tw: masturbation, very detailed smut, oral sex, fingering, etc. IF I SEE ONE PARASITE JEAN COMMENT IM BLOCKING YOU FR DONT PLAY WITH ME I AM NOT THE ONE .

...anyways

❧

Jean woke up the next morning pretty late. It was Sunday so he had the day off and he wasn't going to hesitate to take advantage of the opportunity to sleep in.

Since he started working here at the age of 18, he would wake up every damn morning at 5am. The only exception was on the rare days he had off.

Now that he was your personal bodyguard, his schedule was different from everyone else's in the royal guard. Instead of getting his schedule every week and praying he would see a day off like he used to, he had a set day off every week now.

He was especially grateful for this since he didn't get much sleep last night. Last night was your birthday ball and it was.. pretty eventful, to say the least.

He and Kai got into a—Was it an argument? He really didn't know what to call it. He just knew it was going to be awkward to see him again.

He also danced with you alone just before said argument. Even though he got in trouble because of it, he didn't regret it at all. Seeing your sorrowful face light up when he asked you to dance with him was enough reason for him to do anything ever.

He could still feel you in his arms and the way you laughed in his ear as he twirled you around. The sound echoed in his mind over and over.

Of course, everything went downhill after that. Kai, a very drunk Kai, confronted him and Jean somehow ended up pushing you away that night because of points your brother made that actually made sense regardless of how intoxicated he was.

Then, you agreed to marry someone you had just met that night. Not that you had much choice, of course. He understood that. He also couldn't blame you when he himself was telling you to do it.

He saw you by your room later that night when the party came to an end. You were being colder to him which, again, he didn't blame you for either.

He couldn't take your attitude serious as you adorably fumbled with the strings of your corset, struggling to pull them loose. He had offered to help but you were stubborn and swore you had it under control even though he watched you grow frustrated quickly.

As you turned away from him, he pulled gently on one of the strings causing you to stand still. He could still feel the tight string come loose between his fingertips.

He could still hear you tell him to do another. He could still see your shoulders and chest fall with relief as the compressed tension suffocating your waist and ribs fades away.

He hated his mind. All he kept thinking about what other kind of faces of pleasure you could make. The sounds you could make. The—

Jean groans as he sits up in his bed. He places his face in his hands. He was torturing himself. He could feel his blood sneak its way to the lower half of his body.

He picks up the blanket and sees he had morning wood like always. He sighs and pulls his waist band lower, his dick slipping out and smacking his abdomen.

Watching his dick gently throb, he brings his hands to the base and slides it all way up, his thumb circling around the tip and collecting precum.

"Fuck." He whispers as he starts to relieve himself of his built up sexual tension. He's only a few strokes in when he hears a knock on the door.

He jumps and quickly covers himself with the blanket again. "Jean? I have your breakfast." A voice calls behind the closed door.

He tucks his boner in the waistband of his pants and kicks his legs off the bed before he walks over to door. When he opens it, he sees Niccolo standing there with a covered silver dish. "Your french toast."

Jean could feel himself frown with confusion when he tries to recall why Niccolo is making him breakfast and it takes him a while considering he's still barely waking up. Suddenly, it clicks and he bursts out laughing. "Shit, I totally forgot about that."

Niccolo glares at him as he takes the dish from his hands. Jean opens it up and the sweet, warm smell of cinnamon and syrup fills his nose. "Thanks. Don't forget her blueberry pancakes." Jean reminds him.

"Yeah, yeah." Niccolo grumbles as he walks away. Jean smiles as he closes the door behind him and sets the plate down on the small table in his room before he heads to the restroom to brush his teeth and do whatever else he needs to.

When he wasn't making any noise, he could hear muffled talking from the wall next door. The walls weren't thin enough to make out a single word but he could tell the difference between two different voices.

Once he does everything he needs to do to wake up, he looks out the window and admires the view. It was pretty chilly outside, colder than it had been the past couple days and he knew it was because December was coming around in the next couple of days.

There wasn't many people roaming the castle as there was usually. It was a lot calmer than it was on weekdays when the castle was fully staffed and running around to get their tasks done.

He had no idea what his plan for today was. He could quite literally do whatever he wanted. He could go back home and visit his mom. He could go have some drinks with his friends who were also off today or that he hadn't seen in a while. Or he could just straight up sleep all day.

Taking a seat at the table, he begins to dig into his freshly made and still warm breakfast while he thinks his options over.

A small part of him wanted to see you. He found himself surprised by the fact that he wouldn't mind spending his entire day off with you even though he has to everyday.

As much as he wanted to, he didn't want to intrude. Sundays were important to the royal family because it was the one day they all got to spend time together. He didn't want to take you away from them. Not that he was even sure you would want to anyway.

After he finishes his meal, he decides to start the day with a bath either way. No matter what option he chose, he wanted to start it off with a fresh, clean body.

He stripped himself of his pants and underwear since his chest was already bare and climbed into the shower. Luckily, the castle had a water heater and much better water pressure than at his old house so he was able to take a steaming hot shower to contrast with how cold it was outside.

The water felt amazing on his naked skin. He envied that he didn't have this kind of shower back home and that once you left, he wasn't going to be able to take advantage of the one here anymore.

With that in mind, your face appears in his head again. He tries to shake it off just as quickly as the image shows up but it was like his brain was antagonizing him.

He places his hand on the wall as he tries to calm his lewd thoughts. He needed to control himself.

[art creds; keydoodles on ig!]

He knew he just needed to cum and get it over with. He hadn't had sex in so long that he knew he just had too much sexual frustration trapped inside him that he needed to release. He knew he would feel so much better if he just let it all out.

He looks down at his dick as water drips down from it. His hand comes up to it, almost hesitant to touch it as if it wasn't his own body.

Jean shuts his eyes while he starts to stroke his dick, the water pooling in his fist helping with the slippery motions. He tried to think of anything that would help him cum that wasn't you but he couldn't. Every time he closed his eyes, he just saw you.

"Damn it." He mutters. He couldn't stop now. He really didn't want to.

He knew it was wrong to masturbate to the thought of a woman who wasn't even his. A woman he's never even kissed. His bestfriend's little sister. You were going to marry someone else. He shouldn't be picturing you naked.

That was another thing he couldn't get out his head. You were marrying someone else. Someone else was going to be lucky enough to be the man who takes your virginity and sleep in your bed every night. Someone else was going to be able to kiss you everyday. Someone was going to have their hands all over you.

He couldn't stand the idea of that, as selfish as it made him. He was jealous. He was fucking jealous. You didn't belong to him but he didn't want you to belong to anyone else either.

He sees flashes of your pretty lips, the way they curl into a smile every time your even prettier eyes meet his.

He sees images of your neck whenever your hair is up and how he always fights the urge to drag his fingers along the sides or touch it with his lips.

Visuals weren't the only thing anymore. He could feel your touch on him now. He could feel your hands on his shoulder or arm like you always seem to do somehow.

He can feel your hands wrap around his. The very hand that was pumping his dick up and down. He knew it was twisted but he pictures his hand is yours instead.

Suddenly, he felt even more incredible. Small grunts slip past his lips as his imagination takes hold of him.

"Fuck."

He could feel himself inch closer to his climax the more he pictured things about you. He pictured kissing you, touching you, fucking you.

He wanted to do it so badly. He didn't hesitate to admit it anymore, not to himself at least.

He knew no one else deserved to do it. No one deserved to kiss your lips or your neck. They didn't deserve to touch you in ways no one else has. No one deserved to see you completely bare and exposed and vulnerable. No one deserved to taste you and—

"Fuuuuck."

He was a lot faster now the more vulgar his thoughts grew and as the more the images in his mind grew more vivid.

A flashback of the two of you sat out on the grass crosses his mind. The way you asked him if he would kiss you if you asked him to do so. He wanted to say yes at the time but he knew you were teasing him.

Since that night, that's all he's thought about. Kissing you.

He watched you dance with other princes all night last night and had to pretend it didn't drive him crazy. Their hands on your waist, their faces far too close for comfort to yours.

He didn't want anyone else to kiss you. He wanted to be the only one. He didn't care if that was selfish. He knew no one in that room deserved to kiss you. He didn't even know if he himself was worthy enough.

He held you on a pedestal. God, it was like you were something special to behold. You were his muse. You consumed his mind and thoughts.

He wanted to be worthy. He wanted to be on your level so he didn't have to feel guilty about all the thoughts he had.

There's a tight sensation in his balls and he knows he's getting close to cumming. He continued to picture kissing you.

He'd start down on his knees, kissing up to your legs and body until he's worshipped it enough to be lucky enough to kiss your lips. He always imagined how it would feel, how soft they would be. That thought alone drove him insane.

He wanted to feel your hands through his hair, your mouth on his, your legs wrapped around his body. He wanted all of you to himself.

Maybe it was the idea of how inappropriate it was that made his head spin in circles. That it wasn't just the fact you were his best friend's sister or getting engaged to someone else but the fact that you were the princess. You were untouchable. That made him want to do it even more.

There was something so devilishly satisfying about having something you know you're not allowed to.

The best part is that in the back of his mind, he knew you wanted to too. It wasn't one sided. He knew it well by the way you looked at him, the sly excuses to touch him every chance you got, the sexual comments and jokes.

It hurt. It hurt how much he wanted you and knew he couldn't have you. It was excruciating. Both mentally and physically.

Even though he stood here, dick in hand and using his artist imagination to paint the lewd pictures in his mind the best he can, he wasn't going to be satisfied until he had the real thing.

But this was as good as it was going to get for now.

Creamy, white substance pours out of him, coating his fist and falling down into the drain with the hot water that washes it away.

He lets out a heavy breath as his body comes down from climax. He washes his cum away and attempts to recollect his breath and thoughts before continuing on with the rest of his shower.

He steps out the shower, his wet feet making contact with the cold floor beneath him. He's not even fully out when he hears yet another knock at his door.

Jean takes his time grabbing a towel from the nearby rack and wrapping it around his waist. He figured whoever was behind the door didn't want to see him butt ass naked so he tries to reach for his clothes but the knocking doesn't cease at all but instead gets even more rapid.

He groans as he leaves wet footprints behind him and he walks toward the door. He could feel the water that still clung to his skin slide down his arms, chest and legs.

He swings the door open fully prepared to lecture whoever it is that is banging at his door like a maniac but his irritated expression melts as soon as he sees the perpetrator.

You stood there, out of breath and a bit scattered like you ran full speed over here. Your expression becomes even more flustered when you see him only wearing a towel around his waist.

Part of him wanting to slam the door shut and crawl into a hole and die of humiliation. He had just jerked off to the thought of you in the shower and now you're here, banging on his door and standing in front of him.

The other part, however, couldn't take his eyes off you. Your dress today was slightly more casual than the usual, frilly looking ones. You wore a velvet, dark maroon dress that flattered you perfectly. It hugged you in all the right places. Not to mention it was also a darker shade of his favorite color.

He waits for you to say something considering it was you who came to him in the first place and pretty urgently if he might add. He figured it might've been some kind of emergency based on your appearance and insistent knocking.

But you just stood there. Mouth practically hung open and eyes unfaltering as they bore into his dripping body. He was quite proud of how his body looked. He had worked hard to get it this way so the reaction he was receiving right now only made him feel even more accomplished.

"You okay? Do you need something?" He decide to tease you a little. Your mouth instantly closes and you snap out of your trance. You even stand up straighter like you're building up confidence to say something but all you say is: "Hi."

He couldn't help but laugh. You were extremely talkative usually so he found it amusing how you suddenly were so speechless. "Hi. You alright? Why are you banging on my door like a crazy person?"

"Uh, do you want to hang out with us? I know you just showered but we were going to hang out outside for a little." Your eyes stare at the ground like you're trying to be respectful and not stare at him.

Little did you know he was picturing you just as naked as this just a few minutes ago.

"Sure." He says. "Let me just change." He's about to close the door but he stops midway when he sees you still standing there. "You don't have to wait. I'll catch up."

He watches as you take a step backwards. "Okay."

Closing the door behind him, he hears the sound of your footsteps running away and he smiles a little. He honestly didn't want to go outside and get all sweaty since he just showered but there was no way he could say no to that face.

Once he fully dries himself off and changes into some clothes, he walks out his room and shuts the door behind him. When he meets up with you again, you begin to lead him to the ballroom to meet up with your brothers but when the two of you arrive, they're no where to be found.

Jean didn't know what the day ahead of him had planned. He certainly didn't expect to see himself sitting on the King's throne with his legs spread apart and you kneeled down between them with your hands on his knees. He'll never forget the way you looked at him.

If he already had sexual thoughts about you, they were only going to get worse after that. It was almost like you knew.

He also didn't expect to have as much fun as he did once you both reunited with your brothers outside. He thought maybe you'd just sit around and talk but he didn't expect to relive all his old childhood memories.

Although it was just a revival of all his favorite memories, there was something different about it this time. You were there too.

His entire youth, he ran around these fields, climbed these trees, circled this maze, swung from these swings. But never with you.

He always imagined how it would've felt and now he understood it completely. It was something so surreal.

[play Drift Away Omnichord by Mars Bars]

He watches as you chase Ambrose into the rose garden, him screaming and you crying with laughter as your other brothers follow after you.

When they're all in the garden, Kai suggests to play a game that they used to always play where they blindfolded someone and they were left to look for the others in the maze.

You nod obediently as they explain the rules to you, your body bouncing with excitement. A bright smile gleaming on your face.

He always knew you had a nice smile but he never really notice how much he liked it. The way it made your eyes light up and sparkle.

He realized that he always wanted to see you that way. Smiling with pure happiness. He never wanted to see you sad ever again.

His ears pick up the sound of your laugh as you run away from whoever was next to be blindfolded. It was an addicting noise that made his body swell with envy, envy of those who get to hear it when he's not around.

The sky turned different shades, from blue to more colorful hues. Under the stretched out limbs of a tree, hiding from the setting sun, all of you danced to some song that everyone sang together.

Although he had spent night after night by your side, he felt like he was now truly seeing you. You shined differently under natural sunlight, it was almost like the sun glowed specifically to illuminate your presence. The sun however, was dull in comparison to the light you naturally always gave off.

He finds himself laughing at how anxious he was to receive this job. How a small part of him felt like he would hate it. How he was nervous he wouldn't even get the job done right.

In all honesty, he's never felt more sure of himself. He felt confident around you. He felt like no matter what he did, no matter what stupid mistake or slip up he made, everything would turn out fine. His worries tended to disintegrate around you.

He wished you were in his life sooner. All the times he was anxious or nervous. All the times he was scared or worried. You would've easily made all that slip away from his mind and bring him peace just as you do now.

Of course, he knew you were always around. Back then, he just didn't appreciate you the way he does now. No one did.

