QUICK AUTHORS NOTE:
hey hey hey after this chapter there is officially TWO chapters left!! i'm a mess thinking about it and if ur reading this right now; thanks for sticking around this long! anyways this is one of my favorite chapters in the book. enjoy!!!!

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You've heard the words "Congratulations" and "We're sorry for your loss" more times than you could possibly count in one night.

The ballroom was filled with royals from countries near and far. Outside the castle, just outside the gates, the commoners also held their own special party for you.

You tried your best to divide your time between both parties evenly but regardless, they all pretty much went the same.

"Congratulations."

"Sorry for your loss."

"Can you heal me?"

The last one was probably the most frequent. You knew making your ability known to the world would cause everyone to bombard you with a million questions, you'd be stupid to think otherwise.

The most embarrassing part is that you kept looking around for someone to get you out of it. You instinctively would look to your side where Mikasa normally always stood so that she could come up with an excuse to pull you away. It seemed to slip your mind several times that she was probably half way to Marley by now.

Even the people who didn't approach you made it clear they were talking about you. You heard whispers from every corner. You could feel all eyes on you as they huddle into small groups and discuss how it finally makes sense that you were hidden away for so long.

Your fingers wrap tightly around the glass in your hand as you repeat the same conversation over and over again. It was becoming exhausting. For this exact reason, you wanted to avoid this part completely. It was too soon.

What scared you the most was the wrong person asking the wrong questions. You still weren't sure if you were able to control your emotions the way you used to. One wrong move and this whole place could go burning down in flames. The simple thought of it made you start to sweat.

You politely smile and answer everyone's itching questions over and over again. Each time became harder than the previous. You weren't sure how much longer it would take for you to snap.

"It must be so hard for you to take on such a large responsibility after all you've been through."

"Becoming an orphan and queen within such a short time must be taking such a toll on you."

"I always judged your parents for keeping you hidden but now it all makes sense."

Your fingers squeeze tighter around your fifth glass of champagne. You were downing the sons of bitches as if they were water.

You had managed to keep your cool on the outside for several hours into the party. The heavenly sound of the violinists playing in the background made it slightly easier to bear.

And then it happens. The one person who you just knew was going to set you off the moment you saw her.

"Princess Anastasia." You force yourself to smile as she approaches you. You had almost blissfully forgotten of her existence until now. You had not seen her since your 19th birthday ball when she had her slimy hands wrapped around your brother.

She grins, her arm wrapped around a completely different person now. No surprise there. "Well, well. Looks like someone managed to weasel her way up to the top."

How this woman always managed to strike the wrong nerve with you was beyond your comprehension. You had only had the pleasure of meeting her twice now and she was just as annoying as the last.

"And I see you've managed to snake your way into another man's pants." You say as you take a sip of your drink. "Oop, I meant arms. So sorry." You giggle as you wipe your mouth.

Her condescending smirk fades as her eyes pierce through you. Her hand squeezes around the man's arm impossibly tighter. He was an older man but a prince regardless. He wasn't as good looking as your brother was but he was dressed well enough to indicate his pockets covered for that.

"Well I had to." She snorts. "Your brother never asked for my hand in marriage and I wasn't going to wait around for him all day. I'm very desirable and had many other suitors in line."

"Oh, I'm quite sure you do." You laugh. The alcohol was finally starting to get to you.

You could see the viciousness in her eyes begin to grow. She was practically beginning to foam at the mouth. "Such a shame someone so handsome passed away so young. Such a waste of potential."

The sound of the champagne glass in your hand begins to squeak underneath the intense pressure you apply onto it. You could feel where the conversation was going and if she dared to push you any further, you weren't sure how you would handle it.

Her head cocks to the side. "How did he die again? I've been hearing mixed answers." Before you can answer, she straightens her neck and points at you with her glass in hand. "You know, it's quite strange that both your parents died and then so did your oldest brother Elijah and then Ambrose. Everyone who stood in the way of you getting that crown on your head."

The prince beside her begins to panic internally. He seemed as if he wanted to pull away from her and run in the other direction but her claws were in him too deep for him to escape.

She laughs. "I'm not the only one who finds it suspicious either. A few of us have some theories cooked up. I'm sure your brother Malakai knew he was next and that's why he graciously handed you the crown so you didn't do him like the rest of them."

The glass in your hand pops under the pressure and the glass shatters onto the floor. The sound causes all conversation to come to a halt and even the music briefly stops.

You could feel the glass stab into your skin of your palm and for a moment you allow it to bleed. You allow the pain to distract you from how badly you wanted to wring this girl's neck in front of everyone.

You feel someone place their gentle hand on your shoulder. "Is there something wrong?"

You turn your neck and see Queen Isla standing behind you, her eyes concerned and watching you carefully.

"I think she's had too much to drink." Anastasia chortles at her own joke. "Her glass slipped right through her hand."

You look over at your ex-mother-in-law. "Please get me away from her before I kill her." She nods and looks down at the mess by your feet. "I'll have someone come clean this up."

You send one last final death stare over at the girl. She smirks and wiggles her fingers in the air as she waves goodbye to you. Just a second later, her face turns a shade of green and she drops her glass on the floor now. Her hand slams over her mouth in a feeble attempt to stop the vomit that comes projecting out of her at an alarming speed.

The prince beside her gags in disgust and pushes her out of his way before he darts in the other direction. "Wait!" She calls out to him as she continues to throw up and cry at the same time.

As Queen Isla guides you away from the theatrics, she gives you the side eye and a slight smile. "I'm going to pretend you're not responsible for that."

When she safely leads you into an empty room, you flop down in the nearest chair you can find and place your head in your hands. "My first day as Queen and I've already caused a scene."

She laughs as she shuts the door. "I'm sure she deserved it. Nasty little thing, isn't she? Her mother is the exact same."

