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.*･｡. EFF IT! .*･｡.
————DEAD CALM
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040.
PAST TO PRESENT.
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━━━━━━━☆☆━━━━━━━

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   Sonny was fifteen when she met Barry.

   It was at a party Rafe had thrown, one Topper'd basically dragged her to against her will.

   He wasn't supposed to be there. Sonny found that out the moment she walked into the bathroom and saw Rafe telling him to leave the coke and get lost.

   It all went from there.

   She wasn't really sure why or how she let them talk her into it. She was a headstrong and grumpy teenage girl, she wasn't exactly easy to talk around. It was hard to make Sonny smile at her parents, let alone sell coke all summer. But maybe that was the issue — they never made her. Sonny had been about as willing as they had been convincing. She barely even recalled the conversation.

One minute they were smirking at her, the next she was at Rafe's final party of the summer.

Being searched by cops.

And that was where everything really went to shit.

"Welcome to crackhead wasteland."

   Sonny didn't reply to JJ's comment. She just reverted into herself further, legs pulled to her chest. That was how she'd spent the whole ride to Barry's place— tucked into a corner of the twinkie and appreciating the quiet. No one spoke the whole journey. She was glad.

She knew they wanted to ask.

How she knew Barry, why she had beef with a basehead. She could feel it in the air, sitting in the silence, but nobody voiced their questions. Maybe they never would. After all, it was her business and her business alone. Besides, they had a few other things to worry about right now— like the fact JJ had driven them to Barry's home and was already trying to unbuckle his seatbelt; ready to jump out and do god knows what. Did they even want to know what he had planned? It wasn't going to be good, anyways. Sonny at least knew that much about JJ Maybank.

"I don't know about this man..." Pope shifted in his seat, looking uncomfortable as ever.

Sonny felt pretty uncomfortable, too.

Not because of crackhead wasteland — no, Sonny visited this place a lot last summer. She knew Barry's house like the back of her hand. She wasn't proud of it but it was fact, that was what made her uncomfortable.

    "Why are we here?"

    "This'll only take a second," JJ informed Kiara, sounding eerily chipper as he hopped out and slammed the door. "You guys just wait out here."

    "Where you going?" John B asked.

    "Yo soy justicia!"

   They watched him march towards the house.

    "Did you glean anything from that?" Benji asked no one in particular. They shook their heads in response — Sonny just continued to glare at her knees, hoping that if she ignored it all enough then it would go away.

   Sarah sighed, pressing her lips together. "You know, I think somebody should probably—"

    "Yeah," John B grimaced, "I got it."

   He opened the door and dragged himself out, reluctant to deal with JJ's most recent episode.

    "C'mon, bird."

   Sonny frowned, looking away from her legs. Everyone was watching her expectantly, as if she was the obvious choice to join him. Personally, she thought anyone was a better option than her, especially right now. Sonny had a funny feeling she was the last person JJ would want to see.

    "No," was all she said.

   John B blinked at her, "No?"

"No," Sonny repeated, tone cold. "No way."

"He's about to do something dumb," Pope tried. He gave her a small shrug when she glared at him, "Someone's gotta talk him down and he listens to you."

His words reminded Sonny of the Crain house. Pope had said something similar back then, too. She couldn't help but dwell on how wrong he'd been.

"Yeah right," she rolled her eyes at him.

JJ didn't listen to her at all.

Not when she told him not to steal Scooter's gun, or when she told him to put it down at the Boneyard. He didn't listen when she told him she didn't want in on their mystery, when she wanted his gun for revenge on Topper and Rafe or when she didn't want him to take the fall for her and Pope. JJ didn't listen to Sonny— she wasn't sure he ever had. Why would he, anyway? Why Sonny?

He had no loyalty to her. No reason to obey. And she didn't have any right to tell him what to do.

Even if fucking with a drug dealer like Barry was a terrible idea. Even if, whatever JJ was about to do, would only land his ass in even more shit than he was already in.