You were never treated the way you deserved. People turned you away, whispered under their breath and never bothered to see you for what you were and not just what they heard.

Regardless, you were always kind to them. Always kind to the people who didn't care enough to show you even a sliver of that kindness in return.

They didn't care about you. But you still cared for them. For years, no one ever returned that decency besides his mother and him on rare occasions.

You were always alone. Watching from your bedroom balcony as the whole world moved on without you.

He left the palace years ago with that in mind. When he returned years later, things had finally changed.

It was like the sad girl on that balcony no longer existed. Instead she was replaced by someone who finally ran these fields, danced around these halls and was finally seen as human.

He watches as you dance with Mikasa and your brothers. You had friends now. You had family. Everywhere you went, people were drawn to you, they no longer feared you. You were loved.

He was happy for you. Truly. But part of him found it cruel that it took them this long to realize that being around you was something so absolutely amazing. Not that he was one to talk.

He regretted not doing what he does now years ago. He could've spent years happily listening to you talk, talk endlessly about things you love. Happily making you laugh just so he can hear you do so. Happily saying things that he know will cause you to smile.

He wished he knew it back then how much he would love to do those things. He could've enjoyed it more. He would've cherished it for just a little longer. He wished he didn't realize it at a time where he's bound to lose you at any second.

He thought he accepted the fact that you'd leave one day. That you'd get on a boat and drift away to some other country and he'd never see you again, only once in a blue moon.

But the more he thought about it, the more he got closer to you, the more it hurt.

He didn't want to distance himself, he didn't want the friendship to fade so he decided to stay. No matter how much it was going to hurt him to say goodbye in the end. He'd cherish the little time he had left. He'd paint the memories so they'd be timeless in his hands.

He's admiring the moment, taking it in so he can memorize the details to paint it onto a canvas later when he's alone. It takes a good while for him to realize you're standing right beside him. "What?"

"Nothing." You smile innocently. "Just enjoying  the view same as you."

He knew this moment was just as important to you as it was for him. If anything, much, much more. It gave him even more reason to paint it. Just so you could remember it forever.

That's when it hit him that all he ever wanted to do was things to make you happy. Whatever it took to see that smile, hear that laugh.

He grabs your hand and spins you around. "Remember this?"

"How could I forget? You almost made me throw up." You laugh. His heart flutters at the sound. There it was.

"Did I?" He asks. "I don't recall." He starts to spin you around endlessly like he did that time. Your laughter echoing across the open hills.

Sunset comes quickly after and suddenly all of you sit in front of a camp fire, circled around it.

Jean was so exhausted to the point that he just sat there in silence allowing his body to fully rest. It seemed like everyone else was doing the same because no one else said a word.

"Promise me you will come visit me. All of you." You say suddenly. Jean's heart stops and it seems like the same effect happens to the others around the fire because they all freeze, their relaxed bodies tending up.

When he looks up, he sees everyone's eyes are on you now but you refuse to meet any of theirs in return. "You guys are important to me. Each one of you. More than anyone else." You add softly. "I don't want to forget how any of you look like or sound like. I want you in my life forever. You five are special to me."

No one says anything. He figured it was because they were all as equally caught off guard as he was.

"Promise me you will come. It doesn't have to be every day but whenever you have the chance, promise you'll come." You keep filling the silence.

Nothing. No one speaks at all. He wanted to speak up but it was like he couldn't. It was like his throat refused to spell out the words his brain told him to say. Much less the ones his heart wanted to say.

Kai is the first one to speak up finally. He says something along the lines of using it as an excuse to take a break from this place even though Jean knew he was probably going to miss his sister the most out of everyone else and couldn't stand the idea of being without her.

Mikasa doesn't say she'll go but she says if you ever need her, she'll be there in an instant. Jean knew this had to been hurting her just as much as anyone else. Even though she was smiling, he could see the sadness in her eyes.

Ambrose says something along the lines of going when he's bored, shrugging it off like it was nothing. Jean could see right through that too just like the others.

Finally, Elijah speaks up too. He claims he'll go as much as he can before he's king because he knows he'll never have time to go after that. He was the only one who was whole heartedly telling the truth.

Everyone had spoken now except him. He could feel everyone's eyes on him as they wait for him to say something but he had no words to describe how he felt.

How did they expect him to agree to go see you so easily? To go visit your new husband's kingdom and see you married to someone else. To see the children you have with him. How could he do that? He wasn't good at pretending everything was fine like you were. If he hated something, there was no way of hiding it.

He knew he had to say something. He didn't want to say yes and lie to you but he didn't want to hurt your feelings and say no either. So, he chose something in between. "I'll have to check my schedule."

As the words left his mouth, he still kept his eyes on the fire in front of him. He didn't want to look at any of you. He was scared that if any of you looked in his eyes, you would see how he really felt so he just kept his hands above the fire like he was extra concentrated on keeping them warm.

He was so consumed by his own thoughts that he doesn't even realize everyone suddenly disappears, leaving the two of you alone.

Even though he was sitting by the fire, he was still cold even with his jacket on. As much as he hated to admit it, he wasn't a fan of cold weather. He actually despised it with a passion.

He looks at you and you stare at his hands that hover over the flames. His eyes then trail down to your hands that rest on the soft grass beside you. "Are you cold? Do you want to head inside?" He was hoping you'd say yes just so he could go inside and crawl into bed.

Unfortunately, you decline. "You can go ahead. I want to stay out here for a little longer."

Now he just had to bear it until you were ready to go inside. He couldn't believe you weren't cold too. Now that he thinks of about it, do you even get cold?

"Well then, here." He pull his arms out of his coat. "Wear my jacket."

Just in case.

You, of course, try to politely decline the gesture but he tells you to shut up and wear it anyway. You mutter a thanks under your breath and pull the jacket around your body.

When Jean sits back down, he tries to keep some distance between you and him now that you were alone. He felt like he was constantly being watched now.

You clearly don't care on the other hand because you scoot even closer to him, closing the cautionary distance he created.

That was something he knew he had to be careful with from now on. You were much more rebellious than him. You were the type to do something after someone specifically told you not to. So while he is over here trying to do as he was told and not die, you were doing the exact opposite, not giving a damn who saw or what they had to say about it.

When he gives you a look to watch what you're doing, you shrug innocently and claim you're only doing it for body warmth.

The remaining moments outside, huddled together, fly by as he listens to you go on and on about constellations and galaxies. You spew out a surprising amount of facts about outer space that he found actually interesting.

There were some points where he had absolutely no idea what the hell you were talking about but he listened anyway, taking in the way your eyes lit up with excitement.

Out of all the complex words you use, one caught his attention the most. "Andromeda? That sounds cool."

You turn your face to him and smile. "I always wanted to name my daughter that."

He could feel his eyes grow in size. He never expected you to say something like that to him. It may be something so stupid and simple to anyone else but to him it was a big deal. You trusted him enough to tell him something like that.

You go on some more to gush about the stars, the planets and everything else in between. He honestly could just listen to you forever even though his brain couldn't even begin to process half of the information you were pouring out. He was just happy to listen.

"Armin got me an astronomy book for my 16th birthday and I read it cover to cover. That feels so long ago." You speak normal again.

Jean chuckles. "It's been a while, for sure. I started working here around that time."

He looks back on his first day. He had just turned 18 maybe a couple weeks before that day. If he recalls correctly, you were maybe 16 at the time.

He remembered it quite vividly. The excitement and adrenaline he had being back in the castle he grew up in while also being nervous and sick to his stomach.

He was terrified of seeing your brothers again because he had no idea how they were going to react but it all surprisingly went well.

Then there was you. He'll never forget the feeling of seeing you again after so many years. He'll also never forget your reaction to seeing him again either.

You suddenly stand up. "Okay come on, let's go inside." He of course, doesn't argue and gladly gets up off the cold, damp earth.

When you both make it inside, he stops at his door and you do the same to yours. "Goodnight. Don't stay up too late, it's Monday tomorrow."

"I know my days of the week, Kirstein." You taunt as you open your bedroom door. Before you step in, you call out his name with whisper."Pst Jean."

He tilts his head back to look at you. You wiggle your eyebrows at him as you peek past your bedroom door. "Wanna sleep in my bed, tonight? I'm not a married woman yet." You sing.

He feels a rush of heat spread across his cheeks and as well as in another place that he definitely shouldn't be feeling anything in. "No. You snore."

You protest that you don't and he admires your furious expression as his jacket remains wrapped around your shoulders. It surprisingly looked good on you. Actually, it wasn't surprising at all.

The two of you exchange goodbyes and good nights but before you disappear into your room, you notify him that you'll be keeping his jacket and considering how much he liked it on you, he doesn't oppose the idea. "It looks better on you anyway." He admits.

The next morning, Jean wakes up early just like he always does every Monday. He gets up, showers and starts his day.

When he goes downstairs to the guard common room to clock in, Ackerman stops him. "Kirstein."

"Yes sir." Jean says, pouring coffee into his cup. He stares down at the cup of brown liquid and he remembers how you're allergic to it. He stops the pouring mid way and throws the foam cup away.

Levi raises an eyebrow at the almost half filled foam cup that was just tossed into the trash but doesn't care enough to question it. "Change of plans. You're off today."

"Huh?"

He sighs, annoyed he has to repeat himself. "You're off today. Well, only technically. You still have to keep an eye on the princess but you don't need to be with her at all times."

Jean looks at the abandoned cup resting on top of a bunch of other discarded objects. "Why?"

"Some prince, I think his name is Phoenix, I don't know and don't really care, is going to come and spend some time with the princess in attempt to win over her heart. He'll be here all week. The queen and king want everyone to give them alone time while keeping a protective eye over her." Levi sips from a mug he holds in a strange way.

For some reason, it felt like Jean just got punched really hard in the chest. "Oh. Okay."

"Don't get too excited about it." Ackerman says sarcastically. He seemed to read right through Jean's disappointment. He was starting to do a horrible job at hiding it.

"So what do I do now?" Jean asks. Levi shrugs and sits at his desk as he sorts through some folders. "I don't care. Go eat and get ready to third wheel."

Jean presses his lips together to not talk back since Ackerman is his boss, well right under Erwin. He couldn't afford to be back talking to them right now. So he just turns on his heel and walks out the room.

He walks down the hall and decides to just go to the cafeteria like he always does to get breakfast. He sits at the table he usually sits at with the same people as always.

Connie's full mouth opens up and he continues to smack his food. "Cicily Island? Where the fuck is that?"

"It's in the Caribbean, you idiot." Eren grumbles. He then smacks Connie. "AND STOP SPITTING ON ME."

Marco shifts uneasily in his seat. "I can't believe she's actually going to get married."

Jean pushes his food around with a fork, his hand pressed against his cheek. "She's not officially getting married yet. She has to see if she even likes the dude first."

"I hope she doesn't." Marco flat out admits. Jean snaps his head toward him and Eren and Connie even stop fighting for a moment. Marco blinks oblivious. "What? I hope she doesn't."

Connie swallows his food and points his fork at Marco who sits across of him. "Even if she doesn't marry him, she'll never marry you if that's what you're hoping for."

Eren laughs and leans back to cross his arms behind his head. "Aw, come on. At least let the man dream."

His green eyes suddenly stare into Jean's soul so intensely Jean gets heated from it. "What are you looking at?"

Eren smiles. "Nothing."

Mikasa. Jean should've known she'd fill Eren in on everything eventually. Especially now that they've gotten a lot closer.

Connie plows more food into his mouth. "If anyone here has a chance with her, it's Jean. He's the one who spends the most time with her."

He then leans forward and grins devilishly. "And they sleep right next door to each other too."

Eren smirks but says nothing, he just remains in the same laid back position watching Jean's every reaction and move.

Marco turns to his friend next to him. "Yeah but Jean doesn't even like her. He used to always call her loud and annoying."

Jean forces food into his mouth to avoid talking even though he didn't have any appetite at all.

Connie's face somehow turns even more sinister. "Yeah, I bet she's real loud in bed, huh Jean?"

Jean is about to shoot up from his seat when a firm hand pushes him back down. "Who are we talking about?" The owner of the grip on his shoulder asks.

The entire table goes dead silent. Connie's eyes practically pop out of his head and his body freezes. Eren clears his throat and sits up straight again.

Jean cranes his neck around and sees Elijah smiling forcefully. Connie quickly tries to come up with a lie. "Some girl Jean is seeing."

Elijah raises his eyebrows. "Oh? I didn't know you were seeing someone. Is it that girl Ambrose was talking about yesterday?"

Jean opens his mouth to respond but he doesn't know what's the right thing to say. If he says yes, word will get back to you and you'll think Jean is seeing his ex girlfriend again. If he says no, Elijah will, and Jean knows he will, ask who they were talking about then.

But Elijah was too smart and too observant and probably already knew no matter what choice Jean made.

He tilts his head out the door. "Tell me about it on the way to the common room." Jean suddenly felt like he was going to vomit everything he shoved down his throat just a few seconds ago. "Okay."

He stands up and grabs his tray to discard of it. As he walks to door with Elijah beside him, Jean turns back to look at his friends.

Eren ties an imaginary noose around Connie's head and pretends to pull it. Connie sticks his tongue out and shuts his eyes as he twists his neck to the side to give the illusion of a broken neck. Jean glares at them and they laugh and wave goodbye in return.

"So," Elijah calls Jean's attention back to him. "I'm sure you heard a prince is coming to see yn."

Jean looks straight ahead and nods. "Ackerman told me this morning. I'm supposed to keep an eye on her while maintaining a respective distance right? Enough so they have their privacy." Those words tasted so bitter against his tongue.

"Respective, sure." Elijah agrees slightly. He stops Jean in the middle of the hallway. "Look, I know you probably don't want to be around her right now but I'm sure she'll prefer you lurking around than one of us. She's never been alone with a guy before and I don't want him to pull some slick shit."

It made sense Elijah was saying this. He was already protective of you and his other siblings but the fact that he was also the oldest made him even more protective of all of you.

"I'm not asking you to follow her every move but just, you know, be careful. She's a wanted person. We don't know what his true intentions are." Elijah admits.

Jean nods. "I agree."

The prince smiles. "Good. I'm glad we both do." He walks toward the common room again. "Come on."

He and Elijah both enter the room and he sees Ambrose and Kai already picking at the long table full of assorted food.

"Morning." Kai calls from the couch, his legs on the table and food in his mouth. Ambrose was sat on the window sill and looking out the window.

Jean walks over to the table and grabs one of the doughnuts served on a literal silver platter. "Morning. You're up early."

Kai grunts. "Not by choice. My mom wants us to meet y/n's new man."