You look up and laugh with her. "I can only imagine. That kind of vileness has to stem from somewhere. I have no idea how my brother even survived being around her, even if he was just screwing he-" You then remember who you're speaking to and stop yourself.

She waves you off and sits in a seat beside you. "Please, you don't need to filter anything around me. I don't judge. I know this generation of royals doesn't take the rules as seriously anymore."

As sincere as she seemed, you couldn't help but feel like she was throwing jabs at you. You, after all, were one of the people she was talking about. You lost your virginity before marriage too.

"He told you." You realize.

She nods. "He felt it would be easier for you if he did it for you."

You lift your brows. "That surprises me. I would've thought he would find some kind of pleasure in seeing me do something so humiliating."

She crosses her legs. "I think we both know he doesn't have what it takes to be that cruel. Even angry, he still considers the other person's feelings. It's his biggest strength and simultaneously his biggest weakness."

You shake your head slowly at yourself. "I'm so sorry, your grace. I deserve every nasty thing you're thinking to yourself right now. I feel terrible, truly."

"Don't apologize." She answers. "I knew a long time ago what was going on between you and Jean."

You freeze. "You...you did?"

She cackles. "It was quite obvious. The boy is completely head over heels for you. He practically couldn't breathe when you went missing."

You look down at your hands that rest on your lap as you pull the small shards of glass from your palm. The wounds begin to close up immediately. "He's ridiculous."

"He's in love with you." She corrects. "And you're in love with him."

You look up at her. "I am."

She smiles. "It's a beautiful thing. You shouldn't be ashamed of it."

Your thumb glides over where your open wound would be if you were anybody else. "I don't understand. Why aren't you more angry with me? I hurt your son."

She stands up and walks a few feet toward the window and glances out of it. "Your mother forced you to marry someone else, even when you didn't want to. How could I blame you for that?"

You watch her as she stares out the window, her fingers fiddling with her wedding ring. "She chose Phoenix for you because she knew he would treat you well. But even she had to have known that he wasn't the one you truly wanted."

She cranes her neck to look back at you. "She knew you were in love with Jean. She told me herself."

You feel your heart sinks into the deepest, darkest part of your chest. "She did?"

She nods as she leans up against the wall. "The day we discussed the engagement. I remember it so vividly. She warned me before we proceeded with signing the paper work that you were in love with someone else."

Now you stand up from your seat. "You knew this entire time?"

"From the very start." She says as she stares out the window, her mind far away.

"The day you told me about the fisherman's daughter," You begin to piece everything together. "When you told me about Phoenix's first love and I asked you would you have let him marry her even when she wasn't of royal blood... you knew then, too?"

She nods. "I would've let Phoenix marry her even though she wasn't royal but your mother didn't have the same view. Your father wanted you with someone he knew would be able to care for you financially no matter what."

"You knew I was in love with someone else and you still signed the papers." You couldn't seem to wrap your head around it.

She finally looks at you. "You aren't the only one responsible for hurting Phoenix. We all knew you were in love with someone else and still went through with it without saying a word to him. He isn't only angry with you. He's angry with all of us."

You couldn't help but feel angry yourself. "I mean, can you blame him? You all basically set him up for failure."

You could see the deep regret in her face. "We all just hoped it would eventually go away. That the more time you spent with Phoenix, the more you'd grow to love him and eventually fall out of love with Jean." She laughs. "It was foolish of us to even think that was possible."

You begin to pace the room. "This whole time.. I wish I would've known. I could've... I could've.."

"Could've what?" She stops you. "Forced yourself to stop loving Jean and love Phoenix instead? It wouldn't have changed anything. You ran away to be with Jean because deep down in your heart, you want to be with him and nobody else."

"I could've stopped myself from hurting him." You say. "You all could've stopped it! Why did you sign the papers? Now he's going to hate me forever because he thinks I betrayed him. That I lied to everyone, when this entire time, everyone knew the truth!"

You wanted to pull at your hair. "I feel even worse now. Can you imagine everyone around you knowing the truth but you? Blindly and stupidly falling in love with a girl that everyone around you knows she will always want to be with someone else?"

You cover your face. "God, and I'm so stupid. My apology to him seems so ridiculous now. I practically forced him to stand there and listen to me. I begged him to get over it and be my friend when he has every right to hate me."

She walks over to you and grabs your wrist as she lowers your hands. "You are not at fault here." She stares deeply into your eyes. "I want you to understand that. We, the adults, are at fault. You wanted to be with Jean from the start and we made it impossible for you. If we would've just allowed you to be with him, you and Phoenix could've just remained as friends and he would've never gotten hurt."

You breathe heavily as you try to control yourself. She pulls you into a hug, her hands rubbing your back as you holds you tightly. "Don't ever feel guilty for being forced to do something you didn't want to do in the first place. You tried to make the best with what you had. You tried to love him back. We all saw your efforts but in the end, love will always prevail. You and Jean are meant to be together. That's how it should've been from the start."

You hug her back because for a brief moment, she both felt and smelt just like your mother. As much as you wanted to scream at your mom for putting you in such a shit position, you desperately needed a hug more than anything. If this was the closest thing you could get to her, you'd take it.

After a few moments, you pull away from her and pull yourself together. "I should probably go back out there even though I really don't want to."

"Don't." She says. "I'll let everyone know you went down for the night. After everything you've been through in such a short amount of time, I'm sure they'll understand."

You shake your head. "No, I can't hide." You take a deep breath. "I told myself I wouldn't do that anymore." You look over at the clock. "It's almost midnight anyway. People will start going home soon. I can handle a few more minutes."

"Are you sure?" She gives you another chance.

You nod. "I will have learned nothing if I stay here." Besides, you wanted to see Jean now more than ever and due to the massive influx of people in your face, you haven't seen him since the party started. Considering he no longer worked for the castle, he was probably outside with the villagers and his family. "I think I'll go outside for some air."

She graciously respects your decision and leads you back out into the ballroom. Luckily, everyone was either already departing or too drunk to notice your return.

