Book Name: The Last Remains

Author: bismathelastremains

Reviewer: rinaXhazurina

General Qualities: 36/50 Total

Title: 5/5

The title fits well with the main plot of the story and is open for interpretations related to the elements of the story.

Book Cover: 4/5

The cover gives off the intended atmosphere given by the story when read. However, the only problem is the capitalization of the words. I suggest turning the first letters of the words "last" and "remains" to capital because it is, after all, the title, which has to be important in how it's also presented.

Blurb: 4/5

The blurb was so good it sparks intense curiosity for readers to want to know the story. It gives suspense with the mysterious disappearance and a unique storytelling trait with the blood stains appearing in the book. We also get to know about the protagonist and her role. The only issue is the sentence structure, with the proper sentence lining and placement capital letters after a period or a question mark.

Writing Mechanics and Style: 8/15

Beautiful descriptions - The first chapter holds a lot of potential. The objects from where the descriptions are used are very lovely like: "The shop was filled with various old trinkets and furniture, each with its own story to tell" -first chapter

Writing structures/syntax - The main problem in the story is the execution of delivering the ideas for the story. This can be fixed by learning simple English writing structures and grammar and reading more English books. Having the simple knowledge of this is enough to fix these writing mistakes and write the sentences clearly, aligning the words with the purpose of what the writer wants to make the readers feel and understand in a particular part of the story. These include fixing spelling mistakes, writing consistent verb tenses, proper punctuations like knowing when to put a period or a comma, placing conjunction words when needed, avoiding shifting sentences to next lines often unless it's the next paragraph, fixing the two or three spaces in between the words, and properly organizing the words into meaningful sentences to avoid making the reading flow awkward and broken. Also, avoid underlining and capitalizing the words within the narrative part unless it's an author's note. That's mostly the issue that needs to be fixed, and I'm sure at least 80% of your story will properly convey the meaning behind each line, and thus, each scene.

Characters: 6/10

Interesting Main Protagonist - Vera as the main protagonist is good. I like that she is introduced to the shop as a newcomer. It makes her character step into the unknown and challenges her. Her skills are introduced through the blurb, giving readers an idea of how to describe her as a character.

Lovable Side Characters - Elias is a warm person, fitting the trope of the old, kind man/woman. Matias has his own character and drive, making him easy to be identified as Vera's friend who goes to art school and wants the best output for his project. I admired how more of their characters are revealed in Chapter 4 when they were led to investigate the mysterious painter. This will be further discussed in the next sections.

Character Dimensions - Though Vera is established as a good character, she has a lot of potential to be improved. Elias seems like a lovable character, but like Vera, he has a lot of potential to make them feel alive and believable. Apart from writing Vera's appearance for readers to visualize what she looks like, I recommend writing what she is struggling with inside (inner conflict) in the first chapter already. This struggle can be based on a bad experience in the past, what she believes in, and what she wants to achieve in life. When you come up with these and combine them, lay it out in a way that it shapes her fear, desire, needs, and misbelief: her desire motivates her to act throughout the story, her fear is the result of a bad experience she had or is having, her misbelief is the thing she wrongly believes in which comes from her fear and it holds her back from achieving her goal or doing her best in achieving it, or it may even be the source of her desire, wherein her goal is viable to be changed or her perspective of her goal is changed. Her need is something that she needs to realize within herself in order for her to achieve her desire or change her character, where the change can be positive, negative, or flat. A flat change is the impact that the character made to the external world instead of within themselves. I hope you were able to grasp these because many story elements are interrelated, affecting one another greatly. Changing a trait of the character may also pose a change to the world of the story so be careful in including what elements are important to the story and what will damage it or bring no effect at all.

Robot-like Characters - This is mostly affected by the dialogues in the first and second chapter. Refer to my reviews in the previous section to know more about this and how to make the dialogues feel natural.

Worldbuilding: 9/10

Cozy Atmosphere - Since it's set in a semi-fictional world, the worldbuilding doesn't necessarily have to have dynamic traits. The antique shop in the first chapter did well to pass on the cozy feeling of the story with its sensory descriptions. The objects really make it feel like it's in an antique shop with a sense of magic to it. It carried over to the scene shifting to the cafe. Keep up with these descriptions and you'll continue doing well establishing the atmosphere you want to make readers feel with the place the story's scene is currently in. So far, these are the only details I can analyze about worldbuilding since it's still in the first few chapters.