"He's coming in here?" Jean points to the floor underneath his feet. Kai nods. That explained why Elijah wanted him to come over here already.

Ambrose taps his knuckle on the window. "His carriage just arrived." Jean was in nearby range of the window to be able to see through it and see what Ambrose is referring to.

He watches as the prince greets you and your mother. He watches as he kisses your hand while looking at you. For his own sake, he stops watching after that.

"I know that guy." Ambrose realizes. "I've met him a couple times when we have parties. He always has a bunch of girls trying to talk to him."

Elijah doesn't look up from his plate. "So he's another you? Great."

Ambrose snaps his head toward his older brother. "The fuck is that supposed to mean?"

Kai speaks with his mouth full. "It means you're a slut."

Jean laughs for a moment but his sense of humor fades quickly when he sees you open up the door, your eyes instantly meeting. "Uh.."

You move off to the side revealing Phoenix standing behind you. Jean didn't even notice him. Everytime he looked at you, everything else faded into the backgrounded.

The prince doesn't hesitate to introduce himself starting with Ambrose who embraces him in a hug. Turns out they really did know each other and for some reason that worried Jean because if he was anything like Ambrose, he wasn't the type to take anyone serious.

Jean looks at you and you have your nose and eyebrows scrunched together, your face mixed with confusion and disgust. You clearly had no idea they knew eachother.

From Ambrose, Elijah and Kai both introduce themselves as well and as much as he hopes it'll somehow go wrong, it doesn't. The introductions go very well. He even introduces himself to Jean too.

Everyone sits down except you and Jean who remain standing. You walk over to the table and shove a bunch of food on a plate and hand it to Phoenix before you sit beside him and pick from the same plate.

He couldn't help but feel bitter when he sees how close you sit to him and how you comfortably share food from the same plate like you've known eachother forever.

Elijah clears his throat and leans forward. "So Phoenix. Tell us about yourself."

Hoping he'd say something that would somehow turn you off or make him sound like an idiot, Jean listens carefully to his response but nothing bad comes out. He's annoyingly perfect.

In fact, he had a ton in common with you. You shared the same interests and beliefs. He reminded Jean of you if you had the freedom to do whatever you wanted.

The way you stared at him with wide, sparkling eyes didn't help either.

No matter how much Elijah interrogated the boy, he passed every test. Every answer not only impressed your brothers, but you as well.

Kai barks out a laugh. "God, you're literally yn but a dude."

Jean couldn't believe his ears. Phoenix seemed to be just the male version of you with a couple slight differences. Even personality wise, the two of you had similarities.

Maybe it was just all in his head but he felt like it was too good to be true. You were being forced into a marriage and the guy just happens to be perfect for you? There was no way you had that kind of luck.

No, he felt like something was up. The fact that he knew Ambrose didn't sit right with him either. Did Ambrose maybe give Phoenix a cheat sheet of facts about you so he could shape himself into the perfect man?

Or maybe, he genuinely just was a good person and Jean just really wanted him to be bad. Was he really just looking too deep into it? Was his own bitter jealousy clouding his judgement?

"I can show you whatever you want." He hears Phoenix say.

Jean could feel himself choke on the orange juice he was currently chugging. The drink spills out his mouth and he starts to cough into his hand. Everyone turns to him and he wipes his mouth clean. "Sorry, it was hot." He lies.

The truth is he was drinking cold orange juice and not anything hot like coffee. He hasn't drank coffee at all since he found out you were allergic. Because you know.. just in case.

He hears you snort a little but play it off by standing up and asking Phoenix to go on a walk with you which he obviously doesn't decline.

Considering Jean is supposed to still keep an eye on you, he sets his cup down and prepares himself to follow you but you stop him. "You don't have to come."

You walk past him and lead Phoenix into the rose garden to be alone together after that.

He went to sleep that night just like he always did. He bathed, washed his face, brushed his teeth just like he always did before bed. To him, it was just another regular night.

He's fast asleep when he hears his name called in darkness of his room. He turns his head and sees you standing there, a rolled up map in your arms and dressed in your night gown. "Y/n?"

You casually laid the map across the bedroom floor using the moonlight seeping through the windows as a light.

The two of you then spent some time talking about the places you dreamed of going the most.

Somehow, the conversation then lingered into several different topics that spewed into even more stuff.

Somehow, he was fast asleep with you on his bedroom floor, your head rested on his chest and your hand underneath his shirt. Your leg bent over his lower body like you were hugging a pillow.

He had woken up in the middle of the night when you move suddenly and wake him up. You actually moved a lot in your sleep, hence maybe why you ended up in this position.

He tries not to freak out when he sees you cuddling up against him. His entire body grows tense and panic fills him.

But the second his eyes focus on your sleeping face, it's like it all melts away.

He admires you in deep slumber, using his body as a pillow and as something to hold on to in the dead of night. You looked at peace. Just a few moments later, he was fast asleep again.

You woke up that morning freaking out and yelling that you fell asleep and had to return to your room before anyone saw and he was still half asleep to process any of it.

The next day happened just like the day before. Your schedule consumes of entertaining the prince fighting for your heart all day long.

The night ends the same too. You sneak into his room with some dumb excuse or question that was so important you had to creep into his room in the middle of the night because you just couldn't bear to wait until the morning.

You try to be careful this time and not fall asleep. He does the same but it isn't difficult because the two of you talk all night long without a single yawn.

Sometimes, it was just you talking and him just listening with the occasional commentary.

Sometimes, it was the most fun he's ever had.

Every night you snuck into his room and every morning, you snuck back out. He had to watch you walk beside another man all day long, just so you can end up on the floor beside him in his room at 2 in the morning.

On one particular morning, he was bored. Not really knowing what to do with all this spare time on his hands, he walks to the library just to see if maybe he'll find something interesting in there.

When he opens up the massive library doors, he sees Armin at one of the desks and sorting through some papers. "Oh, Jean. Goodmorning." He beams.

"Goodmorning." Jean replies, his hands gliding across the spines of the books that sat on the nearest shelf. "I'm surprised you're here. Aren't y/n's classes cancelled?"

Armin nods. "Her brothers' classes aren't though."

Jean picks one of the books out from the shelf and studies the cover. "I forgot you teach them too. How is y/n doing by the way? Her grades any good?"

Armin chuckles. "Her grades are always good. She's incredibly smart. Maybe not as smart as Elijah but she's a very, very close second."

Jean looks up from the book and raises an eyebrow. "Seriously? I thought you struggled getting her to do work."

The blonde shakes his head. "Nah, she's pretty good at it. It's hard to keep her attention focused on one thing sometimes but you just have to teach her in interesting ways to keep her intrigued."

"So she has good grades because you're a good teacher then." Jean sets the book back and grabs another one on the following shelf and scans that one too.

Armin rubs the back of his neck. "I guess you can say that but I can't take all the credit. She genuinely loves to learn so it helps a lot." He takes out a folder and hands it to Jean. "Look."

Jean sets the book back in the empty slot and trades it for the purple folder Armin holds out to him. Your name was written across it with black marker and a heart at the end.

He flips it open and sees a bunch of papers with numbers like 100, 90, 96, 98 and etc in red marker written on the top of the pages. "Are these are all her graded papers?"

"Quizzes and tests too." Armin explains. "They're all really high grades. I want to say her lowest grade was maybe an 86 once."

Jean pulls each paper out and studies your handwriting and reads all your answers. They were all neat and well written. He never would've thought. "I thought you were struggling to get her to turn stuff in this whole time."

"I'm only having problems with her doing her latest report. I understand why, though. It's a touchy subject for her." Armin says as he picks the wrapper off a blueberry muffin.

Jean sets the folder down. "The one about love right? How her idea of love has changed since she was younger?"

Armin pulls a paper out another folder and hands it to Jean. "All she has written is her name. She'll just stare at the paper the entire time. Sometimes she'll start writing but then ends up erasing all of it."

Jean chuckles as he takes the practically blank page out of his hand. It actually only really did have just your name on it. When he looked carefully though, he could see eraser marks all over the page.

"Maybe she'll have an easier time writing it now." Armin suggests. He points out one of the big windows that overlooks the massive pond by the swings. The same pond you and he both jumped into the other day with your brothers. The same swings you and him both swung on the night of your party.

Instead of being with him, you're now with Phoenix. You're sitting on the swing while he pushes you. To his surprise, you're smiling and laughing.

[play She likes another boy by Oscar Lang]

He could feel his heart sink a little. As much as he adored seeing you smile, he hated the fact it wasn't him making you do it. He hated the fact another man was capable of making you happy.

He should be happy for you. Happy that the person you're being forced to marry is actually someone capable of making you smile. But all he felt was bitterness.

It was even worse when he thought about how it already felt awful to see the two of you just interact, he couldn't imagine having to see him kiss you. The idea already made him feel sick to his stomach.

As happy as you looked in this moment, he knew it wasn't love. He knew you didn't love him that way. You barely knew the guy.

At least that's what he kept telling himself. It was motivation for him to keep going and get through his day. Motivation to keep being around you and act like he normally does.

He didn't want to think about having to let you go. He didn't want to see the day where he had to say goodbye to you and watch you marry someone else you didn't even love or know.

He knew he'd eventually see you again if he continued to work here. You'd come for special occasions and he'd see you for a few fleeting moments. As happy as it'd make him to see you, he knew it wouldn't be the same. He didn't know if he'd be able to be friends with you like he is now.

He wanted to spend as much time as possible with you until then. He wanted to get closer to you, as close as you'd allow him too. And he really did hope you would.

But if for whatever reason you do decide to distance yourself, to push him away...

He wouldn't fight it.

Actually, he wouldn't necessarily fight it but he'd try to convince you otherwise. He would want to stick around even if it hurt him more to stay. He would convince you to understand his side and how it was far from easy to just let you go like nothing.

He just wanted to enjoy your presence for as long as he possibly could before he no longer was able to. He wanted to make up for all the years he missed out on you.

It was going to hurt. He knew it would but he didn't care. If he had to be by your side while you picked out a wedding dress or chose decorations, he would. If he had to watch you dance with someone else, he would. As long as it meant he could be around you. The pain would be worth it.

Jean grabs the book he was looking for on a nearby shelf and holds it up for Armin to look at. "Can I borrow this?"

Armin bends to look at the cover of the book and frowns. "The 88 official constellations? Sure. I didn't know you were interested in astronomy."

"I am now." Jean says before he slips out the library doors. "Thanks Armin, see you later."

Nighttime came around quickly. Well, not quickly enough as Jean stared at the clock for hours praying for the sky to darken already.

He didn't know if you were going to come over like you did the past nights but he was hoping you would. He laid in bed all night staring at the door, waiting for it to open.

Luckily, it eventually did.

Jean had his back against the base board of his bed while he had one knee bent for you to rest your hand on. He was painting your nails a lush shade of red.

It all started because you brought up the gift he got you for your birthday which lead to him bragging about how good he is with those paints. You tease him by saying you weren't convinced he was as good as he claims to be because you've never seen his sketchbook or artwork.

Somehow, his test to prove otherwise was to paint your nails. You claimed that if he could paint your nails without getting outside the lines or doing sloppy work, you'd believe him.

And now here he was. Doing exactly that.

"Would you still be my friend if I was a worm?" You ask him without any context. He laughs and almost loses control of the tiny paintbrush, the red polish painting your skin slightly. "A worm? Like an actual worm that digs into the dirt?"

He sucks the tip of his thumb to get his thumbnail wet so he can clean up the paint that slipped out of the lines. You nod and watch as his mouth wraps around his finger. "Mmhm. A real worm."

He finishes your thumb and moves on to your pointer finger. "Hm. Were you already a worm from the start or did you suddenly turn into one?"

"I was one from the start." You answer, eyeing his facial expressions carefully as if you were testing him for the right answer.

"No." He says simply as he moves on to your middle finger now.

Your mouth drops open as if you were genuinely hurt by his honest response. "Wowwww."

He laughs. "Why would I befriend a worm?!"

"Okay, what if I turned into one?" You suggest.

He moves over to your ring finger. He takes his time with this finger in particular. "I'd put you in a little box."

You furrow your brows together. "You wouldn't let me roam around free in the grass?"

"I wouldn't want anyone to accidentally step on you." He shrugs.

You smile a little and look down at his hand under yours to keep it steady. "It was nice seeing your mom again by the way. You need to bring her more often. I miss her too much."

He pokes his tongue out while concentrating on your nails and talking at the same time. "It probably made her a lot happier than it did for you, trust me. She's always talking about you. She always asks me to draw you so she can know what you look like. She's scared as she gets older, she'll forget."

He can feel your heavy hand melt like you lost your strength for a moment but it quickly recovers. "Draw me, then." You lift up your now fully painted hand and wiggle your fingers. "Since you've proven your artistry to me now."

A smile lingers on his lips, a warm, fuzzy feeling surrounding him. It's the way he felt every single second he spent by you. Talking about things like worms and painting. Books and outer space.

A few moments later, the two of you are painting with your birthday paints, a bunch of canvas spread out of the floor.

Your hair was pulled up out of your face as you were mixing colors together on a pallet to absolutely, positively get the specific color you envisioned in that pretty little mind of yours.

You were in the middle of a competition on who could paint the night sky currently out his bedroom window better. You swore up and down you'd win and well, who is Jean to back down from a challenge?

He was determined. But he just needed a few seconds to look at you like this as he admired the focused face you're making as your eyes flick up from the canvas to the ethereal late night sky.

Suddenly, you turn to him. "You're never going to beat me if you just stare at me all night."

"You ever heard of the story of the rabbit and the turtle that raced?" Jean says turning his head back to his painting.

You mix dark shades of pitch black, skyline blue and small drops of crimson red to get the certain kind of indigo you were searching for. "Yeah, the rabbit lost in the end because he was too cocky."

He nods. "Except this rabbit doesn't lose."

You scoff. "You match the personality."

He leans forward and grins. "Does my personality bothers you?"

"Would I be hanging out with you this much if it did?" You say not even looking in his direction.

The hours flew by impossibly quick. At least that's how it felt. He always wished his moments with you lasted longer. He sometimes wished they'd never end.

The next couple of days went as the past ones have gone. Jean would wake up, see you in the common room, friendly but not too friendly with all the eyes watching.

He'd look out windows, trail a bit behind and attempted to mind his business as he watched you spend the day with your soon to be husband.

The prince would eventually leave but Jean didn't get you by yourself yet. He'd share you with Mikasa who was running on withdrawals from not having you beside her all the time anymore, completely forgetting she was trying to keep her distance.

He'd share you with his friends, your brothers, who adored you just as much as she did. It was a different kind of love that she felt. Much more different than the one he did. But they did love you in their own tough ways of showing it.

He'd share you with your parents, especially your mother who was already planning your wedding even though Phoenix hadn't even officially proposed yet.