You lock eyes with the exit and mentally set up a clear, straight path right to it to avoid any distractions. You weren't sure if you could handle one more unbearable conversation with another royal pain in the ass.

You step one foot forward and with your luck, someone taps your shoulder behind you. You groan silently in your head before you turn around. So close.

When you turn to face the person, you lock eyes with one person you didn't expect to be touching you with even a ten foot pole right now.

"Phoenix." You blink in shock.

"Hey." He smiles. That catches you even more off guard. Just a few hours ago, he couldn't even stand the sight of you.

"I didn't realize you were still here." You say. "I would've thought you'd been on the first boat ride home."

He laughs. "I definitely contemplated it. I wasn't really up for a party."

You look around at your surroundings. The loud music, the drunk people silently judging you. "Trust me, I wasn't either."

"I'm assuming no one has had the pleasure of having the first dance with you as queen yet, have they?" He wonders. He then holds out his hand. "Mind if I'm the first?"

You look down at his hand in confusion and then back at him. "You want to dance with me?"

"It's the least you can do." He teases.

You snort, allowing your guarded demeanor to melt. "You're right." You take his hand and he guides you over the dance floor.

[play slow dancing in the dark by joji here]

At the exact moment, the orchestra begins to play a different tune. A beautiful, whimsical song that at first listen, sounds like the perfect song for two people falling in love. But with time, you realize it's the complete opposite. It's two people falling apart.

His hand comes up to your waist while the other meets your hand. He looks right at you as he begins to lead the way. "I'm sorry for earlier."

"Don't be." You answer. "I deserved the discomfort."

He disagrees. "You don't. I could've said something instead of just standing there. I was just too angry to speak."

"As you should be." You look right in his eyes to make it clear you meant it. "You have every right to be angry with me."

"I'm not angry with you." He corrects.

"You're not?" Maybe he had transferred all his anger to his parents now that he knew they were aware the entire time.

"I'm angry with myself." He breaks your thoughts.

You almost stand frozen in place but he continues to move you along with the song. "Why on earth are you angry with yourself?"

He spins you around and pulls you back in place. "Because I did to myself. I knew all along and yet, I still pursued you because I thought I could change your mind."

"You too?" You ask. "How?"

He chuckles embarrassingly. "I knew from the very beginning. Even before Jean told me at the campfire on the way to get you from Ember, I knew. I just had to get the confirmation that I wasn't crazy."

"Did someone tell you?" You wonder. "It was Ambrose, wasn't it?"

He shakes his head, his cologne filling the tight space between your bodies. "No one told me."

"So then how?" You ask. "Was it really that obvious?"

He smiles as he admires your face full of confused innocence. His eyes were both sad and happy at the same time. You could see it just by looking at him that he truly did love you. It was hurting him to hold you when he knew you weren't his to keep.

"You looked at me like I was someone else." He finally says. "Everytime we were together, it was like you were looking at me but I could tell you weren't. I'd turn my head and it was always him that caught your eye."

You feel your heart begin to break for him. "Phoenix, I'm so..."

"Don't." He stops you. "Don't say it. You already apologized. I didn't ask you to dance just so I can hear you say it again. It's my turn to speak now."

You press your lips together, silencing yourself for the rest of the song and allowing him to speak freely now.

"I thought I was just crazy at first." He admits. "But then you ran away and I just kept wondering why? Why when we're so closed to getting married? Even before then, you were starting to shut me out."

You both continue to sway to the music. "I could see you change in front of me. Especially when you came back home. You were a different person. Your demeanor, your tone. The way you clung to him like you were scared to be apart from him."

He sighs quietly. "I knew right there and then. I knew something happened between you two but I acted blind. I pretended it wasn't there because... I didn't want to go home. I didn't want to give up. I wanted to be with you. Even if for just one more night."

He continues to laugh at himself. "It was so stupid. I was too prideful to admit I had lost. Even when Jean admitted to me in the tunnels that you loved him back, I still said I'd fight for you."

His large eyes looked even more massive in the dim light as the chandelier above reflected in them. "But I can't compete. You love him in a way you won't ever love me. I didn't realize that until you thought he was dead and you begged for it to be you instead. That's when I knew. I can't compete."

He presses his body closer to yours so that you two aren't just dancing but hugging as well for the last time. "You're queen now so you get to choose who you should be with. No one can tell you otherwise. You should be with him."

With his chest so tightly pressed up against yours, you can feel the slow pace his heart was beating as it began to crumble beneath you. "When this song is over, I'm going to let you go for the last time. Both figuratively and literally."

"Wait." You finally speak. You attempt to pull away but he brings you back into him, holding you in place. "Let me have this moment."

You keep quiet, biting your lip to hold back the tears that wanted to pour out. Your hands wrinkle up the expensive fabric attached to his back as you hold him close.

The side of his cheek touches yours. "I'm getting on a ship tonight to go back home. My parents insisted we stick around to help you get on your feet but I told them you have it all under control."

His hand comes up your back and he kisses you on the cheek. "No one is better suited for this position but you. You're going to make history if you haven't already. I'm so proud of you."

"Phoenix." You cry. "Please."

"We can be friends." He reads your mind. "And I don't hate you. I don't think I ever could."

You sigh with relief, your body relaxing. "Thank you."

The song comes to a painful end and as promised, his hands leave yours and he pulls away from you. He then bows before you. "It was truly an honor getting to know you, your highness."

When he stands up straight, he smiles brightly and genuinely toward you. "I look forward to hearing about all you do. Whenever you decide to stop in Cilicy on your tour to save the world, just know we'll be waiting for you."

You smile back and bow your head. "I'll make sure to put it on the itinerary."

The two of you laugh together for the last time and then he disappears into the crowd, never to be seen after as he returns back home with his family.

You stand alone now in the middle of the ballroom as people were off in their own little worlds. Even when yours stopped moving, everyone else's kept going.