"There is a zero percent chance of JJ listening to me," she said, shrugging her shoulders.

Especially right now.

"But he'll hear you," Kiara said. It kinda felt like she knew something that Sonny didn't, like they all knew. He'll hear you.

Sonny pressed her lips together.

Would he? Hear her? In the midsts of his rage? She wasn't sure. From what she'd seen, it was tough to get through to JJ when he was like this. When anger overcame his senses. The world seemed to switch off around him, like it was gone, and with it, those who surrounded him — those who tried to talk him down. Surely Sonny would be one of them. Why would she not be? He was angry with her, she could feel it. So if she wasn't automatically silenced alongside the rest of the world, JJ would silence her intentionally, right?

   But... what if he didn't?

   Didn't she owe it to him to try?

   After all, she was the one with the feud. If Barry came for them after JJ fucked him over, he would do it twice as hard to get back at her. She'd already pissed him off once— neither she nor JJ could afford to do it again.

   She didn't want him caught in the middle of it.

   Not when he'd already taken the fall for her and Pope. Not when she still owed him for that, as well. It wasn't like Sonny asked him to. It wasn't like he'd asked for anything in return, either. But Sonny owed him, she knew she did, and since she hadn't been able to pay his restitution, maybe she could stop him from making a huge mistake. Maybe she could try. That was what Pogues did, wasn't it?

   So Sonny jumped out the twinkie.

   She sighed, ignoring everyone's stare, and walked straight past John B and into Barry's house, navigating the place like she owned it. He followed quickly.

   It wasn't hard to find JJ — he was in the first room, lifting cushions and scanning cupboards, tossing aide anything that he deemed useless as he searched for something in particular. Sonny paused at the door and just watched for a second. He didn't turn around.

    "So what's your plan, slick?" John B asked.

   Sonny sidestepped as the boy appeared behind her, letting him in through the door first.

"Well, as thou hath stealeth from us—" JJ said, searching the couch a little longer, just in case he missed something in there. "—we shall stealeth from ye."

John B frowned, "That kinda got lost in translation."

"An eye for an eye, John B." JJ translated as he turned on his heel. He faltered slightly when he spotted Sonny, but his frown turned into a cocky smirk as he walked towards them with raised brows. "What do ya say, Sonny? You know Barry pretty well, right?" The dig made her eyes narrow. "Y'know where abouts he keeps his stash?"

She just glared up at him, silently.

"No?" He stopped in front of her, meeting her sharp stare head on. After a moment he walked past, purposely clipping her shoulder. "That's a shame."

"What happens after you rob a drug dealer, huh?" John B stopped him, "He knows who we are!"

JJ scoffed a laugh, "I'm not scared of this guy."

"JJ, don't—"

But he'd already shoved past John B and smacked the back curtain aside, stalking towards Barry's bedroom with nothing but determination in his step. Sonny and John B exchanged a look, one that had Sonny swallowing her pride as JJ stomped back to them with a duffle bag in hand.

"Took care of business," he said.

"You're kidding?" She asked him, though it wasn't really much of a question. "What is that?"

JJ's jaw clenched slightly as he held up the bag, giving it a taunting wave close to her face. "This? This is getting even,"

"Even?" Sonny echoed incredulously. She wondered if he had ever actually dealt with a drug dealer before — and not once of those weed pushers they went to school with. A real, hardcore drug dealer. She took a step closer to him and he just watched, making no effort to move or look away. "You don't get even with a drug dealer."

"Oh yeah?" JJ mirrored her step, their chests bumping. He looked her up and down, "And you'd know that, right? What, were you buying from this asshole?"

"I wasn't buying," she spat.

His face twisted.

"You were pushing?"

Sonny didn't have to reply. Her silence was enough.