Character Revelation through Environment Descriptions - The worldbuilding is exceptional enough. However I feel like it can be modified a bit more by adding details to the homes or rooms of the characters. Like describe how does Vera's room look like considering that she is an artist? How does Alex and Matias' room look like considering they are roommates and are studying history? I also suggest adding extra descriptions. For example, if the characters were messy or unorganized, write the details of messy books or supplies in the floor or bed. Otherwise, if they are organized, put in the attribute of items properly fixed in shelves and the bedsheets well-made.

Specific Qualities: 64/100 Total

Pacing: 13/15

Well-done Pacing - The pacing is surprisingly good. The emotional and reflective moments are appropriately slow, giving readers enough time to take in the atmosphere and feeling of the scene. The events with thrill and suspense are also properly fast-paced like when Vera encountered a strange phenomena in her room and the book began showing blood stains. It aligns well with how the scene should ideally take place in actuality and how fast readers read over them. Keep it up. The only minor issue is, again, the broken grammars and sentence structuring, harming the smooth reading flow and visualization of the events.

Story Elements Unity: 11/15
Impressive and unique object characteristics - The characteristics of the book, which is the key object of the story, also has an admirable trait with the brass button and fabric pages.

Fitting Character Traits - I like that even the field that Matias studies is history because the main conflict begins in the year 19s and is about a painter who mysteriously disappeared. It goes well with Vera's art field. This makes them already look like a strong team in solving the case.

Inconsistent Dialogues, Writing Style, and Sentence Structuring - I already mentioned this in the previous sections. For the dialogue part, it will be further discussed in the next section to cover more specific grounds.

Character Desire and Conflicts - Despite the story having only a few chapters, it's missing that critical link where the characters' desires and flaws align with the main conflict of the story. Though it's still yet to dive into the main conflict, the absence of an inner conflict for the main protagonist already sets this back. Basically, it needs to have that unspoken meaning where the characters' struggles universally connect with the main conflict, answering questions like how does the main conflict in the story relate with the character's struggle? Will it be able to help them overcome their fears or weaknesses? How does the conflict represent or reveal anything about the character (or world's) condition or growth?

Dialogue: 8/15

Unnatural Dialogues - The dialogues between the characters, for Vera and Elias in the first chapter, need to be fixed to incline more into a natural-sounding conversation between two people. Examples include the moment when Elias invited Vera to explore the shop. I suggest beginning the conversation with Vera starting the chat with any casual topic like the weather or the time. Elias agrees with her and tells her he had never seen her before and asks where she came from. Vera stutters but composes her intent altogether, replying that she's new (or a resident) to the neighborhood. Elias remarks on her being a new acquaintance. He asks how he can help her and she replies if he can give her a detour of the shop. He agrees, of course. During the detour, Elias tells about how each item in the shop holds a significant meaning, giving her a few examples. Vera reacts astonished. During their conversations, descriptions must also add that they are walking while talking. At this point, Vera spots the golden fountain pen and takes it, proceeding for Elias to narrate the pen's history. A few more detours and when Elias is about to finish, Vera points to the book, the main object in the story, and asks Elias about its history. Then Elias narrates about the story of the painter who disappeared and the details surrounding his mystery. These are just my demonstrations or you can use this to modify the chapter. Do this with natural dialogues, by which I mean, a conversation between two people that sounds real and not like scripted robots. The dialogues also felt unnecessarily slow with the frequent shift between the character talking instead of putting different topics in one line or in a subtext. Also strive for efficiency when it comes to dialogue. You can have an idea of this by visualizing your own conversations with other people, of how the topics come up naturally which can also be accompanied by nonverbal actions. If you're still struggling with how to envision natural dialogues, read guides and tips online on how to do them or watch YouTube videos because there are many sources you can learn how to do this. Read English novels too. I highly suggest it.

