Mother's Passing

Seungmin smiled sadly down at the photograph in his hand. His eyes focused on the woman in the picture, her greasy black hair was tied back in a loose messy bun and fly aways surrounded her face, she wore no makeup and her clothes were auite casual, and yet, Seungmin thought she was the most beautiful woman in the world. Her smile could light up a room, her meer presence taken for granted as she made everyone feel safe and included wherever she went. Her kind brown eyes had strangers trusting and befriending her. Her ability to look stunning even without dressing up left jaws dropping and compliments flying where ever she went.

Seungmin jumped, glancing up when a hand settled on his should, gentle gripping it comfortingly. He smiled at his father who peered over his shoulder to get a better look at the picture. "She would have loved to be here with us today," his father whispered hoarsely, his eyes shining with tears. Seungmin nodded wordlessly, his eyes instinctively drawn back to the picture. He nodded to himself again, it was reassuring to nod, to agree with something after denying for so long. Six months seemed like a decade ago, and yet he felt as if it was only yesterday when his world was turned upside down.

Leading up to Christmas, it seemed like everyone took joy in reminding him and his father that his mother was no longer with them anymore, that this would be their first Christmas without her. That thought enticed warm tears down his cheeks. This would be their first Christmas without his mother. First. Meaning that there would be many more Christmases without her...

With a shaky exhale, Seungmin stood, allowing his father's hand to slide off of his shoulder, ignoring his father's sad, imploring gaze which followed him as he walked away to his room and closed the door. He was in no mood for Christmas. It didn't seem right to not hear his mother's jingling laugh or her soft voice singing Christmas songs she didn't understand the words to. It was wrong. It was all wrong how quiet and empty the house felt. And it was only the First.

Seungmin didn't know how many hours passed as he stared at the picture in his hand. But as he blinked and glanced around, distracted from his reverie only because he had realised he could barely see the picture anymore, he noticed that the morning sun was well on it's way to being replaced by the moon. His knees ached from him kneeling beside his bed for so long without moving, his legs painfully numb. His torso and arms were stiff and tingled with numb anticipation of release from the frozen image they had maintained for several hours.

He glanced back at the picture grasped loosely between his fingers, his eyes having memorised where the woman in the picture was but not seeing what they knew should be there. With a heavy sigh Seungmin began the slow and agonizing process of standing and walking to his bedroom door.

Seungmin slowly shuffled doen the hallway, the picture still in his hand, the image having become an extension of himself over the past six months. The initial pain of losing his mother had been unbearable and he had been unable to go without taking the picture of her with him everywhere. Her absence was so burningly obvious that his denial was only fed by the image that promised him that she was still there with him if only he kept staring at her.

He peered into the kitchen and saw his father staring sorrowfully at the Christmas tree he had attempted to convince Seungmin to help him decorate like they and his mother usually did every year. But Seungmin had simply glared at his father and stormed off to his room, silently fuming at his father for ignoring his mother's death. It had felt like a betrayal to accept her death, to try to move on. And so, Seungmin remained in his pit of denial,refusing to accept the hand his father had extended in an attempt to help him out of it. He had viciously bitten at the offered hand with hatred because he wasn't ready to accept it, too lost in his denial to see anything. Too lost to see that his father was still hurting too, but was hurting more because he was watching Seungmin hurt without being able to stop the pain.

Seungmin understood it all. He could see it as he allowed his eyes to roam over the delicately decorated tree. He had abandoned his father but his father had not abandoned him. His father had decorated the tree with Seungmin's favourite ornaments, a collection of cute decorations which contrasted the dark red tinsel with their bright, vibrancy. Seungmin saw then. He saw his father as he was. A sad, broken man trying his best to repair himself, to be strong for his son.

Seungmin understood as his eyes filled with tears. The placement of tinsel and ornaments weaved a beautiful, heartbreaking story of loss and what comes after. How the world can seem to be tangled in dark red hues of anger and hate, but this darkness can only last so long before the light starts to break through and colours begin to shine once more, perhaps not as bright as before, but still, they shine nonetheless.

Seungmin approached the tree slowly, his hands trembling as he realised what he needed to do. Lifting the picture towards his face, he stared down at the beautiful woman in the picture, a sad smile dancing across his lips as he nestled her picture between the branches midway up the tree. He stepped back and admired how the image looked surrounded by the darkness and the light. She looked beautiful still.

And that was when Seungmin knew that it was okay, that although his mother may no longer be with them physically, her beauty, her presence touched a lot of lives and no one would be forgetting her anytime soon, and the best thing they could do was to try to make happy memories she would be proud of, memories that would make her happy too.

So, Seungmin turned around and faced his father. The man had tears streaming down his cheeks as he met Seungmin's watery eyes with his own teary ones. Seungmin offered his father a small smile and the man returned it.

Seungmin was ready to accept his father's help to escape his pit of denial. He was ready to let the light back into his life. He knew it would be difficult, but he also knew that his father would be there with him every step of the way if that was what he needed. Knowing this, Seungmin ran into his father's outstretched arms and sobbed against his shoulder as the man's own cascade of tears fell onto his own shoulder.

They continued to embrace each other until they agreed that they were ready.  They shared a smile before watching the Christmas lights flicker and dance bright colours of life and love around the picture of his mother. This would be the first Christmas without his mother, the first, and not the last, and it would be sad, it would be hard, but it would be the start of something new.

I couldn't leave this one on a sad note. I hope you like this chapter. It actually made me really sad to write, but I hope it doesn't make you too sad. I tried to end it on a happier note