Hi guys! Thank you for reading. This is an important chapter, I think. So I truly hope that you're gonna like it. How could Harry be hot, even when you just see the back of his head? lol.

After leaving Harry's house, I didn't have the mood to go home yet. It was still early, so I decided to go to my favorite spot nearby and relax.

Remember when I told you I'd prefer have sex with a friend with benefit over a one-night stand because I'd feel better. Now it was like I felt as disgust of myself as if Zayn was a total stranger. Because after what he'd done, he truly wasn't someone that I could trust, who could give me some security without suffocating or having a commitment attack.

I had some time ahead of me before the concert tonight.

There was a place, at some kind of countryside, which wasn't far from Harry's house, it was above a little river, and truly lovely.

I used to go there often. When we were young, Harry and I kept playing there, running after each other, with Gemma. There's also the tree on which we engraved E+H = Forever, when we were eight. How ironic isn't it? Teenagers, we spent a lot of time there just to mess around, it was a good place to hide from the parents if you wanted to kiss someone for a while... And, Harry kept taking picture there, because of the beauty of the nature.

It's the spot where I came, when things went bad and felt sad. The quietness helped a lot to clear my head and recharging my batteries.

At the thought of all the memories, good or bad, I couldn't help the smile growing on my face.

There was a light hill, from where you could see the whole town. The day you could enjoy the sight of the sun reflecting on the surface of the river, and the night you would be blessed by the moonshine reverberation. It was very beautiful, and peaceful.

Sitting on the grass, I rolled myself a joint with the weed that Louis gave me earlier, at our encounter in Harry's driveway. Smoking a little, the silent and the relaxing place would help a lot to clear my mind, and chill.

After taking one long drag, I took the piece of paper from my pocket and I couldn't stop staring at what I had in my hands, I had the money, for college.

That meant so much to me.

I'd always been good at school. That was my thing, Gemma was very sociable, and Harry very talented. So, the fact that I had to drop college because of the money was the worst thing that could happen to me. Besides, when they all started to do something with their lives.

My parents saved money when I was younger. But when my father left, I was almost fourteen, he just flew away, and abandoned us. He didn't provide anything for his wife and daughter. My mother was alone to take care of me, of us, and I couldn't hide the bitterness I felt, because I knew she didn't make that much effort for me, either.

I grew up in a shitty family; My parents kept arguing, since I was a little girl, and my father became a drunk. They kept fighting all the time and I remembered myself, being scared and locked in my room. My father was a good man before that. For as far I could remember, he was a good dad, but he wasn't happy with my mother. She was expecting more from him, a better way of life... She put too much pressure on him, like she tried to do with me. He just couldn't bear with her anymore.

It wasn't a reason to start drinking though, or leaving like he did, without turning back.

Harry's house was by mine, and it was my safety place. I used to escape by going to his house as much as needed. He was so protective towards me when we were young, it was very cute. He always played the big brother.

Anyways, my parents finally got divorced at a point. And my father left, without saying goodbye. We hadn't heard from him for years, and it was for the very best.

Two years ago, we learned that he had gone to rehab and got his shit altogether, which was a good thing. I'd always been afraid that someday, we would receive a phone call to let us know that he'd die or anything.

So hopefully, he was fine.

But he also got remarried and had another daughter. Suddenly, it was like he totally forgot about me. I absolutely meant nothing to him. He had erased his life from his first marriage, and didn't give a damn about me. I meant nothing to him anymore. Everything he did was for his new family.

That's how my college fund disappeared, he used it to build his new life; to give his new family a good life. The worst was when he had the nerve to tell me to ask Harry for my tuition. I lost it.

Harry's money was definitely not an option. How he could have had thought that it was okay for Harry to take care of me, financially...

It wasn't because I knew someone very rich, who loved me like family, that he had to take care of these things, that was my parents job.

Luckily, I got a scholarship at a point, because I had very good grades, but I screwed it up, when Harry broke my heart for the last time. It was too much to handle, I just collapsed.

Last summer was a lot to take in.

Harry came home, and as usual, we kept being back together. We'd done it for years, going back and forth. I truly thought that I was okay with the occasional thing. But actually, my feelings for Harry were very deep, and if I am honest with myself, they still are. Somehow, I know that I'll always love him.

We grew up together, and experienced a lot together;

He was my very first in a lot of things. Harry was my first kiss, okay we were five, but it still counts! He was the first I had sex with, (I also was his first) and the first guy that I loved; He also was the first one to break my heart. Something he had done multiple times, for so many reasons.

But nothing too serious could happen because of his career, he was focusing on his band, and I supported him;

Who was I to stop him? He was doing what he loved, and I was happy for him.

We were just too young. It was like we met too early.

