I saw a picture, it was not a normal one
Neither did I know where it came from
It showed a parchment covered in lines
And I quickly buried it before anyone finds
I envied it, I envied her
She had courage and will, that's for sure
She had something I didn't possess
She had feelings she didn't need to repress
She wrote upon her parchment with such freedom
I couldn't understand where she got it from
And it bothers me that I found her to be something to idolize
She was the first step to something I did not recognize
When did I find it okay to envy the pain
When on so many levels we were not the same
I wanted my arms to be scarred without judgement
My ideals were apparently bent
But I wanted to cope without needing to hide
I wanted to kill the pain I held inside
And so I looked at the deep wounds every day
Knowing that there was nothing I could say
If anyone knew of this twisted dream
My life would be torn apart at the seams
Maybe that was the problem, the fear of being judged
I fell further and ended up being caged
If only someone had seen the picture perfect
The sickness they might have dissect
But the picture was mine and no one knew
Thus the pain and envy only grew