He'd share you with Hitch who had an entire scrapbook of ideas for your dress that she was just dying to show you.

But just a few more patient hours later, when the moon is at its highest, when the cold breeze is still and the world is quiet, you appear at his bedside again.

He didn't have to share you anymore.

At least for a couple hours.

Hours that slipped through his fingers all too quick.

The two of you would say goodbye just a bit before dawn. You would run on maybe two hours of sleep before Mikasa woke you up to start the day. Before Jean himself had to get up and clock in for work.

The truth was, the both of you were terribly sleep deprived. But it also seemed like neither of you were at the same time.

When the two of you were together, one wasn't yawning or falling asleep. It was just happiness. It was just fun. Sleep was the last thing you both thought of as you read books to each other in other languages, as you painted until you were covered in it and laugh so hard you have to put pillows over your face since you have to be quiet.

Before he knew it, it was already the end of the week. You were in his room again, laid out on the floor while he sat beside you. In front of you was a french book you read aloud as he translated it into english.

"You can't keep coming in here every night, you know?" He says to you. Why he said that he didn't understand because it's his favorite way to end every night.

You playfully bump your shoulder into his. "Don't act like you don't like being here all alone with me."

He does.

"I mean, it's alright or whatever." He plays off.

"Don't come crying to me when I stop coming then." You reply confidently.

He would.

As much as he tells you you can't keep coming every night in fear of getting caught, he still asked everyday if you were going to.

And every day when you would reply yes, he'd smile as wide as he ever has for the entire day until then.

He didn't know this night was going to be the last one. He didn't know that tomorrow you were going to get proposed to. He didn't know that tomorrow, another man would get down on one knee for you and you'd say yes.

He didn't know. If he had, he would've said more. Done more. He got too comfortable and forgot his time with you was borrowed and that he had to return you back to world at some point.

He still thought today was a normal day. He completely forgot the prince came here to do one thing and one thing only and that the only reason he took this long to steal you away from him was just as a courtesy to you.

It wasn't until he sees you rushing into your room, your face heartbroken. Tears holding your eyes hostage as they hoard your vision, not yet falling out.

The door closes behind you and in attempt to ease your hyperventilating, you drop to your knees and sob uncontrollably.

Just a few moments before, he was outside your door just talking to Mikasa. He had bumped into her as she left your room and he was going to his. He stopped her to ask if she had seen you. At the time, he didn't know you were getting proposed to in the rose garden at that very moment.

She answers that she doesn't know and hadn't seen you all day. She was dry and short with her response as if she didn't want to talk about the subject.

She walked past him and he calls after her. "Lady Mikasa." She pauses. "Yes?"

"Don't push her away." Jean said gently. "She misses you. She won't admit it but she needs you right now more than ever."

She just stared at him. Her chest moved a bit slow like it was hurting her to breathe. Her dark black hair covers her face as she looks down. "She needs to get used to me not being around all the time. Soon I won't be there at all."

Jean could see both sides. One of the many nights you spent in his room, you had confessed you missed Mikasa and the fact that she was fading away from you made you sad. But he saw Mikasa's side too. She was right. Eventually, the two of you were going to part ways.

He understood her side perfectly because he was in the same situation.

He just didn't want to give up quite yet.

"You think I'm distancing myself because I want it to hurt less when I say goodbye," She said suddenly. "But honestly it just hurts me to see her this way, to pretend she's not devastated inside. It hurts me to know she's not happy."

She picked her head up and looked at Jean. "If she was going to leave to be the happiest girl alive, I'd be fine with saying goodbye to her because that's all I want. All I ever wanted was for her dreams to come true. To be unbelievably happy."

The sound of a torch perched on the wall's fire crackles between them, filling the silent void.

"A selfish part of me wouldn't want to say goodbye but knowing she's happy makes me happy so I'd shove that side of me deep down." Mikasa added.

Her head then shook slowly. "But she's not happy
and it hurts me to watch and do nothing about it."

Her eyes met his again. "You're strong, I don't know how you do it. She's been getting past these few days because of you."

His mouth went dry for a second and his heart jumped. She stared right into him. "You think I don't know she's been going in your room every night? I'm not stupid and she's not very quiet."

"I..." He let out.

"I didn't tell anyone because I know it's what's been keeping her happy. Whatever it is you two do together, whatever it is you talk about so much, I know it makes her happy so I don't say anything." She continued to explain.

Her final words came seconds after and he resonated deeply with them. "Even if she doesn't get her happy ending in the end, I want her last days here, her last moments, to be filled with absolute happiness." Mikasa said from the bottom of her heart.

And just like that, you ran past them into your room. The door slams shut behind you and Mikasa and Jean exchange concerned looks.

Just a few seconds later, the soul crunching sound of you wailing fills the quiet room you've shut yourself in.

Mikasa pushes the door open and stands there in shock. Jean's heart breaks into tiny, sharp, piercing pieces as he sees you cry yours out.

He has never heard you cry like that. And he prayed he never had to ever again.

Even when he knew you as a child, you didn't cry like that. You'd get tears in your eyes but you'd always swallow them down. This was the first time he saw you completely break down.

It was unbearable to listen to. It was the most devastating sound. He watches as Mikasa embraces you in a hug and you cry even harder in her arms.

He was seeing you in pain and there was absolutely nothing he could do about it. He understood why Mikasa couldn't bear to be around you anymore. If this is how you've been hurting, he can't imagine how much it must hurt her to watch.

He closes the door to give you privacy but also because he felt useless and couldn't stand to watch the scene before him anymore. He could sit there and hug you like Mikasa did but he'd still feel just as useless. He didn't have superhuman power to take away pain. He was just a man.

He walked slowly down the hall, his head down. The further he walked, the more your cries faded away.

There was only one reason you'd be crying like that and he knew what it was. Not to mention, he immediately saw the sparkling diamond on the ring finger that he coated with red nail polish just two nights ago.

You were now officially engaged.

His feet dragged against the floor, his body heavy and unwilling to do much. He wanted to make you feel better. He wanted to take that hurt away from you but he had no idea what could stop you from feeling the way you are right now.

He finds himself searching the entire castle for Kai who he figured would know what to do in this situation or atleast what to say. He had helped Jean with the paint idea for your birthday and that helped trigger a jumpstart at your friendship together. He owed him one for that.

Kai was outside, swinging on a hammock and half asleep. His arm was shielding the setting sun from his eyes. He hears the sound of footsteps approaching and cranes his neck to the side.

Once he sees Jean, he sits up. "Hey."

"Hey." Jean stands by one of the trees the hammock is attached to. His back leans up against the rough bark. "I need your help with something."

Kai extends his arms out, stretching to wake his body up again. "With what? You need me to help you hide a body?"

Jean laughs for a fleeting moment. You and Kai had horrible habits of making him laugh at the worst times. "No. Well, not yet atleast."

Kai tilts his head slightly. "So? What is it?"

Jean looks down at his feet and kicks a nearby rock. "Y/n, she.."

"Is she okay?" Kai straightens up.

The sound of thunder rolls in from the distance and it seems like the sky gets darker, gray clouds appearing out of what seemed nowhere. "I don't think she is." Jean admits looking up at the brewing sky.

Kai stands up from the hammock and it swings by itself when he does, the sudden harsh wind causing it to move on it own. "Where is she? What happened?"

"Phoenix, he, uh," Jean felt like if he said these words next, it would for some reason make it even more real even though it was very much real already. "He proposed to her. She said yes."

Kai's eyes widen and his shoulders sink. "Shit." His hand comes up his mouth and he wipes the sides of him chin. "We saw this coming so why does it feel so sudden?"

"Tell me about it." Jean replies. Small droplets of rain fall against his cheeks as he watches dark clouds fill the atmosphere.

He looks back at Kai. "She's pretty bad right now. She's crying like...like a kid. Like her inner child just..."

"Yeah." Kai understands him without him having to say anything at all. "She'll be okay." He says like he's trying to convince himself that. "It's y/n. She'll always find a way to light up every situation. She's an optimist."

He stares up at the sky as the rain goes from small drops to sprinkling. "I've always envied that about her."

Suddenly, the rain begins to pour down at full force. The thunder sounds like it's right above and lightning illuminated the black clouds.

The two boys run under the shelter of the castle. "Where did that even come from?" Jean asks. "It was sunny all day today."

Kai stays silent for a moment. "Let's go find y/n."

They both go to all the places they think you might be, your room, the music room, the greenhouse, the common room and even your secret hiding spot. But you were nowhere to be found.

One of the last places the boys go to check is the guard's practice room because neither of them expected you'd be there. Instead, they see Ackerman stripping out of soaking wet clothes.

"You get caught in the rain?" Kai asks him. Levi shakes his head. "Something like that."

Jean grabs him a towel from a closet nearby and tosses it toward him, Levi nods as a thank you. "Lieutenant, sorry to bother you while you're about to change but have you seen the princess?"

Levi uses the towel to dry his dripping hair. "I was just with her outside. She came back inside around the same time I did."

Jean and Kai prepare to go catch you but Levi stops him. "Prince Malakai. Stay back, there's something I need to talk to you about."

Kai pauses. "Oh." He then turns to Jean. "Go get her. I'll catch up with you in a little."

Jean doesn't hesitate and runs out the room. He figured you'd go to your room to change if you were just as drenched as Levi was. He just hoped to catch you before you lock the door behind you.

He makes it to your room and knocks on the door but there's no answer. He figures maybe you're not here yet and he beat you to it which made sense considering he ran as fast as he could.

He takes a deep breath against your door and waits semi-patiently. Just a few seconds later, you're walking down the hall.

He just wanted to make sure you were okay but it ended up turning into an argument instead. You had slammed the door in his face and he begged you to open it.

When you did, he apologized and hugged you from behind. You let him hold you like that for a few seconds before you pulled away from his yearning hands and disappeared into your bedroom again, the door shutting and not opening up again. He didn't try to get it open this time either.

Instead, he just went to bed and slept it off. Well, after hours of him tossing and turning, that is.

Since he couldn't sleep, he decided to work on the portrait of you to give to his mother. He began to sketch it out but he erased and erased over and over, his artistic skills failing to do your beauty justice.

No matter how angled he positioned his pencil, no matter how much pressure he applied against the lead, he just couldn't get it right.

He eventually got frustrated and decided to go another route. Instead of a portrait, he decided to paint you in a way he always saw you and not how you actually look.

He spends all night painting you on the piano, he draws the whole room behind you and the instrument you sit in front of before he works on your silhouette.

Instead of drawing your body normally, he paints a glowing aura all around that looks like you're exuding a bright light. He does this because this is exactly how you look in his eyes.

( Here's an example obviously just more eldia aesthetic or whatever, I don't know the artist but if you guys know lmk!! also idk who that mf lurking in the back is but ignore that ummmm)

After a while of manically putting all his effort into this painting like it was the last thing he'll ever do, he falls fast asleep.

He knew you had been coming every night for the past couple days but he was almost 100% certain you weren't going to come tonight since you were now officially engaged.

But yet here you are.

You were laid out on his bedroom floor on your stomach, your short silk night gown glowing in the faint dim lighting of his bedroom. Your feet were kicked up behind you and moving back and front as you read a book in front of you. You looked completely content like if your life hadn't just changed drastically. As if nothing happened.

"I didn't think you were going to come." Jean admits as he sits down beside you, one leg bent so he can use as an arm rest.

You continue to have your eyes grace the pages in front of you like you were in your own little world. "Why not?" You reply, never looking away from those little black words. "We're just hanging out, right?"

"I guess you're right." When he tries to read the page you're on to see what you're reading, you're already flipping on to next one. One thing he truly admired about you was how fast you could read while actually taking in the information.

You turn your body to lay on your side, closing the book shut. "Unless you want to do something else."

Huh?

"You're funny." He responds as fast as he can to avoid showing how it made him freeze for a split second.

"Come on." You sit up and swing your leg right over his body to sit on his—

My lap?!

"Can't you just kiss me already?" You ask him so easily.

He felt like he was having a heart attack. Was this really happening right now?

You sit flawlessly on his lap. He swore you were like a perfect fit the way your body sinked into the crevices like a matching puzzle piece. He couldn't believed he's lived this long without seeing a view this good.

But then panic and reality set in. If someone were to walk in right now or notice the princess wasn't in her room, he was fucking dead.

He turns to the door praying it wasn't going to go bursting down at this very moment. You use your finger to bring his face towards yours again. "I locked the door."

You lean forward and his heart stops when he thinks you're about to kiss him and half of him wants to throw you off and run but the other half..

The other half...

Instead of kissing him, you bring your lips to his ear. "I put pillows under my covers to look like I'm sleeping."

You then switch to his other ear and do the same. "No one is going to bother us. I promise."

"But you're engaged now." God, he felt like an idiot. Why was he even hesitating? He dreamed of this so many times and here it was happening and yet he was scared to death.

You sit straight again, your pretty eyes staring into his like you knew what you were doing to him. "So you would've before that?"

"I'm not saying that." He couldn't make it that easy for you, right?

You laugh. It wasn't your usual loud, memorable laugh he loved so much. It was a more seductive laugh. This one was definitely another personal favorite though. "But that's what you want to say. Come on, kiss me."

What?!

You smile like someone who is on the brink of victory smiles. "Don't you want to know what it feels like before I go away?"

Yes. Yes. A million fucking times, yes.

But it was too easy. You were messing with him. You had to be. "I feel like this a test."

His dick hated him right now. He was sure he was going to have blue balls all because you wanted to tease him.

"It's not." You giggle. It was taking everything out of him to contain himself.

But he had to. "Or a joke."

You tilt your head a little to the side and look at him with an all too alluring smirk. "Neither. Want me to prove it to you?"

It's true what they say, you know? Curiosity really did kill the cat. It sure as hell got him everytime too. "Okay, show me."

But he didn't expect you to actually do it. Like actually do it.

Your soft, surprisingly wet lips gently press on to his. They felt exactly how he always imagined they would. Your hands come up to his face and before he knows it, his hands are coming up to both sides of your waist, just above your hips.

There's actually no fucking way this happening.

You scoot your body closer to his core until your right on top of his steadily growing dick as it starts to pokes at you. Your lips pull away from his and he already misses them.

A laugh. A fucking laugh comes out of you. "You say you don't want to but you sure act like you do."

"I never said I didn't want to." He responds almost instantly. So much for not making it easy. He already kissed you so why not?

Your thumb slips past his bottom lip. "Then what are you waiting for, Kirstein? I'm right here."

He crashes right into you without even second guessing it. You welcome him graciously, your hands running through his freshly washed hair.

His arms hold you as you kiss him like you had a hunger to do so. It felt surreal to actually finally be doing this. He had wanted to for what felt like forever. Even when he thought he didn't.

