I'm a swimmer.

I've trained regularly since I was six years old, three times a week. Water has always been like a secondary home to me. I adored swimming and diving and in summer, nothing has pleased me more than being in water – the closest to flying I could get.

And yes, I've always wanted to fly.

Once, I stopped the time I spent underwater. I can hold my breath for two minutes and forty-three seconds.

Now, deep down in that greenish blue, in that blubbery liquid, I can solely think of how long I'll be able to hold my breath now.

How long am I going to stay alive? How long will it take until my body stops fighting and finally lets the water in? How long will it take until my lungs are filled with it? How long until my heart will stop beating?

I grant myself some minutes, something about three and a half probably. Maybe more. I never did research on how long a human being can actually survive without fresh air and without the choice to just break through the surface to inhale.

Minutes. I've got minutes left.

They're going to be painful. Long and yet simultaneously so short.

And hell. I'm scared.

"Vio, I have to tell you something", I struggle to get the words out and I can't look at her when they finally stumble from my lips. I'm shaking slightly and my hands are balled to fists.

I shoot a quick glance at her, at her brown eyes filled with compassion and sympathy, but also dolour, and I see her smiling. It's not a happy smile, and I know she already has a faint clue on what I'm about to say.

"Vio, I'm sorry, I'm so sorry, I'm so in love with you," my voice trembles, and I can't help but let a few of the tears escape. "I'm sorry," I repeat and try to hide my face from her because I don't want her to see.

But then she's already here and her body is warm and petite as she hugs me tightly.

"You know I love you, Scott," she soothes into my ear in a voice husky of tenderness.

'But not in the way I love you.'

I can't say anything because I'm too afraid to actually say those words. It's not her fault that I love her in a different way than she loves me.

So I just bury my face in her of violets scenting hair, foolhardily begging for the feelings to get buried too.

I reach out for Vio's hand as I realize what the scenery in front of me means.

Luke, Allie, Noemi... my friends... they're dead.

Presumably that's what Vio's trying to say as she looks at me with an abandoned, tortured expression on her beautiful features.

The heaviness in my heart makes me cramp as I see her squalling words I can't understand, but I can understand that she's crying, that she's suffering.

"I'm sorry," I try to say, but my words remain nothing more than bubbles as the water conquers them.

So instead I tighten my grip around her hand.

And Vio looks at me, her eyes wide open, scouring for the life that all of us once held. It's leaving us now, and I feel it more with every second as my lungs scream in pain. But I fight the urge to breathe in.

I will not die here. I will not die today.

I ram my elbow against the window, attempt to open the door, kick against it with might and main, but the water's slowing my movements down.

It's useless.

"You're in love with her, aren't you?" Luke's eyes are filled with pity as I turn to face him.

"What?"

"You're in love with Vio. I can see it. Every fool can see it," he continues. I realize I have no chance of denying it, so I just lower my gaze and sigh.

"What gave me away?" I ask as I press my hands against my temples. Luke gives me a sad, sympathetic smile.

"The way you look at her. Like..." he stops, trying to find a valid description. I snort.

"Like she's the only girl that matters? Like I want her to be my whole world?" I suggest, my voice sounding hoarse and tired.

Luke swallows, and then clears his throat. "Yeah, that's pretty much it," he replies quietly, looking at me carefully. "Scott, you..."

"Yeah. I see her like that. I love her," my voice cracks slightly. Luke steps closer to me and then embraces me in a hug. I press my arms against his back for a few seconds.

"Thanks, mate," I whisper before I let go. He looks at me with a small, compassionate smile.

"Hey, don't act like I'm the only one hurting here," I say, forcing a lopsided grin onto my lips. Luke raises his eyebrows.

"You look at Allie the same way."

As I say that, Luke's eyes dim. He sighs. "True," he murmurs, and then glares at me with the same half-false, half-honest grin on his lips. "We're pretty fucked up, huh?"

Vio's eyes soften.

Through the water, they seem blurred and out of focus, but I still notice that. I've looked into those eyes so many times and craved for them to look back at me the same way – I know all her expressions.

They watch me so tenderly now, and then she's leaning closer.

I can suddenly hear my heart beating loudly in my ribcage and the blood rushing in my veins.

It's strange, I notice. How close the body's reactions are. Love and panic are practically the same.

But then I forget to think because her pale blue lips streak mine, and for that split second, a warm feeling expands into my body and I forget that Vio doesn't love me, I forget that we're in a car on the bottom of a river with tons of water above us, I forget that our friends are dead and lifeless and I forget that we are going to die, too –

Because I love Vio, and she's kissing me, and that's all I wanted for a long time.

