Stealing a breath, I open the front door to the Lightwood house and walk inside. I can hear the sounds of dinner being cooked in the kitchen, and Alec, Max, and Jace are watching a movie in the living room.

It's only 4 in the afternoon, and I'd only been gone about an hour.

Alec stands when I walk inside, briskly coming over to me and pulling me to his chest. I melt against him, grabbing fistfuls of his shirt and burying my face in his chest, losing myself in the familiar feeling and smell of him.

"Where were you, Mags?" He murmurs into my skin, lips pressed to my temple. Sighing and burrowing deeper into him, I fight the urge to cry.

"I ran into Lydia and we grabbed coffee," it's a half-truth. The full truth isn't ready to be shared, especially not in the living room with his family surrounding us.

"Why'd you go in the first place?" I can't answer it, even if I want to.

"Just a little overwhelmed I guess. Can we talk about it later?" I plead softly, caressing his cheek with my hand and sighing in relief when he smiles sympathetically, leaning into the touch.

"Of course. When we get to the hotel."

I settle on the couch beside him, letting him soothe my nerves with an arm around the waist and his hand holding my own. I can almost convince myself that everything's alright.

"Dinner is ready, boys," Robert calls, leaning against the doorframe. His long-sleeved dress shirt is rolled up at the sleeves and he's smiling warmly.

Rolling my shoulders back as I stand, I brace myself for an uncomfortable, awkward dinner at best. And a complete battle at worst. We wash our hands at the sink before heading to the perfectly set table. Flashbacks of my first dinner with Alec's family hit me like I've walked into a wall. I can see it- the fumbling around each other, the insecure, shy glances. We were so young, almost 5 years ago now, and the fear that we felt is still tangible in the room. I feel it follows Maryse like a cloud, this atmosphere of shame pushed toward us.

I have no appetite.

Dinner passes rather uneventfully, but every once in awhile, I look up and catch Maryse eyeing me as if I don't belong. In a way, I think she's right.

***

The hotel room feels like a safe haven, a heaven compared to the day spent enduring his parents.

Alec flops down on the bed, kicking his boots off and exhaling deeply.

"It feels so good to be here." He confesses, stretching his arms above his head.

"You're telling me," I murmur back, earning a confused look as he sits up. The air around us becomes stale with seriousness and I know it's time to talk about what happened earlier.

"So, Mags, talk to me," he asks, reaching out to me. Sitting next to him, I take his hand in my own, tracing the lines on his palm as I search for the words that I want to say.

"Are you happy?" I ask instead of bringing up the conversation at once. I want to know, genuinely, if Maryse is right before I say a single word. Knitting his brows together in one dark line, he squeezes my hand with his own.

"How could you even ask that? Of course I'm happy, Mags. I have you." His free hand reaches up, tracing my jaw and I shudder at the touch, feeling unworthy of such love and affection. Feeling worthless overall.

"Your mother asked me today if you're happy. I told her I thought you were, but she didn't believe me," I explain slowly, staring down at our hands and wondering what she could possibly see wrong with this, with us.

"Why wouldn't she believe you?"

"Because you're with me." The words sting as they come out of my mouth, burning my throat. I want to cry, I can even feel the raw ache in my chest, but I fight off the feeling. I've always wanted to be strong for Alec, had to be.

"Why would that ever make me unhap-" he cuts himself off as the realisation sets in. The room falls into silence, the implications and understandings of what happened settling over both of us as it's brought to life all over again. "She really said that?" He whispers. I understand the pain he's feeling, it's the same pain I feel when my father looks at me. When he looks at me and sees a disappointment, not the son he always wanted. When he looks at me and sees a future of no grandchildren, of no perfect, normal American life. No wife, no white dress wedding, nothing.

"Yeah," I finally manage to whisper back, sniffling pathetically.

"I didn't think she...I mean I knew that she didn't like us together but to be so blatant about it... to you... to purposely hurt you like that..." as he wraps his head around this, his grip on my hand tightens and I want to soothe him, but know that nothing I say will help.

"Alec, it's alright-"

"It's not. It'll never be alright, Magnus. Because she hates you. And she hates me for loving you and I hate her for that. I hate her for despising the only thing in my life that makes sense, the only one who makes sense to me." My chest aches with love for this man sitting in front of me, brows pulled together, hand tight in my own, pain radiating through the anger he emits and I just want to love him more for this. Love him despite this, in spite of everything.

"I just wish it wasn't like this." Sighing, I intertwine our fingers, staring down at our entwined hands and feeling like maybe it'll be alright. Somehow, it has to be. And in this hotel room, with the New York City skyline coming alive behind us, it all feels too real.

We're no longer kids. And adulthood brought with it challenges neither of are prepared to face. No longer sheltered by naivety and childlike innocence, the hate and anger come at as full force from the ones we've only ever wanted to impress.

"Get some rest, love." I murmur, leaning forward to kiss his lips briefly. He shakes his head resting it on my shoulder as I pull him close.

"I hate her." He confesses into the skin of my collarbone.

"You don't. You just hate what she believes in." I remind him, smoothing my hand over his hair as I watch the lights of several lives click on in the buildings around us. Soon enough, his body relaxes against me as he falls asleep. Undressing him, I tuck him into bed and move to stand by the window, wishing I could throw away the parts of me that have risen to the surface today, the parts that I hate, the ones that make me hate myself.