Your kisses get harder and your mouths gracefully match rhythm and it's like his lips were designed for yours the way they fit together effortlessly.

He couldn't believe he has kissed other girls who weren't you before this. It was like every other kiss was meaningless. They sure as hell didn't feel like this.

He does his best to stand up with you still in his lap. He picks you up without breaking away from your lips. Thank god he kept working out or else he was bound to drop you and die from embarrassment.

He lays you in his bed and you keep your arms wrapped around the back of his neck while hungrily kissing him. "Jean."

"Yeah?" He hums as he kept feeding into your love. He didn't think he'd ever want to stop kissing you ever again. There's no way.

(play lost in the fire by gesaffelstein and the weeknd)

Your hands come up to his waistband. Your cold fingers running across his lower abdomen. Goosebumps crawl all over his skin.

Your fingers slowly inch lower. His heart was beating impossibly fast. He felt like he could die right here.

Then your hand in right there. "Fuck me."

He's about to jolt away but with your hands still wrapped around his neck, you pull him forward. "Please."

He manages to pull away from your lips, his forehead resting on yours, soaking in pure hatred for himself right now. "Y/n. You're getting married."

Your legs suddenly hug both of his hips. "I love you."

What?

He felt stupid for it. But he doesn't even need further explanation. That was enough for him. It was humiliating to admit but it was the best thing he's ever heard with his own ears.

Your legs fully wrap around him now, your ankles tying together. He sinks into you as his lips collide with yours again. He couldn't help it.

"Please touch me." You moan into his lips as his crotch slips in between your legs and presses up against the center. Your legs open wider for him, yearningly accepting his hips. "I touch myself every night thinking about you."

He felt like he was going to lose his mind. He couldn't control himself. "You do?"

Your fingers slip into the sides of your underwear and you pull them down. He moves off of you so you can slip them off easily. Man, he was really weak to you right now. He completely forgot all about making it hard for you. In this moment, he'd do absolutely anything you asked him to.

You sit up and close your legs by bringing your knees together, the bottom of your night gown tauntingly covering your pussy. You nod innocently at him. As innocent as you can with that smile on your face.

"Show me how." He returns the exact same smile.

Jean sits up against his pillow, his back touching the head board. He spreads his legs apart and gestures for you to sit in front of him with his  hand. "Come here."

You crawl over to him and sit right in front of him so willingly but with your legs still closed together.

Your back was just a few inches from his chest but he gently touches your neck and pulls you toward him.

Now your back was touching his bare chest completely. Your cheek was right by his ear. His eyes focus on your thighs as you pull them apart slowly, tormenting him with each second.

His hand was still wrapped softly around your throat just to hold you in place. He holds out his free hand. "Show me how you do it."

You hesitate for a moment. Slight embarrassment flashes on your face but bravery overcomes it in a blink of an eye. You had a fire burning in your eyes that you refused to let be blown out.

You guide his hand under your dress where your underwear that was thrown to the side used to reside. Your dress then moves up your thighs, exposing you down there.

He was in awe he was going to be able to see this view. Being able to do this in general was too hard to believe all on its own.

His fingers slip up against the wet surface and he immediately melts. He could cum right here.

He hadn't had sex in so long and he didn't really care for it as much as he used to. He was glad he waited for so long so he could enjoy this even more. He also prayed he wasn't going to bust quick for that same reason.

You moan beautifully as you guide his fingers sweetly. You toss your head back with bliss and it rests of his shoulders.

Your hand rested on top of his, your fingers intertwined with his as you lead him to all the right spots. He could tell you meant it. You did this every night like you claimed you did. You were so good at it.

"You're definitely not the angel you claim to be, Princess." Jean grins.

You groan weakily. "Don't call me that."

His lips meet your jaw and he plants small kisses across it, trailing down your neck. "Aren't you the princess?"

You lift your head up and meet his lustful gaze. "Doesn't that mean you have to do whatever I want?"

"Oh yes, it does."

You smile. The sexiest smile he's ever seen at that. "Make love to me then."

You went from saying fuck me to make love to me. Now he really couldn't resist. That just made it a million times better.

He crawls on top of you again and kisses you with even more passion than he did previously. He didn't think that was even possible.

His body was screaming for you. Every inch of him just wanted to be consumed by you. He wanted you to swallow him whole.

His lips get lost away from yours and find your neck instead. Tiny whimpers leave your mouth and your hands gnaw at his back needingly.

He feels your hands come up to his waistband again and he stops you. "Are you sure?"

"Yes." You say lustfully. "I want you to be my first." You kiss him again. "I want you to be my last. I love you so much, Jean."

He doesn't hesitate again. He fell into your every word, every command. You had a chokehold over him he'd never quite be able to understand. It wasn't possible how quickly he'd do anything for you.

He allows you to pull his pants off as he kisses your lips again. He slips his tongue past them and you lure it further with yours. He knew for sure now that you had kissed someone before. You were too good at it. He knew for a fact you and Mikasa didn't kiss just once.

Jean felt cold air hit his lower body as he becomes more exposed, your even colder hands sending him chills.

He could feel your hand wrap around his dick and it jumped with excitement. You stop kissing him for a second.

He lifts his head up and looks at you. "What happened? Are you okay?"

You look forward and stare at the dick resting against your palm. He watches as your once eager eyes grow wider. You stare at it with an expression full of fearful excitement. "Oh."

"Oh?"

Your brows come together and you meet his eyes. "Good thing I don't feel pain."

He actually laughs. Only you could somehow make him laugh in a hot, passion filled moment like this.

"We can stop if you want." He offers.

You shake your head. "I'm not scared of you."

"No?"

"No."

He smiles at you, completely mesmerized. He had both arms holding his body up as he looked down at you. You were laid out underneath him, lips glistening and apart, eyes seductive and low and hands on both sides of his neck. "I trust you."

He knew you meant he wouldn't make you uncomfortable or hurt you. He knew you were saying you were trusting him with your virginity. Out of everyone, you wanted him to have it.

He didn't know if he could go easy on you though. He knew the second he was in, he wasn't going to be able to stop. He was going to enjoy it too much. He could barely contain himself just from kissing you. And those moans, man those moans.

You grab his dick again and bring it in between your legs. You tremble a little when the tip meets your already throbbing clit. "I know you'll make me feel good."

He couldn't hold it anymore, he slips in between your folds, poking at your hole. You close your eyes, bracing yourself. He chuckles. "Thought you weren't scared."

You glare at him. You push his hips closer to you and he almost slips into you again causing both of you to wince. You close one eye and look at him. "It's too big."

"More like you're too tight." He looks down at your exposed pussy. It was even better than he imagined. He brings his fingers to it and even though his hands touched you there just a few moments ago, it still felt like he was in heaven.

"Don't just stare at it." You whine.

Jean smiles and slips a finger into you while you're distracted. "But you look so good with your legs apart like this for me. I have to take it in."

Your mouth comes open as his finger slides deeper into you. It felt warm and inviting. It was tight but he could feel it pulsate around his finger like it was loosing up with pleasure.

He pulls his finger back and forth while your pussy swallows it back in, tugging on it with every move, refusing to part ways. He looks at you as you lick your lips with your head tossed back.

He stops for a moment to call your attention and it works. When your eyes meet his again, he pulls his finger out, your juices coming along with it and he brings it in between his lips while he sucks the slick clean off his finger. "And you taste so good."

You whine again. "Don't tease me."

He smiles and moves his body lower until his face is right in front of your heat. He had the perfect view. When he looked straight ahead, your legs were spread apart for him. When he looked up, he saw your needy face. The dainty strap of your night gown slips off your shoulder perfectly.

"God, you're so beautiful."

As soon as the words leave his lips, he begins to kiss at your already dripping cunt. Your legs twitch and your butt lifts up off the bed a little as he starts to go from kiss to licking.

His hands wrap around your thighs, pulling his face closer. He didn't hold back much longer, he went from small pecks to straight french kissing your pussy within seconds. He was floating on a cloud right now.

Your hand meets his hair once again. Your fingers tangle up in his locks as you gently pull on
them. "Mm, Jean." You moan.

His dick jumps painfully as the sound of his name being called by such a mesmerizing voice but he couldn't stop eating you out.

He could tell you were enjoying it by your body language. Not just by the way you were quietly moaning but the way you were tugging his hair, the way your legs pull apart even further with surrender and the way your back arched with every brush of his tongue.

Whenever his tongue slipped into your pussy, he could feel your body begin to open up for him, welcoming him with more power, the more hungry it grew.

"Stay down there forever." The words slip past your lips so softly, so beautifully. It was like it was your deepest desire.

He wanted to. He didn't want to leave this place. But there were other things he wanted to do too.

He sits to take off his pants and you slip off your dress. Now the two of you were completely naked. He was surprised how bravely you took it off and exposed yourself fully without fear.

"You must be pretty confident in yourself." He teases you.

Your hand rest of his abs, sliding down each one. "You're one to talk."

He swore he was blushing. He just now realized this is the first time he's seeing you fully naked and vise versa. Besides that time you saw him in a towel fresh out the shower.

From your lips, his eyes trail down to your neck and collarbone. Then your chest and stomach. His hands come up to your boobs, his thumbs running across the nipples. He starts to kiss at your chest, not missing a single spot.

He brings his mouth around your bud, his tongue coating it. You sigh with liberation. He wanted to make you feel this good everyday.

He was truly edging himself. His balls were starting to ache. He wanted you so badly but he wanted it to be special for you. He wanted you to remember this and remember how amazing it was. He wanted to make you feel the best he absolutely can.

From your chest, he goes down your stomach. He kisses your bare torso and your sides which causes you to giggle, claiming it tickles you.

Jean smiles as he goes even lower. "What about right here?" He plants a kiss right on your longing cunt.

You throw your head back. "Yes, you're perfect right there."

He inserts his finger in while still lapping at your cunt. He then sits back up and draws some spit, the string dripping onto your center. He then moved the spit all over, mixing it with your natural moisture. "God, I want to fuck you so bad. I've never wanted to do something more in my entire life."

"Then do it." You plead. "Stop teasing me, I can't take it anymore. I want you so bad."

He grins sinisterly. "One finger isn't going to get you ready, baby."

Your eyes either jolt open when you realize what he means or when you hear him call you baby for the first time ever. Either way, he got the reaction he wanted.

He slips two fingers in this time and your brows meet in the middle for a spilt second before your face relaxes again.

Jean smiles at your quick recovery. "Good girl."

Something about that sends you into a spiral because you cover your face with your hand. Your hips lift as your body begs for him. He pushes his fingers deeper and your hips get higher until they fall down again.

He could tell the knot was beginning to form in the pit of your stomach. With every tug of his fingers, he could feel the pressure rise and fall.

"What about now?" You beg. You were so god damn adorable begging for his dick. He could hear it all day long and never get tired of it.

"Nope." He says confidently as he slips another finger. His fingers weren't abnormally big but they were definitely long.

You hiss this time but again, your body relaxes quickly. This time it seemed like you were the one fucking his fingers instead of the other way around the way you rolled your hips to ride them.

You close your eyes toward the ceiling and grab the sides of his head, pulling him back to your center. "I miss your mouth."

He chuckles as he begins to suck on your pulsating clit as his fingers pumped into you. You keep riding his fingers even with his face right there, using his tongue as something else to grind on.

He couldn't hold back anymore. From the way you were riding his fingers and face, he couldn't stop thinking about how you would ride his dick. It began to throb even harder against his sheets. He even found himself frustratingly grinding against the fabric to alleviate the tension.

Convincing himself you were ready, even though he wasn't 100% sure, he moves his body up and meets your other lips this time. You kiss him with the same lust he kisses you with.

He brings his dick to your pussy again but you rest your hand on his lower stomach to stop him. "Wait."

You sit up and sit on your calves. "Come here."

He sat there like an idiot. Completely baffled by your command. He couldn't believe you were offering to suck his dick your very first time.

Of course, he doesn't complain. He falls to his side and lays down on his back as he scoots up against a pillow. You lean forward and hold his dick up as you bring your face toward it. "Where the hell do you hide this thing?"

He laughs loud, forgetting he has to be quiet. He completely forgot this whole time. You weren't being loud but you weren't necessarily quiet either. He knew once he actually starting fucking you, he was going to have to tell you to be quiet.

He watches as you bring your mouth closer to his already strikingly hard dick that shot straight up. "You have to show me what to do." You remind him.

Something about showing you how to do something in order to please him made his head spin in circles just by imagining it. The fact that he's quite literally teaching you how to make him feel good drove him crazy.

"You don't have to." He really wanted you to. He really did but he completely understood if you didn't want to.

You look at him like he just said something really dumb. You don't say anything and just bring your lips to the very tip. You test a soft, plump kiss on it and his dick shamelessly jolts with pleasure.

You swivel your tongue around it as well before closing your lips again. You smile at his already curling toes. "Oh, this is going to be easy."

Your mouth goes even further, slowly taking more of him into your mouth. The lower you go, the more his toes curl. His eyes shut with every inch you swallow.

You stop mid way and come back up, a line of spit connecting his tip with your bottom lip. "Or not."

A determined look casts over your face as you go back down again. You do the same thing until more spit trails down this time making it easier for you to slip further down due to the now slippery surface. He groans and his hands come to sides of your face.

You get even lower this time but not all the way to his base yet. You come back up for air and he looks at your watery eyes. "You're a fast learner." He compliments you.

You smile and lick his dick from the bottom to top while maintaining eye contact with him. "Isn't that what you like about me so much?"

When you meet his tip again, you circle your tongue continuously around his soft, pink tip. "Remember?"

"I remember." He whispers.

His thumbs run across your cheeks as your head begins to bob up and down on his dick with more and more confidence. You really did catch on quick. He knew you were making mental notes on what you noticed he reacted to more and kept doing more of it.

The soft placement of his hands on your face move higher to the sides of your head as he caves into the pleasure. He begins to slowly raise his hips upward, pushing more of his dick into your mouth. How you were taking all of that so easily for your first time blew his mind. He could see when your hands would ball up the sheets as you almost gag at times but you take it like a champ.

He began to selfishly bob your head for you using his hands placed by your ears. You surprisingly let him.

God, it felt amazing. He felt like he was truly floating. It felt unreal. If he didn't know it was a sin, he would've thought it was the most heavenly act.

He found himself getting carried away and fucked into your mouth with more effort, completely forgetting he's supposed to go easy on you.

He was whining and moaning as you swallowed him whole. You gagged, moaned, and hummed, sending vibrations against his dick.

He could cum right here. He really fucking wanted to. He needed release already. He usually fucked his hand thinking of you but the past couple of nights he couldn't do that because you were always here. Now here you were, doing his hand's work for him.

