It was a strange feeling, seeing her everyday knowing what could have been but couldn't, we literally went from being strangers to friends and back to strangers.

After I told Khushi I couldn't do this friendship thing anymore, she actually did stay away, she wouldn't talk to me or anything, anytime she would be around anywhere I was, she pretended like I didn't exist.

I would lie if I'd say it dint hurt, but being friends with her was hurting me more than being strangers. How did people even manage to stay friends with people they loved? Dint it hurt? Dint it pierce their heart?

I think she still talked to Ansh and Manav every now and then, only when I wasn't around, but I dint ask them, I usually avoided talking about her hoping that if I dint talk about her, it would be easier to move on.

It was a Monday morning, like my usual routine, I waited for Ansh and Manav in the parking lot and as usually Khushi passed by, usually before she would stop beside me, greet me talk to me or say something and I would tease her by calling her Bindiya, the same thing happened today, the only difference was, she dint look at me, she dint stop beside me, she dint talk to me, she just passed by acting like a total stranger.

I know I asked for us not to be friends, but why did not being friends also hurt this much? I wished there was a way we could be together, if not as lovers then as friends, but only if it was possible.

She looked gorgeous as always, today she was dressed in all black, black was so her color, it suited her skin tone so well, I couldn't stop staring like always.

She stopped beside another girl that was a few feet away from me and started talking to her, I couldn't really hear what they were talking about.

Kyun khuda ne, di lakeerein jisme zahir naam nahi tera...
Likh raha hoon, dard saare, yun to shayar naam nahi mera...
Itna bhi kya bewafa koi hota hai... yeh sochkar raat bhar, dil ye rota hai...
Asal mein tum nahi ho mere... tum nahi ho mere... tum nahi ho mere...

Ansh and Manav joined me out of nowhere diverting my attention, I immediately looked at them trying to pretend Khushi wasn't around.

We all greeted each other and then walked away as we headed towards our classes, I swear I couldn't wait to do my exams and leave for good.

Being here in this college around her was just so painful, I dint want to feel this pain, it hurt so bad.

"Just a few weeks Arnav and then you won't have to see her again." I whispered to myself.

"What?" Manav asked.

"Nothing." I shrugged as I looked at Ansh hoping her hadn't heard what I had said, of course he hadn't, he was busy on his phone.

"I'll get to class, I'll see you around lunch time?" I smiled faintly at Manav.

"okay... I hope you are good though?" he looked at me worriedly.

"Why wouldn't I be?" I continued with the fake smile.

"Because of all that happened with Khushi... you know you don't have to be strangers with her?"

"I know, I want to be strangers, maybe that way it's going to be easier." I sighed.

"Okay... incase of anything, you know where to find me, I'll see you at lunch." Manav smiled as he walked away while I headed inside the class followed by Ansh who was still busy with his phone. This guy never paid attention to anything, half the times he was always on his phone.

I settled down in the classroom and stared at the board blankly, I really couldn't wait to get done with college, go out there, get a job and keep myself busy so I wouldn't have to think about Khushi, if I wouldn't think of her, I wouldn't miss her and if I wouldn't miss her, I wouldn't feel this hurt.

Why does first love always have to be so painful though?

*****

At lunch time, I grabbed my stuff and walked out followed my Ansh as we both looked around for Manav.

"Would you like to eat in the canteen as usual or we should go out?" Ansh asked.

"Why?"

"Just... with the whole tension going on between you and Khushi, the canteen might just remind you of stuff."

"No... I'm okay, I don't feel like going anywhere else."

"Okay, as you wish." Ansh nodded as we both headed to canteen after trying to look Manav, we couldn't find him anywhere so we figured he would join us in the canteen as usual.

We both sat down in our usual place deciding what to eat, a few minutes later Manav joined us so we decided together what we wanted to eat and placed the order.

"What am I going to do here all alone after you two are done with your exams? I'll be super bored." Manav said.

"You can always hangout with other people, it's not like we are you only friends." Ansh laughed.

"True that, but still, it's going to be weird without you both, I mean can you imagine how much our lives will change? I mean you two will go get jobs get busy in life, I would finish my studies soon also and get a job, life wont be the same anymore." Manav sighed.

"That's true, but what can we do... that's called growing up." Arnav said sadly.

"I hate growing up, life was so much better as kids, just play and worry about nothing else."

"I swear, every adult has the same thing to say, life was so much better as kids." Arnav laughed and then stopped suddenly as his eyes fell at the entrance and he saw Khushi walk in all alone.

She placed her order and then walked past them to sit at a table that was quite far from theirs.

"Seriously, is it going to be this awkward between us now?" Manav asked as he looked at Khushi and then at me.

"You guys can talk to her, I haven't said no, I tried to be friends with her, I just can't. I am sorry."

"Arnav, she's sitting there all alone, come on." Ansh said.

I looked at the both of them for a moment and then stood up and walked towards Khushi, they were right, whatever happened was my fault, I was the one that caught feelings, and I had no right to punish her like this.

"Hey." I greeted her.

"Hey." She looked at me in surprise, oh my heart.

"You can join us for lunch, I don't like you sitting alone like this. I did say we cant be friends, but that doesn't mean you can't have lunch with us, Manav and Ansh are still friends with you and I don't want to take away."

"It's okay Arnav you don't have to pity me."

"I am not... it's just lunch, we don't have to talk, you can talk to them, just come..."

"Are you sure?"

"Yeah I am." I nodded, she nodded as she grabbed her things and followed me, she sat down beside Manav and then smiled at him and Ansh, they all immediately started talking to each other about stuff.

Maybe I could do this much for the short time I was around, just have lunch with her, I would try not to talk to her or anything... I knew it was going to be painful, but I was feeling pain right now even.

As soon as our food was ready, I ate quickly, I dint speak much, I would just reply to whatever Ansh and Manav asked or so... and continue eating. I finished my food quickly and then excused myself saying I had to go read for exams so I left the three of them alone.

The next few weeks were going to be difficult, but hey... what's life without difficulties, right? This was going to teach me a lesson, how to never fall in love with someone that doesn't love you back.

I really wished time was going to fly, I was so done with the college life, I thought that the final years was going to be crazy and fun, it was in the beginning and then I got my own heart broken and now I hated coming to college.

Time, please fly quickly.