Inconsistent Dialogue State and Subtexts - What's more is that the tone and nature of the characters' dialogues suddenly become better in the third chapter. Consistency is the main key to fix this. Though, it still felt a bit unnatural with how Alex offered his help to Matias. Discard the part where he says they're both taking classes when instead that fact could've been used as a subtext. I also feel like removing the parts where Alex says they got each other to lean on, that they're friends, and he wants to help with however he can, since they can be better delivered through subtexts too instead of directly telling readers how deep their relationship is through his words. Subtexts are components within dialogue moments that indirectly conveys a character's message to the other character which is understood by them and the readers too. This can be through the lines they say that pertain more than one meaning, nonverbal gestures again, or even the environment around them. An example of this is that you can let the readers know that Alex is in the same class with Matias by making Alex say what his progress or condition is in his own projects. This implies another meaning that Alex is taking the same class with Matias. One of my biggest suggestions is trusting that the readers will understand what you want them to understand when writing dialogues or even descriptions without having to directly tell them what you want to imply. This makes the meanings of the dialogues or descriptions open for interpretation but make sure the writing limits the possible meanings to be derived to the certain topic. Search about subtexts and the art of showing versus telling for this aspect of writing a story because these are just summaries.

Script-like Structure Written Dialogues - I'm not sure if dialogues in novels should be written in a way how scripts are written, because I have never once seen a novel employ the structure (Name): (dialogue) (Name): (dialogue) for conversation moments between the characters. I suggest doing the usual way of writing dialogue structures. You can fix this by doing the tips I mentioned in the previous section: learning tips from online sources and English novels.

Execution: 13/20

Thrilling Plot - The scene with Matias and Alex investigating the disappearance of the painter was amazing. The events that lead to the moment and the motive behind it was spectacular and it got me purely engrossed. I like that the characters are tied to Lucian, with Vera having his book and the two boys discovering him and working on investigating his case for the sake of a project. It also reveals so much about Matias' and Alex's character: Matias, with his intent on investigating Lucian's case and art, shows he is passionate about his project and is genuinely hardworking for something he likes. And for Alex, it shows how much he is willing to help his friend even when they dive into unlikely, creepy cases such as this. That scene did not just progress the story but also revealed so much about the characters. When the scene delivers more than one purpose, you make a well-crafted one. You should format your scenes like these more often; they're what makes it fantastic.

Specified Problems over Generalized Statements - In the fourth chapter in the first paragraph, I suggest laying out the particular suggestions made by Matia's friends so the audience can understand why they find it disappointing. Not just telling us Matias found the suggestions disappointing and that's it.

Awkward Reading Flow - Due to the multiple writing errors, I find the reading flow to be broken and rigid despite the plot and pacing being exceptional. Again, fixing the writing errors will mostly fix the flaws of the story.

Plot Hole Presences: 5/5

I don't think I've encountered any plot holes while I was reading considering that the chapters are still about to dive into the main conflict. So what I can say for this as of now is that the story is still in the safe zone. When the story progresses, do be wary of producing plot holes as they usually come unintentionally and without awareness, so be sure to know everything about your story to the full extent.

Overall Enjoyment: 4/5

I really enjoyed it. No moment was dull and each scene contributed a significant role in the story's progress. I was mostly engaged in the part surrounding the book and Lucian, especially in Chapter 4 where more about his case was revealed, elevating the character and the plot. These first four chapters are good so far. The only main problem is the many writing errors I mentioned multiple times, which I highly suggest should be fixed as soon as possible.

Theme: 10/25

Missing Theme - The scoring may come as a surprise, but don't fret yet as the story still has a few chapters published and is about to dive into the main conflict. However, it is strongly suggested to establish this specific element already in the first chapter at most to immediately hook the readers into caring for the characters and know the significance of why they should read it. In terms of stories, the theme may usually pertain to what kind of direct or hidden topic or context is the story circling about such as justice, friendship, or growing. However, it is more than that. It is about how these topics are used to convey a message which the author wants to relay to the readers through the story they are offering them to read. Basically, the theme is like the moral of the story, but explored deeper, not always clearly revealed, and it has more than one message or the message changes depending on the readers. It has to come as a self-realization within them with their many interpretations considering that they are people with different backgrounds. Because of the absence of knowing what Vera really wants to achieve and no sign of inner conflict she is facing, the readers, or at least I, have no idea what theme the story is going for. There are depictions of friendship and exploring one's skills, however, because we don't know what Vera is struggling with and what she wrongly believes in, there seems to be no, or there is still yet an opportunity for these themes to be explored and used when the characters are facing their own problems (inner conflict) and the main problem in the story (external conflict). I recommend revealing her inner conflict, fear, and misbelief, and specifying her goal in the first chapter will fix this.