Harry is probably the sweetest guy on the planet, but he's a typical guy when it comes to relationship and love. He wasn't ready, and so was I; We were afraid of commitment, labeling us a couple was way too scary.

But at a point, I was ready; Last summer;

I was ready to be with him, to live on the spotlight, by his side.

I was ready to follow him, maybe live behind his shadow, and being followed all over the place by paps and stopped by screaming, crying girls' fans.

He was as well,

No he wasn't;

Then, Zayn left the band and everything turned upside down; That photoshoped picture was published online, me in bed with him; I wish I could hit the bastard in the face, because it was the beginning of the end for Harry and I.

I tried to explain myself, but the guys were on edge because they were so focused on saving the band and recording their new album.

It went pretty well with Louis, Liam and Niall. They believed me easily.

But Harry didn't.

Harry didn't believe me. That was probably a lot easier to think that I screwed up everything than to say he loved me.

For revenge, he met a girl at a club, and hooked up with her. And to cap it all, they made a fucking sextape, and it got released online. Harry's iCloud got hacked.

Sometimes, I wonder if someone tried to tear us apart that summer. Like everything had been done on purpose by an evil person. But I pushed the thought aside quickly, because it was easier to blame someone else, or fate, for what broke us.

We broke us, ourselves. No one did.

It was just not meant to be.

So many things happened to screw us up, it just worked. We were too young, and definitely not strong enough.

I'd never felt so humiliating, in my entire life, and ended up in a deep sorrow.

To forget, and try to heal, I started partying too much, drinking and doing drugs, and got terrible grades, that's how I got expelled from college. My demeanor was terrible, and I became uncontrollable at a point; I was a complete stranger for the people who knew me.

Tears were running on my cheeks, and I didn't even notice. I was so lost in my thoughts, and high. Louis's weed is always fucking strong.

With this piece of paper in my hand, I got another chance. Another chance to build a life by my own, and follow my own path. It was making my heart pound, like it could burst in my chest, because I felt so happy. Well, and high. But genuinely happy.

**

At a point, I fall asleep and woke up. My heart stopped when I noticed a guy frame from the corner of my eye.

"Fuck!" I snapped. And I plopped on my forearms.

And he laughed.

"Seriously, Harry, what are you doing here? I almost had a heart attack". And he laughed again. Could you believe this guy?!

"Ouch" he pouted after that I nudged his arm with my elbow.

"Well deserved Styles" I answered, proudly, and sat on my butt by his side.

"Are you a creep to watch me sleep?" I added, this was very weirdo of him. Hope I wasn't drooling or snoring or anything.

"I just came by to relax and take some pictures" he showed me his camera.

Taking photos was one of his passion, and he was very talented. This guy had multiple art skills for sure.

Then he took a picture of me. "What the hell Harry" I looked like hell... I just woke up, and didn't put much effort on my appearance today.

"You look incredible with this lights" he answered, as he looked at the screen on his camera to watch his piece of art.

"Erase it!" I demanded, but he nodded his head to say no. This little piece of sh*t.

"You know, it's not safe to fall asleep in public like that, with so much money on you" he raised an eyebrow and blessed me a playful grin, creasing his cute dimples.

My cheeks reddened. I felt so bad for falling asleep like a drunk, with his mother money.

"Harry" I stuttered.

"My mother told me" he cut me before I could say anything. "I can't say that I'm a bit hurt that you didn't want the money coming from me..." He added, and he was sincerely disappointed.

"It's not like that" I answered, shyly. Taking money from his mother wasn't something I was proud of. He had offered me money for college as well, but I didn't accept. Like I said, I would never use our relationship for providing me a high standard of living.

Like, Hey Harold, we haven't talked for so long, would you mind giving thousands pounds?

"I know" he simply nodded, and put his arm over my opposite shoulder, leaning me over him, and pecked the top of my head. A sting hit the bottom of my stomach at the simple and gentle gesture. I just sighed, because we understood each other without needing to say anything more.

We stayed in that position some time, and just took in the incredible view in front of us, my head resting on his shoulder, as he was hooking me in his arms. To be honest, I was enjoying way more Harry's presence, and my attention was focused on his breath. He looked so relaxed.

The sun was going down, and the orange color painted the horizon.

It was truly beautiful, how the colors changed in the sky. From an intense yellow/orange, becoming more pink, to a dark mix of red and orange, disappearing in a massive blue background.

Harry's skin was sparkling by gold coming from the sunset. He looked absolutely incredible, the different colors enlightening his face, jaw, and jade eyes. The little breeze was slightly blowing the hair of his bun. He looked so relaxed, cool, and attractive.

We were laying on the grass, both on our backs now, enjoying the stars coming into view, at the night was falling. The light cool breeze was very enjoyable.

I felt in heaven.

