Baekhyun thought of "maybe" more than most things.

It might have been because he loved the word, and it could have been that he knew the word well.

But it was mostly because of the meaning the word held.

It was a simple word, "maybe", but you could really use it anywhere. And it would sound nice, and add something more.

The possibilities seemed endless with the word.

And since Baekhyun had learned to block out possibilities, he replaced them with maybes.

Life seemed to be full of maybes, and maybes seemed to be full of life.
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To Chanyeol, sometimes it seemed like Baekhyun didn't know enough about the world and that he was too naive, too pure, but at other times, it seemed like Baekhyun knew too much up until the point he knew nothing at all.

And to Baekhyun, Chanyeol just seemed like a boy who didn't get what he deserved, and  didn't understand how much more he deserved to get. He deserved to be happy, and he deserved light. But locked inside a cave, powerless, helpless, light was everywhere yet nowhere at all.

Baekhyun sat in a chair in Chanyeol's room as Chanyeol lay in bed.

Chanyeol knew how little Baekhyun had eaten for the last three days, and he was worried.

He had tried to convince Baekhyun to eat, but he had thrown it up, crying and screaming that he couldn't do it, collapsing into Chanyeol's arms.

It broke Chanyeol's heart, seeing an innocent boy crumble at the hands of anorexia. He wanted to save him, pull him away from whatever was dragging him back farther and farther from recovery, but he really didn't understand what it was that was pulling Baekhyun away.

Chanyeol saw how much Baekhyun wanted to get better and he saw how much Baekhyun wanted to leave the center.

But he also saw the severity of Baekhyun's disorder. It was preventing him from doing anything.

It hid his smile and pushed out tears, and it blocked his voice.

More than anything, it muted his laugh.

For the month that Chanyeol had known Baekhyun, he had never laughed at all. A small twitch of the corner of his lips was all he ever got.

He might have breathed out to show pleasure, but it was only enough for Chanyeol to notice only because he was always looking for Baekhyun's smile. His real smile, not the fake one used to pretend that he was okay.

Baekhyun had weekly weigh-ins.

And once in a while, he told Chanyeol how he was doing.

It was after noon when Baekhyun slumped into Chanyeol's chair, holding back tears.

"I've lost weight," Baekhyun mumbled, "Ten pounds, fucking ten pounds. And I still have to gain thirty-six until I'm allowed to leave. Is it even possible?"

He swallowed hard and closed his eyes, "I don't think this is possible," he whispered, "I... I'm scared to death that maybe I won't be able to leave forever."

"Even if I leave first, I wouldn't mind spending the rest of my life waiting for you. So there's no rush."

Baekhyun turned to Chanyeol, "That's just what you're saying now," he said, "It's easy to say that you'll wait, but it's harder to do. Nobody waits for me, Chanyeol. My father might have already left the country."

"Then he's a shitty father," Chanyeol replied, "Because he can't even wait as long as a friend can."

"He didn't lock me in here because he was worried," Baekhyun's voice faltered, "He just wanted me gone. He was tired of looking after my sorry ass and he was tired of everything I did. He'd yell at me for cutting, Chanyeol. Isn't it normal for a parent to console their son when he's crying with a razor in his hand? He caught me cutting and walked over to slap me. And then he yelled at me for the blood on the floor. I felt so numb, Chanyeol. I couldn't feel anything at all."

"You've been through so much," Chanyeol said, "You deserve more. So much more."

Baekhyun's lip twitched, which Chanyeol assumed to be a smile, "That's funny," he replied, "Because I think the same about you."

"Maybe we're just both kids who don't get what we deserve. And maybe we don't know how much we deserve so we go for ending our lives as soon as possible."

"Actually, I'm pretty sure we just want to leave this place because life is shit."

Chanyeol got up to sit down next to Baekhyun, "Life isn't shit," he said, "It's more like a drug addict that can't get away from marijuana, and it takes everything out on everyone else."

"Like my dad," Baekhyun muttered.

"Yes, like your crazy ass dad," Chanyeol added, "Do you ever smile?"

Baekhyun shrugged, "Do you? I don't remember seeing you smile a lot either."

"Is it your personality? Or is it..."

"Both. It's a little bit of both. But I think I'm usually more taciturn than others anyways."

Chanyeol longed to see Baekhyun's smile, and he longed to hear Baekhyun's laugh.

Little did he know that Baekhyun wanted to smile and laugh, it was just another thing he couldn't do. ||