Somehow, I find the strength to make it to dinner held at the lobby of Headquarters-nothing but canned soup and crackers, and toffees to end the meal. I have to give them my blood, and when the knife slices my skin I want to scream because my own memory of Edit is threatening to surface.

Everyone sits on the floor in a large circle and the chatter during the meal is heartening, lifting everyone's spirits. I sit next to a girl with red highlights in her dark hair, the exact same tone as her flawless skin. She has a gap between her teeth-which are pearly white and beautiful.

Her name is Samantha, and after she strikes up a conversation with me we just can't stop talking and laughing. We share about our lives back home, and why we came down here at one point. When Sam-she tells me to call her that-hears my story, she frowns and tells me she's so sorry. She's become very close to me, just through one meal.

I don't think that I've ever talked that much to Troy. Maybe when I get back up there, I'll sit down with him and have a long chat. That sounds nice, some Amber and Troy time.

Soon Samantha is called over by another group of girls-one of them being Carmen-and after a wave goodbye she skips off towards her friends.

What fascinates me the most-apart from the fact that there are living, breathing, normal humans down here-is that I can feel. The floor, the heat of the can, which makes my fingers leap away once it comes in contact with the metal. The way the plastic wrapper of the crackers refuse to stay in a ball in my hand, the way the crackers accidentally crack in half.

I just can't stop exploring the world, the things around me with my hands, my feet, my legs, my skin. It's such a wonderful feeling.

I don't participate in the conversations-I'm much too shy-but I listen in. The people-with different skin tones and different physical appearances, mental states, everything diverse-are actually coming together to talk. I can't believe it.

Once, Chance had told me about racial riots, how there'd be blood and yells and screams and fires. He told them detailed enough that it was enough to make me go burrowing under my covers. Of course, after each terrifying story, Chance'd sit down with me and we'd talk about how we felt and what we could do.

Looking back on it, Chance seemed like my personal therapist, like a teacher, my own personal beacon in the dark murky waters of life.

Ha, ha, ha. As if. He's not even here anymore. But he's better off without me, anyway. He'll be opened up to new opportunities in life now.

I wonder if he really hates me, and if he's worried about me. I wonder if he went to pick up Troy from Sharlynn's. I wonder if he's eaten his breakfast.

The people at Headquarters talk about different things-from ancient stories, to jokes that make everyone crack up, to the gossip spreading around. It seems like it's a real community, a family. We rarely have these types of gatherings anymore up there. They ended a long time ago.

Thinking back, I kind of miss it. I remember that Dad and Mom used to invite friends from the Outer Cities over, but that was about it.

The people in the Black Hole, however, look thin and weak, but I don't question why. It surprises me that they don't talk about Edit, but then again it could be too much of a sensitive, heavy topic to raise.

As everyone laughs and talks and shares, smiles breaking across each face, my mind drifts away, to a land where everything is safe and sweet and right and I don't ever need to worry again. But it'll only ever exist in my dreams. Because my beacon-Chance-is gone, and my ship has sunk into the dark sea, the sea of hopelessness, of despair, of fear.

______________________________

After dinner Carmen and I talk. I can't believe this. We're actually talking to each other. Just a few hours ago I thought we'd never be able to communicate. Ha. I sit on my bed, and she sits on hers, facing each other-the silence is awkward.

"So," Carmen clasps her hands between her legs, leaning forward slightly, "I should get you mentally prepared."

My eyebrows shoot up. "For what?"

"The people in the Black Hole...all of us work for Edit." She glances at me warily, like I'm a time bomb or some type of wildfire that may burn her at any moment if I try hard enough.

For a few seconds I don't react. Then my brain comprehends the bombshell that Carmen has just detonated, and I jerk back like I've been burnt. "What?" I almost scream. Carmen works for Edit. All those people down here, at dinner. Those people who laughed and talked and had fun.

They work for Edit. The people in the Black Hole work for Edit.

That means Chance did, once, too.

My hands cover my mouth. Oh stars, oh stars, oh stars. A whimper makes its way out of my throat.

"We provide blood for them to keep the cycle going." Carmen stares at the floor.

"You all know it's not right!" I get to my feet, adrenaline flowing through my veins as I pace back and forth, back and forth, back and forth.

"We don't have a choice," Carmen's eyes flicker to mine, pinning me in place. In her eyes I see desperation, desperation for peace and harmony and just for Edit to stop.

There's a story she's never told anyone, about a child that grew up way too fast for her age. I know the feeling. There is too much to regret...but we can never go back. Everyone has at least one guilt in their lives, but ours is much bigger.

Maybe, somehow, we could become friends. Carmen's eyes flash with pain for an instant, before she shakes her head and stares at the floor once more.

"To get daily supplies," Carmen clears her throat, and she returns to that cold, sarcastic state of hers, "we pay our blood."

"You're kidding," I sit on my bed, staring at Carmen incredulously.

"I'm just trying to help, Amber," she sneers, "if you don't want my help, then forget it."

"I'm not as weak as you think I am, Carmen," I shoot back. "I'm much stronger than I look."

Carmen scoffs, laying on her bed and turning sideways so her back is to me.

"You're such a brat," I mutter under my breath, and lie down as well, facing the ceiling.

