Elliana's Point Of View

I SCREAMED out of frustration. I woke up in an unfamiliar room, in a king-size bed, with a complete stranger next to me. Nakatulala ito ng magising ako at nakatingin sa kawalan.

"Bakit ka ba sumisigaw?" he glared at me.

"What? What do you expect me to do? Magsaya? Tanga ka?"

He responded with a sarcastic smile. Napatitig akong mabuti sa maamong mukha nito. He is somewhat familiar to me. Nakita ko na ang mukhang 'to dati. Saan nga ba? Think, Elliana, think.

"Mukha kang may sayad sa ginagawa mo. Kahit ilang beses ka pa sumigaw, walang makakarinig sa 'yo. I already explored the whole place. We are in the middle of the ocean— in an isolated island to be exact, and this is the only house in this place."

"Paano mo naman nalaman 'yan? You're kidding. Alam kong nasa—"

"Go, see it for yourself."

Sinamaan ko ito ng tingin at inirapan. I went to the window and gasped as I saw the blue ocean outside. White sand.

"Nasaan tayo?!" mangiyak-ngiyak na sigaw ko.

"Paulit-ulit?" sarkastikong tanong niya.

Padausdos akong napaupo sa lapag. Did Mama and Papa really abandoned me? Just like that?

"May cellphone ka?" nanghihinang tanong ko.

"I do. Pero wala sa 'kin. Mom took it from me before sending me here. Hindi ko nga rin alam paano ako napunta dito."

"Paano ko tatawagan si Yvonne nito?" bulong ko.

Alam kong nag-aalala na 'yon sa 'kin. I don't want her to worry about me. I promised to call her once I get home but didn't had the chance to do so. Ano na ang gagawin ko nito? I can't just stay here for the rest of my life!

"I remember you. Ikaw 'yong nakabanggaan ko dati sa labas ng bar, hindi ba?" turo nito sa 'kin.

Flashes of images popped up on my mind. Tama. Kaya pala pamilyar ang mukha nito. I was certain that I already saw this unpleasant face somewhere. Now that he mentioned it...

"Naalala ko na. Ikaw 'yong bastos na nakabangga sa 'kin na hindi man lang nag-sorry. Asshole."

"Hey, that's a foul! Ikaw 'yong hindi nakatingin sa daan, babae."

"Nanisi pa nga. Walang modo!"

"Maldita."

"Bastos."

"Spoiled brat."

"Baliw."

"Siraulo!"

Tinapatan ko ang talim ng titig nito sa 'kin. Anong akala niya magpapatalo ako? Nah-uh.

"Babae ka pa man din sana pero matabil ang dila mo."

"Oh, e di wow. Lalaki ka pa man din sana pero pumapatol ka sa babae."

"Tumigil ka na nga. Parang bata," irap nito.

Did he just... Did he just... oh, my goodness!

"Stop being a brat. I am sure that we are in Florida. The white sand and this house, vacation house 'to ng magulang ko. I've been here before. I was seven, I think? I don't really remember. Damn! What a headache," he touched his forehead.

Napatayo ako at napapadyak sa inis. Napahagulgol ako ng iyak. Gusto ko na bumalik kay Yvonne. I feel safe with her.

"Tumigil ka nga kakangawa. Excuse me, mas nauna ako sa 'yo dito. Tumigil ka na at tulungan mo akong maghanap ng paraan para makaalis tayo dito," he added.

Suminghot-singhot ako at hindi siya pinansin. I opened the door and the warm ambiance of the living room welcomed me. Sa tingin ko ay iisang palapag lang itong bahay. There's no staircase. Hindi rin masyadong malaki ang living room. The left part of the house was the kitchen. Kumpleto lahat ng gamit. I opened the fridge and it was full of different kinds of food. From fishes to meat and canned foods. The refrigerator was huge and the food that is store here might last for a month or two, maybe?

"The closet is full of clothes, yours and mine. That's the only room in this house and you have no choice but to share the bed with me. Unless, of course, you'll sleep here in the living room."

Inirapan ko iyong bastos na lalaki at hindi umimik.

"You know, you should stop being like that in times like this. Hindi makakatulong 'yang pagm-maldita mo sa problema natin. I've been stuck here for a week and I need to get out of here as soon as I possible. I'm Cleon, by the way. You are?"

"Elliana."

"I know you grew up with maids everywhere but in this situation you have no one to accompany you but yourself. Huwag kang mag-expect na tatratuhin kitang parang reyna dito, hindi mangyayari 'yon. Hindi ako marunong magluto kaya ikaw ang nakaatang sa kitchen. Let's help each other while we're here, shall we?"

