Slater's Beach, Massachusetts - 2006

It's only two days left of the summer. Jack's dad has insisted we go sailing. The Clarks' have a yacht and my mom was put out because she wanted me to come home and spend some time at home. She disguised her insistence on me coming home as concerned that I've over stayed my welcome. In reality I knew she wanted to spend time with me before I went back to school and I intuited the she really didn't like carol. I rejected her offer to take a short trip to the cape or even a weekend with her and dad somewhere-which I knew would inevitably end up at flea markets somewhere in New Hampshire or Vermont.

Instead we went out on the boat with Mr. Clark.

"Annie, Come up here." Mr. Clark says to me. He's at the front of the boat. Carol is already on deck. I'm surprised to see Edward is there as well—no Antoinette. She left for Spain the night after the clam bake. Edward is now absorbed in a book, a windbreaker and baseball cap. He's settled on the deck too, back against the rail. The wood deck below him wet but he doesn't seem to care. Jack is helping the ___ . I study Edward for a moment and it does irk me that he doesn't participate more than he absolutely has to in the family. I'm in my bikini with a pair of cut off shorts. My hair is back in a pony tail. Carol looks up at me, her hair back in a bun. She pulls her sunglasses up and rests them on top of her head. She is tanned and looks young for a middle-aged woman. she has a classic beauty and if I hadn't know she'd been raised in the working-class town of Wareham I would have thought she had the same pedigree as Mr. Clark. Her hair was light blonde and she wore small gold hoops. She was in aa one piece bathing suit, black and white Chanel looking. A halter top. She stretched her legs on the chaise she was reclining. "Come sit, Annie."

Edward looked up and examined me through his mirrored aviator glasses.

"Mr. Clark wants my help" I said

Edward says "he wants your help?" He can't say or reference his father without tangible contempt.

Carol pulls her glasses back down "Oh Edward would you just stop."

He turns his head in her direction. "Is he going to teach Annie how to sail."

"Maybe you could get up and do something."

Edward looks back down at this book. I now notice he's holding a pen and jots something in the margin of the page he's reading. I'd like to read what he scribbled I thought.

"Anne." Mr. Clark again "Annie get me. Gin and tonic on your way."

Edward scoffs and I see him shaking his head.

"Darling, after you help Mr. Clark come back and sit with me, won't you?"

The boat is a yacht but it's not big. Big enough to have a young deck hand and sometimes a captain -when like ordinarily Mr. Clark or "the boys" aren't around to captain. There have been a handful of times this year that Carol and I went out of the boat and sat back drinking Pino Grigio at sunset, playing rummy or reading and talking. She's never cared that I'm too young to drink by law and says that there are different rules for drinking age on a yact. It's a rich person joke that I don't totally get but I like the eurpphoia and the hot sun, shaded by a canopy as she showers me in adoration.

When I tell mom about these times—particularly on the boat-she scoffs too, gets a little irriated. I used to think she was mocking me, my clear class difference but I found out after my first year with Jack that she thought the Clarks' were a "ostentatious snobs." Her words. I resented her attitude and sharing it with me. She was tainting something I valued. I felt she was jealous of my relationship with Carol. I never had problems with my own mother but I think she felt threatened that I would bond so much with Jacks mother. But, truth be told she bonded with Jack. Not the same way, not full adoption of him as a son in law while we were dating, but she really liked him and the three of us spent time over the years

This time-the day on the yacht- I felt particularly as if I was abandoning and betraying my parents. They wanted a weekend with me and I chose to go out on the Clarks' boat and given their wealth and frequent use of the boat in the summers, really it was nothing special.

The boat motor hummed as it idled and pulled out of the slip. It was always interesting how the boat moved so slowly away from the docks, slighting undulating over the water-green with the fuel from so many boats pulling in and out—how slowly we moved but how little time it took to be out past the harbor and into the open water.

I walked down into the cabin and retrieved a glass from the shelf—the very peculiar innovative cabinets in a boat [look this up] I grabbed fresh ice in the bin gratuitously filled by the yacht club before we left. The liquor cabinet was stocked too-although in truth Mr. Clark should't be drinking if he was captianing the boat. But, Jack was there. Edward was there. Edward enters the cabin.

"Hi" I say to him feeling conspicuous making. Drink for his dad - as if I was doing something wrong.

"Hi." He says "excuse me" He reaches past me and grabs a lemon Perrier.

"Want a drink?" I ask as I drop the ice cubes into his dad's drink. Only two - I don't know how I know that.

"I have one." He holds up his bottle of soda water.

"Annie" Mr. Clark calls "Make yourself one too."

Edward looks at me "you ok?"

"Yeah why?"
"maybe you should come sit with mom."

"why?"

He shrugs.

"Why Edward?" I don't really know him well enough to press him but he does't really know me well enough to be initiating this concern. "Is something wrong?"
I asked him the question but it was something I hd felt all summer. Mr. Clark's attention. It's not so much that I haven't experienced paternal attention but it wasn't exactly paternal. More doting. More I had become a person of interest and enjoyment-which I suppose was weird.

"nothing." Edward said . He turned to walk back up to the deck. He stopped and turned towards me. He removed his mirrored glasses "you can say you're sea sick at any time and we can turn back."

I kept my eyes on him. This is how it was with the Clark's with Antoinette, my mom, and Edward I was protective of them- I was on their side. I wanted to believe what I wanted to believe.

"Edward" I surprised myself. "You could try a little harder to get along with your parents."

He laughed put his glasses back on "Oh could I Annie?" He didn't look at me again that whole trip. That comment and his earlier one's lingered in my thoughts all day. I felt uneasy and without his contemptuous regard for his parents I felt scared.

I also looked for Jack's protection but it was not there. He did not respond as if anything was abnormal. He spent the first hour or two on the boat— [dealing with rigging] and once we were in the open water he [managed the sails}. Carol was no use either. She basked in the sun, adjusted her big floppy hat.

you can always say you're sea sick.

I brought the drink up to Mr. Clark in one hand and mine in the other.

[add more about the Mr. Clark interactions - hour]

I told Mr. Clark I wanted to have lunch and sit down for a little while. His mood didn't shift from cheerful and released me "of course."

I walked back on the deck and sat on a bench along the rail. Carol was on the chaise, Edward was on the one beside her.

"Annie want to sit here. Edward be polite."

"No I'm good. I'm going to get a sandwich."

"That's a a good idea. There's some boxed lunches in the cabin. Can I get you something?"

"No. I'm good." I wasn't though. I had two gin and tonics with Mr. Clark and I was light headed.

"l'm good. I'm going to rest and then get something." I lay down on the bench and closed my eyes. The green lenses of my sunglasses muted the. Bright light of the sun a bit. I put one hand behind my head and draped the other arm shielding my eyes.

I heard Edward continue the conversation I'd interrupted "She's won the pulitzer and I really appreciate the sociopolitical themes."

"it is interesting to have that perspective on Cuba."

"the contrast from the sort of 50s [add stuff]

I noticed one or twice during the afternoon she and Edward seemed to have extended conversations. I told myself it was my doing. That just as his comments set me on alert, mine had softened him and given him some close time with his mother. It felt good to see her laughing with him and his animated conversations.

I woke a little while later to the sound of everyone around the dining area that the chaise and bucket seats converted into.

"There she is" Mr. Clark crooned.

'There's our girl" Carol chimed in. Jack got up and walked over as I sat up. He sat not he bench behind me.

"You hungry?"

"Yeah. How long did I sleep for?"

"Two hours. We're heading back to Slater's"

"Two hours. Wow."