hardly hearing the lanky, clumsy boy moving. He still knew. And he felt his entire body bristle, although he prayed Harry didn't notice. But if he was being honest, the idea of being touched in a way that wasn't platonic had the pit of his stomach and his cheeks burning. He didn't not want it, but...

                  Nerves were common at the start of things like this, of course. Louis knew that. Duh, he internally rolled his eyes at himself. You're being silly, Tomlinson. This wasn't weird. What would be weird is if Harry was less than three feet away from possibly wrapping his arms around him from behind and Louis wasn't freaking out a little bit about it. Because who in their right mind wouldn't want that so badly that they can't tell the difference between nerves and anticipation? Desperation, even.

                  God, was Louis desperate for non-platonic touching?

                  You're overthinking this, holy fuck.

                  It didn't matter anyway, apparently. Harry altered his course and leaned his back against the counter beside him, his eyes flickering between the drink Louis was making him and Louis' face. Louis hoped his blush was gone by now.

                  "Hi," Harry said after a long moment. His eyes had stopped wandering.

                  Louis took a hopefully unobvious breath and stopped what he was doing to meet Harry's gaze. "Hi."

                  "Long time no see."

                  "It was just a few days."

                  "You missed me," Harry reminded him.

                  Louis pursed his lips; he knew he couldn't deny it. His eyes dropped to the nearly finished drink as he wracked his hazy brain for something to say that wouldn't sound completely ridiculous. "I miss Dashing and Charming when I don't know where they are for more than five minutes, so..."

                  He winced. That was essentially only ridiculous.

                  Harry didn't really seem to find it funny either, so he cleared his throat and changed the subject. "How is everyone? What did I miss while I was gone?"

                  I can turn this around yet. "Me."

                  When Louis finally risked a look at him, Harry was suddenly beaming. He toned it down after a second and scrunched his nose, which was so alarmingly cute that Louis bumped the full mug and got scalding liquid all over his wrist and the counter. Somehow he hardly felt it.

                  "You are," Harry began, turning to grab the roll of paper toweling next to the fridge, "entirely correct."

                  Sighing, Louis cleaned up his mess. "I think you're rubbing off on me with the whole clumsy thing."

                  "Good. It's endearing. Is it endearing when I'm clumsy?"

                  "Overwhelmingly, actually. I hate you for it sometimes."

                  Harry barked a loud laugh before he remembered that Lottie was probably somewhere sleeping, and then he covered his mouth to prevent further outbursts. Louis couldn't stop grinning. Bravely, he said, "I did miss you. More than I miss my cats when they disappear for more than five minutes. I just... I'm bad at this, I guess."

                  "Bad at what?"

                  Louis' face burned again. "You know."

                  "I do know. I'm sorry." He cleared his throat again, realizing Louis had grown serious. "You don't have to be good at it. God knows I'm not. I have no clue what I'm doing. I don't think we have to."

                  "Don't say you're not good at this," Louis rolled his eyes. "You drip charm. You flirt with people by simply breathing in their direction. People become clumsy around you not because you're rubbing off on them – they trip over flat surfaces or spill hot drinks on themselves because you are absurdly distracting and somehow menacing despite looking like an androgynous Cindy Crawford on a daily basis." After a beat, he added, "I'm offended you consider me gullible enough to believe your 'I have no clue what I'm doing' act for even a second. You've got this down to an art."

                  When Louis finally quit glaring at the red mark on his wrist where the hot chocolate had burned him and checked to see how Harry was taking his little rant, he was surprised to find the poet slack-jawed and staring at him like he just discovered the eighth wonder of the world.

                  But he didn't say anything for long enough that Louis began to feel awkward. He couldn't sit in silence for any longer. "I'm not bitter or anything."

                  Finally, Harry began laughing again. He tried to muffle it by covering his face with his hands, but at this point neither of them really cared if they woke Lottie, and Harry really couldn't reign his howls in.

                  Louis finished making the drink and then grabbed himself a beer. He held it over his wrist as they commuted to the living room. Harry picked up Louis' earbuds and his cell phone to move them and clicked his tongue. "So this is why you didn't hear me knocking. Doesn't explain how you missed my phone calls."

                  "It's on silent. I had my eyes closed, so I never saw the screen light up. Waiting for you was putting me to sleep."

                  "You should have told me to come tomorrow. Do you want me to leave?"

                  "No," Louis said too quickly. "Stay. Don't make my waiting be in vain."

                  Harry crawled onto the side of the sofa he normally sat on and situated himself so that Louis could lean his back against his shoulder like they always do. Secretly, Louis liked this position because it made it harder for them to see each other's faces. If Louis blushed, Harry wouldn't know, and if Harry was staring too intensely at him (as he often does) Louis wouldn't realize.

