The next morning, I woke up with a huge headache and a heavy heart. Last night memories left me bitter. Sometimes, I hated myself for not listening to my instinct, I knew that it wasn't a good idea to go to Harry's with Ryan, but I didn't want to admit it. Harry kept creating drama in my life, even as a friend, and saying that I was more lost than ever was a litotes. But above all, I was tired of all this shit.

"You're awake?" I heard the bedroom door cracking, and Ryan's features appeared in the door frame. I was so engulfed deep in my thoughts, that I didn't even realize I was in Ryan's bed.

We hadn't spoken last night, during the drive to his place. It was just not the right time. We just went to bed in silence, instead of saying things that we both could regret.

Turning around, I sat, my back against the headboard. Looking at my hands, Ryan came over and sat beside me, above the sheet. Taking my hand in his, he lifted my head up with the tip of his free hand. "Look, I'm sorry for being an asshole last night" he sighed, and tightened his hand on mine, his eyes staring at mine. "It's just, I lost my temper. I don't like how he bossed me around, and how he acts like he owes you. How you're different towards him."

"What do you mean?" He caught my attention. My eyes locked with his.

"Babe, I don't want to be mean or rude." He started to say, him calling me babe made me having a sting in my stomach, his thumb brushing the skin of the back of my hand. "I'd been that kind of guy; I was like Harry before. I kept using the girls, playing with their feelings, not caring about the consequences for them."

It wasn't fair, what he thought about me, and about Harry. I wasn't that weak or anything towards Harry. And I felt like he was judging me "Harry isn't like that" I said, firmly, staring at him in the eyes.

"He is, it's just you don't want to admit it" he retorted, his glare stuck on me. He frowned slightly, not happy by what I said.

"I disagree" I blurted out. I didn't take it well, what he said. Harry hadn't always been like that with me. Before the fame, he was a nice guy, I could rely on him, and he had always been there for me. He was the light of my life at a point, I just couldn't give up on him so easily, because we were having hard time. But I couldn't lie, or keep denying that he had changed, for a little while now. And what Ryan was saying, was what I insinuated to my mother, when she kept telling me that Harry was the best for me, I just informed her that he wasn't the boy she knew.

Was I crutching myself at an another time Harry?

Again, I was lost in my thoughts, and overthinking everything.

Seeing that I was unable to speak something coherent, Ryan kept going. "I used to didn't care about the consequences for the girls I was dating. I played with them, and throwing them away, taking them back again, when I wanted. I kept doing that for a while. Until once, when karma hit me. When I realized how I lost the girl I loved, I changed." He added. The look on his face showed how painful the memory was.

"Believe me, when he'll know what if feels like, to lose the girl he loves, he'll change." He looked like he was reliving something painful, and I was now curious. But it definitely wasn't the right time to dig to know more.

"I guess it makes sense" I confessed. This little chat was supposed to make me feel better, but it actually made me feel sad, and confused. Or maybe, it was actually very clearing in my head.

Soon, Ryan removed his hand from mine, and a frown appeared on his face. "Are you still into him?" he finally asked. The fact that I didn't agree that easily with him was pissing him off, I could tell. He didn't like that I was seeing one of my ex that much, besides the rock star Harry Styles. But I was just trying to be pragmatic. "Because you keep saying that you're over him, that the two of you are just friends, but he wasn't your friend last night, he wasn't a protective brother, he was a jealous ex-boyfriend." He said, now looking at the wall.

"He wasn't jealous" I retorted. Harry had never been the kind of guy to be jealous. It was Harry Styles we were talking about. Have you seen the guy? That guy had never been in competition with another man when it came to girls, they just threw themselves to his knees.

And how Ryan well said earlier, Harry would change only if he'd lost someone he loved, and he hadn't changed at all, so he wasn't in love with me, because he had lost me. When we broke up, he kept living his life, while I was struggling with my broken heart, so it was sure, that he hadn't got deep feelings for me. Even if that statement was hard to process, it was the truth.