Nanalaki ang mga mata ko sa sinabi nito. I can't be in the kitchen, cooking. I might burn the house, damn it.

"Hindi rin ako marunong magluto," I bit my lip.

"Paano tayo kakain niyan?" pinaningkitan niya ako ng mga mata.

"I don't know, okay?"

"Shit. This is so frustrating."

Naglakad ako palapit sa sofa na nasa living room at umupo doon. I rested my back on the soft backrest of the sofa.

"Don't tell me iiyak ka na naman?" tanong nito ng makalapit sa 'kin.

"No."

"Paano ka nga pala napunta dito?"

"Iyang tanong mo nakaka-tanga."

"Whatever. My parents locked me here to learn my lesson and to meet my future wife-to-be. I guess it's you? You're pretty but not my type."

Binato ko kay Cleon ang unan na nasa tabi ko. "Feeling mo naman type kita? Excuse me, may girlfriend ako. Kahit naman wala ay hindi ako magpapakasal sa 'yo. Disgusting."

"Girlfriend? Wait, what?"

"Oo, girlfriend. May problema ka?" taas kilay kong tanong.

"No, but—wow, this is unbelievable. Dinala ka dito ng magulang mo dahil may girlfriend ka? Eh, not surprising. Same," he shrugged.

"May girlfriend ka rin?"

"No. No girlfriend since birth. Complicated. No label phase pero mahal namin ang isa't isa. Mas focus kami sa goals namin sa buhay at hindi pa namin napag-uusapan 'yong tungkol sa commitment."

Sumandal ulit ako sa sofa.

"Obviously, ayaw ni Mama at Papa sa girlfriend ko. Nag-iisang anak nilang babae, babae rin ang gusto. They expect grandchildren from me. Na hindi ko kayang ibigay. It's not because I have a girlfriend nor I hate kids, ayaw ko lang talaga magkaanak. Yes, a baby is a blessing, no contrary about that. But I just can't... bear a child for them. This is my body, it's my rules."

Cleon, who was silent the whole time I was talking, clapped.

"Girl, slay!"

Natawa ako sa inasta nito. Kahit papaano ay gumaan ang pakiramdam ko ng masabi ko 'yon.

"Gusto ko 'yon. Tama ka. May point ka sa sinabi mo. Your body, your rules."

"My body, my rules." Napatango ko. "Right. But I don't have the freedom to do so. I was controlled ever since. I thought I was dead when they found out I have a girlfriend. Hindi pumasok sa isip ko na magagawa nila 'to sa 'kin."

"Goes the same for my parents. I'm thirty, no wife, no girlfriend, just a no-label relationship. Nalaman din nila iyon. Ayon nga, nangyari ang arrange marriage ng 'di inaasahan dahil ayaw nila sa taong 'yon," he dryly smiled.

"This is so suffocating. Uso pa ba ang ganitong set up sa panahon ngayon?"

"Hindi. Kaya nga mag-isip na tayo ng paraan para makalayas sa islang 'to. Ayaw kong magtagal dito. Boring. No WiFi, no cellphone, not even a TV."

What are we gonna do then? There's no way out.

"Think of a plan, Cleon. I don't want to be stuck here," I murmured.

"We both should. No boat, no internet access, no phones, this is lame."

Inirapan ko ito. I'm hundred percent sure my Yvonne is looking for me right now. Hindi pa naman 'yon napapanatag kapag wala akong update. I heaved a long sigh and thought of a plan.

"What if ubusin natin lahat ng pagkain? I'm sure may nakatagong cctv rito at minamatyagan tayo. Alam ko ang takbo ng utak ni Papa. He's strict but he will never abandon me."

"Hindi mo sure."

Sa pangalawang pagkakataon ay napairap ulit ako. Ayokong tumunganga nalang dito, ano. 'Tsaka, mahal ako ni Mama at Papa, hindi nila ako iiwan kay Cleon ng gano'n-gano'n lang. Alam kong may mga hidden cameras dito, they're watching our move. Malakas ang instincts ko. And oh, I alays follow my instincts. Palagi kasing tama.

"I mean, your plan could work, but how? Hindi natin pwedeng sayangin ang pagkain. Blessing din 'yon. Bad ang magsayang. Magagalit si God," nag-sign of a cross pa ito.

"Alam ko 'yon, okay?! Hindi na ako bata. Hindi ko sinabing itatapon, ang sabi ko uubusin. Bobo ah," sarkastikong sabi ko.