                  They didn't turn the telly on. The remote was on the chair, and neither of them realized that until they were both comfortable. Instead, they sat in silence for a while. Louis' beer was half finished by the time Harry spoke.

                  "I really don't know what I'm doing, Lou," he said softly. "I know it seems like I do, but... I've never, like..." he took a deep breath and exhaled slowly. "I've never been in a proper relationship with anyone, so I genuinely have no idea how two people go from just liking each other's faces to liking each other so much for so many reasons that they can't stand to be apart for more than five minutes. Like you and your cats."

                  "I do love my cats very much."

                  "You were willing to send them off with Lottie once she moved out and get two new ones last night."

                  "I just want what's best for them."

                  Harry chuckled. "As I was saying, I just... I think I'm good at appearing like I know what I'm doing, but truthfully when I don't, I just kind of stop thinking about it. If I think too hard, I start acting weird and I get awkward and nobody wants that."

                  "I might want it a little bit," Louis mumbled around the rim of his beer bottle. He removed it from his lips to continue. "Just for some assurance that you're actually human underneath all that careless, easy confidence."

                  "Well, how's this for awkward? While I was at Ed's place the other night, he asked about my new friends and I spent two minutes rambling about the others because I didn't know what to say about you...how to put you into just a few words. I ended up telling him you were cool and little. He picked up on you being more important immediately."

                  "I don't know if I'm offended or honored."

                  "Be honored. When he asked me to elaborate, I said that you're the kind of person one has to witness, or they'd never believe you were real."

                  "Fuck." Louis brought the bottle back to his lips and tilted his head back to take a swig. He felt Harry's hair brush against his forehead and considered staying like this, but he figured it was too odd of a position.

                  "Yeah. I know we didn't really address anything explicitly over the phone, but I feel like I should maybe just put it out there that I really like you, Louis. Just so you know, if you weren't already sure."

                  There was a flutter of nerves in Louis' stomach again, but they were definitely good nerves this time; he was even welcoming the heat in his cheeks. Charmed, he turned over to rest his side against Harry's instead of his back. "Like my face or like I like my cats?"

                  Louis didn't have be looking at him to know that Harry was beaming again.

                  "Like you like your cats."

                  "Damn, that's a lot."

                  Harry nudged him. "Your turn."

                  "For what?"

                  "Put yourself out there. I did it first so that it'd be easier for you and you wouldn't have to think about it."

                  Louis felt his lips spread into a small smile as he considered that. What an interesting concept. What an interesting boy. He's never been with anyone who thought to do something like that before. "I like you like I like my cats too." He met Harry's gaze. "Maybe a little more."

                  "There."

                  Louis nodded once. "There."

                  "Easy, right?"

                  Feeling his breathing begin to shake, Louis closed his eyes for a quick, nervous second before reaching for Harry's hand and lifting up his arm. He slid into the space this freed and let Harry's arm drape over him, keeping their fingers clasped. Hesitantly, he lowered his head into the crook of Harry's neck, where he intended to spend the night.

                  "Easy," he agreed sleepily. Relieved.

❄●❄

                  ZAYN WAS DRESSED in a mint-colored sweater with a white button-up beneath it and his usual black skinnies when he showed up at Louis' classroom during Louis' prep period, and the first thing Louis thought was that Zayn was dressing to impress somebody. And since Louis knew Zayn wasn't trying to impress him, he had to ask.

                  "Hi there, Josh Groban. To what do I owe the pleasure?"

                  "Fuck off. I brought you lunch," he said, setting a bag of Thai takeout onto Louis' desk. "Heard Harry is back."

                  Louis felt himself smile instantly, but he quickly hid it with a cough before Zayn caught it. "Yeah, he is. But I'm currently much more interested in where you're going after this, not where you were before. Or Harry being back."

                  "I'm going home after this," he said, dropping into a student desk in the front row. "Why?"

                  "You don't look like you're going home after this."

                  "Not that it's any of your business, but I might have plans."

                  "A date?"

                  "'s possible. What's it to you?"

                  "Damn, Zayn," Louis chuckled. "No need to bust my balls, I'm just curious. Friends are allowed to be curious, aren't they? Or does that only apply to you?"

                  Finally, Zayn rolled his eyes and appeared to loosen up. His lips even transformed into something resembling a smirk. "Only applies to me, twat. How's Harry doing? How are you doing?"

                  "Why is it that whenever you see me outside of writing nights, you're either trying to get me pissed or trying to piss me off? It always turns into a therapy session. Let's just...not do that today. I'm in a good mood."

                  "Because Harry's back?"

                  "Jesus Christ."

                  Zayn's expression transformed even further. It looked amused now. "Am I wrong?"