"Was he? How could you not see that." Ryan annoying tone was obvious. "I mean, you're not yourself, when he's there, you look tensed, on your guard, like the walls you're building to protect you just grow bigger" he confessed, and my jaw dropped. I didn't know that people could think that about me. It was weird to hear that people thought I wasn't myself towards him, towards them. Those guys were my whole life, I couldn't live without them. But the fact that Harry kept messing things in my life had changed me, and according to what Ryan was saying, it hadn't changed me for the best.

**

« You can't keep ignoring me like this. » Harry said, from his seat, at the opposite side of the plane. Not paying attention to him, I kept looking at the window, enjoying the view beneath me, from the plane. We were flying over France, as we were going to Ibiza, the flight wouldn't last long, but I still had to deal with Harry who took a sit next to mine...

"Oh, sure I can, watch me!" I rolled my eyes, and didn't even look at him. I was so mad at him. Sighing of annoyance, I stared at the Mediterranean Sea to help to calm down.

Hearing and seeing Harry was bugging me a lot. He was getting on my nerves. The fact that he didn't even leave me along during the flight pissed me off.

What did he think? Did he think that he could make a scene, and show his balls, marking his territory, just like that?

I wasn't his territory, not anymore, and he had to respect the fact that I was moving on. The way he'd been so judgmental about my boyfriend hurt me. He had never seen me with another guy, and I knew how confusing it could be. But even if I thought that Kendall wasn't good for him, I hadn't brought that up in front of her, or in front of him. It wouldn't be appropriate, period.

He had treated me like I was a piece of meat, and they were fighting over me, I hated this. Trying to know who was the best for me, made me look shallow, and I felt offended. Maybe I had a word to say...?

"I told you I'm sorry" he mumbled, and I heard how he sighed. But I didn't move. I felt how his body was moving from his seat, like he was staring at me, but I didn't turn around.

"Maybe you should stop to be sorry" I finally snapped, this time my eyes locked with his, letting him know he had to leave me alone. I knew he was embarrassed, and wanted to move forward, that he felt bad for what he said and did last night. But I just needed time.

All I asked, was time. But going to a week vacay after what happened last night, didn't let me much...

Anyway, Harry had to stop screwing things up with me, because I wasn't sad, or weak anymore. I was getting more determined, and if he kept playing with my feelings, and my life, I would get mad. There was no way I'd forgive him so easily, he had to learn his lessons. Otherwise, it might be the end of us, of our friendship. Although, I wouldn't ruin the week by being a two-year-old towards him, but I wouldn't be too friendly as well.

**

We didn't speak to each other the rest of the flight, and while the ride to the hotel. We were avoiding each other, and it was for the very best. Nothing that would come out of my mouth would be good, so it should remain shut.

We finally arrived at Ushuaia Hotel. The guys booked fancy suits, and it would be definitely awesome. I wish we would be in better terms, and have fun altogether, but no matter how angry I was at Harry, I wanted to enjoy my time here. It was odd enough to leave Ryan home after what happened, and just left with them, and Harry.

Kendall finally didn't join us, and I didn't ask why. It was not my business.

Anyway.

Our suits had a view on the pool, in the middle of the hotel. The stage was at the opposite side, and there was no doubt we'd be able to see all the shows from our balcony. A lot of famous DJ's came to play here every week during summer, and a lot of celebrities spent their vacay here as well, or in fancy villas.

As we landed pretty late, the crew was settling everything for the show tonight. It starts at 5 PM, so we couldn't swim in the pool.

That's how we ended up sunbathing appreciating the sun of Spain at a private beach in Playa d'en Bossa, and relaxed on private mattresses.

"Do you guys need something to drink?" Niall offered, after a while, when he got up from his mattress, before heading to the bar. Everyone told him what they wanted, but Harry and I asked the both of us a mojito, at the same time, and I couldn't help and rolled my eyes.

"Can you guys just press pause on the avoiding thing, at least for the week" Liam asked, noticing how in a good place we were right now. It was making things awkward for everyone, but I couldn't help it.

"No!" we finally said, again in unison, which was annoying us even more. What the heck.

They all rolled their eyes, but didn't add anything. The topic was too touchy.

How could we press pause?

**

We all went to swim in the sea, and it was like we'd forgotten the tension between us. Maybe the tequila helped a bit, to ease the atmosphere... It was quite hard to just not talk to him, or be nice towards him. As I didn't want to ruin the week for everyone, I just decided to get over everything, and play it cool, to have fun with my best friends. We had an amazing week ahead of us, and I didn't want to miss a thing. We'd deal with everything later.

