CHAPTER TWENTY

At this point, words didn't matter anymore. My initial plan to confront Julian about his partner in crime, and her testimony that unknowingly incriminated him, was void.

If I wasn't hallucinating, and it really was him watching me and Chris across the fire, then he already knew that our arrangement was off.

But as I stared at my unanswered message, feeling alone even while surrounded by a field of people, my body grieved.

Love like that, like the love I felt for him, changes a person. We are all defined by it. The first time we breathe in what we believe to be love's embrace.

And returning to a mundane life without it was like going back to crawling after a lifetime of running.

"No luck." Avery returned to me.

I quickly moved my phone back into the pocket of my jeans, tucking away any hints of the weight that was crushing my ribs.

"What about them?" I pointed, and we both evaluated.

It was a small group—two boys and two girls—who were each casually sipping on a canned seltzer. I could tell that they weren't from our side of town for two reasons; the first was their rural approach to fashion.

And the second was that I didn't recognize them. Our small population made it fairly easy to get familiar with each face at the one high school in the area.

"Alright, c'mon." Avery led the way, and I followed her as close as my anxiety would let me.

"Hi," she smiled. Approaching the group like there was an ocean of landmines separating them from us. "I was just wondering if any of you had any papers or anything?"

She smiled again. "We completely forgot to bring some."

They turned to one another slowly, communicating through looks what they couldn't get themselves to say out loud.

And even though I wasn't able to completely understand their consensus, it seemed to be the same across the board; they didn't know what to think of the stranger and her glowing red hair.

"Um." The first girl, a blonde with boot-cut jeans, began. "No, I don't have any."

They all chimed in after that; their statement sounding no different than the person before them.

"Well, thanks anyways."

Avery's demeanor lost more of its optimism with every rejection we received. "You're sure Lydia wouldn't have some?"

"No, she doesn't smoke." I searched the crowd for more potential candidates. "She says it makes her weird."

"Maybe we could just find a pop can."

I could feel my brows as they creased together above my eyes. "What?"

"You've never smoked weed out of a pop can?"

Avery was somewhat of an expert when it came to all things botany.

When she was just eight years old, one of her mom's boyfriend's had her convinced that the plant with the strange leaves growing in their basement was going to produce tomatoes.

"No." Truthfully, before her, I hadn't touched anything more drastic than the couple dozen bottles of stolen liquor that I shared with Julian. "Is that even safe?"

"I mean, yeah." She paused. "I've done it before."

It terrified me when I thought about how seriously I was considering this option. Every time I think I've finally hit rock bottom, the ground beneath me disintegrates, and I start falling again.

"Hey!" But before we could explore this option too thoroughly, a voice called out to us.

We both turned. It was a girl about our age, her pace a slight jog as she moved across the field and towards us. "My friends said that you guys are looking for something to smoke out of."

Now I know how it felt to be on the opposite end of the interrogation.

Avery and I turned to one another, trying to navigate the situation as carefully as possible; no actual words spoken between us, just glances and changes in the position of our brows.

"I don't have any papers, but I have my bowl." The girl spoke again, trying to ease our obvious hesitation. "I'll let you guys use it. But I was hoping that because I was sharing, you guys would too."

Slowly, Avery nodded. "Alright."

That was all she needed to hear to get on board, and if it was good enough to convince Avery, then there was no reason for me to disagree.

"We just have to go grab it from the truck."

It wasn't a far trip back to her camp. She showed us the way across the field and towards the overly withdrawn welcoming committee.

It was the same seltzer drinking crew that had previously turned us down. I tried to focus my attention on the ground in front of me as we passed them by, but I could still feel their gaze burning holes into my skin.

We stopped when we reached a beat-up Chevy truck. The girl pulled on the passenger side handle, but it didn't budge. "Dylan, unlock the truck!" She called impatiently.

"So, are all of you from around here?" I wasn't sure if there was anything that could soften the tension around us, but I had to try.

