A/N: Hello! I hope all of you are enjoying this so far! If so, please comment and vote and talk to me! I love to hear your thoughts and talk! This chapter will take place 3 months after the end of the last chapter, so I'm going to say mid-September! Enjoy!

***

"And his new fall line is coming out, end of the month, we have a shoot this weekend," Lia explains to a group of people surrounding us. It's a fundraiser for music education, I believe. I stopped paying attention about a month ago to what these things all are. I get the tickets, I show up and drink champagne, laugh at pretentious things that aren't funny and head back to my flat. It's as stale and boring as everything else has become. 

"Exciting! You'll invite us to the unveiling, yes?" A smart looking one asks. Her sharp, glittering nails tap on the champagne glass in her hand. She wears a long, silver gown that hugs her nice figure, standing about my height with her olive skin tone warm beneath the dim lights. 

"Of course, you can consider yourselves invited." I smile charmingly at them and they continue to chatter on but I tune it out. Leaning over to Lia, I whisper under my breath. "I'm going to grab some air." She nods, having gotten used to this. I don't like the crowds anymore. The spotlight, publicity and media have all become so dull to me. 

Stepping out the back door of the venue and into the garden, I suck in the warm evening air before taking a long pull from my chute. It's more peaceful out here, the distant sound of the freeway a quiet hum in the background. Twinkle lights block out the stars and the atmosphere of Milan surrounds me once again. Even after 3 months, I still haven't grown used to it. I miss the bustle of Brooklyn, the absolute 'city' it is. Italy is different. Even the air doesn't feel like home. 

My phone buzzes against my leg and I shift my glass to my left hand, pulling it out of my dress pants pocket. Jace's name flashes across the screen and I swipe to answer. He or Izzy will call once or twice a week to check in. My leaving was quite the shock to everyone, and the media is still gossiping about the 'break up of the year.' I wish they'd just let it rest. I want to. 

"Hey, Jace."

"Magnus, my man. How are you?" By the sounds of it, he's in his apartment, probably just got out of class. It's just after 11 here, so mid-afternoon there. Stanford law is relentless, and Jace has a lot going for him. A couple more years and he'll be a lawyer, with the Lightwood name attached he'll have no problems establishing himself. 

"Alright. How are things?" I set my empty glass down on a wire framed table near the door before wandering further out into the garden, dragging my fingertips along the pearly petals of some zinnias. 

"Not bad. Heard from home today. Max had an appointment yesterday afternoon. A little bit of progress. He's starting to be able to do some school work. He's getting frustrated with the fact that he doesn't remember how to do a lot of things, though. Alec's been tutoring him when he's home. He's only been doing local shows so that he's around more." I nod as he speaks, things I already assumed or saw in the media.

"I'm glad he's starting to come around. How're the anger outbursts going?" The faint sound of music starts floating through the air from inside. 

"Spreading out a bit more. They don't happen nearly as often." I hum in response and sit on the edge of a large stone planter full of roses, gently tugging a dead petal off. I feel most at peace in the gardens at these venues. They always feel like home. 

"When are you coming back?" He asks this every couple of weeks. It shouldn't matter, it's not like he's back in New York anyway. 

"I told you, I live in Milan now," I try to make it sound like a good thing, that I'm not already exhausted with this place, with any place. That I'm not bored with life in general. 

"You don't even sound like you've convinced yourself of that." He chastises. I pass a hand over my face and shake my head. 

"I have. I like it here." It's a weak argument. I like Brooklyn too, far more. I like California, San Diego, France. I could be anywhere and it wouldn't make a difference. 

"It's not home. You're not fooling anyone." I want to be angry. My jaw clenches without my permission but I swallow the feeling. Jace isn't the one I'm angry with. I'm most angry with myself. 

"I can try to. Look, Milan's as good a place as any." It's futile. Jace knows me too well. 

"Good for what? Running away?" It's like he knows my weakest points, can see them through all these miles and knows right where to aim. My wall goes up instantly and I can feel myself go on the defensive, standing up and tensing for a fight. 

"If you don't remember it as clearly as I do, let me remind you. It was your brother who broke up with me. Not the other way around. I have no reason to sit around in Brooklyn waiting for him to change his mind. It's pathetic. I'm as well off here as anywhere. And here, I can focus on my career without thinking about how unhappy I am. So the next time you want to remind me, save it. I know exactly what I'm doing." I take a deep breath and sit in the silence that follows my outburst. 

"Fine. I get it. I just hate seeing the two of you like this." He finally responds, all offensiveness lost. 

"It's all we've got." The phone call doesn't last much longer after that. Jace and Clary have a study date, and I know I've been gone from the event far too long. Hanging up, I sigh and put on a fake face before walking back inside. My entire life has become a role that I have to play, a part I've gotten stuck in. And I feel there's nothing I can do to change that. 

***

"Okay if you're going to model for your pieces-" 

"I don't even want to-" 

"Which you are because it's good publicity. You need to not look constipated, alright? I'm not asking for a lot here." Luca, my photographer criticizes. It's 10 am on the first morning of my shoot for my fall line. I haven't had a coffee and I'm about ready to snap Luca's cute little head off if he doesn't shut up. Setting my jaw tightly, I give him the darkest look I can before shifting on the couch and posing, forcing my face to relax. He seems appeased as he snaps a few photos. 