JJ simply stared at her, almost helplessly, like whatever idea he had of her was gone. Like the mystery of Sonny Penbrook was slowly unfurling and he wasn't so sure he liked it. Maybe it had been a mistake — vowing to solve her, swearing to one day figure her out. Maybe he would never find out who Sonny truly was. Maybe JJ didn't want to. Maybe everything that he had found out was one big disappointment. She could see the question lurking in his eyes.

That made Sonny's chest constrict.

   Had Sonny really expected anything less? After starting to lower her walls? It was always the same.

    "This is a bad idea," she finally choked out.

   JJ didn't say anything. Just stood there.

   She scanned his face, though she wasn't sure what she was searching for. Indecision? Regret? Something to show that he was listening, like Pope said. That he heard her. But, whatever it was, Sonny didn't find it. He had already stepped away, his legs putting distance between them.

"Hey, look at me." John B intervened, grabbing JJ's wrists before he could make any move towards the door. "Hey— if you keep going down this road," he lowered his voice, "Then you're gonna end up just like your dad—"

JJ grabbed him by the collar and forced him back, nostrils flaring. His breaths were shallow.

"You watch your mouth, man." He warned in a low tone that rendered John B and Sonny silent. It was tense. "Aren't you tired of being messed with?"

"That's not the point, JJ." John B said.

JJ didn't agree, "'Cause I am."

Nothing else was said as he marched out of Barry's house and towards the twinkie. John B was hot on his tail, saying it wasn't worth it, but Sonny lingered. She looked around and pursed her lips. The last she had stepped foot in Barry's was one week before everything went awry; she didn't know how she felt being back there after so long.

   Things between her, Barry and Rafe ended badly. Actually, badly was an understatement — they ended horrifically. That was why she hadn't been there in a year, why she made it her mission to avoid them like the plague. 

She didn't dwell for long. Sonny exhaled heavily and went outside, pushing through the doorway as JJ counted the cash he now held in his hands.

"We're looking at five grand each for reparations," he told them, "For putting us through that bullshit."

    "So that's what we're doing now? Robbing drug dealers?"

   JJ turned to frown at Kiara, who was sharing disappointed glances with Pope. Benji and Sarah looked unsure, opting for silently standing to the side. They didn't know whether it was right for them to get involved.

   Sure, this affected them too, but it was difficult. They hadn't been around as long. Who were they to tell JJ this was stupid? That he was going to get them in trouble? Benji wasn't sure it was any of his business what JJ did, really. Though, he wasn't sure robbing a drug dealer wasn't not his business, either. This would look bad on all seven of them.

    "He'll find out," Kiara added.

    "Yes, he will." Pope agreed, tone angry. "He'll come for us. This is not the time to start wilin' out."

    "How'd you like havin' a gun pulled on you?!" JJ took one step forward, glaring at Pope with an intensity Sonny'd never seen before. He never looked at Pope like that. Like he could shove him down and yell in his face. That wasn't JJ. He never did that to Pope. Never.

   John B noticed it, too.

    "Relax," he guided JJ away.

    "He had it right here on you, bro." JJ aimed his finger gun right at John B's nose, "On Sonny."

   John B looked at Sonny, almost guiltily.

    "That was my problem," she finally spoke up, approaching the boys with folded arms. They inched apart, only a fraction, and she pointed at the bag. "I know this guy. That's why we're not keeping that shit."

   Sonny reached for it but JJ snatched it back. Brows arched, she tried again, only for him to snap.

   His hands grabbed her shirt as he pushed her back against the twinkie, not hard enough to hurt but enough for her eyes to widen. JJ's did too, shocked by his actions, and they stared at one another for a moment, their faces millimetres apart. It was hard to breathe suddenly.

"JJ!" Kiara's voice sounded far away. "Stop!"

"Guys!"

But they didn't listen. Just stared.

    "What?" Sonny whispered, "Gonna hit me?"

   JJ's mouth opened but he had no reply. It was then that the realisation saturated his face.

   Maybe John B was right.

   Maybe JJ was becoming his dad.

