A/N: hey guys! I hope you're enjoying this sequel so far! I'm trying to update as frequently as I can, but between work and school full time, my times pretty limited! Still, I love giving you updates and am trying my best.

If you guys could continue to comment and vote, reach out and talk to me, I'd love it! I love connecting with you all and hearing what you think.

Enjoy this next chapter, back in Magnus' point of view.

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I wonder if this is how Alexander felt when I broke up with him in senior year. Lost. Broken. Alone. And still, I did it again, I broke my promises, broke everything in the process, hoping it would all finally fall into place.

It never works that way. It's been two days since I left. Boston isn't beautiful- it doesn't have Alexander, or anything that grabs my attention. It's only saving grace is Distance. Distance and time to figure out where I belong now. What's next?

Staring up at the boring white ceiling of the hotel room, hands folded over my stomach, I let my mind drift. I think of Alec- big, calculating eyes. Warmth emanating from him- my own personal beam of sunlight. I remember as kids, when I first laid eyes on him, knowing right then that he would be trouble, in some way shape or form, simply because I found him so striking I could barely breathe.

I'd known of Alec Lightwood, but it wasn't until he started working at "Bloom" that I truly knew him. I spent hours and days trying to figure him out, trying to discover what made him so afraid of life, what made him question beauty instead of appreciating it for what it is. I spent the last 4 years loving him. And now, where am I? Alone again. Questioning everything Alec questioned back then, but this time, with a spotlight pinning me to my mistakes and inadequacies.

My phone rings, which doesn't surprise me, it's been going off practically non stop since I left. With a deep sigh, I reach for it, propping myself up on my elbow and glancing at the screen. Lia's name dances across the screen and biting my lip, I answer.

I'm greeted with a long, obnoxious string of Italian that I can barely pick words out of. I'm pretty sure most of them are curses. Letting her get it out of her system, I wait quietly until the line softens to her heavy breathing on the other end.

"Magnus Bane. What is going on in your head? Where have you disappeared to? Alexander called me to inform me of your going. Where? Why?" Her words pierce me, thick accent booming in my ears, but I'm already so used to the feeling it barely registers.

"I'm doing the right thing, Lia. Trust me please," I beg pathetically, leaning onto the headboard and closing my eyes.

"Wrong. You are doing the cowardly, selfish thing. You are fearful. And you run from that instead of handling it. You run from Alexander- who loves you, who wants to help. You run instead. Childish." I'd always known Lia to be bold and honest, but I'd never been on the receiving end of her anger before. I can honestly say it's nothing to be envious of.

"I know I'm pathetic, Li. I know that. But Alec has to do what's best for him." I argue, pushing my hair back in frustration.

"Who are you to say what is best for him? You did not even discuss with him. You decided alone, that is not how it works. When you are in devotion to someone, you communicate. And you did not." She's right, and I hate that. Lia has never been wrong since I've known her- an over flowing fountain of fact, truth, and wisdom, impressive for her age.

"Then what do I do?" I find myself asking, against my better judgement. Part of me knows Alec deserves better. And who am I to stick around? To be in the way of that?

"You go home. You apologize and you discuss. You figure out a way to fix things- together." She explains confidently.

"I'll consider it. Thank you, Lia."

"Consider quickly. Poor boy is a mess, Magnus," she scolds, words aimed right for my heart. We end the call and I drop my phone in my lap, hands shaking again.

Pulling my knees up, I bury my face in them, letting the hot tears flow like betrayal and regret, pitiful sobs escaping my aching chest.

I miss him, so desperately, even if it's only been a couple of days. They pass like years, hurting, wondering if he feels this same pain. Wondering if I can do anything right by him at this point, if I have any chance at fixing this.

Wondering if it's supposed to be fixed at all.

I've never questioned my decisions but lately they've all been wrong. I don't know why I have a knack for messing up so terribly, or why I can't seem to figure things out the right way, but I just know that the only rational thing in my life is Alec.

Picking up my phone, I look at all the missed texts from him for the first time, reading them over.

Magnus you're making a mistake. I'm happy WITH you. Not alone. Come home.

you're being irrational

Just answer me. Seriously. I'm freaking out.

Mags, come on. This is insane. It's just a little roughness, we can make it through this. Just come home.

Talk to me, Mags. Come on.

Mags.

I love you, you idiot. Please come home.

Chewing my lip so hard I can taste the bitter coppery taste of blood, I consider everything that's happened. I try to think about what Alec would've done if he were in my position.

The reality hits me so hard I can barely breathe.