Gwapo nga hangin naman laman ng utak. Cleon is the perfect epitome of tall, dark, and handsome. Flex na flex rin ang muscle nito at halatang fit. His hair is brown that adds to his gorgeousness.  Gwapo siya, pero marami na akong nakitang ganiyang mukha. Iyong mga gwapo. In the business industry, family gatherings and such.

"Paano nga?"

"You are a big guy. Kaya mong kumain ng marami."

I was taken aback when he stood up with a surprised expression written in his face.

"I am perfectly fit. Kapag kumain ako ng marami, tataba ako. Walang gym dito, Elliana! Ikaw nga dapat ang kumain ng marami. Look at you, you're so skinny."

"Hey, that's discrimination already!" I jolted.

"Oh... sorry. I didn't mean it that way. Fine, kakain ako ng marami."

ILANG araw ang lumipas at ginawa nga ni Cleon ang napag-usapan namin. He eats random time of the day. He eats veggies. Hindi halatang vegetarian ah. Ano 'yan healthy lifestyle? Hindi naman ako kontra doon, because eating veggies can pull your life away from danger?

Cleon sat next to me. "Wala pang one month pero paubos na. Thankful enough they put tons of vegetables. Ayokong tumaba."

Lumingon ako sa kaniya. Nasa tabi kami ng dalampasigan, pinapanood ang paglubog ng araw. Damn. I wanna experience this with Yvonne. Ang ganda pagmasdan ng papalubog na araw. Naghahalo ang mga kulay. Red, orange, violet and yellow.

"And why is that? It's okay to be fat, Cleon. Walang problema kung tumaba ka."

"I know. But I worked hard to have this perfectly built body, Elliana. At mali ka, magkaka-problema ka kapag tumaba ka. You know we live in the place where judgments is rampant, right? Kahit nga ganito tayo, ganito ang estado natin sa buhay, may nanghuhusga pa rin sa 'tin," litanya nito.

"Hindi naman kasi maiiwasan 'yan. Stop caring about other people's opinion about you and start to actually live for yourself."

"Admit it, no matter how you ignore, it still hurts. May impact pa rin," seryosong sabi nito.

"That's why you should live for yourself. Self-care, Cleon. Paanong hindi ka masasaktan, eh, niyayakap mo ang mga sinasabi nila. Maraming against sa relationship namin ni Yvonne. Bakit? Kasi pareho kaming babae. Same sex marriage is not legal in the Philippines. May mga taong hindi alam ang kaibahan ng 'tomboy' sa 'lesbian'. Hindi lahat alam ang kaibahan ng 'tomboy' at 'bisexual'. The thing you can only do is to ignore, ignore, and ignore.

"Let them think what they want. No one knew you except you."

Nakatitig lang si Cleon sa dagat. Hinayaan ko siyang gano'n ng ilang minuto. Nang malapit na gumabi ay winagayway ko sa harap niya ang kamay ko. Only then he regained his attention on me.

"Kanina ka pa nakatulala. Ayos ka lang ba?" I casually asked.

He nodded. "Yeah, may iniisip lang."

Tumayo ako at nag-inat. Nagpakawala ako ng isang marahas na hininga at napangiti ng may pumasok na kakulitan sa utak ko.

"Nakakapagod mabuhay!" sigaw ko, may dalang piyok pa sa huli.

Napahalakhak si Cleon sa ginawa ko. He stood up and did the same. He extended his arms upwards. Malakas ang malamig na hangin na tumatama sa 'min. The sound of the waves that also adds the hype of the two people shouting their hearts out.

"Mahal kita! Bibigyan kita ng assurance pagbalik ko!" malakas na sigaw nito.

"Pauwiin niyo na kami! Pagod na ako! Mama! Papa! Pagod na ako!"

I smiled widely as tears started flowing down my cheeks. Cleon held my hand and embraced me for a tight hug.

I need her by my side. I miss my girl. I want to hug Yvonne. Gusto ko na siya makausap. Gusto ko na makipagkwentuhan sa kaniya. I can express my feelings with her. Lahat sinasabi ko sa kaniya. Gusto kong sabihin sa kaniya kung gaano na ako kapagod. I miss her so bad.

"I'm sure your partner is probably looking for you right now. Have faith on her. Malay mo, siya ang susundo sa 'yo dito," Cleon whispered.

"Miss ko na si Yvonne."

"I have something to tell you."

"Ano 'yon?"

"I'm not straight, Elliana. I am also into a person with the same sexuality as me. I swing that way."

*****