   Why else would he be stood there? Ready to pounce? With white knuckled fists on Sonny's shirt, breaths laboured, bright scarlet blurring his vision. That wasn't who JJ was— who he'd always thought he would be. He was brash and impulsive, yes, and sometimes he hit the wall without thinking it through, but he didn't hurt his friends. Not intentionally, at least. And that's what Sonny was now, right? His friend? If not, then why was JJ hesitating? Why did he care?

He cared. Embarrassment flooded his veins. Crippling shame was next. Because there JJ was, about to hit somebody that he hadn't even realised he cared about.

Why was he like this? His grip loosened and his eyes burned. Why was he so angry? Why couldn't he let it go?

He wasn't his dad. JJ would never be his dad. And he would never dream of hitting Sonny Penbrook as long as he lived, so what was he doing?

    "Hey!" John B shoved him aside.

   JJ let go of Sonny and stumbled. The shame dampened as he pushed John B back.

    "That's enough!" Kiara yelled at them.

    "Do you feel like a tough guy? Huh?!" John B spat, hardly sparing Kiara a second glance. "What're you gonna do when Barry comes for us, JJ? What then?"

    "We punch him in the throat," JJ replied bluntly.

"Yeah," John B scoffed. He was only trying to stop JJ from making a mistake, but now he was getting angry. Too angry. It was making him act no better than JJ. They were too alike in that sense. "Good fucking idea, JJ!"

"Let's— let's just put it back," Sarah finally spoke up. She looked nervous. "Okay?"

"Yeah guys," Benji agreed, just so somebody did. He didn't want her getting flack for getting involved. That wouldn't be fair. Benji was all about solidarity, even if JJ's dark stare was making him a little nervous now that he'd opened his mouth. "I mean, getting jumped by some basehead wasn't really on my bingo board, so..."

"Me neither," Pope nodded.

JJ didn't budge, "I'm not putting it back."

Before anyone could argue further, he turned and jumped into the back of the twinkie. JJ waited for them to cave, to let him have his way for now and deal with it later, but they just stood there. No one moved.

His jaw clenched.

"You guys getting in or what?" No one replied. JJ's cheeks flushed an angry red, "What?"

"We're sick of your shit," John B deadpanned.

That one cut deep.

JJ almost recoiled, feeling the words stab him in the chest, but he managed to mask it with more fury. Throwing fuel at the fire. Letting it burn deep inside.

"Oh," he got back out, "My shit?"

"Yeah," John B nodded. Pope and Kiara murmured their agreements while Sarah and Benji shifted awkwardly. Sonny remained impassive, though something about it felt off. Like John B was out of order, even though his comment was well deserved. "Yeah. Your shit."

"Your pulling guns on people shit," Kiara said.

JJ frowned.

Pope piped up, "You acting like a freaking maniac—"

That one, JJ couldn't compartmentalise — he couldn't hide it somewhere in the back of his brain to deal with later. Kiara and John B's words were slightly easier to swallow, but Pope's? No, JJ couldn't deal with those.

"I took the fall for you, man!" He yelled before he had the chance to stop himself. His hurt eyes flickered to Sonny, who hadn't commented yet. "Both of you. Know how much I owe because of you?!"

"I'm gonna pay you back, and I didn't ask you to do that!" Pope yelled back, angrier than Sonny had ever seen him. He backed down when JJ got in his face.

"I just did!" JJ mentally cursed when his voice cracked. He cleared his hoarse throat and added, "Pay it back. Right here, right now, by myself."

   The air was thick.

    "You know what?" He looked around at the group, hands on his hips as he chewed at his scabbed lip. For a moment, JJ met Sonny's gaze. Clearly he was still mad with her, however, as he ripped his eyes away. "That's exactly what I'm gonna do," he snatched his bag up from the floor of the twinkie, shoving Barry's cash inside. "Go off by myself."

    "JJ..." Pope's eyes filled with guilt as the blonde walked off, not looking back. "Hey, wait—"

   John B pulled him back, "Don't, man."

