KHUSHI

We both just looked at each other silently, I dint know what more to say and he looked shocked, and he was just staring at me while I waited for him to say something.

"I am so sorry you had to go through all that Khushi, it must be really scary. I feel bad just listening to it and you lived it, I do understand what you must have felt." He said

Finally, at least he said something, I was starting to get worried that I might have scared him off by telling him about my past.

"Since then I've just been so scared, I avoid people, I avoid liking someone because deep down I am scared I might end up getting hurt again."

"You can't live your whole life being scared Bindiya, I know whatever that happened in the past was traumatic for you, but you can't let that decide how you live your life now, you learn from it, you figure out what you want and move on.

Maybe I was never the person for you, but maybe there is someone else out there for you, someone that's going to love you like you deserve to be loved and someone you will love back, and for that to happen, you first have to get rid of this fear.

You have to take a chance, you have to put your trust in someone. Not everyone out there is like your ex-boyfriend, not everyone is going to hurt you like he did.

This is life, we meet people, we get hurt, we learn from it, we don't stop living it Bindiya." He cupped my face and looked at me seriously.

"It's not that easy Arnav."

"It's not impossible either Khushi."

"Okay, I will take your advice and I'll try to stop being scared." I pouted.

"Good, I like that." She smiled as he stood up, I just stayed where I was, I don't know why but I dint want him to leave, I liked that he was here with me, I liked talking to him, I liked looking at him, he was so handsome.

"I'm sorry about Piya by the way, she always says whatever that comes in her mind." I giggled.

"You should too, it's good to say what's on your mind. Keeping things doesn't help, that's why despite knowing deep down that you dint love me, I still confessed my love to you. So from now on, learn how to say whatever that's in your mind, if you are scared say you are scared, if you like someone tell them, life is too short to keep things to yourself and overthink about it." He smiled.

"Is that so?" I smiled back.

"Yes." He nodded. At this moment, I was so convinced I wanted to tell him how I had been feeling about him lately, and that I thought that I had started liking him. Was it the right thing to do? I wasn't even sure about him and Ayesha, if they were together or not, I dint want to make things awkward.

"Can I say something?" I asked as I stood up and walked towards him.

"Anything." He nodded as he looked at me keenly.

"Please don't laugh at me or think I'm being strange, I am also not sure how and why its happening."

"Khushi, I am the last person you should be worried about judging you, I would never judge you for anything."

"I know, but I... I am so nervous... Okay, here goes, I think I might have started..." and his phone rang. Seriously! Why would anyone decide to call him at this moment? Just when I had gathered enough courage to tell him that I had started liking him, keeping aside that he might or might not be with Ayesha.

"I am so sorry." He said as he pulled it from his pocket and silenced it and looked at me.

"If it's important you can take it, whatever I was saying can wait." I smiled.

"It's just Ayesha, I'll call her later."

"No just take it, I'll wait." He nodded as he received the call while I just stared at him, maybe Ayesha calling right now was a hint, maybe I shouldn't tell him how I feel, maybe he had moved on. Oh God, help me with this overthinking.

"Okay, I will meet you there in an hour." He said disconnecting the call, I was so busy overthinking I dint even listen to what they were talking about.

"You have to leave?" I asked.

"Not right away, I just have to meet Ayesha in an hour, anyway you were saying something."

"It wasn't anything important, I'll tell you some other time."

"Come on, I don't like the suspense now. Tell me whatever it was that you were saying before my phone rang."

"It was nothing. Now come on let's head back to the hall before my mom starts thinking there's something happening here." I giggled as I grabbed his arm and pulled him along.

I really wanted to tell him how I was feeling, I just couldn't. I dint want to take away from him what he had with Ayesha now, rejecting him before was my choice, and now he had moved on, he was going out with Ayesha and things seemed great between them, I dint want to be selfish and ruin it for him.

When we walked back, we found mom seated there waiting for us, Piya too was there munching on some crisps while she stared at her phone.

"There was no need for all these." Arnav said as he looked at the snacks my mom had put on the table.

"It's okay, you eat whatever you want. I'm heading out, I'll leave you guys to hang out." She smiled as she stood up and headed to the door, I had no idea where she was going.

"Piya, would you like to come along?" She asked.

"Where to?"

"Just come, I'll tell you where we are going, it's a really nice place." She smiled, Piya nodded as she stood up and looked at Arnav.

"See you hottie, incase you're single and interested, call me." She smirked as she walked away.

"Mom, did you just hear her?" I shouted.

"I'll take care of her, don't worry." Mom said as they both walked away leaving us alone. Now mom was also trying to fix us up, I knew because she wouldn't just leave like that and take Piya along, she just wanted to leave me and Arnav here alone. Only if I could tell her that I had lost him already.

"Your sister is really interesting." Arnav laughed.

"I don't get her, or what goes on in her mind, sometimes she's just too much." I shrugged.

"So tell me, what's new in your life. We're talking after years, there must be a lot of new stuff happening?"

"Not really, I was just busy with studies most of the times, then I applied for a couple of jobs, and got to work in this company. I haven't really done much or even gone out or anything. Since you and Ansh left, it dint have any other friends, I just kept to myself most of the times."

"You could have made new friends."

"Leave that, you tell me, what's new in your life, your life definitely is more interesting than mine."

"Don't even ask, Anjali and mom have been obsessed with me getting married, they keep on telling me to find someone and settle down. Now that Manav is planning to propose, I'm sure they will start once again, that now she's engaged I should get engaged too."

"I know, it happens in every family, once you reach a certain age, it's like everyone on earth wants you to get married."

"I know right, as if there's nothing else to do in life than get married."

"Exactly. Like I am not against the idea of marriage but it's not supposed to be bound by age, you should do it when you want it, when you've met the person you want to spend your whole life with, and if someone doesn't want to get married they shouldn't. Life has much more to offer than just marriage."

"Wow, we do have pretty similar thinking." He laughed.

"I guess we do."

"We would have been perfect together." He said and then regretted it immediately, I knew because he was smiling when he said it and then he looked all awkward, maybe he was just thinking it and dint want to say it out loud but it came out.

"I'm sorry, I dint mean to make it sound so awkward. I should get going, I need to take a shower before I go see Ayesha." He sighed as he stood up.

"Stay for a few minutes, you said you had an hour."

"Yeah, but I'm just making things awkward between us."

"It wasn't awkward Arnav, trust me. We can be friends like we were in college, and it doesn't have to be awkward."

"You sure?"

"Yeah I am." I smiled, he sat down once again and I just stared at him, I really wanted to spend all my time with him, I wish I hadn't been such an idiot to reject him before, and now it was just too late.

I really wish I could be selfish and tell him, maybe he still loved me and hadn't moved on completely, maybe there was a chance, should I take the risk? Should I be selfish?