You turn your head to the right and see your brother off to the side. He was laughing his head off with Princess Amara as she attempts to chug a glass of champagne. It was a warm feeling to see him be able to smile even after he just buried his brother just a few hours ago.

When she's done, the lower half of her face is covered in champagne and she quickly attempts to wipe it away before it spills onto her dress. Kai grabs both sides of her face and kisses her, champagne soaked and all.

You smile as you watch them. Even though you'd normally be disgusted at the sight of your brother kissing someone, it reminded you of the night you and Jean went to a bar in Marley and a bunch of strangers he had just met that night poured wine down his throat.

He was the same way Amara was. Completely soaked in the alcohol and a hot, blushing mess. You wish you had been as bold as your brother to just run up to him and kiss Jean in that moment too. You had wanted so desperately to.

You tear your eyes away from the drunken couple and bring them back toward the exit. You weren't going to let anyone stop you this time.

The midnight color of your dress made it easily to blend into the shadows of the night and dim lights. If it weren't for the shining, jeweled crown on your head, you probably would've gotten away with it longer.

Luckily, the first person to stop you is Camille, Slyvie and Antoine's daughter, and Julien's wife. "Oh my god!" She squeals when she sees you as quietly as she can to avoid drawing attention to you.

"Can I just say how stunning you look? Absolutely incredible!" She says as she dramatically kisses her pitched hand in the air.

"Thank you." You smile. She immediately interlinks her arm with yours and begins to draw you through the crowd and to the rest of the group. "No, thank you! You're actually doing me a favor by being here. I can not stand being alone with these two much longer."

You frown. "Who are we talking about exactly?"

"Jean and Julien, of course!" She groans. "I think I liked it better when they were strangers. They're both drunk and acting like complete fools together."

You giggle. "Really? Well, I'm happy to see at least one of us is having fun."

She digs her heels into the group and brakes suddenly. She steps in front of you and places both hands on your shoulders. "Wait, are you not having a good time?"

You sluggishly raise your shoulders. "It's been...an event."

Her bottom lip sticks out and she grows sympathetic of you. She then perks up and begins to lead you to the boys. "Maybe you just need to see your man. That'll cheer you up."

You struggle to keep up with her, the alcohol you kept downing your throat beginning to make the crowd merge together. "When you say they're acting like fools, what do you mean by that?"

"They're just acting like teenage boys." She rolls her eyes. "Julien has a lot of siblings but none close to his age so he hasn't gotten to bond with a brother like this before. I'm assuming Jean hasn't either."

You try to picture it in your mind. Jean was slowly beginning to warm up around Julien but he was still pretty guarded. Had some warm liquid courage finally melted the ice?

"And Jean keeps going on and on about some nonsense about working in some bakery." She stretches her neck over the waves of heads to find the boys. "Telling us about how many different kinds of bread he will make."

"I don't think he's saying that cause he's drunk." You clarify with a laugh. "I think he's being serious."

She scoffs as she continues to hold onto your wrist and pushing through the crowd. "As if Jean would ever leave the royal guard."

She gasps dramatically and stops in front of you again. "UNLESS?????" She reads your eyes before you even get to answer. "Yes! Yes!" She then shushes you. "Okay, you don't need to say anything else."

She continues to guide the way, this time with more effort and urgency. When she finally finds the two boys resting on a bench, she pulls you in front of them. "Look who I found."

Jean immediately stands up from his seat, his balance wonky. "Hi."

"Hi." You grin.

Julien attempts to stand up too, grabbing onto his brother's sleeve for support. "D-did you know Jean wants to be a baker?" He hiccups.

"So I keep hearing." You keep your eyes on Jean. "Having fun?"

"Maybe." He crosses his arms as if you can't see the empty glasses of champagne around him, including the one in his hand.

Julien pouts at his wife. "Are we in trouble? You told on us to the Queen?"

She glares at him as he stumbles forward to wrap his arm around her. "Yes, honey, I called the queen on you for public intoxication."

He groans loudly, like a student getting lectured by his teacher. He then holds his arms out straight in front of you. "Take me away, your highness. I'm a sinner."

Camille sends you a look to play along, indicating that she was ready to go to her hotel for the night and get in bed. You look over at Julien. "I'm going to have your wife escort you to your cell."

He looks at his wife like she's betrayed him. "It's alright, my love. Do what you have to do. I'll forgive you eventually."

She tries her best not to burst out laughing and grabs both his wrists with one hand as she locks them together. "We'll see you both tomorrow. Good night."

Before Camille whisks him away, he jolts up. "Hey! What about him? He's just as publicly intoxicated as me!" He gestures toward Jean with his head.

You slide your hand past Jean's arm and around his bicep. "Don't worry, I'll take care of him personally." You wink.

Julien's mouth drops open as Camille continues to drag him away. "Go easy on him! He's just a boy!" He yells.

When you and Jean are left alone, you turn to him and realize he was staring at you the entire time. His eyes were low and glossy. Small flakes of snow rested on the tips of his gold eyelashes. He had a romantic, sensual smile on his face.

"What?" You laugh into the air. "Why are you looking at me like that?"

"You're just so, so, so pretty." He coos. It was like the night at the bar all over again. The night of you trying to get his wine soaked body into the bath while he pined all over you.

You begin to feel butterflies at the pit of your stomach. "How about we take you inside? It's getting late."

He willingly follows you back into the castle. A few people leaving stop to say their goodbyes to you, allowing Jean some time to slowly sober up.

Once you say goodbye to the last few guests, the guards close the gates and the kitchen staff begins to clean up and close for the night. After you thank them all for their hard work, you and Jean head up the stairs.

He was a few steps behind you and chugging water like he had been in the desert for hours. "I'm so hot." He complains. "Aren't you?"

"I haven't drank as much as you but it is hotter in here due to all the body heat. It'll start to cool down now that everyone is gone." You say as you step onto the second floor.