So many times he imagined the scene happening before him and each time, he would cum pathetically into his fist. He had to control his moans in the middle of the night so you wouldn't hear him. Or anyone else to hear him for that matter. He had to stop himself from calling out your name as he imagined being inside you.

You come up for air and cough a little. You sniffle and he sees tears sitting at the corners of your eyes. He catches his breath and holds your chin in his hands as he admires you. His thumb pulls your bottom lip down. "You're so incredible."

"If I'm so incredible," You say seductively sliding back to his face, your breasts pressing against his chest. "Reward me."

You lay back down on your back and he doesn't think twice about getting on top of you. "Whatever the princess wants."

You dig your nails into the back of his neck, his long hair slipping through your fingers. "You just love to make me mad."

"No." He brings his sloppy dick to your still dripping folds. "I love to make you feel good. Haven't you noticed?"

Before you answer, he slips into you without warning. Not all the way but the head was all the way in. He figured it was better than counting down or something like a weirdo and making you get anxious.

You close your eyes, your forehead crinkling. "Mm."

"That was only the.."

"I know." You respond with your eyes still shut.

He slips just a few inches more into you, making sure to atleast do it slow even though he already wanted to start going hard. "If it hurts, you better tell me."

You bring him back down to you by grabbing onto the nape of his neck. "It won't." You whisper against his parted lips. "And even if it does..."

You kiss him and melt into it as air blows out your nose. It was like you were releasing tension that was built up for years now. You pull away. "I can take it, remember?"

Your foreheads pressed together, he looks down at his dick in his hand and watches as it gets shorter and shorter, venturing deeper inside you. You gasp quietly into his open mouth. "Sssshit."

He probably makes it 3/4 of the way and begins to slip back out of you which makes your eyes roll back. He dug his fingers into the sheets beside you. He wanted to go crazy. He wanted to pound into you like he imagined so many times.

His hips rise and fall slowly. He was obsessed with how your pussy hugged onto his dick. It was so warm and soft. So wet and so welcoming.

But it was also so intoxicating. So addicting. He felt like an addict discovering a new habit. He didn't know what it was that made his body fien for yours.

His head was still pressed up against yours and your eyes meet each others. "You okay?" He asks.

"It feels so fucking good." You moan. He started to notice you were starting to get louder. You were a normally loud girl, he should've known you'd be loud in bed too.

"Shhh, baby." He kisses you as he continues to fuck into you, only a little more than half of him going inside you. "You have to be quiet."

You moan into his lips and he feels even more of his blood rush to his dick and it somehow manages to get even harder.

He shoves himself fully in you now, officially bottoming out. A loud gasp comes out your mouth and his hand shoots to cover it. "Hey. Shut up."

"Sorry." You mumble into his hand. You pull his hand off your mouth. "I'll try to be quiet."

He slips out all the way, only the tip in you now and you bite down on your lip. He looks at you before he goes back in. "Be quiet, okay?"

His hand comes up to your face and caresses the top of your head and down to the cheek. You nod, your eyes looking up at him, begging him to keep going. "Okay."

He starts to fuck you again. He keeps it slow at first for your sake and he can feel your legs squeeze around his hips and your hands grab helplessly at his back for support.

He picks up the pace, no longer resisting. He couldn't anymore. It felt too good. Good was an understatement actually.

Losing himself, he starts pounding into you, every inch of him going into you. He knew he was big. He knew it was longer than others. Yet, he still kept fucking into you like he wasn't.

Naturally, you can't hold it anymore, your lips slipping out your mouth and leaving it open for moans to come out. Jean shoves his hand over your mouth again. "What did I say? You want me to keep fucking you, right?"

You nod at him with eyes full of blissful tears that were begging to be released. He leans forward, his face right in front of yours. "You going to be quiet?"

You nod more frantically this time, losing your patience and picking up your hips to pull him deeper inside you.

He laughs softly. "No you're not."

He lifts his body up and with his vacant hand that wasn't pressed over your whimpering mouth, he tosses one of your legs over his shoulder. Your legs were now pushed forward, your knees touching the sides of your head. He leans his body weight onto the hand that holds your mouth shut.

He starts to fuck mercilessly into you now that he has control over how loud you are. He missed your moans already. They were so fucking beautiful. He wanted to remove his hand so bad but he knew this whole thing would get shut down with one small scream you let out.

He could feel you moan into his palm. He felt the vibrations of it and the warm heat of each pant you let out.

Jean knew he was supposed to be going easy. But he had been wanting to do this for what felt like years. He'd never admit that to anyone, of course but it was the truth. It was cruel for someone to think he'd be able to resist himself from giving into it and losing himself in you.

His hand comes off your mouth and before you can release any noise, he kisses you hard and shuts you up with his tongue. You cry into his mouth as quietly as you can, the sound muffled. "Jean."

He could hear you moan his name all day long.

You gasp and stop him. "Wait."

He was completely out of breath considering he was so close to his peak. Evidently, so were you. Your hand was on his chest and you look off to the side like you're embarrassed to meet his eyes. "I feel like I have to—"

"That's normal." He kisses your cheek and jawline. "I promise."

Your hands come up his biceps and wrap around them, squeezing the flexed muscle since his arms were holding his weight up. "Are you sure?"

"Do you trust me?"

"Yes."

"Then let it happen." He replies. He starts to kiss your neck again and he finds humor in the fact that his dick is just casually inside you like nothing. "I promise you'll feel so much better after."

You push him deeper inside you signaling you want him to keep going. "Okay. I believe you."

Just a few moments later and some necessary build up, he's back at the original pace he was going at before you stopped him.

He has to kiss you here and there to shut you up but for the most part you do it yourself by sucking your lips in to seal your mouth shut or covering your mouth with your own hand. At one point you even grabbed one of the pillows and shoved it over your face but he took it off because he wanted to see every single expression you made as it contorted with ecstasy.

"Jean—I'm gonna—" You grab onto his arm.

"Fuck." He picks up the pace slightly. "Me too."

He gives these last few strokes his all. He goes faster, harder and deeper. He wanted it to end with a bang.

"Jean." You moan softly. "Fuck."

He was already on the verge of cumming but the way you sung his name threw him over the edge. "Say it again."

"Jean."

"Again." He groans weakily. There was even a slight crack in his voice.

"Jean."

It was like each time you said his name he inched closer and closer to his climax. He could feel it coming already.

"Jean." You keep crying out. "Jean."

It just kept repeating in his head. You moaning his name, crying it out. "Fuck.. I'm about to—"

Wait.. Shit! Am I about to cum in her?

"JEAN!"

There's a super loud banging noise at the door and Jean springs up.

"JEAN!!!!!"

He looks around his room completely confused. His bed was empty, the gorgeous, naked, moaning princess missing from beside him, no where to be found.

It was a fucking dream.

He should've known. He should've known because it felt too good to be real. But god damn, it felt so fucking real.

Your moans, your cries, your skin, the way he felt inside you. It felt so fucking real.

The banging at the door becomes even harder and he looks down at the blanket covering his crotch and sees it's coated with cum in one spot. "Fuck!"

He throws the blanket off him and sees an even bigger wet splotch on his pants. "Jesus, what the fuck." He hops off the bed and quickly tries to take off his pants as the person behind the door doesn't cease their insistent knocking.

"JEANNNNNNN!"

Jean trips over his pants as he struggles to take them off. "Hold on!" He shouts. He throws one of the drawers open and quickly changes into another pair of pants and grabs a shirt.

He rushes over to the door and swings it open. Mikasa stands there with her arms crossed. "Did you forget you have a job to do?"

Fuck. He slept for too long. His body was normally really good at waking itself up on time but considering the dream he just had, his body clearly didn't want it to come to an end.

"I'm sorry. I overslept." Jean apologizes as he runs his hands through his hair to tame it.

"Clearly." Mikasa peeks her head past his body and catches his clothes on the floor along with his defiled blanket. He gulps as she looks at him up and down with disgust like she knew exactly what he was doing.

She takes a deep breath and steps closer to him which causes him to tense up. She lowers her voice. "Please try to make her feel better. She keeps saying she's fine but I know she's not."

Now it's his turn to peek past her body and he sees you bent over one of the windows, your arm holding your head up as you stare out of it.

He looks at your face. It was distant and blank like you were a complete other person. You were just staring off in the distance with no expression.

"I need to shower first." Jean says. His crotch was sticky and there was no way he was going to walk around like that all day.

Mikasa glares. "She has class in five minutes."

He's about to say that he'll be quick but you interrupt him. "I can walk myself to class. Take your time, Jean."

Just like that, you're walking down the hall by yourself. The entire time you spoke those two sentences, you didn't look at either of them. Not even at him when you said his name.

Mikasa and Jean just stare at you as you turn the corner. She sighs. "I would suggest to take her outside today because that usually makes her feel better but the weather isn't the best. It's foggy and humid. It's pretty depressing."

Jean scratches his forehead and leans up against the doorframe. "I'll figure it out. Armin's smart, he'll cheer her up in the meantime while I shower."

Mikasa nods. "Okay. Let me know if you need anything." She turns away and walks down the same hall you did but turns in the other direction.

After he showers, he eats breakfast with his friends and tries his best to act like everything is fine.

Which is extremely difficult because all he hears about the entire time is your engagement that the entire castle knew about now because your mom told everyone to start preparing immediately.

He sat at the table and just ate his food, pretending to not listen to all the talk around him. Niccolo was already planning the cake, Sasha was helping him pick ideas and Hitch was already ordering people around.

The guys also couldn't stop talking about it. Connie laughed at Marco who clearly was disappointed over the announcement. He says jokes about it that he and Eren both laugh hysterically. Marco even laughs at himself a little too, admitting defeat.

Jean added in a few laughs just to play it off. If he had to act like normal around you, he had to with everyone else to make it believable.

Before he heads out the cafeteria to go meet you at the library since your class was ending soon, Eren walks beside him. "Yo."

"What's up?" Jean asks heading toward the direction of the library.

"You're taking this surprisingly well." Eren admits. The dark brunette keeps his head straight ahead but his eyes look at Jean beside him, watching his every move.

Jean laughs. "Of course I am. Why wouldn't I be?"

"Don't you get tired?" Eren asks.

"Tired? Of what?"

"Of pretending this shit isn't killing you." Eren pauses in the middle of the hall. "You're seriously just going to not say anything to her? Just let her marry someone else?"

Jean stops too. "What do you want me to do? Stop the wedding? Yell I object?"

Eren's mouth makes a straight line. "Well it sounds stupid when you put it like that."

"That's because it is stupid." Jean says before he continues to walk again.

Eren jogs up to him. "You should at least tell her."

Jean glares at him from the corner of his eye. "And tell her what exactly?"

Eren shrugs. "How you feel about her. Or are you going to pretend that isn't real either?"

Jean says nothing. His face straight ahead, he avoids looking at his friend beside him. Eren scoffs. "Unless you want to be like Marco admiring her from afar like some loser."

"You think just because you're dating Mikasa now, you're some relationship expert or something?" Jean taunts him.

Eren stammers for a moment. "We're not talking about that. I'm saying this as your friend. You should atleast tell her so that she knows. Or else you're going to fill yourself with regret and wondering what if?"

Jean sighs. "Somethings are better left unsaid."

"Pussy."

Jean stops abruptly. "What did you just say?"

"PUS-SY." Eren repeats, arms crossed.

Jean's ear began to burn and he knew they were bright red. "The only reason you and Mikasa are even a thing is because y/n helped set it up. You were too terrified to even talk to her before that."

"That's not true!" Eren shouts like a kid.

Jean turns on his heel and keeps walking. "Don't follow me, you're annoying."

Eren's mouth drops open. "This is what I get for being nice?!" He shouts with his arms out.

Jean continues to walk down the stairs, leaving Eren behind. You were still in class so he had some time to kill until then.

Not really knowing where to go, he decides to get some air outside. As soon as he opens the door, he's hit harshly in the face with cold, sharp air.

Mikasa was right, the weather sucked today and it really was depressing. He had lived his entire life in Eldia and the weather was never bad, only on rare occasions but other than that, the weather along with the land was always beautiful, no matter what season.

( visual:
https://vm.tiktok.com/ZTdaxxLSj/

When he steps out onto the lawn, the grass crunched under his feet and he looks down toward the dried up, crisp brown blades of grass.

Just yesterday, this very grass was healthy and alive, the brightest shade of dark green he had ever seen. How could it all die so quickly?

He looked up at the sky and saw nothing but melancholy clouds hovering in the grim atmosphere.

It was almost like the weather matched your mood today. Like the sky was sad for you.

Off in the nearby distance, something catches his eye. The rose garden that was always vibrant and alive was now the completely opposite.

The more he approached the maze, he got a closer look at the roses. They were withered and brown, the dying petals falling to the ground as the wind blew them away.

He spend everyday here for the majority of his life and in his whole 21 years of living, he had never seen the roses in this garden die. They were always alive and healthy.

"Hey."

Jean jumps a little and sees Elijah staring at the dying roses with his hands in his pocket. He didn't seem as surprised as Jean was to the view before him.

"Hey." Jean says back. He squats to pick up a fallen rose that was now dark maroon with black, crisp edges. "The garden is dying. I've never seen that happen before. Even in the winter."

Elijah reaches into the bush and tugs on one of the stems. "They have thorns now too. They didn't before."

He didn't even realize that. Elijah was right. They never had thorns before which was odd considering roses naturally had them.

"This is going to sound crazy." Jean begins. "But I think your sister can control the weather or something."

Elijah just stares blankly at him, not fazed at all by what Jean just said. Jean's hand twitches a little. "I mean just think about it. She's always happy right? Eldia always has good weather. We're known for our agriculture and climate. Our crops never die."

He then looks up at the sky and recalls how yesterday you were sobbing profusely and rain poured out the sky at the same time. "And when she's sad, it rains."

His fingers trace the layers of the dead rose in front of him. "The world turns dark. She's what keeps everything alive."

His heart ached. It felt like someone had a grip on it and was squeezing it as hard as they could. He knew it wasn't possible you could control the weather and that he probably sounded insane but he honestly was just spewing his feelings out at this point.

The fact that Elijah wasn't saying anything either made him feel even more dumb about it. He turns to the prince who just looks at him with no expression at all.

Jean looks away, embarrassed. "I know, it's so stupid but I was just thought it was weird. She never gets like this and neither does Eldia."

Suddenly, Elijah smiles and pats his back. "You have no idea how strong she really is and the power she holds, do you?"

Elijah's hand comes off his back and he walks past him. "It's alright. Neither does she."

Jean's lips part open in shock. He spins around quickly. "Does that mean I was right?!" He shouts after him.