"Yeah, we're about forty-five minutes from here." She hopped into the cloth seat and started digging around inside the middle counsel. "Silvercreek, you ever been?"

"Um, I don't think so."

There were a lot of outlying towns that surrounded us, which made it difficult when trying to keep track of them all.

Especially when they were all the same—rural living, boots and tractors, populations so small that our middle of nowhere town looked like a bustling city in comparison.

"Did you guys tell me what your names were?" She asked, her back facing us.

"No," I shook my head. "I'm Faith."

"And that's Avery."

"What do you guys think?" It was exactly what she promised us—a gently used, camouflaged print bowl.

"It was my brothers but he gave it to me before he went back into the army."

"It's perfect." Avery said, breaking off a piece of our purchase and handing it off to the girl.

Using the tips of her fingers, she grinded it as best she could before packing it into the round part of the device. "I can't remember if I told you guys my name or not."

Avery shot me a glance from the corner of her eye. "No, I don't think you did." But I shrugged it off.

"I'm Katy." She got comfortable in her seat, facing us, with the Chevy door propped wide open.

The lighter clicked in her hand, showcasing her face in a different light. For a brief second, her pale complexion was a clear image set free from the shadows.

But this lack of color wasn't consistent around the entirety of her skin; embedded in her cheeks was a deep pink color, which was no doubt the effect of one too many canned drinks.

"Are you guys from here?"

"Kind of." I reached for the bowl as she held it out for me. "We're closer to the Liberty area."

"Oh." Her disposition shifted. "So, the ghetto."

I moved the mouthpiece away from my face, shocked by her candor. And when I turned over to look at Avery, the narrative seemed to be the same for her as well.

We both knew what it was that we came from; there was no denying it. But I don't think anyone had ever said it in so many words.

"You know you really shouldn't go around telling people that. There are a lot of people who don't like that area."

The high settled in nicely beside the liquor, greeting the fever like an old friend. I could feel everything around me slowing down and the topic at hand falling into the background.

"It's not that bad." Luckily for me, Avery carried the weight of the conversation for the both of us; she always managed to trudge gracefully through the trip.

That was not the case for me. It was going to take me down every time, slowly but surely, like quicksand.

"Don't you guys have police officers in your school?" Katy argued.

I was gambling with my fate, mixing substances the way that I did. I could never confidently predict what I was going to find on the other side. This time, I thought about where all of us would go from here.

"Yeah, but that's just for our safety."

As I stared at all the faces around me—most of them familiar—I wondered which of us would go on to enforce the law or tend to patients in our local hospital.

In my head, every one of them had a place in the world, except for me. I had no clue what role I was supposed to play.

"Exactly, because your town isn't safe."

Then, through the crowd of faces, I saw the one face that meant more to me than the others. And this time I knew he was real.

It was tragic how quickly love could turn into war. But that's exactly what was happening.

"It really just depends on what neighborhood you're in." Avery countered.

Julian wasn't standing alone in his position across the field; his one arm was wrapped firmly around a girl's waist, while the other held a drink.

"Yeah, it's not like that where I live."

It wasn't the same girl, the one he betrayed our agreement to. It was a different pawn, with glossy blonde hair, whose only objective was to corner me into a checkmate.

The kind of game we were playing now was dangerous. A game with no rules and no true winner.

"Cops!" Someone yelled out.

People started flying past us in all directions. But the quicksand held me captive, and I couldn't get myself to look away from him.

"Shit, I'm on probation!" Katy was frantic. She sprinted into the crowd without a second thought.

"Faith!" I could hear Avery calling me. "C'mon!"

Nothing felt real. Not her. Not the figures racing past us. Not even my feet on the ground.

I did as she commanded, my body engaging in all the motions of running without being consciously aware of what was happening.

All I needed to do was follow the red. Even in the dark, Avery's hair found a way to guide me.

But the flood was strong. Everyone was running, shoving, and ditching half empty bottles of liquor into the grass.

It happened so quickly, the current forcing its way between us. "Avery!" I yelled out. But it was too late, she was already gone.

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