You hear the sound of something crashing up against the wall and your head quickly turns to the sound. Down the hall, you see Kai sneaking Amara toward his room as they bump into everything in the process. "Or not everyone."

Jean meets you at the top and turns to where you look. Kai falls onto the floor as Amara attempts to pick his up. The two were laughing as silently as possible as they try to make their presence unknown.

Once he finally gets the door open, the two quietly step into his room and shut the door. You look over at Jean. "I just got deja vú."

He brings his hand to your lower face. "I'm going to miss sneaking around with you like that."

You grab his hand and lead him in the opposite direction toward your room. "Technically it's still sneaking around when you have to keep quiet." You pull him closer to you as you walk backwards. "The staff is still here cleaning up so we can't let them hear us."

He smirks, the ends of his lips curling with excitement. He then begins to undress you with his eyes. "You think you can handle being quiet?"

"I'll try my best." Your voice fills with lust. "No promises."

He brings his lips to yours. "I've been thinking about how you taste all day. Ever since I undressed you this morning, I can't stop thinking about it."

He kisses you passionately as you continue to find your way to your room. He hands travel all over you with hungry desire. You try your best to find the door with yourself preoccupied.

The two of you kiss relentlessly with your back up against the door as you wrist folds in attempt to unlock the door. You moan into his mouth as his thigh slides in between your legs.

Finally, the door opens and you both stumble in and he kicks the door shut. Without separating, the two of you begin to get undressed, roughly pulling apart at eachother's clothes.

Once you're naked, he grabs you by the waist and places you on the edge of the bed and pulls your legs up. He then proceeds to get on his knees and finds out the answer to the question he had in his head all day long.

His warm, wet tongue felt incredible as it swirled every which way. Your fingers ran through his soft hair as his hands squeezed at your thighs.

He stays there longer than you expected him to. He wasn't lying when he said he had been thinking about doing this all day.

When he finally runs out of breath, he undoes the clasp of his belt buckle and his pants come dropping toward the floor.

Your fingers come down to feel the way the area between your legs feel. Not only were you soaking wet all on your own but his spit still lingered making it even more slippery. Your fingers easily glided through the folds.

As you touch yourself, he watches you intently as his boxers come off his body. He practically whimpers at the sight of you lying there with your legs parted for him. "So, so pretty."

He leans forward, his fingers replacing yours while your lips press together. "And so, so wet."

You shut your eyes as he kisses you again, your tongue twisting up against his. Your hand comes up his rigid but smooth back as you pull him closer to you so that his dick presses up against you.

Just by the tip, you can feel how hard he was as it poked at you. You use your hand to guide him to the center and slide the tip up and down the folds so it can collect the moisture.

He takes a pause from kissing you and smirks as he looks into your eyes. "Look at you. You know exactly what to do now, don't you?"

Your face grows hotter as you try not to look away. "Shut up."

He leans in closer, his lips just hovering over yours and his dick threatening to push deeper into your palm. "Put it in for me." He whispers.

You tease him for a few seconds longer, the tip sliding up and down until you finally put it at the entrance. You grab more of him to hold him in place and then push your body forward so that he slides right in.

He groans as his head comes down beside yours, his lips grazing your ear. "Fuck. You do it so good."

He slowly slides more of himself in you until he bottoms out. "Such a good girl." He says when you don't flinch like you used to. "Finally taking it like you deserve it."

He slides halfway out before he pushes back in. You can feel every edge of the pulsating veins on his dick as it renters you. You try your best keep quiet but you feel yourself start to moan from pleasure.

The pace picks up and you wrap your legs around his waist to bring him closer as you kiss endlessly into the night.

                                         ♔

You slam the door behind you, allowing the cold wood kiss the skin on your back to cool your body temperature. You had dashed up three flights of stairs just to get away from everyone as quickly as possible.

"Who are you hiding from?" You hear from the corner of the random room you chose. You jump up when you're caught off guard by the voice.

"Jesus," You bring your hand to your chest. "What the hell are you doing here?"

Kai sits up from the chair he was sat at. It was strange he was also in here considering it was just a guest room. Was he hiding from something to? "I asked you first." He answers.

You step forward into the light and at the center of the room as you kick off your shoes. "I've been sitting on that throne for six hours listening to people go on for hours on end. I never realized how needy people can be."

Kai wrinkles his nose when he sees your bare feet against the rug. "Imagine how mom and dad felt doing it for years."

You sit down on the same chair he was once seated at. "I'm sure it wasn't as hectic as this. Ever since I announced I can heal people, the traffic in Eldia has tripled in amount. There's thousands of people lined up outside just to speak to me."

"Send them home." He suggests.

You groan and set your face in your hands. "Their homes are miles away. Half of these people are coming from all over the continent. Some from all over the place. I can't just make their journey all for nothing."

He kicks one of the legs on the chair you sit on. "Then suck it up. You wanted to heal the world, right? You're getting exactly what you wanted. I mean, did you really think it was going to be easy?"

"No!" You snap. "I obviously knew it was going to take a lot of work. That doesn't mean I'm not allowed to complain about being overworked."

He yawns theatrically. "Wah, wah, wah. Poor y/n."

You grab your shoe from the ground and lunge it toward him. "You wouldn't last a minute in my place! That's why you were so quick to give it away."

He throws his hands up in surrender. "Hey, I admited it from the start. I never wanted to be king. I can't handle stressful situations. It's not my thing."

You cover your face once again. "I'm not sure if it's my thing either."

He scoffs. "You've been queen for four months now. You've been doing it effortlessly everyday. Why is today so different?"

"I'm just tired." You answer. "I need a break. A vacation. Atleast mom and dad had eachother to trade the responsibilities on. I'm doing this all alone."

He stares at you, hesitant on whether he should say something or not. You notice it immediately. "What?"

He walks over to where you sit and reaches over your head. On the bookshelf and between two books was a bag full of what looked like herbs. "This is what I was doing."