                  "If I say no, can we change the subject?"

                  He sat back, satisfied, and lifted a shoulder casually. "For now. But I knew I was right, so I'm just being generous."

                  "Tell me about the girl. Do I know her? What's her name?"

                  To Louis' somewhat great surprise, it took a moment before Zayn responded. And Louis was too busy editing the assignment sheet he had to hand out next class period that he missed whatever Z's face looked like the entire silence.

                  "'m actually trying something different. It might turn into nothing, but... 'dunno. Gonna try it out anyway."

                  This caught Louis' attention. "What are you going on about?"

                  "Don't laugh," Zayn warned. "Like I said, it could turn into nothing. And he doesn't even know – "

                  "Oh. That kind of different. I knew you swung two ways, mate," he waved a hand. "No need to explain yourself. Just because you've only dated girls before now doesn't mean shit."

                  "That's not why I told you not to laugh. I was saying, he doesn't even know I consider it a date because it's... Well, it's Liam."

                  Somehow the pen in Louis' hand ended up on the other side of the room, clattering against a cabinet before bouncing off the heating vent and hitting the floor with a clack. Zayn startled at the sound, but Louis was startling at something entirely different.

                 "What the fuck, are you serious? Are you shitting me right now? You little shit, I thought that was a joke!" He threw his hands up in the air and spun around in his desk chair once, twice. Zayn watched him warily. "I thought you just overplayed the whole schoolgirl crush thing because you knew we found it entertaining. Man, what the fuck."

                  "I'm so glad you're taking it well."

                  "Are you kidding? This is fucking incredible. I'm mad happy for you, mate. My brain is in a cycle of what-the-fuck-ing the entire last year currently, but I'm really happy for you. And Liam, even if he doesn't know why yet."

                  Finally, Zayn laughed, dropping his eyes to the desktop. "Thanks, man. I don't know if I'll tell him anytime soon, so if it's cool, I'd appreciate it if you didn't say anything."

                  "Of course. You'll have to tell me how it goes, though. Fuck. Can I tell Harry? He'll love this."

                  Apart from raising a brow pointedly, Zayn didn't seem to mind. "Sure. Yeah, that's cool."

                  "Cool."

                  "I hope it goes well. I mean, I'm sure it well because we've been friends for how long, but I like – "

                  "Actually," Louis blurted, squeezing his eyes shut and rubbing his fingers over his brow before he lost the courage that just appeared out of nowhere. "Speaking of Harry, um... I think I like him." He cleared his throat. "I like him like I like my cats."

                  "What?"

                  "So, a lot. I like him a lot. Like you like Liam."

                  Zayn said nothing for almost too long. It was nearly enough time for Louis to regret opening his mouth, but not quite. "Wow," Z finally said.

                  "Wow what?"

                  "I can't believe you just admitted that. I'm – I mean, I'm glad you did. Just a bit surprised."

                  "You say that like we never talk about my feelings," Louis chuckled.

                  "Not these kinds of feelings, we don't. It's been a while."

                  "I guess."

                  "You're different lately. I think I knew it was because of Harry, but I didn't realize it went this far."

                  Bored with the conversation again, but in the best way, Louis went back to fixing the assignment sheet. He dug out a new pen from his desk drawer. "You tell me I've changed at least once a week."

                  "You have. You're even more different every single week, which is why I point it out every single week. It's not a bad thing. You seem better. He helps." When Louis didn't say anything, Zayn continued. "It's good, Lou. It's good that he helps. I'm glad you're letting him."

                  "It wasn't voluntary," Louis scoffed. But after a thought, he sighed. "At first."

                  "I know it wasn't. Before Harry, I would tell anyone who asked that you didn't want to stop suffering. It's like you fought the idea of being happy again. Now I'd tell them you've come so far you're almost the same sarcastic asshat I met at uni. Haven't seen him in a while."

                  "Sorry to disappoint, but I don't think I'll ever be that guy again. Sarcastic and asshat-ish? Oh, inevitably. But... I don't know. Uni me needed to grow up a bit."

                  Though he wasn't looking directly at him, Louis could see through his peripheral vision that Zayn was smiling. "That's why I said almost. Whatever Louis you want to be now is fine with me, as long as it's not the one you were for the last year."

                  "Good riddance to him," Louis agreed, pulling up the assignment document on his laptop to finally make the edits.

                  Zayn was nodding. "Good riddance."

                  Louis' phone vibrated in his pocket. He pulled it out, already knowing who it'd be from.

                  Clear your schedule! Lottie and I are making dinner for you tonight. And get ready to be on your best behavior, because I've invited a special guest! See you soon. x (P.S. You're out of cat food, and I know Dashing and Charming would appreciate dinner tonight as well...)