    "Just let him go," Kiara sighed.

    "Right," Sonny muttered bitterly, "'Cause letting him go is such a great idea,"

   No one responded to that. They weren't sure how. She was right, after all. JJ made bad decisions when nobody was there to make him think twice.

   Sighing through her nose, Sonny walked to the van, taking her bag from the floor and throwing it on her shoulder. They watched her follow in JJ's steps.

    "Where are you going?" John B called after her.

    "To deal with his shit," she called back without turning on her heel. "You guys worry about yours."

   It was fair, even if none of them wanted to hear it. Sure, JJ was out of control half the time, but they each had their own shit too. JJ wasn't the only guilty party.

    "What about your shit?"

    "It'll come back to bite me in the ass eventually," she said. "I'll deal with it then."

————

    "Hey!"

   JJ kept walking.

   Actually, if anything, he walked faster. Sonny was tempted to roll her eyes but kept her face neutral, hurrying her step to hopefully match his. He was taller but not by enough to fully avoid her. "Hey— asshole!"

    "Fuck off, Kook."

   Kook.

   He hadn't call her that in a while.

   It was jarring. Nowadays, he called her princess, or even by her actual name. Never Kook. That was reserved for when he was still wary, when he wasn't sure how he felt about her new place in their group, before they classed her as Pogue. Kook. It sounded like a curse when he said it like that. An unbelievably dirty word to describe her — a last resort because he couldn't find any other word that fit, that hurt.

   And it did hurt a little. She wouldn't lie. It was funny how a silly name could make you feel that way.

   It never used to. Sure, it bugged her, but it didn't hurt. Not like it suddenly did now.

    "You can't take that," she said.

    "Watch me," JJ spat.

    "I'm serious," Sonny told him, trying not to groan loudly when he scoffed. He was infuriating, and she was losing her patience. That said, she wasn't sure she had all that much to begin with. "I'm already in shit with this guy— alright? You do not wanna be in shit with this guy."

He faked a laugh, "Oh yeah? Well you seem pretty dandy considering, don'tcha?"

Sonny pursed her lips.

"I live in Figure 8," she reminded, which he already knew, so she felt like an even bigger asshole than before. "The guy's not gonna jump the fence to get me,"

"I don't care how rich you are," JJ said.

"That's not what I'm saying and you know it," Sonny shot him a rude glare. She wondered if he could feel it burning a hole in the back of his head. JJ was purposely being pedantic now and they both knew it. He was trying to bug her, trying to get out his frustration, trying to push her away. Sonny was no stranger to that. "Look, I got his ass in the shit, and now he's gunning for me, okay? So I really don't need him chasing my ass for what you stole."

"Sounds like a you problem."

She grit her teeth, "JJ—"

"I'm not putting it back," his voice was louder. Sonny was getting on his last nerve. She could tell. But she was way too stubborn to give up on this now.

    "Will you stop being so—"

   Before she could process it, JJ was stopping abruptly as he swung around. Sonny nearly crashed into him.

He looked at her, top to bottom. Her freshly cleaned and doodle-free converse, her little shorts, the crimson shirt that matched the blood smear under her nose. He looked at her like he hated her, and he wanted to. Because he knew what was going to come out her mouth in a minute and he knew that it wasn't going to make him hate her at all. Not like his gut wanted to. Not like he felt he should.

    "Did you sell coke to my dad?"

It wasn't a question.

   Not really. Not when they both already knew the answer. It was abundantly clear in her silence, in her wide eyes, but still, JJ hoped she would say otherwise. Maybe it was denial, or he was just way more naïve than he liked to admit, but JJ hoped regardless. He needed this.

   Sonny swallowed harshly, "I didn't know."

   JJ's face crumpled.

   He sucked in a breath and tore off his cap, sliding it down his face as he counted to ten.