When the small bag passes you, you catch the smell and suddenly it makes sense why the windows in the room were open. "You started smoking again?"

When Kai was about 16, there was one night where he couldn't sleep for the life of him. In the middle of the night, he went to the library out of boredom and began to shift through any books that looked remotely interesting.

Out of the hundreds of books in the family library, one about all the herbs in the world caught his eye. He spent hours reading page after page until he became so knowledgeable on every plant and herb on the planet. Especially the ones that can get you high.

He would smoke almost every night after that. His siblings knew of it because well, there really isn't any boundaries or sense of privacy when you're all stuck inside the same place. Not to mention, it was pretty obvious.

He had managed to get away with it for a while, even with Ambrose threatening to tell your parents everytime Kai didn't do something he wanted him to do. After a while, Kai got so sick of Ambrose blackmailing him with it that Kai just ended up telling on himself so that Ambrose would no longer have anything to use against him.

Once your mother was aware, it was practically impossible for Kai to continue on with his habit. Throughout the years, he was able to do it here and there but your mother always caught on eventually.

He brings the wrapped herbs to his lips and approaches a candle to use its flame. "It's not like mom is here to get mad at me anymore."

"True." You watch him as he inhales the contents and blows the smoke out swiftly. "When did you start again?"

He looks down at the joint in his hand. "After their funeral. Ever since the bombing, my anxiety has just been through the roof. This," He gestures toward it. "This helps me."

He then surprisingly passes it to you. You had been around Kai while he smoked maybe three times before. Each time, you just sat beside him and engaged in conversation with him. He never offered it to you because in his eyes, you were his baby sister.

You hesitate at first and then take the offer willingly. "I'm surprised you're allowing me."

He blows smoke out the window. "You're stressed out, right? I may not be much help but I can offer you this little token of gratitude. Besides, you're not a kid anymore anyway."

You bring the joint to your lips and mimic the same thing he does. "Token of gratitude?"

He nods, carefully watching you as you inhale. "If you hadn't taken the crown, it would be me out there stressing."

"Gee, thanks." You respond sarcastically as you blow out the smoke. He briefly expects you to begin to cough your lungs out since you're a novice at it but his eager smile drops when he remembers who you are.

He takes the joint back once you pass it to him. "I don't mean it like that. I know you're stressed but you handle it a lot better than I would. My mental health has been..." He trails off once he hits the joint again.

You feel heaviness weigh down on your chest as you watch him. He still had that cool and calm demeanor but there was a deep sadness in his eyes. It baffled you how you seemed to always forget that he woke up from a coma to find out that his entire family had been murdered.

"By the way," He takes one more hit before passing it back to you. "Thanks for letting Amara stay here these past few months. She helped me a lot just by being here."

Your pointer finger and thumb take the joint from him. "I know. I can tell that she's helped you. It feels good to have someone who distracts you from all the pain, doesn't it?"

He nods but doesn't say much more. He sits on the window pane as he stares out of it. You take one more hit before passing it back to him. "Where is she, by the way? You two have been attached to the hip for months."

"She's going back home tonight. She's getting her things together right now." He inhales. "She has to go to some event in France."

You sit up in your chair. "France?"

"Yeah." He answers. "France is right by the kingdom she's from so her parents have business with them. She goes pretty frequently."

"Hm."

"What?" He passes it back.

"Nothing." You take the joint. "So when do you plan to pop the question?"

He digs in his pocket and pulls out a small box before he throws it your way. When you catch it, you realize what it is. "No way! Is this mom's ring?"

"Yup." He scratches the side of his face. "I've had it since the day we buried her. I just haven't done it, I guess."

You admire the emerald ring as it sparkles in the light. "Why not?"

He shrugs. You glare at him. "What is it exactly you're waiting for? Aren't you embarrassed that she's been by your side for months now while your mourn and cope with your loss and you can't even ask her for her hand in marriage?"

"It's not that simple." He argues. "I want to do it. Trust me, I do. It's just... I don't know. I've been depressed lately that I just feel like it's not the right time."

"I get that." You try to see his point of view. "Get your mental health together before you promise her anything."

"Exactly." He takes the joint from you as well as the ring. "But what about you?"

You frown. "What about me?"

"When are you getting married?" He slides the joint between his lips. "If Jean is King beside you, you'll have someone to help you take some of the responsibility off you."

Now it's your turn to scratch your head. "What am I supposed to do? Purpose to him myself?"

He chokes on the smoke as he laughs, his fist coming up to his mouth as he tries to contain it. "Aren't you all about that new age feminist stuff?"

"Kai." You scowl. "Shut up."

He passes it back to you. "Just saying. Why wait for him to ask if you really want to marry him?"

"Because I want him to ask. I want him to want to marry me." You answer. "If I ask him, I'll feel like he's forced to say yes."

"Maybe that's how he feels." He suggests. "Maybe he doesn't think it's the right time. Look at all you have on plate. Besides, you two hardly see eachother anymore."

You sink into your seat when you realize it has been awhile since the two of you had a full day together. You were constantly occupied now as Queen and since he got his job at the bakery, he also was always doing something. The two of you only saw eachother at night now.

"Like I said," You extend your legs. "I need a vacation."

An idea then pops into your mind. "When did you say Amara leaves again?"

"Sometime tonight." He replies. "Why?"

"So that means you're going to have a lot of free time now since she'll be gone, right?" You sit forward with intrigue.

He pauses, slowly catching on to what you were inferring. "Yes..."

You grin. He takes a step back. "Don't smile like that, you freak. What do you want?"

You stand up from the chair and hand him the joint for the last time. "If you really want to show me your gratitude, why don't you watch over the kingdom for a few days while I go on a trip?"

"Hell no!" He answers almost instantly.

You groan loudly and clasp your hands together. "Come on! I need this! It'll only be for a few days."

He shakes his head. "No. What the hell am I supposed to do with all the people who want to see you?"

