I've decided that since I feel I guess bored out of my mind sitting in a hospital bed all day, I'll give an update.

Sunday night I tried to kill myself. I passed out in the shower due to blood loss and my parents found me. I was rushed to the hospital and the bleeding would not stop and I had to get stitches in both of my arms. 

During this time I was unconscious until sometime early Monday morning. However, I do not remember anything up until about noon Monday. Monday morning I had a blood transfusion because  according to blood tests my iron levels were severely low. 

The blood tests also revealed low potassium and calcium levels. My mom told the doctors that I have been barely eating for months which is true. Despite her and my dad's urging, I wouldn't eat. I had my last physical sometime in February and since the I had lost about 41 lbs. I was 127.8 lbs then. My mom told I now weigh 86.4. My BMI is extremely low. I have passed out a few times in the past months but luckily managed to keep these things a secret from my parents. They never had a clue how bad things were.

I have refused food and on Monday night, I got a feeding tube. The last thing I ate was an egg white on Sunday (17 calories). I have since refused food since then. Monday night while getting help to walk to the bathroom, I passed out.

Yesterday, a psychologist or psychiatrist (I can't remember the difference) saw me and along with my doctors decided that it would be best to be sent to the nearby children's hospital to work with an adolescent psychologist or whatever.

I am now at the children's hospital and I have no idea when I will go home. I haven't ate but I did drink some orange juice this morning (about 110 calories). My heart rate goes from being really high to really low and I have low blood pressure along with my messed up blood work. They are also afraid of my wounds getting an infection easily because of my immune system being horrible. They want me to gain over 20 pounds.... I'm terrified.

After everything goes back to normal medically, they either want to send me to an inpatient facility or work with a psychiatric hospital for outpatient care, whatever they decide when the time comes.

I'm miserable. I hate every second of this. It is lonely and I want to go home. I feel awful. I don't want to gain and I've cried for hours over the weight I'm gaining because of my tube. I have no control anymore, when I did. I'm so bloated because of the IV fluids and I look so huge... If you have issues with food like this, please get help before you get like this.

I'm sorry I've been using this book for a purpose other than my fanfiction.