Alexander would've come to me for help, to figure out why he was feeling so off, to work it out together. And here I was, several hours away from home, away from him, running like a coward, just like Lia said.

And I'd somehow convinced myself I was doing the right thing.

Cursing to myself, I start throwing things back in my bags, not really caring where things end up as long as they're somewhere. Pulling my bags into my arms and over my shoulders, I manage to make it back down to the hotel lobby.

Dropping my room keys on the desk, I look at the young woman behind the counter.

"Are you Magnus Bane?" She asks, swirling blue eyes widening slightly. Forcing a small smile and stretching my patience, I nod.

"That's me. I'd like to check out please," nodding, she taps away at the computer, still looking a little awe struck.

"I just...I know it's not my place. But I wanted to say that the magazines and papers that are writing stuff about you..." she pauses and my chest tightens in anticipation. It's different to hear hate in person versus read about it. "It's all so dumb." She finishes, shaking her head as she takes my payment.

"You really think so?" I breathe, relief washing through my bones.

"Yeah, it's petty stuff to make news out of. So what? You and Alexander Lightwood are an adorable couple," her name tag, I notice, reads Ayla. Smiling at her, I take my receipt from her outstretched hand.

"Thanks, Ayla. That's exactly what I needed to hear." Carrying my bags out and to the car, I let my eyes adjust to the hot sunlight.

Boston is bustling with activity. Normally I don't get road rage, but sitting stagnant in the afternoon traffic makes me nervous. I want more than anything to be back with Alec, to let him know how stupid I am, and how very, very sorry I am.

It takes nearly 5 hours to get back to Brooklyn. My body is tense and my mind whirring as I pull into the parkade, sliding the car into one of our apartments reserved spots.

My hands start to shake and I clench them into fists, cursing myself for being so nervous about this. Alec loves me, I remind myself. He loves me. He's waiting for me. He loves me, even if I don't deserve it.

Grabbing my bags, I head towards our home. Fumbling with my keys, they scratch incessantly at the wooden door, jingling together as I try to send the right key home.

The door opens swiftly and Alec looks at me with a flood of emotions crossing his tired face. It's then that I realize he shouldn't even be here.

"Alec-"

"Mags," he breathes, cutting me off. I drop my bags and he tugs me into his chest. In this moment, I could absolutely sob. His arms feel like promises and forgiveness, making the guilt inside my chest flourish just a little bit. Why, in any universe, would someone like Alexander forgive me so quickly? With no explanation? When I deserve the complete opposite- why does he still adore me?

I don't ask. I let him pull me inside, disregarding my bags out in the hall in favour of his arms and forgiveness. The door closes behind me and I cling to him, mumbling apologies almost incoherently.

When I look up at him, I shake my head.

"What are you doing here?" I remember to ask. He's supposed to be in France. Why on earth is he here.

"Where else would I be?" His dark brows pull together in one line, his hand coming up to cup my cheek.

"France? Where you're supposed to be?" I remind him, reaching up to cover his hand with my own.

"Yeah well I guess we have that in common- not being where we're supposed to be," he challenges, dragging his thumb across my bottom lip. A pang of remorse courses through me.

"I'm so sorry...I was stupid to think I was doing the right thing," shaking my head, I turn my face into his hand, pressing my lips to his palm gently.

"You had your reasons. But, I wouldn't say no to hearing them." Pulling me back to the couch, he collapses onto it, back against the arm rest. I settle myself across from him, our legs tucked neatly together, hands entwined.

"I don't know what to tell you," I start slowly, shaking my head. "I feel so out of it lately- like nothing is going right. And anything that does go right falls apart so quickly I'm afraid to think anything will be okay." The confession lifts a weight off of my chest- it's emotions I wasn't even aware I was feeling, words that I didn't even know I had under my tongue.

Alec's thumbs rub smooth circles on my hands. Understanding and compassion roll off of him, making me feel wanted and warm.

"Things have been...tough, I'll admit." He murmurs, squeezing my hands gently.

"I feel like I'm not worth it anymore." It hurts me to say, but it's true. I'd never seen myself as anything less than good, I'd always found reason and purpose within in me, but lately, I feel washed out and empty. Everything inside of me feels wasted and used.

"You are worth everything to me. You are so full of love and creativity and passion, you're worth every bar fight, every tabloid, every slur and argument. You are worth it all, Magnus. And I'll spend forever making you see that if I have to." The tears start falling from my eyes and soon enough he's tucking me against his chest, soothing away my inner resentments and pain. And I want to be okay, for him, for myself. I just don't know what that'll take.