Elijah continues to walk, his back toward Jean and he just shrugs. He doesn't say anything else after that.

After inspecting the new, gloomy environment some more. Jean realizes your class is over by now and rushes back inside to meet you by the library.

By the time he gets there, he sees Armin exiting the library without you beside him. "Hey, where's y/n?" Jean asks.

The blonde wipes what looks like sweat from his forehead. He honestly looked like he was running a fever or something. "She left already. I'm going home for the day too. I don't feel so good."

Jean frowns. "Are you okay?"

He nods and forcefully smiles. "Yeah, I'm fine. I'm sure it's probably just the weather or something. I was fine this morning until I came to work."

Jean steps aside so Armin can walk past him and he watches as he walks like a zombie down the stairs. His movements were heavy and slow like he was drained of all his energy which was odd because Armin was always very particular about his health.

Since you clearly weren't in the library anymore, he figured you were with Kai now since you usually were around this time eating lunch together. Well, breakfast for Kai who always slept late.

He thought maybe he should give the two of you space considering Kai is probably the best person to cheer you up right now but he couldn't bear it anymore. He wanted to see you. He wanted to make sure you were okay.

He walks over to the common room taking the chance that the two of you are in there but when he opens the door, he only sees Kai.

Kai turns his head, a muffin lodged in his mouth. "Mm, hey."

Jean scans the room. "Y/n is not with you?"

He shakes his head in response while he swallow the food. "No, I was waiting for her but she hasn't shown up yet. She's not with you?"

"Do you see her with me?" Jean snaps.

Kai cocks his head back. "Whoa, someone's on their period today."

Jean ignores him and sits on one of the chairs, his head in his hands. "I feel so..."

"Tired?" Kai offers. "Me too. Well, more than normally. Everyone seems really tired today. It's the weather, I think. Plus, it's Monday so you know."

He sits by Jean and offers him a muffin but Jean declines. He shrugs and shoves it in his mouth instead. "Even Ambrose feels tired and you know that guy never gets tired."

Jean stands up suddenly and paces the room. "Don't you find that weird?"

Kai's dark eyebrows pinch together. "Ambrose being tired? Yeah, I just said that."

Jean smacks his lips together. "No, you idiot. Don't you find it weird everyone is tired? Don't you find it weird that the weather is like this today when it never gets like this? Have you looked outside?! Everything is dead!"

Kai just stares at him, his cheeks swelled up like a chipmunk as he chews the muffins. There's a flash of something in his eyes but it disappears right after.

He swallows hard and stands up, smacking his hands together to dispose of any crumbs. "You're overreacting. Ever heard of climate change?"

Jean's mouth drops open and Kai walks right past him, his hand resting on the door. "Come on, let's go find her. She's gotta be here somewhere."

The two search the entire castle and find you're nowhere to be found. They didn't want to ask anyone if they had seen you either in fear of panic breaking out and everyone going crazy.

Even though they themselves were already starting to panic. They both knew a traitor was on the loose and the fact that the past couple days have been quiet with no sign of anything, worried them even more.

"There's only one place we haven't checked." Kai points out. "Two actually. My room and your room."

Jean's heart skips a beat. "Why would she be in my room?" He asks with slight panic. He even tries to laugh a little to play it off.

Kai shrugs. "I don't know. She's fucking weird."

He prayed you weren't in there. He prayed you were in Kai's room instead to avoid any suspicious accusations.

To his luck, when Kai opens up his bedroom door, he sees you laid in his bed, fast asleep.

Kai's black out curtains were closed and the lights were off. The room was absolutely pitch black and not to mention, freezing.

The two both sigh with relief to know you're still safe and sound. Kai sighs. "Geez. Has her own bed and everything and still chose to sleep in mine."

He walks over to your body and you have his covers wrapped around you tightly. With two fingers, he touches the pillow you rest your head on and looks at Jean. "The pillow is wet."

His heart breaks all over again. The idea of you crying alone absolutely destroyed him. The fact that you didn't even go to your own room but to your brother's for comfort made it even sadder.

Kai scoops you up in his arms and carries you in them like a baby. Your head rested on his upper chest and collarbone area. "I'm going to take her to her room."

He does exactly like he said he would and carries you all the way to your bedroom. Jean walks beside him, watching you sleep in Kai's arms.

He didn't even realize his face looked concerned until Kai points out. "She'll be okay, don't worry about it. She's human. She's allowed to get sad sometimes."

He sets you down in your bed and puts a blanket over you before he closes the curtains. He shuts the lights off as well and lights a candle to give you at least some source of light. "People always seem to forget that."

He then starts coughing, a rough, dry cough. You groan and switch sleeping positions as the loud noise wakes you up for a moment but you're fast asleep again right after.

Kai leads the way out the door and gestures with his head for Jean to follow. He hesitates a little, not wanting to leave you alone but he knew he couldn't so he follows Kai out.

When the door closes, Kai starts to cough again. He covers his mouth to muffle the sound. "I hate this weather."

Jean's throat felt itchy too like he was on the verge of coughing too and he didn't know if it was because he actually needed to or because he just kept listening to Kai cough.

He felt even more exhausted now and he figured it was because he saw you sleeping and that it rubbed off on him somehow. He didn't feel like doing anything at all.

Kai tells him he's going to go talk to his parents for a second so the two part ways. Jean decides to go back to the cafeteria and see if he can convince Niccolo or one for the other staff members to make him a tea or something to help with his drowsiness.

When he pushes the doors to the kitchen, he hears Niccolo yelling at everyone and Hitch yelling at him. She had her scrapbook laid out in front of her and her manicured finger pointing at each picture. "It needs to match her dress, Nic!"

Niccolo looked stressed out of his mind already. He had four different sample cakes laid out in front of him. They all were different in flavor, height, decorations and shape.

Hitch's agitated look immediately disappears when she sees Jean. "Oh, hi!"

"Hey." Jean responds. He leans forward on the counter and stares at the cakes in front of him. It was actually really happening. You were getting married and these cakes were preemptive proof of that.

"Have you seen yn?" She asks. She puts both elbows on the counter in front of her and sighs. "I've looked for her everywhere and can't find her. I need to measure her for her dress and ask what colors she's going to want to use."

Please stop.

The last thing he wanted to hear about was your wedding dress.

"She's taking a nap. She's not feeling too good so you probably don't want to bother her with that kind of stuff today." Jean states.

She groans. "Damn it. I have to, we only have a little bit of time to get all this sorted out."

Niccolo grabs a full glass of water and chugs until it's empty. "I don't know what's the rush. I mean, a month is pretty damn fast."

It just kept getting worse and worse. Every time your wedding was brought up, it felt like a punch straight to the chest.

"A month? The wedding is next month?" Jean asks. His mouth felt insanely dry, his itchy throat from earlier getting even more intense. He grabs a glass and fills it up with water and does the same thing Niccolo did.

"Yeah, crazy right? I don't know how they expect us to get everything ready in such a short time." Niccolo grunts.

Hitch rolls her eyes. "Oh shut up. Aren't you supposed to be like the most amazing chef in the world? Figure it out."

Niccolo grits his teeth together. "I have to make an entire fucking menu for hundreds of people! Then, I have to make three damn cakes! All you have to do is make some stupid dress."

Hitch's jaw practically falls to the floor. "Some stupid dress?! ITS HER WEDDING DRESS!! THE MOST IMPORTANT PART!!"

Jean listens to the two of them argue about who has the biggest responsibility and weight on their shoulders until he eventually tunes them out. He didn't want to hear about any of it anymore. It hurt too much. At this point, he just felt numb.

Everyone seemed on edge today. Either they felt tired and sick or they were irritated and aggressive. Either way, no one was happy.

Jean takes a seat on one of the stools and rests his head, face down on the counter. "Do you have any tea or something I can drink? I don't feel good."

Niccolo stops arguing with Hitch for just a brief moment. "Yeah, I'll make you some green tea."

He then does exactly that while still arguing with Hitch. Jean wouldn't be surprised if he tossed the hot water right at Hitch the way they were fighting with eachother.

Finally, Nic hands him the tea and Jean blows on it before he brings the hot liquid to his lips. It stings his tongue for a moment but he preferred that pain to the other kind he was feeling.

"Why don't you drink coffee?" Hitch asks. "That would give you more energy than tea."

Jean shakes his head and sets the mug down. "I don't drink coffee anymore."

Hitch frowns. "But you love coffee. You've been drinking coffee since we were sophomores in high school."

For some reason, Jean felt himself grow more irritated than he already was. "Like I said," He raises his voice. "I don't anymore."

Hitch makes a disgusted face and turns away. "Okay, geez. Why is everyone so bitchy today?"

"You're one to talk." Niccolo snaps.

The two begin to argue again and Jean can feel his head start to pound so to avoid making his headache even worse, he grabs his tea and walks out the kitchen.

He sat in the cafeteria alone while he drank the remainder of his tea. He watched as people ran in and out of the kitchen, rushing to get things done.

He stares into the cup and sees the green tinted liquid slowly disappear. For some reason, Eren's words echo in his head.

"You're seriously just going to not say anything to her? Just let her marry someone else?"

"How you feel about her. Or are you going to pretend that isn't real either?"

"You should atleast tell her so that she knows. Or else you're going to fill yourself with regret and wondering what if?"

Why did Eren say it like it was so easy? He couldn't even stand too close to Mikasa without practically pissing himself just a few weeks ago. And that's because Mikasa isn't even a princess.

Mikasa wasn't a princess who he was hired to protect. Mikasa wasn't a princess who getting married to someone else in as little as a month from now.

It wasn't easy. It wasn't easy for him to say how he felt or that he didn't want you to get married. Especially when he wasn't even 100% sure you felt the same way for him.

He sighs and takes the last sip of his tea, the warm liquid soothing his scratchy throat. He looks out a window and sees you walking out the door and heading in the direction of your greenhouse.

He sets the mug down on the table and rushes out the door to go outside. This was probably going to be his only opportunity to be alone with you today. Or ever again actually considering everyone was going to need you with them to plan the wedding.

He prayed no one else would come outside. That it would just be him and you out here. All he needed was one hour alone with you. He wanted so much more than that though.

When he finally steps foot outside, he feels drops of rain poke at his skin as they fall from the sky above.

He sees you standing outside the greenhouse, your head tilted up to the sky, allowing the raindrops to kiss your cheeks, nose and closed eyelids.

The closer he got to you, the more it started to drizzle. "Hey!" He shouts. "It's about to start pouring down. You should get inside."

( here's some visuals for this scene: especially the 2nd one and the audio

https://vm.tiktok.com/TTPdax5d2Q/

https://vm.tiktok.com/ZTdaxWkNu/

[play roslyn by bon iver here]

You say nothing. In fact, you don't even move. It was like you didn't hear him at all. It was like you were sleeping standing up almost as your eyes don't even flinch.

He steps beside you and places a hand on your shoulder. "Hey."

Your eyes open and you tilt your head minimally to look in his direction. "Hey."

"You should go inside." He repeats himself.

"Why?"

"What do you mean why? It's raining."

"So? Not like I'm going to get sick." You say flatly. Your head was facing up at the dark clouds above again.

I mean, you had a point. But still, why would you want to get drenched in the rain? It wasn't even the kind of rain where you happily dance in it. It was cold and windy, it was the kind of rain that felt like ice against your skin.

"You should go inside." You say suddenly.

Jean stares up at the sky just like you do, his eyes flinch every time sprinkles of rain lands near them. "I'm not going to leave you out here alone."

"Why not?"

"Because I don't want to." He says firmly.

You don't say anything after that. You didn't really seem to have the energy to argue with him over it. You just allow him to stand beside you as the rain drizzles on to both of you.

The silence was heartbreaking to say the least. He spent the last couple of nights talking and talking to you and listening to you talk and talk to him.

Only for there to be nothing said at all anymore.
It was like you were too different people now. Things had changed.

"Are you okay?" He asks. He still had his head tilted upwards because he couldn't bear to look at you. It hurt him so deeply to do it and not see you smiling at him like you usually do.

But then you do smile. It wasn't a goofy, toothy smile like you always smiled. No, this was forced as your lips press together and the ends barely curl enough to form one. "I'm fine. I just needed some fresh air. It can get so suffocating in there sometimes."

The way he stood beside you, your hands dangled beside each other and he desperately wanted to grab yours but he knew that he was out in the open where anyone could see so he doesn't.

"I know I'm not Mikasa or Kai but you can always talk to me." He admits.

"I told you I'm fine." You say, your tone stern and abrasive.

He doesn't back down. "You obviously have something on your mind."

Silence again. He doesn't push you to talk but he can see the wheels in your mind turning, your eyes coming down from the sky finally but not yet meeting his. You just stare at the butterfly doors ahead.

Finally, you speak. "Do you think I'm a good person?"

He scoffs out a laugh. "You're kidding, right? I think if I looked up a good person in the dictionary, your face would appear."

It starts to rain a little harder. The drizzle turning into light rain.

"What makes someone a good person?"

He frowns. "What do you mean?"

He watches as you dig your nail into the knuckle of your thumb. "Who gets to say what a good person is? Is a good person someone who goes to church every Sunday? Is a good person someone who stays out of trouble and goes to work and straight home everyday? Is a good person someone who never smokes or drinks? Is a good person someone who loves their family and friends?"

He stares at you with wide eyes. He didn't expect all that to come out. It caught him a little off guard.

"I think a good person is someone who is selfless." He answers finally.

"Do you think I'm selfless?"

"You're the most selfless person I know." He turns away from you. "You're always putting others before you. It's annoying."

You clear your throat softly. "So if I did something selfish, would that make me a bad person?"

He stares at you, not really knowing what to say. You stare back at him. "If I've spent my entire life doing selfless acts, I'm considered a good person right?"

He nods. You continue. "So if I do one selfish one. Will I still be a good person? Or will that one selfish act overshadow all the good ones? Will they only pay attention to the one bad thing?"

Jean didn't really know how to answer that question. Who was he to say what a good person is? He wasn't even sure if he was one himself. He tended to do a lot of selfish things.

"The one time I did something for myself, I got bitched at by you and Mikasa and that's because it wasn't even for me. I was helping that blind little girl see again." You say.

There's thunder rolling in the distance that inches closer and closer. "Imagine If I actually did something selfish. If for the first time in my life, I actually did something for me. Just for me. Something that made me happy, something I've always wanted to do."

He does imagine it. But for some reason, he couldn't really picture the outcome. All he knew was people would be pissed. And by people, he meant your parents.

"Do you think everyone would hate me? The girl everyone calls selfless and pure and kind hearted all the time. If all her deeds were selfless acts and she commits one big selfish one, will they only pay attention to the selfish one or the million good ones?" You ask the sky above.