So, the rest of the day went well, and after swimming, we went back to the hotel to get clean and change, before heading to the restaurant, and ate some sushis.

Alesso was performing tonight. There were different DJ's on stage before his turn, and we stayed in the suit, to watch the show. The VIP area didn't interest the guys for tonight, they wanted to stay together and chill.

The ambiance was incredible. The place was now crowded, and people were just dancing. Some of them were drinking and dancing in the small pool, they were able to touch the bottom.

The music was blasting from the huge speakers, from every corner of the area, and it was giving me goosebumps.

I was enjoying myself, and kept dancing on the balcony, a mojito in hand, when Harry received another phone call, and got up from his seat before leaving. He had had a few calls since we arrived, and he seemed pissed when he looked at the ID on the screen of his phone. It was bugging me, and I found myself curious to know who was the person who was annoying him like that. But as it wasn't my place, and as we weren't in good terms, I ignored the urge inside of me. Maybe it was Kendall, who was calling him, and they kept fighting, or working things out.

Harry said she couldn't come here, because she had to go back to work. But it made no sense, as she was supposed to join us, in the first place, and, besides, it happened after Harry's big scene from last night. The little annoyed face that Harry had, and how he ran his hand into his hair, was showing how tensed he was. Like he was dealing with something.

I wanted to be there for him, even if I was mad at him, because he was having a hart time, but as long as I wasn't sure how to handle things with him, remain friends, or taking a break, I stayed in my place.

The night passed, and we kept dancing, and drinking. As usual, a lot, maybe way too much.

Alesso was now on stage, and it was absolutely insane. When you're high, and drunk, and listening way too loud music, you just feel so good. And the fact that the hotel was close to the airport, you could see the planes taking off, so it was giving another intense feeling, when you just lifted your head, and see and hear the sound of the plane, with the loud electronic music, and crowd yelling.

"Why don't we go there?" I offered Louis, who was sitting on a plastic chair, smoking his joint, his head following the pace of the music rhythm.

"Sure, why not" he shrugged his shoulders and took a long drag. The way he just frowned while taking a drag was actually kind of cute. His answer made me smile immediately, and I felt excited. It was all I needed, to dance like a crazy person on the dancefloor.

As I was exiting the bathroom after adjusting my hair and make-up, I felt a hand grabbing my arm, making me turn around.

"What the..." I snapped, but Harry shushed me, his face an inch from mine. He looked drunk. Harry pinned me against the wall, his arms preventing me from moving away, straightened at each side of my head, his palms against the with wall. "This guy is not for you" He blurted out. Was he doing this again?! "I'd never meant he wasn't enough for you for the money, he's just not a good guy, for you." He added.

Where the hell was that coming from again? "Really? And how do you know that?" I asked, getting mad. Trying to push him away, hopelessly. "Let me go Harry" but he didn't move.

Stepping back a little, but keeping his arms straightened, his eyes locked with mine, and he just hesitated. Sighing, he just said "I know it, that's it. You really need to stop this, before."

"Before what?" I frowned, and raised an eyebrow.

"Can you just not being difficult, and stay away from him?" he raised his voice, his breath smelling alcohol.

"So, you have a crystal ball now, or you're too intoxicated. I don't have to do what you tell me to do, it's none of your freaking business" I yelled back, and rolled my eyes, he was being so stubborn.

"Fine, do whatever you want, but you won't complain when you get hurt, that I didn't warn you" he turned on his heels, and left me there, dumbfounded.

**

"Ready to go?" Louis asked, his joint stuck between his lips, his vodka redbull in hand, coming from nowhere. It felt like the room was spinning.

It took me a few seconds to come back to my senses, but then I shouted "Let's get the party started!"

I've been to Ushuaia (not the hotel though, too expensive) Ibiza was an amazing experience, best summer ever, in 2014. Have you ever been there?

Thank you so much for the 5k reads for Eighteen, and the 32K for A Life With Harry Styles. I still have to edit the first story though :) It means the world to me, thank you for bringing joy in my life! Love XXxxx