Rahman's POV

As I ignited the engine of the car, the engine of my mind seems to have ignited too bringing back lots of memories.

This was my first Eid without Romi. We used to choose a similar dress for the Eid prayer. Since he got his driving license, he would beg me that he would drive the car but I always denied fearing the safety of the family for I knew how roughly he drove.

On last Eid too, he had begged and I had rejected. Later when we reached the Eidgaah, I was frustrated on not being able to find parking and unwillingly I had to let him drive and park the car.

He had commented "Pehle hi kaha tha ke aap se nahi ho paayega. Par aap kahan maante ho"

"Theek hai mere bhai, maine haar maan li. Ab se Eid pe tu hi drive karna" I had given up.

The happiness that spread across his face on knowing that I would let him drive on every Eid moved me and I decided that henceforth I would not argue and let him drive.

Sadly, that didn't happen.

Every waking minute I miss his presence around me, I miss the pranks that we played together on Simmi, I miss our laughter when he cracked lame jokes, I miss the shoulder I used to cry on when we missed our mother, I miss everything about him, I miss him.

Does he miss me too?
Probably not!
I am a STEP brother after all and he had chosen to go away.

I had given him all the love I could.
I took care of his every need.
I taught him the values of humanity.
I gave him protection.

And I gave him freedom because I trusted him blindly.
I was confident that he would never go astray.
I believed that I had passed on those values to him that our mother had passed on to me.
May be I was wrong to assume so.
As he made me realise that I had failed being a parent to him.

He used to stay out overnight in the name of group study. I never stopped him looking at his dedication towards studies. I had begun to weave dreams about handing over our family business to him once he completes his post graduation. I never questioned him about his expenses as I was sure he knew the value of hard-earned money.

All my hopes, my dreams, my beliefs about him were shattered with that one incident.

I was disheartened when a business associate of mine brought him home in a drugged state. I was shattered to know that my little brother was indulged in drinking and drugs. I wouldn't have believed if I had not seen him like this, for he always used to return home in a sober state.

One by one the cards opened and I was introduced to the reality behind the overnight stays and his lavish expenses.
It was hard for me to believe that he was doing all these Haram* acts.

(*Prohibited acts in Islam)

The law in UAE was very strict and had he been found doing this by the police, he would be arrested for years and then deported back to India. The fear that I would not be able to save him from the punishment of law and the punishment of hell* was something that made me lose control and I reprimanded him not realising in which state he was.

(*Muslims strongly believe in the concept of heaven and hell. Indulging in Haram acts lead one to Hellfire)

"Ye kya kiya tune Romi? Maine tujhe har azaadi di thi. Aankh band karke tujhpe bharosa kiya tha. Mujhe tujhse ye ummeed nahi thi" I yelled.

He closed his ears and said "Bhai please...Stop it"

"Tujhme zara si sharam nahi hai? Yahi sikhaya tha maine tujhe? Mere pyar ka, meri tarbiyath ka yahi nateeja nikala tune? Mujhe yaqeen nahi ho raha ke tu Haram kaamon me waqt aur paise luta raha tha." I shouted.

"Bhai mai keh raha hoon. Chup kijiye please" He warned while piercing his fingers into his ears.

I pulled his fingers out and in a fit of rage raised my hand to slap him. He held my hand in between and scoffed at me "Haath sambhalke. Aapko koi haq nahi mujhpe haath uthaane ki. Mera baap banne ki koshish mat karo."

My hand slipped out of his hold as he made me realise I was never the father to him that I had tried to be.

I softened with the realisation that I had failed to be his father. My vision became blurry. I held him by his arms with all the love I had and asked him "Baap...nahi hoon...Par bada bhai toh hoon. Kya bhai hone ke naate mujhe itna bhi haq nahi ke jab tu galti kare toh tujhe daantun? Mai bhai hoon tera Romi"

"SAUTELE bhai ho" is all he said and I lost all the strength in me collapsing on the couch as my head spinned due to his actions and his words.

What hurt more was that he didn't care and strode towards his room.

I sat there for hours until Ishrat convinced me that those words had not come intentionally from him, he said everything under the effect of drugs and once he gets sober he will realise he was wrong and apologise to me.

I didn't need his apology. All I needed is a hug from him which would assure that he still considers me his brother, not a step brother.

Not for a second could I sleep that night. I spent the night in prayers praying Allah to give me strength to handle this situation wisely.

The realisations and the guilt was killing me. I gingerly walked across his room in the morning to see if he was awake and sober. The door was left open and there was no trace of him around.

Simmi informed me that Romi had left home and shifted to the University Hostel. That killed the little hopes I had.
He then never returned nor did I make any attempt to bring him back.

That doesn't mean I did not care. I had sources that would keep me informed of his well-being. I was told that he shared the room with his friend in the hostel for a few days until I got a call from the University Admin asking to pay his hostel fee. I being his guardian had to complete the formalities for his stay in the hostel and I did what I was asked to do. I didn't do that because I wanted him to stay away but because I knew that he had made a choice for himself and I did not want to be an intruder that he considers me to be. I had decided I would silently fulfil my responsibilities towards him but would not step out of the boundaries the tag of STEP brother had created around me.

As usual the roads are crowded today and I had to be alert while driving but these thoughts were distracting me. So as I applied the brake to stop our car from hitting the one in front of us, I applied the brake to the these thoughts as well.

I drove consciously for the next few minutes until we reached the parking area of the Eidgaah. I was searching for a place to park our car when a biker zoomed off in front of us reminding me of him yet again.