He sighs. "Honestly? They would probably only pay attention to the selfish one. People are shitty that way."

You turn to him. "Would you?"

"Would I what?"

"Would you only pay attention to the one bad thing?" You explain.

He shrugs. "I guess it depends on how bad it was."

The rain gets harder but you remain completely unfazed by it like it wasn't even there. "Would you hate me for it?"

He uses his arm to shield his face from the rain. "I don't think I could ever hate you. But again, it depends on what you did. Why are you asking all this stuff anyway?"

"If you ever hated me, I think it would make me really sad." You admit to him. Your voice was much softer than the rain so he almost missed it.

"Then don't do anything to make me hate you." He talks over the rain.

You frown. "What?"

"I SAID DONT DO ANYTHING TO MAKE ME HATE YOU."

"WHAT?!"

He groans and grabs your hand, pulling you into the greenhouse for shelter against the rain. Considering the greenhouse was made of glass, you both watched as the rain hit the glass roof and slid down the sides without getting a drop on you.

( visual: https://vm.tiktok.com/TTPdaHhS3H/

"I remember at one point I really did think you hated me." You admit with a laugh.

Jean kept his arms crossed as he tries to warm up his body that was currently drenched. "After I left? I didn't hate you."

You walk over to one of the plants nearby and touch the leaves to see if it needs to be watered. "It felt like it."

"Why would you think that?" Jean asks. He knew he was always kinda distant toward you but he didn't realize he gave off a hate vibe.

You keep your eyes on the plant in front of you, your face as serious as he's seen it. "You never wrote me back. You never even bothered to read them."

Bringing up the letters again? What the hell was in them that is so damn important?

"Were the letters really that important?" He asks.

You shrug and leave the plant be as you take a seat by the fountain. "Maybe not to you but for me..." Your hand slips through the waterfall, the water pooling in your palm and spewing outward.

"Actually." You stand up and shake off your wet hand. "Maybe they weren't that important. If anything, I'm kinda glad now you never read them."

You walk back over to him and stand before him. "This would have been so much harder."

He looks at you and he can't seem to pull away from your eyes for a moment. Your hand comes up his face and you push his wet hair aside, your fingers grazing his cheek. "I may have been young but I meant every single word I said. From the bottom of my heart."

You keep pushing his hair back, your hands fixing his hair that fell flat against the harsh rain. He didn't know why but he loved when you touched his hair, it was soothing for him.

Your hand then slips of his face. "I don't think I've ever meant anything more."

There's the sound of muffled voices approaching and foggy shadows moving behind the glass. "The funny part is I still mean every bit of it just as much. Nothing has changed. I feel the same way even though years have passed." You add before the door swings open.

Hitch stands there with an umbrella over her head. "There you are! I've been running around like a chicken with its head cut off looking for you! I need you to come to the tailoring room so I can get started on your wedding dress. I want it to be amazing so I need to work on it as soon as possible."

She then squeals and claps her hands together. "Eek, just one month away and you're going to be married to that dreamyyy prince!!"

"Okay." Is all you say to her. You then turn to Jean. "See you later."

He watches as you crouch underneath Hitch's umbrella as she leads you inside. He couldn't shake the heartbroken face you made for a moment there when Hitch said you were getting married in a month. You quickly hid it but he noticed it right away.

He also couldn't get all the things you just told him out of his head. Why were you suddenly telling him all this? Were you hinting something? Were you subliminally sending him signals to help you?

And what the fuck is in those letters?

He turns to the plant you were messing with earlier and see it's now completely brown, the once green leaves dried up and crisp after you touched it.

It was getting worse. He knew something was up. No matter how much your brothers tried to gaslight him into thinking you had no control over what was happening, he was too smart to believe them.

Something bad was happening and he could feel it deep in his core.

Jean ran faster than he's ever ran to his house. He didn't even bother clocking out. He darted toward the front gates where Connie and Eren were currently on duty.

He runs past the two and they call after him asking him questions like where he's going and if they have to cover for him.

He doesn't say anything and just runs down several streets to get to his home. Once he's at his door, it dawns on him he forgot his keys and he can't get in.

Jean knocks frantically on the front door but there's no response on the other end. "Shit!" He looks around the front yard, remembering he hid a spare key several years back just in case of emergencies but he couldn't remember where.

He tosses the welcome mat to the side, digs through flower pots, checks under rocks but there's no sign of any spare key. He throws one of the rocks in his hand at the fence nearby out of anger.

"Jeanbo?"

He spins around and sees his mother standing there with bags of groceries in her arms. She looks completely caught off guard. "I didn't know you were going to stop by today. Shouldn't you be at work?"

He rushes up to her and grabs her by both shoulders. "Ma, let me in. I forgot my keys."

She frowns and hands Jean one of the paper bags so she can take her keys out of her pocket. She then turns the key and the door comes open. Jean darts right in without hesitation.

She sets the bags down on the kitchen table and closes the door, concern written all over her face as she watches Jean practically turn his room upside down. "Jean? Are you alright? Do you need help finding something?"

He doesn't respond to her but instead throws his closet door open and begins to throw everything in his way out to the floor. "They have to be here somewhere." He mutters to himself.

She pokes her head into his room. "What are you looking for?"

He walks over to his bed and drops to his knees to check underneath it. "The letters. I have to find them like right now."

"Letters? What letters?" She asks.

He sits up and groans. "The letters! When I left the castle and couldn't come back, they wrote me letters. All of them, Kai, Eli, Ambrose and even yn. Remember?"

Her hand comes up to rest on the doorframe as she looks around his destroyed room. "Oh Jeanbo, those letters are from years ago. They're probably somewhere in the trash by now."

"No!" He stands up. "I kept them. I didn't throw them away. I hid them somewhere, I just don't remember where."

He brushes past her and looks around the living room and kitchen. His head come up to the sides of his head, his fingers tugging at his hair with frustration. "God damn it, why didn't I just read them when they gave them to me in the first place?!"

She walks up to him but keeps a safe distance. "What's the sudden interest in them now? You never cared for them before."

He felt like he wanted to cry. Cry with frustration and self hated. Why couldn't he remember where he put them? Why hadn't he just read them instead of hiding them away somewhere? Why did he even hide them at all if he had no intention of ever reading them?

"Y/n is getting married. Some prince proposed to her yesterday. She said yes." He says down at his feet.

His mother smiles for a second but then it sinks. "I mean, that's a good thing right? Y/n is a very smart girl, if she said yes it's because she trusts him enough to marry him. She had options and chose him."

"You don't understand." He walks up to her, arms out and pleading. "She said she told me something back then. Something important. Something she said she still means to this day but that it doesn't matter anymore now that she's getting married."

She stares blankly at him. "Have you checked that box you buried in the backyard?"

He takes a step back. "What box?"

She points out the window that faces the backyard. "Right over there by your old swing set. You buried a box there years ago when you were younger and said it was a time capsule to open when you were older."

He felt a rush of energy fill his limbs and veins as the memory resurfaces again. He had completely forgotten.

He grabs his mother's face and kisses her forehead. "Thanks Ma." He runs out the back door and quickly grabs a shover from the small shed.

He digs and digs for a good while until he finally hits something. He drops to his knees and uses his hands to pull the rusty, dirty box out from the ground.

It was a red tin box that had a metal latch that was coated in orange rust. He struggles to open it up but after using his switchblade to pop up the lid, the contents of the box become revealed.

In the box was a bunch of old childhood memories. He had random things in there a watch that was passed down to him, the first painting he ever did as a kid and the collar of his first dog.

Underneath those things and a bunch of other stuff, was a stack of unopened letters.

He flips the box upside down and spills everyone onto the grass. He grabs the letters and pulls the string that tied them together.

There was 5 from Kai, 3 from Ambrose, 1 from Elijah and 2 from you.

He puts your brothers' off to the side and immediately goes to yours. The first one was dated 6 years ago on September 15th. The day after Jean left the castle and never came back.

This must've been the letter you said you sent the day after, apologizing for everything. He uses his thumb to rip the seal open and takes the paper out of the envelope.

Even though the letter had been buried away in a rusty box for several years, it smelled like perfume. It wasn't the same perfume you use now but he recalls the smell and it's almost nostalgic in a way.

Your handwriting as well was different. You were 12 years old when you wrote this letter and it was abundantly clear. The handwriting was still neat but the letters were big and childish.

Dear Jean,
I'm so really sorry for yesterday. I really hope you didn't get in trouble.

I told my parents it was all my fault. I shouldn't have been doing that in the open where someone could've seen.

At least now you understand why they always keep me locked in my room. I hope you don't see me differently now.

I hope you come back. My brothers will never forgive me if you don't. I try so hard to make them like me and they'll never like me now if you don't ever come back.

I'm sorry for pushing you too. I just got scared. I hope you're okay and I hope to see you tomorrow.

- y/n ♡

His heart aches when he reads the part of you trying hard to make your brothers like you and how you were worried they'd hate you if he never came back.

He remembers you and Elijah telling him that they all were angry with you that he never came back, blaming the whole situation on you when it was honestly his decision to cut all contact with you all.

The second letter is dated two months later. The day of your 13th birthday.

This is the letter you said meant something to you. The letter that he never replied to and you waited for days and days for a response you were never going to get. The letter that made you despise him for leaving you hanging.

The letter that you claim to have confessed something that you still meant to this day.

He stared at it, part of him terrified to open it. He had absolutely no idea what was written inside this letter. All he knew it was most likely going to change everything.

No longer being able to handle the suspense, he rips the seal open. His heart was beating so fast and his hands shaking that he couldn't even properly read the words in front of him.

Dear Jean,
It's been two months since you've been gone now and I'm not sure if you'll respond to this letter or if you're even getting them at all.

Today is my 13th birthday. I don't know if you hate me but if you do, I don't blame you.

The fact that you're not answering my brothers letters either makes me feel a little better that it's not just me. Maybe that's really selfish of me.

I wish you'd at least answer them. Please don't stop talking to them. If you're angry, be angry at me. If you want to hate someone, put all your hate onto me. Please don't stop talking to them. They miss you so much.

If they didn't hate me before, they definitely hate me now. I don't think I've ever felt more alone.

I still have your mom and she treats me amazing. Don't get me wrong. But sometimes, it feels like she only treats me that way because she gets paid to. That's her job.

You were the only person who treated me nicely just because he wanted to, not because he had to. And now you're gone.

I'm not sure if you'll ever read this and I'm pretty sure you won't. More like I'm hoping you won't because what I'm about to say is sorta really embarrassing.

There's some lines following after that sentence that are messily scribbled over so you can no longer read them. Then there's an arrow pointing to the blacked out lines saying Ignore that.

The next lines are written normally.

I think I might be too young to understand love.
Since you've been gone, I've read over 100 stupid love stories, just to gather enough information on what love is.

No matter how many different ways love is written and all the different ways they're described, it's the way I feel about you.

There's some more scratched out words and scribbles.

You're probably thinking "yn, you're 13 what the hell do you know about love?" I know I sound crazy but just...listen.

It's pretty easy to fall in love with the only person who ever treated you like a human being. It's pretty easy to fall in love with someone who says your name when no one else will. It's easy to fall in love with the person who picks you up off the ground every time you fall.

You're the first boy I've ever loved. The idea of you hating me makes me so sad.

You may not be my one true love... but I know you were my first and I'll always keep that locked away in my heart.

I don't know if you ever felt the same about me but it's okay. I guess since it's my birthday I was feeling bold and just wanted to tell you anyway.

If you don't answer this letter, I'll never write you again. I'll stop annoying you and I'll let you live your new life.

More scratched out words.

Your mom said you're doing good. She said you're going to a normal school now and that you've already made a lot of friends which is amazing since you've only been there two months.

I envy that about you. You've always been so good at everything.

I want to try to be good at everything too so one day if we ever meet again, you'll be just as impressed by me as I am with you.

Even if that day never comes, even if we never see each other again, I hope you get everything you've ever dreamed of. I hope you're happy.

The weather is getting colder so I hope you're staying warm and safe. Be nice to your mom, she's getting older.

See you when I see you, Jean. Thanks for everything.

- y/n ♡

At the bottom of the page, your name is signed off with a heart on both letters.

"She.." He stares at the ancient paper in his hand. "She loved me."

He kept rereading the same lines over again and again.

You're the first boy I've ever loved. The idea of you hating me makes me so sad.

You may not be my one true love... but I know you were my first and I'll always keep that locked away in my heart.

And then his conversation with you earlier echos in his mind.

"I may have been young but I meant every single word I said. From the bottom of my heart. I don't think I've ever meant anything more. The funny part is, I still mean every bit of it. Nothing has changed. I feel the same way even though years have passed."

He felt like the entire earth stopped rotating. The wind stopped blowing, the trees stopped shaking, the clouds stopped moving. Everything was just still.

"She.."

He then sees flashes of you lifting up your hand when he asked you what the letters said and you saying, "It doesn't matter anymore."

He stands up straight and runs back into the house. He darts past his mother who was putting all the groceries away. "Did you find them?" She calls after him.

He hears the words much too late as he's already down the street, running even faster than before and with the letter holding onto dear life in his hand as it went up against the wind. "I'll come back to pick up the mess!!"

The sky was much darker now, he didn't even realize how much time had passed. The sun had already set and the sky was slowly transitioning into a navy blue.

He forced himself to run even faster even though it felt like his lungs might burst. He makes it to the gates and rushes inside completely ignoring Connie and Eren's jokes about how funny he looked running like a crazy person.

He searches everywhere for you but you're no where to be found. He felt like he was getting crazier every second he wasted. He probably looked insane running around with an old piece of paper written in 13 year old handwriting.

Finally after what feels like an entire hour later, he sees you in the kitchen. "Y/n!" He calls after you.

You spin around to face him with a mug in your hand. "Oh, I was just looking for you." You smile gently.

Your smile immediately drops when you see what he's holding in his hand, your eyes instantly recognizing the handwriting and the wax seal still attached. "Is that..."

He holds it up. "The letter from your 13th birthday."

Your eyes stretch in absolute horror. You look like you almost might faint. "How did you..."

His breathing was heavy, his chest moving up and down as his body tried to cool his body temperature. "Yn, I read it and—"

"Drink this." You interrupt him by extending your arms, the mug held out to him.

He pauses. "What?"

"Drink it." You repeat. "Please. I made it for you."

He looks down at the cup. There was steam coming from it indicating it was freshly made. It smelled like lavender but not lavender at the same time. It had a distinct smell that he felt like he's smelled before but he couldn't remember where.

He looks up at you and you look like you might cry. It looked like you already had been. It looked like you might just do it again if he didn't take the drink you were offering him.

"Okay." He takes the first sip and after that, everything seems to sorta just...

Blur together.