As my love sleeps behind me, I stay awake, staring out at the city and wishing the world was a better place.

***

The club is alive. The beat pounds through the floor and through my bones as Alec dances against me. I can feel the alcohol set in, making my mind fuzzy as I pull him closer. I can faintly see Simon, Clary, Jace and Izzy at the bar doing shots and the idea of it makes my stomach turn. Maybe I'm just getting too old.

After another dinner with the Lightwood's, this time at some fancy restaurant that Maryse and Robert frequent, the 6 of us taxied to one of NYC's many clubs to celebrate. I feel like my excitement was dampened by another day spent around Maryse, her words echoing in my head. Even Alec didn't say a single word to her today unless absolutely necessary.

"Let's get a drink," Alec breathes into my ear, breath hotter than even the air around us. Nodding, I grab his hand, pulling him toward the bar and off of the crowded dance floor. Helping him into a stool, I stand beside him, arm resting around his waist. I can't see Jace, Simon, Clary and Izzy so I assume they went to dance. As he orders, I feel an unfamiliar hand clasp around my shoulder.

Before I can even glance, I'm being turned sharply until my hold on Alec is lost and I'm facing a clearly inebriated man, holding a mug of beer with disgust colouring his features.

"Get out of here," he snarls, appraising me with knit brows and dark eyes, his voice rough like sandpaper. Alec turns to see what's causing the commotion, and I want to get him as far away from here as possible. Throwing him a smile, I back up several steps until I'm hidden from Alec's view, the man following me; predator and prey.

The man has several inches on me, which isn't hard to accomplish, and is built as if he frequents the gym when he's not being an absolute asshole.

"I said. Get out. You and your...boy toy," he grimaces as the words leave his mouth and I flinch as his free hand reaches up to grasp tightly at the front of my shirt, bunching the fabric. "Can go to some bar where your kind is welcome." The words hit me in tandem with the harsh shove he administers next, sending me stumbling backwards into the bar. A stool hits the back of my legs as my shoulders fall backwards against the hard bar, knocking the wind out of me.

I turn around, leaning heavily on the bar and trying to catch my breath.

"What the hell are you waiting for, you Twink. Both of you get the hell out before I make you." I can't breathe, and whether it's from the fear or the harsh pain searing through my shoulder blades I can't be sure. The alcohols made my mind fuzzy and all I want is to be back in Brooklyn, hiding away in our home with the thoughts of people like this far away.

As I turn back to face him, his fist collides sharply with the side of my jaw. Chaos breaks out as Jace comes around from the far side of the bar, Simon close by as they grab the guy and drag him away from me. Alec follows, shoving the mans chest, anger vibrating off of him. It all happens so fast, barely a minute, but it feels like a lifetime, in this club, suffocating.

The music stops and all eyes are on us but luckily no one else says a word other than a few strangers coming forward to ask if I'm alright. A familiar face steps through the masses towards me.

"I'm so sorry this happened to you, Magnus. That asshole will never be allowed back in here, mark my words." I remember Raphael from clubbing here last year when Alec and I became legal. He's tough and a little brutal, but overall, he's good to those he knows. Gently, he lifts a bag filled with chunky ice cubes up, gingerly placing it against my throbbing jaw.

"Thank you," I manage to whisper, even though I'm shaking with fear and shame. I take the ice and hold it until my face is numb.

"No problem. Did Jace and Simon deal with that guy?" He nods towards the back door and I glance over there.

"Probably. I should go check. Thanks again."

After squaring up my tab, I head out the back door where I saw them leave. Jace, Simon and Alec are just heading back towards the door as I exit.

Alec's footsteps hit hard against the pavement as he rushes towards me, stopping at my feet and gently turning my head to look at my bruising jaw.

"My love," he whispers, shaking slightly.

"I'm fine, promise. Where did the guy go?" I look behind him but can only find Jace and Simon.

"The bar owner yelled at him and then took him round to the Main Street to get rid of him." Jace explains, standing beside us. I nod and feel Alec lift my hands, only then noticing how badly I'm shaking.

"Let's get you back to the hotel." He murmurs, sliding his arm around me. I nod, not trusting my voice and let Jace and Simon lead the way back inside.

It's as if nothing happened, the people back on the dance floor, everyone dancing their night away. I feel like I'm drowning.

"Holy crap, are you guys alright?" Clary asks as she and Izzy come over, following us out the front door.

"Look at Magnus, his cheek," Izzy breathes, leaning forward and gently tilting my chin up. "I'm so sorry this happened," she continues, but the last thing I want is for her to feel bad. Faking a smile, I reach up and clasp her hand in my own.

"No biggie. Just a little bruise. I'm sorry we had to cut the night short, though. Why don't you guys go to another club?" I suggest, turning to glance at Alec. I hate being the reason he might not get to visit his family. Immediately, he's shaking his head.

"You guys go, I'll take Mags back to the hotel." Loyal to a fault, as he always has been. We say goodnight to the rest of them and slide into a taxi. Leaning heavily on him, I try and stop the shaking in my hands, but I fear it's gone so deep it's hit my soul.