After a few days of his departure from the house, I discovered that he had taken a part time job as a delivery boy in a cafeteria to meet his daily expenses. Every evening while on my way back from the office I would take a detour towards the cafeteria he worked in. I would park the car at a distance and watch him ride his bike to deliver the parcels sometimes sweating in the scorching heat and sometimes shivering under the chilly weather.

At times when I did not find his presence at the cafeteria, I would go in at the pretext of buying a bottle of water and try to get as much information about him. In the cafeteria, they had a 'Tip the workers' box in which a customer could drop in some cash as tips which would then be equally divided among all the workers. I made sure I drop a 500 Dirhams or 1000 Dirhams bill into the box on my every visit. Not just because I wanted Romi to get a share of it but because I knew that every worker here was a brother to someone and they were toiling hard here for a reason.

"Bhai wahan pe parking space hai" Simmi pointed.

"Hmmm" I nodded and steered the car towards the empty space.

"Bachhon ko mai le jaaun ya aap le jaa rahe ho?" Ishrath asked.

"Mere sath rehne do unhein" I said hoping they would keep my mind from wandering back to those hurtful thoughts.

I held Ruhi and Shravu's hands in mine and helped them cross the road.

Shravu, the inquisitive one, was ready with his questions and Ruhi, the intelligent one, was elated to answer his queries.

On seeing the men sitting on the prayer mats in neat and straight rows Shravu asked "Ye log yahan line me kyun baithe hain? Yahan bhi hamare school ki tarah assembly honewali hai kya?"

"Arey buddhu..." Ruhi began but I interrupted her in between "Umm...nahi Pari...Buri baat"

"Oops...Sorry Abbu" she bit her tongue.

"Sorry mujhe nahi Shravu ko bolo. Tum ne use buddhu bulaya" I corrected her.

"Sorry Shravu" she said holding her ears.

"It's ok. Ab tum batao ye log yahan aise line me kyun baithe hain" He was eager to know.

"Ye log sab yahan Namaz padhne keliye ready hokar baithe hain. Jaise hi woh first row me baithe brown coat wale uncle Allahu Akbar bolenge, sab apni apni jagah par khade hoke namaz padhenge." She explained.

Mosques Are Full Of Worshippers
In Rows Straight And Neat

"Ohhhh!!! Toh phir Allahu Akbar Allahu Akbarwala song kyun on kiya hua hai?" He further enquired.

"Tu na sach me buddhu hai. Par mai buddhu bulaungi toh Abbu mujhe daantenge" she whispered near his ears but I overheard and laughed at her antics.

"Ab maine kya kiya?" Shravu scratched his head.

"Woh song nahi hai. Woh ek special prayer hai jo Eid ki chand dekhne se Eid ki namaz se pehle tak recite karte hain. Is prayer ke through sab log Allah ko thank you kehte hain ke usne humein Eid ka din diya khushi manane keliye. Is prayer ko Takbeer kehte hain. Hai na Abbu?" She narrated and then reconfirmed from me.

Their Lord They Remember
His Name They Repeat

"Haan bilkul sahi kaha" I affirmed.

"Takbeer!!! Yaad rakhna padega" Shravu said tapping his temple.

The takbeer in the background stopped and the Imam* stood up indicating that it was time to begin the Namaz.

(*The one who leads the prayer)

I quickly dropped the kids at the adjoining play area and hurried back to join the Namaz.

We sat down after the Eid prayer for the special sermon which was followed by a collective dua. Thereafter everyone raised from their places to meet and greet each other. I remained seated on the floor, my head bent down and hand raised to the sky making duaa "Ya Allah! Ya Rahman! Mujhpe rehem farma. Romi aur Simmi ki dekhbaal me agar mujhse koi bhi kami rehgayi ho toh uske liye mujhe maaf karde. Ya Allah! Ammi se kiya hua waada poora karne me agar mujhse koi chook hogayi ho toh mujhe baksh dena. Ya Allah! Mujhe itni himmat de ke Romi ke sath hue nainsafi keliye mai khud ko maaf kar sakoon. Ya Allah!!!" I continued pleading.

Their Hands Are Raised To The Sky
They Supplicate And Plead
On This Blessed Day
Forgive Us They Entreat

I felt a tap on my shoulder and I expectantly turned around to see if it was Romi. Sadly, it wasn't him. It was Mr.Khan, my competitor in business.

"Itna kya maang rahe ho Rahman bhai? Kuch duaaein aur kuch clients hamare hisse me bhi chod do" he joked.

I sneakily wiped my tears and faced him trying to laugh at his comment "Arey nahi aisi koi baat nahi. Allah ne jiske hisse me jo likha hoga woh toh use milkar rahega. Isme meri ya aapki koi competition nahi" I stated.

"Ji sahi kaha. Chalein ab gale milkar Eid ki mubarakbaad dein ek doosre ko" he said extending his hand towards me.

For a moment, I froze because every year the first person I would greet after the Eid prayer was Romi.

"Rahman bhai kya hua?" He shook me as he waited for my response.

"Nahi kuch nahi" I snapped out of the reverie and began to step forward to greet him.

Just then my phone began to vibrate interrupting us. I excused myself as I checked the caller ID.

It was an unknown number, so I formally said "Hello" on receiving the call.

There was no response from the other end except for the noise of the crowd in the background.

"Hello" I said louder this time assuming the caller was not able to hear my voice earlier.

Getting no response I decided to end the call when I heard a familiar voice "Har saal Eid ki Namaz ke baad aap sabse pehle mujhse gale milte ho na. Aaj mujhe bhool gaye kya BHAI"

------To be continued------