"I'll have the guards tell them that I'm out of town on a business trip." You say. "Dad used to leave for days all the time, remember?"

He was slowly becoming convinced. "Mmm, I don't know."

"You did it all already before!" You remind him. "You were King for a while so you know the jist of it. All you gotta do is make sure the place doesn't burn down and you're good! Besides, you don't have anything better to do anyway."

He glares at that last part. "Fine." He sighs. You jump up in the air as you cheer. He lifts up a finger to stop you. "A week. MAX."

You throw your arms around him. "Thank you, thank you, thank you!" He cringes and pushes you away. "Yeah, yeah. Whatever."

You slip your shoes back on and rush toward the door. "Don't let Amara leave yet! I'll be right back!"

"Huh?" He wonders aloud. "What does she have to do with this?"

Before he gets his answer, you slam the door shut and you run down the hall and out the castle gates.

♔

You burst through the bakery doors and squat down as you try to catch your breath. The owner of the bakery immediately bows before you. "Your highness, we weren't expecting you." He then proceeds to straighten every frame and wipe every crumb.

"Is Jean in?" You ask as you lean up against the wall. "I need to speak to him."

The baker sticks in head into the kitchen. "Kirstein!" He then looks back at you with a smile. "Hungry? We just took some pasteries fresh out the oven."

"I'm good, thank you." You answer. A second later, your catch the sweet smelling pastries at the corner of your eye and your stomach involuntarily growls loudly. "Actually, I'll take that one."

Once you begin to stuff your face, Jean comes out the kitchen. White flour was streaked on his face and his apron was just as covered. He wipes his hands with a damp rag. "Is it my annoying brother again? I thought he went back home."

When he meets your eye, he instantaneously lights up. "Oh, It's you. What are you doing here?"

You wipe your mouth clean and swallow your food. "We're going on a trip."

His smile fades. "What? When?"

"Now." You answer. "Tonight."

He looks over at his boss before he returns back to you. "I can't just leave. I have to work. I'm supposed to let them know two weeks in advance if I'm leaving."

You look over at the owner. "I'm sure it's fine. Isn't it?"

The man bows his head quickly. "Of course, your highness. We shall make accommodations."

You smile and look back at Jean. "See? Problem solved."

Jean's mouth drops. "But..." He looks back at the kitchen as he grows sympathetic for his coworkers who will have to pick up the extra shifts in his absence.

It was clear that the owner wouldn't have made the exception for anyone if it hadn't been the literal queen of Eldia who was asking. The favoritism seemed to make Jean uncomfortable.

"It'll be worth it." You try to ensure him. "I promise."

He stares at you for a second before he looks back at the kitchen. "It's just.. I'm working on something that's going to take some time."

The owner places a heavy hand on Jean's shoulder. "We'll take care of it. Don't worry." Whatever it was he was working on, he seemed genuinely concerned about its completion.

He takes his apron off and hangs it onto the wall. He then looks at the owner one last time. "Only you can work on it, alright? I don't want any of those idiots back there working on it."

"Yes, yes." He waves him off. "You have my word."

Jean sighs, placing all his trust onto the man. He then turns back to you. "Well, where are we going?"

You gesture for him to follow you out the bakery and he does so. You wave goodbye to the baker and thank him once last time before you both exit.

Outside, his mother waits patiently with bags in hands. He stops in his tracks when he sees her. "Mom? You're coming too?"

She laughs awkwardly. "I believe so. Although, I'm not too sure where it is exactly where were going."

They both stare at you as they await your answer to their burning question. Instead of giving them the answer, you smile and say, "It's a surprise. Just pack enough clothes for a week."

"A week?!" His eyes shoot open. "Where are we going?"

"And a half. Just go pack your clothes, Kirstein." You respond. He gives up and walks toward the house and gathers his belongings while you and his mother patiently wait outside.

When he's done, you guide them over to the carriage that will take you three to the train station. "I've never been on a train before." His mother says. "Does that mean we're going somewhere far?

"Can't you just tell us where we're going?" Jean groans as he sets his bag down.

A guard opens up the door to the carriage and his mother is the first one to step inside. You follow after and Jean comes in last.

Once all three of you are situated, they look at you with confusion when the carriage doesn't immediately take off. "What are we waiting for?" Jean questions.

"We're missing one person." You answer as you peer out the window.

"Who?" He asks. He then looks up above at the roof of the carriage. "And whose carriage is this? This isn't one of ours."

His mother leans forward. "Are we in trouble or in danger?"

"What?" You laugh. "No. Not at all."

"Who else is coming?" Jean continues to ask.

"Just wait." You warn for the 50th time.

His mother fiddles with her fingers as she grows anxious. "Could we possibly have a hint of where we're going?"

Now it's your turn to groan. "You Kirsteins are going to the be the death of me. Hasn't anyone done anything nice for you before?"

They both glance at eachother and then back at you. "No."

"We'll get used to it." You end the conversation. "I don't plan on budging. You'll see where we're going when we get there. It's a surprise for a reason. The trip is a gift to both of you."

"A gift?" His mother repeats. "Your highness, that isn't necessary."

Jean sighs as he crosses his arms behind his head and extends his legs. "Speak for yourself."

"Y/n." You correct her. "You don't need to address me with a title. You changed my diapers."

The carriage door comes apart and the missing passenger finally makes her appearance. Her face was flush pink and her hair was a wild mess. "I'm sorry for the wait." Amara says as she trips into the carriage. She uses her hands to adjust her dress and fix her hair.

You wrinkle your nose when you pick up on what exactly she was doing. "Saying goodbye to my brother?"

She laughs with embarrassment. "Something like that." She then meets eyes with Jean and his mother and cringes internally when she realizes they caught on as well.

"Why is Princess Amara here?" Jean questions out loud. "Are we going to her kingdom or something?"

She snorts and looks over at you. "They don't know?"