Deep down, JJ knew it wasn't her fault. Sonny didn't know his dad a week ago, let alone last summer. She hardly knew JJ at that point either. He definitely didn't know her. So why did it feel like such betrayal? Like Sonny had gone behind his back and enabled his dad's addiction? JJ knew he couldn't pin that on her, that wasn't fair, but life wasn't fair — especially not to JJ, and he couldn't quite force down the anger that clawed its way up this throat, cutting like a knife.

"What the fuck is wrong with you?"

Sonny blinked, stunned by the question, then scoffed out a humourless laugh. "Me? You're seriously asking me that? You just robbed a drug dealer!"

"Screw what I do!" JJ yelled, "We both know I'm already a fuck up! But pushing drugs? You?"

"It was one summer!" Sonny spat. She didn't know why she felt like she had to defend herself. It was literally none of JJ's business. Sure, she shouldn't have gotten involved with Barry and Rafe, not when she had so much on the line, but it didn't concern JJ. That was her problem. Not his. JJ didn't know the whole story— he didn't even know her last summer. Maybe it didn't matter, though. Not to him.

"Is that why he jacked us?" He ignored what she had said, too angry to hear her out. "'Cause you've got shit with him?"

"He jacked us 'cause we had gold, JJ!"

"So it's just a coincidence?"

"You don't get to do that," Sonny shook her head, glaring. He matched its ferocity. It was fighting fire with fire. Drinking gasoline to dampen embers. "You don't get to fuck up and tell me I'm the problem. This isn't my fault."

She had him there.

   It wasn't Sonny's fault. She hadn't asked Barry to take their gold. It probably wasn't even related.

   But he wished it was. JJ was looking for someone to blame, something to justify his actions, to make them look less shitty. He wanted Sonny to be that person because he was angry at her and being angry at her was easier than being upset. Upset that she'd sold coke to his dad, upset that she had her secrets like he had his, upset that she might not be the mystery he set out to solve when they first met at that bonfire. Upset that he was even upset with her in the first place, upset that he didn't know how to hate her, upset he could only communicate how he felt through his anger.

JJ was tired of being angry all the time. Exhausted even.

Sonny knew how that felt.

"Why?"

That took them both aback. JJ wasn't sure why he asked, or if he even wanted to know the answer. Maybe he'd run out of other things to say to her. Maybe it was the thing he had been dying to ask her all along.

Sonny wasn't sure how to respond. She didn't know what JJ would want to hear, what the right answer was.

"I don't know," she said honestly.

"You don't know?"

"Because I had nothing better to do?" Sonny threw up her hands, letting them fall back to her sides. JJ watched her with intent eyes. She really didn't know. "'Cause— 'cause I look like a Kook but I'm just a self-destructive piece of shit?"

   That one hit him in the chest.

    "Look— I'm sorry I sold your dad whatever gear Barry can get his grubby little hands on, okay? But I don't know what else you want me to say right now!"

Neither did JJ, really, but that was enough. Enough for him to realise they were more alike than he ever thought. The two of them weren't so different.

   She looked sick suddenly. Like she had made a big mistake. He watched her close her eyes and purse her lips. When they opened, they were steely. Hard. No signs of vulnerability. His chest ached for them in that moment. Just two kids who were hurting but couldn't let anyone in.

   What was it they had said? Back at The Wreck?

   Happy not knowing?

    "Here," she routed through her bag and threw something at his booted feet. "Take it."

   He sighed, "I don't want your money."

    "It's not mine. It was Scooter's," Sonny didn't bother with an explanation, "Take it. Pay off your restitution, put half of Barry's stash back— I don't care."

   That wasn't true, but Sonny was good at lying.

   Before he could argue or ask why, or say anything at all, she was already walking right past him. JJ opened his mouth but nothing useful came out.

   So he just stood there and watched her leave, not finding it within him to rush after her. He just let her go, and when she eventually disappeared in the distance, JJ had nothing else to do but stare at the money by his feet.

━━━━━━━☆☆━━━━━━━

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