The fire is still burning bright when I wake. Phoenix has disappeared, leaving our make-shift pallet crumpled in his absence. The shower runs as murmuring echoes off the bathroom walls. The door opens.

"It's my last day here. I'll be home soon. Tell the girls." He pauses. Looking up, he smiles at me. "OK, bye."

"Nora, I take it?"

He grabs a bath towel. "Yeah, the girls were starting to ask about me."

"Sure, it wasn't her asking?"

Phoenix closes his eyes. "Don't start that, Ari. You know the deal."

"Yeah, a shitty deal for me. I know it was her that called you yesterday outside the restaurant. Does she have to know your every move? Why are you reporting to her like that?"

Phoenix closes his eyes and inhales, deeply. "I don't report to anyone, not even you. I'm my own man! She's the mother of my kids, and they're home right now." He exhales, his eyes sharp filled with anger. "I'm actually supposed to be with them right now. I told them we'd spend their whole Christmas break together." He throws the towel on the ground. "But here I am with you. Trying to make you happy. Trying to get things ready for our baby. And here you are, giving me shit about it!" he yells.

"Oh, so I'm the one giving you shit? What do you think I'm going through? Hiding the pregnancy? Pretending we're not together? Just so I don't get treated like shit by everyone we work with! The pressure! I'm surprised I haven't burst into a million pieces, the fine line I have to walk!"

"Oh, you wanna shout at me? The man supporting you, loving you through everything? And fucking news flash, Ari! I'm NOT the one insisting we keep the baby or our relationship a secret! I WANT you to let everyone know we're together! Fuck what they think! We know the truth! But it's not them! It's you!" Phoenix takes his phone and picks up his wallet. "It's fucking you, Ari." He leaves slamming the door.

The shock of which makes me jump. The silence is deafening. Looking around for something to throw or kick, I grab a couch pillow. Instead of kicking it, I bury my face in it and scream until I don't have any energy left. I take a deep breath and collapse on the couch, cradling the pillow.

What the fuck? Where did all that come from?

A sickening feeling settles in my stomach and suddenly I have no appetite for anything. Food, shopping, friends, life. It all seems irrelevant. I sit on the couch stewing in my anger and sadness and foul mood.

Wish I had never said anything.

Getting off the sofa, I grab his bath towel off the carpet and go into bathroom. Might as well take advantage of a nice pre-heated shower. With the mirror still foggy, I draw a frown face over my reflection then get in the shower.

Today is definitely a dress-down day. I put on an oversized sweatshirt, leggings and Ugg boots. Hair up in a messy, curly bun. Minimal makeup. Stepping out on the balcony, the city looks as if it's forgotten me. Everything moves on without me, as if the monumental fight we just had, never happened. As if I'm just a blimp on the radar of life. Inconsequential. Leave me or take me. I exhale and before I know it, tears are creeping down my cheeks.

You're too fucking emotional, girl! Get a grip.

It's just that I can't! I'm trying so hard and it's all falling apart!

Tears are heavy and fast dropping.

I'm losing control!

You're losing control!

Burying my face in my hands does nothing to hide my shame or sadness. Even if I can't see my face, this searing pain still resides in my chest, cutting so deep, I can hardly breath. An hour passes and no call from Phoenix. I dare not pick up the phone to call him.

That's right don't call, just chill. He'll come around . . .

                                                                     ***

A hand traveling up and down my backside stirs me from my sleep. Phoenix sits on the end of the couch with clear, calm eyes. Behind him, the sun shines brilliantly through the sliding balcony door, illuminating him in a sort of halo of light.

The brightness intensifies causing me to squint. "What time is it?"

"Around noon." He pats my behind. "I came back after meeting with Mike to discuss the sale of Apex Realty. You were knocked when I came in. Slobbing and snoring." He chuckles as he lifts a large paper carryout bag off the coffee table. "Brought you some lunch from that Caribbean place. Shrimp and grits with a side of cabbage." He holds it like a carrot tied to a stick. "Hungry?"

Sitting up to gain my bearing, I nod. "Yeah, sure. Thank you."

Phoenix goes into the kitchen and brings plates and silverware. He leaves and returns with two glasses of grapefruit colored juice garnished with orange slices and mint leaves.

"What's this?" I ask lifting one of the glasses for a closer examination.

"Try it." He smiles.

A quick taste becomes a long, satisfying sip. By the time my lips part from the straw, I get his enthusiasm. The fizzy orange, mango minty flavor brings life to my mouth. "Mmm."

He takes the food containers out of the bag and lays each one out like a smorgasbord. "I got a bit of everything. Ox tails, red beans and rice, greens, cabbage, corn bread, plantains, your shrimp and grits, jerk chicken and waffles and some snapper." He rubs his hands together. "How you like that?"

The delectable aroma wafting from the apology buffet remind me that I hadn't yet eaten breakfast.

"Looks amazing. Now I know what to do every time I want you spoil me like this." I take a fork and dig into the shrimp and grits.

"I spoil you all the time." He grabs a fork and goes for the ox tails and red beans and rice.

Between bites, I goad him. "Yeah. I know what to do now."

Phoenix's nostrils flare. "What's that Ari?" He takes a forkful of cabbage.

"Mention Nora and you go ballistic, huh?" My nostrils flare. "Right?" I side eye him.

"No, babe. You got it all wrong. That's not what got me upset." Phoenix takes a deep breath. "It's that you can't see everything I'm doing to try and make you happy." He drops his fork. "It's like no matter how hard I work to make you secure with me, you still doubt me. Every time. It's exhausting, Ari." His eyes plead with me as he sits his plate on the coffee table.

I stew with the thought for a moment, blinking, trying to think of something to say. "Well, I'm exhausted with this whole situation. I can't stand it that she has her claws in you like she does. I hate it. I hate having to think of her when you're not with me." I sit my fork down on the plate.

"You got me, Ari. You got me! I don't want another woman, but you. Don't you see that?" He frowns.

I blink trying to get rid of the cloud of confusion that stops me from embracing his words wholeheartedly.

Pregnant brain.

"It's hard you know? I feel like I'm in limbo, waiting. Waiting for everything to fall into place. I can't breathe, I can't move, hell, I can't tell anyone we're together until it's right. You know?"

Phoenix nods. "I'm trying my best, babe. None of this is easy. But win or lose, we always win. Cause we're in this together, remember?" He caresses my cheek. "It doesn't work when we're at war. We can't win when we're at war with each other, Ari." His eyes plead with me to understand.

I sigh. "You're right." Closing my eyes, l lean into his hand.

My oasis.

"You're right. Let's not do this again," I concede.

"Yeah. Let's not." He softly kisses me.

Somehow everything instantly gets lighter, more hopeful. After lunch, we step out on the balcony and watch the hustle and bustle of the city. Atlanta welcomes us, once more. Phoenix embraces me, keeping me warm from the winter breeze that blows around us.

"Hey, let's see what the crew is up to. Mike told me to check out Ponce Market or Atlantic Station." Phoenix grinds on my backside.

I press my butt out. "I feel that!"

"I know you do," he jokes. "I know you do!" He repeatedly pokes me like a roguish little boy looking for trouble.

*****************************************************************

The emotional roller coaster is real. How do you think Aria's handling it?