You shake your head with a finger up against your lips. She nods with understanding and keeps her mouth shut the entire ride even while Jean harasses her for the smallest hint which she never gives him.

Both the carriage and train ride felt much longer than they actually were. Note to self: Kirsteins don't take surprises very well.

After a couple days, the train comes to its final stop in your secret destination. "Oh thank God." Amara immediately jumps off the train.

Jean grabs his luggage from overhead and helps his mother with his. They both gather their things in their arms and head toward the door. You step in front of them and block the way. "Wait!"

They both look at you with confusion. "Close your eyes." You clarify. "I'll help guide the way."

After a few seconds of arguing, you finally convince them to close their eyes and put their complete faith in you as you guide them out the train safely.

[play somewhere only we know by keane here]

"Okayyyyyyy," You lead right into the perfect spot. "Open your eyes!"

Their hazel eyes flutter open and adjust to the setting sun and their new surroundings. "Where are we?" Jean asks.

"Paris." His mother gasps as she drops her things. "We're in France." She clutches her hands against her chest in awe. "Oh, my beautiful home."

Jean spins his head every which way, admiring all the shops and bakeries. He took in the atmosphere and its people. "Paris?"

Your teeth almost crack from the pressure of your eager smile. "Ta-da!" You hold your arms out. "Jean told me you two always talked about coming here."

She begins to cry and she hugs you tightly. "I haven't been home in two decades." She pulls away and looks over at the evening dwellers on the Paris streets. "I wasn't sure if I'd ever come back."

"Well, you have all this week to be here. I have everything covered. Accommodations, food, it's all paid for." You reach into your bag and pull out an envelope. "Including this."

She carefully takes the envelope from your hand and opens it. "An all inclusive spa massage? I can't accept this."

You grab her shoulders. "You can and you will." You then turn over to Amara who was buying ice cream from a street vendor. "Amara will be joining you so you're not alone. I have something else planned for Jean and I."

Jean steps into frame. "Hey, after spending that many days stuck on that train, I could use a spa massage too."

"I have something better for you." You say to him. You nod at Amara who immediately knows what to do. She links her arm with Mama Kirstein and smiles. "I suggest the snail extract face mask. It sounds disgusting but works wonders."

The brunette whisks his mother away before she or Jean can say another word about it. Jean was struggling to get any word out in general it seemed.

You turn to look at him, concerned by his silence when you see his eyes wild with admiration. There was a sneaky smile on his face. "We're in Paris."

"We're in Paris." You repeat with a smile.

He finally pulls his eyes away to look at you. "So, where are you taking me?"

You grab his wrist to look at his watch. "Shit!" You keep a hold on his wrist and dart down the street. "We're going to be late, come on!"

He trips over his feet as you drag him down the sidewalk. "Hey! Can you slow down?"

"We really have to be there at the perfect moment!" You stress. "Run faster!"

You both turn the corner and you lead him down a long patch of grass. Before you get too close, you stop in front of him. "Wait! Put this on." You hold a blindfold in your hands.

"Hell no!" He quickly deflects.

"Come on!!!!!" You bounce impatiently. "We're going to miss it!"

He groans and allows you to wrap the black cloth around his head and over his eyes. You hold his hand as you lead him through the crowd.

You guide him into the perfect spot and angle his face to look up at the sky. You look at his watch once more  before you finally take the blindfold off him.

The moment the fabric leaves his eyes uncovered, the Eiffel tower lights up against the night sky. The light sparkle dreamingly to the sound of some street performers down below.

"Wow." The twinkling lights reflect in his eyes. "It's even more amazing than they say it is."

He looks at you with a smile. "Thank you. This...this is incredible. I'm not even sure what to say. I'm just so surprised. I know you made my mom really happy too."

You bashfully wave him off. "It's nothing." You could feel your heart begin to pick up speed. "Actually, I, uh.." You turn to face him. "I brought you out here for a reason."

"Oh?" He wonders.

You look over at the lit up tower. Its bright light shined onto you as if giving you an indirect spotlight. "I've been thinking."

"Uh oh." He teases.

You playfully push him. You keep your hand on his arm. "As sexy as you look covered in flour, I was thinking that maybe..."

"Yeah?"

You feel like every fiber of your body was electrified. "What if we get marri—"

"Stop."

"What?"

He looks at you right in the eyes. "I can't let you do this."

All your confidence sinks into the pit of your stomach and it drags your heart down along with it. "Why not?"

He sighs and shuts his eyes. "I had this whole thing planned out. There was going to be a cake and when you cut it open, the ring was going to be in the middle and your brother was going to be there and Mikasa and Eren were going to be there." He begins to ramble.

He digs into his pocket. "I suppose I should know by now that things don't always go as planned." He looks up at the shining tower. "But I can't think of a better moment to do this." 

He gets down on one knee and holds a velvet small box in his hands. "Y/n..."

"YES!" You squeal as you jump up and down. "A hundred times, yes!"

His ears were burning bright red as you attract even more attention to the already captivating moment. "Can I say the words first?"

"Sorry." You cover your mouth.

He closes his eyes and takes a deep breath. "I never thought I would say these words anywhere else but in my dreams. Now that the impossible is possible, I won't let you slip away. Y/n, will you marry me?"

"Eeee!" You crash into his arms. "Yes! Yes! Yes!"

He almost falls backwards from the force. He laughs as he hugs you. "Good. I don't know what I would've did if you had said no."

You pick your head up and your lips crash into his. Your fingers run through his soft hair and his scent fills the space between you. The man in your arms was now your fiancé and there wasn't a single person who could say anything about it.

"This feels unreal." You say to him. "It feels like a dream."

He slides his hand against your cheek as he admires your beauty from up close. "You're telling me?"

You smile brightly as you look at him with pure joy. "We're getting married."

"We're getting married." He repeats back to you with a smile just as big.

You kiss him again for the millionth time and he hugs you tightly underneath the glistening tower and the gleaming night sky. All the music and sound around you fades into the night.