Chance, if you're out there, I just want to let you know that I love you and I'm so sorry for everything. I promise you that I'll find you. I'll do everything it takes to get out of here.

And then I slip away, my promise reverberating in my head.

_______________________________

Something smacks me in the side of my head, snapping my head sideways.

"Ow!" I sit bolt upright, rubbing my neck and the back of my head.

Someone bursts out into fits of laughter, and I turn to see none other than Carmen and Dustin.

"Good morning, sleepyhead," Carmen drawls.

I glare at her, wishing that I had the willpower in me to curse at her. But I can't-it's against my moral code. Instead I roll my eyes.

"Oh, maybe I should remind you that last night you were looking oh-so fragile and you were almost crying-"

"Shut up," Carmen's voice is sharp and icy, but a blush spreads over her cheeks.

And I've won again.

Dustin looks quizzically between both of us. I don't want to see him, not after everything.

"Hey, Corinne, think I can have a little chat with you outside?" Dustin gestures to the door. I shake my head like the stubborn person I am.

Dustin sighs and walks over to me, catching my arm and dragging my out the door. "Let go of me, you jerk!" I scream, kicking at him. Pain shoots through my arm and my foot.

Dustin lets go, but then pins me against a wall with both hands on either side of my head. My breath gets stuck in my throat. What's he trying to do now?

"Move away or I'll scream," I threaten, doing my best to not start another panic attack.

Dustin doesn't budge. Alright then.

I bring my knee up swiftly, kneeing him in he groin. He groans and moves backwards, his face scrunched up.

Well, he should've seen that one coming. I did a pretty good job of injuring that jerk, I must admit.

"I know I'm not very likable right now," he says, still trying to recover from the pain. "But Amber, you have no idea how much I like-no, love-you. When Sharlynn invited us over that day, I was going to tell you that I loved you, but then Chance came back, and he stole my chance."

The mention of him makes my chest constrict. Chance. I miss him so hard it hurts. I miss his laugh, his smile, his frown, his eyes, everything, the good parts and the bad. I love how he always accepts me for who I am, how he can let pride get in his way sometimes, because that is who he is, and I love him for it.

"Whatever I'm doing, I'm doing for you." He says.

"Yeah, like kidnapping me down to the Black Hole," I almost roll my eyes. And I mean it. I'm not being sarcastic or anything. Carmen told me that he brought me down here to learn about something.

"You agreed to it."

Okay, wait, hold up. I agreed to let him kidnap me down here? I didn't, not at all. I didn't even know he had a hidden agenda.

"I agreed to it? Are you hearing yourself, Dustin? I thought you were my friend. But you're a monster, Dustin, a monster, and I hate you for taking me away from Chance. I hate you for trying to break us up. I hate you for telling me lies over and over and the worst part is, I actually believe them," I sneer at him, getting agitated.

Dustin shuts his eyes, leaning against the opposite wall of the hallway. "I brought you down here because I know you can make a difference." Then without another word, he pushes himself off the wall and walks down the hallway.

Then someone I don't recognize pushes a cart down the hall, butter cake and tarts on the cart. Breakfast is engraved into the cart's front. Dustin stops, and gestures to a fruit tart. Nodding, he rolls up his sleeve.

Oh stars. This was what they were talking about. I watch as the lady pushing the cart uses a knife to split open his skin, and lets the scarlet liquid drip into an unmistakable Edit machine.

Fear spreads through every inch of my body, and my breathing becomes ragged. It feels like I'm underwater, yes, that's a good analogy-within seconds I can't breathe.

Picture Chance. Picture Chance. Picture Chance.

But this time I can't. The fear is too strong. Hands and legs trembling I manage to open the door of "my" room and collapse inside, onto the hard floor.

"Hey hey hey," Carmen rushes over, "what the heck is wrong with you?"

"C-c-chance," I gasp.

"Chance?" Carmen's voice hitches, "Is he here or what?"

"C-can't b-b-b-breathe-" I barely stutter out.

Carmen starts panicking. "Um...deep breaths, deep breaths. Relax."

I try to imagine her voice as Chance's, but I can't. Tears begin streaming from my eyes as I struggle to breathe.

Then a siren blares, loud and piercing. I still lie on the ground, Carmen's cold hand on my arm.

"Oh, come on," Carmen curses. "The Black Hole's locking up."

Panic seizes my heart and I start to choke, my vision getting blurry at the sides.

"The sensor's breaking down-oh-" Dustin opens the door and spots me on the floor, sobbing and choking and writhing. "What's wrong with her?"

"She's in a panic attack and the siren isn't helping!" Carmen yells. The wails of the siren continue, making me even more scared.

Then someone runs through the door and starts shouting, but I can't hear them.

Someone grabs my arms and we begin running, but I can't feel anything anymore, like I've become completely numb, the same feeling I had after I lost my sense of touch, after Chance as gone and taken the light inside me. I'd become cold and hard and emotionless, except when I was around my friends and Troy.

I never ever want to go back to that state, when I was empty, numb and nothing.

•

Chapter dedicated to lyuxuan__ for inspiring me to continue writing even though sometimes I honestly don't want to.

Keep smiling and shining!

-NeverEverGiveUp-