I feel like the morning drags on far longer than it has any right to, and finally break rolls around. I stretch my shoulders as Lia comes over, a sympathetic smile on her sweet face. 

"Everythings amazing, no?" She compliments, gesturing around us. She's right. The line, despite my complete lack of motivation, looks great. The majority of the ideas came during the time Alec and I spent in New York City following Max's accident. I had so much downtime and felt so in love that it all came flowing out naturally. I hate looking at them now. None of it represents me, but it's a line. And it's my job. 

"Yeah, it's great." I force a small smile and kiss her forehead. "Thanks for everything," I add on. She rolls her eyes and smiles back. 

"Of course, anything for my Magnus," she flits off to grab lunch, I assume, and I let myself deflate. Luca's hand on my arm drags me back to reality as I turn to him. His chestnut brown hair is well kept, pushed up and back, faded neatly at the sides. His eyes stay steady on my face, dark, brooding and endless. 

"Is everything alright?" He asks, barely a hint of an Italian accent traceable. I nod and smile. 

"Yeah, sorry I've been off. I just didn't sleep well and haven't had coffee yet. I'll get on that and come back this afternoon bright-eyed and ready to go, promise." Luca chuckles, the sound warm and tenor, like smooth molasses. 

"How about we go get that coffee together, yeah?" It's a step I didn't think I'd ever take. Scratch that. It's diving off a hundred story building. But before I can let that pathetic part of me that longs for unkempt locks and eyes the colour of sun-warmed earth take over, I smile and nod, letting Luca lead me to the elevator. The entire ride down is silent, almost in an uncomfortable way, but maybe it's only me whose uncomfortable. Luca looks effortlessly relaxed, one hand sticking out of his dark-wash jean pocket, watching the red digital numbers tick down aimlessly. 

We make our way down the busy street, the sounds of voices a lilting melody around us that soothes the awkward silence between us. He guides me into a cafe a little way down, the rich scent of coffee engulfing me instantly. 

"What do you take?" He asks, already heading for the line. I follow him but he shakes his head. "Grab us a spot."

"Alright. Caramel latte, no whip please." He nods and grins crookedly before turning back to the line. I find us a table by the window where I can distract myself by people watching. I keep telling myself this isn't a date mainly because I feel gnawing guilt at the word. 

Even if he broke my heart, absolutely and completely, going on a date with anyone else feels like a sick form of betrayal. For me, Alexander owns my heart, period. 

Luca pulls me from my thoughts as he settles across the table from me, sliding me my drink. 

"Thanks," I force a smile that I fear makes me look more constipated than I did during the shoot. 

"No problem. So why'd you move from Brooklyn to Milan?" The question floors me and my gaze flashes down to my latte. I focus on the intricate lines in the art, making up a leaf or something. 

"Uh, I needed a change," I go with, avoiding the truth. 

"Come on, I saw all the magazines, I read all the articles. What went down?" He pushes and I swallow thickly. 

"Alexander had to make a tough choice. His little brother had an accident that was pretty serious. It resulted in a traumatic brain injury. Alec's the only one established in his career and not going to school, so he had to step in to help out. Both of his parents work in business, which I'm sure you know." Luca nods and genuinely seems interested in what I have to say. 

"So he chose to stay there? Why didn't you stay with him?" I take a small sip though it's still scalding. 

"It wasn't an option. I have a career that needs me. And Alexander was in no place for us. Not then. Our relationship just...just died." I shrug like it's not painful, like I'm not about to break down. Luca takes my hand in his. It's smooth and much bigger than my own. I think for a second I could get used to it, think that maybe this isn't so wrong, so bad. It's nice to have an outsider listen, really listen and sympathize with me. It's so nice to feel like I might not be all alone. 

Luca smiles at me, holds my hand in his own. And squeezes it twice. 

Suddenly, the panic hiding inside my chest takes over, full control. I stand up, practically ripping my hand from his, my chair making a horrible screeching noise along the floor. Luckily, the place is busy and no one seems to notice. No one other than Luca, who looks as if I've just slapped him. 

"I'm sorry," I apologize instantly and shake my head. "I can't do this. I'm sorry." I walk right out the door, trying desperately to get a handle on myself. Several city blocks in the wrong direction later, I finally centre myself enough to breathe. I have no clue where I am in regards to the studio, no idea where Luca is, but I just focus on finding air. 

I was wrong. I could never get used to Luca. Not in place of Alexander. Not in place of the only damn person who I'm capable of loving.  

Milan feels like a mistake right now. All of this does. I filter through places in my head, but I can't keep uprooting my life, my career just because I'm a slave to my own mind. 

Slowly wandering the streets, I text Lia and let her know we'll finish up tomorrow, that something came up. I text Luca another apology, asking him to please lock up the studio, that we'll talk later. He responds with a simple 'okay' and I let it be. I feel as if everything is continuing to fall apart in slow motion. And I just have to sit here and watch it happen.