I turn my gaze away from the girl with the lilac hair as I feel an elbow pushing my ribs.

"Ow!" I say instinctively and look at Allie who has her eyebrows lifted and stares at me intensely. "What is it?" I ask, lowering my voice so that the teacher won't hear us.

Allie sighs. "Scott," she starts, and her voice is a mix of sympathy and soft censure. "Don't stare at her."

I instantly fathom what she's talking about and look down at the floor. There's a ripped piece of paper, crumbled, directly next to my chair. Oh, and the cap of a marker. And...

"Scott," Allie repeats, and this time, she sounds so dulcet and compassionate that I slowly raise my head and look at her.

The look in her eyes says it all. "I'm sorry," she says. I silently add the unspoken rest – 'but you will never have her, so stop staring'.

I force myself to nod before I lower my gaze again.

Vio's fading.

Violet is fading away, and even though I feel nauseous and my heart rate gains speed and even though I tighten and tighten and tighten my grip around her hand, her tiny blue hand – she is fading, and I feel myself panicking as I slowly begin to understand that I can't bring her back.

Once again, it's crazy, how for one second, when her lips lied on mine, I forgot just what is happening, and now, a few moments later, it's all that I can think of –

"Vio? Vio?" Her name comes out not as a word, but as the sound of a wounded, desperate animal, and I know she can't understand it because of all the water and because – and because she's dying –

But I continue to say it, and I lean closer to her and want to embrace her in a hug for the last time but then I stop –

I hear her say something, a short phrase, and I stare at her lips – blue – and then she says it again and suddenly I identify the words:

"It's okay," she says, but then, a heartbeat later, just like this, nothing is okay anymore.

Because Vio's dead.

"I want to be with her, you know? I want to hug her from behind and smell her sweet fragrance, and I want to lift her up and kiss her, and I want her to kiss me back, and I want her," the words rush out of my mouth as I finally speak out the thoughts that have been in my mind for so long now – for far too long, "I want her so bad."

Luke and Allie have the same look in their eyes: pity, and sympathy, and sorrow.

"It's gonna be okay," Allie murmurs in a soft voice, obviously trying to calm me down – but I know it won't – won't be okay, and it's all a lie.

I just shake my head in a desperate move, and I bury my face in my hands so I don't see my two best friends anymore and their compassionate expressions – because they know as well as I do that it's not gonna be okay –

And it hurts so much.

"I'm here," I hear Luke whisper before he hugs me tightly

Okay? It's not okay, none of it is – okay

I stare at Vio – her pale skin, her bright hair, her lips, slightly open – blue

and then her eyes, her brown, chestnut brown eyes –

They're still open – why are they still open?

I look at her – but her eyes are lacklustre and dull – and she doesn't look back

"Vio," I cry, but deep down I know she can't hear me

And it's not okay, how can it ever be okay?

But then again – ever has become evanescent today –

And maybe I don't need it to be okay anymore

"Noemi?"

She turns around and looks at me – eyebrows raised

A shaky breath escapes my lips – "Noemi, I'm in love with Vio" – the words tremble and seem too fleeting for my feelings – "I know you are with her, and I am really glad you're happy, and I don't want to destroy anything, I just"

And she hugs me – a warm body inside my arms and her hands are pressed against my back and I can feel her nodding –

"It's okay"

And I suddenly remember she's my friend too

I manage to unfasten my seatbelt somehow – and then lean over to Vio – Vio with her eyes open even though –

I swallow – water paves its way into my lungs and they scream but I can only hear the canorous silence crooning its cradle-song –

A gentle lullaby –

And I close her eyes

The door flings open – but we are already on the bridge

"Jump" – Luke orders – "Not without you" – Allie's voice is filled with despair and exasperation and love and his voice is the same when he says her name –

We have to get out – and we all know

But then the car trembles – and I know it's too late, that – we passed our chance – our chance to jump –

Our chance to live

My friends are dead – they're all floating – blue bodies at the bottom of the river that stole our lives

I can't remember the last time Luke has looked at me – because he was already – when I woke up – and Allie, too –

And Noemi –

I glance at each of them once again – their so familiar faces – a last glimpse of life caught on my friends' features that fades away now –

Water between us – but I can still see the bonds we wove over the time – the water can't cut through them – blue blue water and blue bonds –

And I know that we passed our chance at living longer – but suddenly I'm happy I didn't pass the chance to spend some of my lifetime with them –

My friends –

And I say goodbye with one last bubble that makes its way to the surface.