I felt in heaven, in Harry's hold. There's nowhere else I wanted to be, feeling that's where I belonged.

My head was resting in the crook of his neck, his chin against it, his right arm surrounding me, while his other arm, caressing softly the skin on my forearm with his thumb, or my hair, gently. I could hear his heartbeat, seeing his chest going up and down as he breathed. His cologne was intoxicating me, getting me butterflies in my bottom stomach.

Feeling at ease, I just closed my eyes, to save all the feelings I was having. My heart pace was getting faster and lower at the same time.

"About last night" He started to say, and I felt nervous. "Hum". I simply said.

"I'm jealous as hell, Emma. I can't see you with another guy" he continued.

"Harry" I opened my mouth to say something, but he cut me off, before adding anything.

The tip of his finger lifted my chin, and our eyes locked. Soon, Harry crashed his lips on mine, and I felt slight, in the cloud, as our lips just matched so perfectly. I saw the stars, immediately, his plump lips kissing mine. His hand was tugged behind my head, and mine was cupping his cheek. He parted his lips to deepen the kiss...

"Earth to Emma" Harry's raspy voice muttered.

I opened my eyes, I was... dreaming.

"Yeah" I whispered, nervous.

"About last night" he started to say, and I opened my eyes wide, and flinched. Not sure I wanted to hear what was coming next. My muscles tensing, I let my head on his chest.

"How's your hand?" I tried to direct the subject on something else, but I knew we would end up talking about almost kissing each other.

"I'm fine" he sighed, taking a long breath. "I'm sorry for being a jerk, and acted like you're my property. You have the right to be with whoever you want, I have nothing to say". He blurted out. The words came in a row, like he had to split it all quickly, unsure.

Have you heard? No? The noise? The PUNCH, in my face. Maybe you hadn't heard, but it hurt as fuck.

Was it supposed to make me feel better? Because I felt I got stabbed in the heart.

Shrugging. "I'm not mad at you" I simply said, numb. I felt frozen, like I had the coldest shower ever. Not sure what I really wanted to hear. Well, according to the pain I was feeling right now, it certainly wasn't what I expected or needed. Maybe, I thought, for once, he'll try to fight for me, and reveal what he truly feels about me.

"But, you seriously should reconsider the fact that you being with, him..." he added, carefully.

"It's over" I let him know, before he could say anything else. And he stopped talking. If I wasn't wrong, he felt relieved.

"I'd never do anything to put our relationship in jeopardy, I don't wanna lose you again". He pushed me more against him, holding me tighter. He was intending to show me how much he cared about me, even if he didn't want more with me.

"Me neither" I answered, with low voice. My hand was against his peck, and I felt how his heart paced differently. He was tensed, nervous.

"You're a big part of my life" he kept going.

"So are you, Harry" I said, meaning it, from the bottom of my heart.

Truth being told.

I couldn't breathe anymore, I felt how my lungs were no longer able to absorb any air.

I couldn't move. My whole body felt painful. His words echoing in my head, blurring my surroundings.

Why did I think that he could still have feelings for me? Because I obviously still have some for him, and I just foolishly thought that we could be, what, back together? That he felt the same way? Why did I feel that dumbfounded?

"Friends?" his raspy voice said, hesitantly.

I didn't dare to move, and look at him. I couldn't even if I wanted to, unable to face him. Not sure he was able to face me either.

We needed that conversation, not over the phone, not over texting. It was something he had to tell me out loud. But looking at each other was impossible. So we just stayed there, laying on the grass, me in his arms.

Processing everything, realizing what it meant. Harry and I were history, only history. He saw me as his best friend from his childhood, nothing more. He was just over me, over us. He had moved on.

My heart ached.

Badly.

Squeezing my eyes shut, I tried to compose myself and not burst into sobs. Swallowing hard the tears that just wanted to flood my face. My throat was dry, and I gulped all the feelings I was having. I wanted to scream, there's so many things I could say to him, but nothing came out. It didn't matter anymore; it would be pointless.

At this exact moment, it was the end, the end Harry and I, but it was also a new beginning, for him, of course, but also for me. As stressing as it sounded, I'll have to find the way to love someone else. Because I had to say goodbye to my first love, because from now on, there was no doubt it'd have to be another love in my life.

They say when you love someone, you have to learn to let him go, for his own sake...

Swiping the pearl of salty tear, escaping from my eye, on my cheekbone, with my finger. It took all my composure, but I finally managed to say not what I wanted to say, but what he wanted to hear, with as steady voice as possible.

"Friends".

Friends...

Thoughts? 

Thank you for reading, it means so much to me! Please let me know who you are.

Dunkirk filming is over, how proud am I for Harry.

Next update late this week, I barely started the next chap...

 Love Xxx