Research list:

● Randomness

● Causality

● Paramutual betting

Husband gave me a lot to think about. I thought he was trying to restrict the world. Now I think he wants to change it. But I need to understand it first.

The world is random. Everything is different. Different apples come from different apple blossoms on different apple trees that come from different apples. The world changes, with things growing and things dying and things eating other things.

Crops are grown. Crops are harvested. Crops must grow again. People in Eorzea would talk of growing crops, but I never actually saw them grow. Of course, I never stayed in one place long enough to see something grow, but I still do not remember ever seeing farm fields change. Yet here I have seen fields of wheat, and later saw fields without wheat. Things in this world change.

Yet this world is also causal. This is what people believe. Something happens because other things happen, which in turn happen because yet other things happen. So apples are all different because something makes them different. But "random" seems to mean "unpredictable", which means people do not know all the causes that make things different. Yet the scientific view is that causes there must be.

The apples we harvest are all the same because we are making them so. That is the cause. But what if we want them to be different? How can we cause that?

These are the thoughts I had the night before and into yesterday. Husband would ask if I was all right, but stopped asking after the second time I said "I need to think." I did my cleaning at the diner. I did harvesting during the day, though it took time and effort to stop looking at each thing I gathered.

Husband held me at night and cuddled me during meals. I tried to keep my body relaxed so that he would relax as well. Everything I thought I knew about my world was changing, and I fought to accept that, but that was no reason to make Husband worry.

He was not surprised when I said I would go mapping last night. I think he wanted to talk, or wanted me to talk, but I was grateful he gave me time.

It was quiet, and still, and dark, and peaceful. It was a good circumstance to think. A noisy machine did fly past in the distance, but it only distracted me for a moment.

I was not paying attention. I was simply letting the goobbue travel in a straight line, and did not notice how far I had gone until I saw a glow on the ground. It was a brightly lit building with several cars parked around it and people going in and out. There were no shopping carts, and no one was carrying anything, so I did not think it was a store. Nor did I smell food like at an inn.

I landed in some trees and walked in. A lit sign over the doorway said "CASINO". I got a glimpse of lit machines in a row inside. It reminded me of the Manderville Gold Saucer.

Two large hyur stood inside the doorway. One stepped in front of me as I entered. "Ma'am? Need to check your coat."

"Thank you, it is in good condition."

He did something that resembled a smile. "Need to check for weapons, ma'am."

I held out my hands to show I was not holding any. He kept looking at me. I held my coat open to show I was not wearing any either.

"Please remove your coat, ma'am."

"I do not want to."

The other man approached me and started patting my sides and back. They did not seem to believe I did not have weapons. I tried to tolerate it, but the man found my tail under the coat.

"Hey. What's this?" He yanked on it. Zhloe was right...it does hurt. No one had ever tried to pull my tail before.

I twisted, put my hand on his chest, and shoved. He went backwards and slammed into the wall. The other man grabbed my arm; I knocked his hand loose and shoved him into a nearby counter.

Three more men ran toward me as the first two struggled to get up. I threw men to the floor, the walls and each other. It was the most fighting I had done in weeks, and it was satisfying. I tried not to hurt them, but they would not stay down, even though they looked like they were in pain.

A woman yelled, "What the hell is going on here?"

She looked old and small, but she acted like she was a leader. The men stopped, so I did too. The woman looked around at the men and then at me. "What'd you do to my boys?"

"They kept grabbing me. I did not like it."

One of the men got to his feet. "She's got something under her coat!"  He grabbed my shoulder. I knocked his hand away, grabbed his shirt and threw him to the floor.

"That's enough!" The woman walked closer and glared up at me. "All right, what are you hiding?"

I could have simply left. But I did not want to after having gone to the trouble of fighting. And I felt I could not stay unless the woman was satisfied. "I will show you in private."

"Just take off the damn coat."

"I will not undress in front of these men."

She thought about that, looked at the men as they were getting up, and nodded. "Fine. In here." She opened a door near the counter, told a man inside to leave, and led me into a small room with a desk and televisions that showed the casino. She closed the door and turned to me. "Well?"

I took off my coat and turned halfway.

She squinted at my hips. "You're wearing a tail? Why the hell're you wearing a tail?"

"I am not wearing it. It is part of me."

"You want me to believe that's real."

I relied on Husband's words. "Cosmetic surgery."

"Nobody makes tails."

"It was very expensive."

"Yeah? Why'd you spend a lot of money to get a tail?"

I took off my beret. "It was not just a tail."

She stared at my ears. She stared at my tail. She stared at my face. "Why?"

"I wanted to look like someone in a computer game."

She took a step forward. Her hand reached up. "But..."

"Do not touch my ears."

She stopped, her hand still raised. I added, "I have been touched enough tonight."

She blinked and stepped back. "Right. Yeah...uh..." She looked at the televisions, then at me. "Where'd you learn to fight like that?"

"Combat deployment."

"You're military."

"Military contractor."

"You get those done in the military?"

"Before. Then I got tired of people touching me."

"I bet, yeah." She chuckled. "You know, there's... Never mind. Sorry the boys gave you a hard time. I'll tell 'em to back off. Though..." She considered me a moment. "You want to make some money?"

"What would I be doing?"

"Making use of your combat skills in a cage fight. Lotta fighters got a gimmick for image and stuff, and, heh, you've got a helluva one."

Husband had mentioned cage fighting. I had seen the arena teams with themes in Ul'dah, and had been dressed for the Masked Carnivale. People did apparently like spectacle. "I can do that."

"Good. Get dressed and let's go. Uh...you don't have a sports bra on under that, do you?"

"What is a sports bra?"

"We can stop on the way." She opened the door. "Tom running fights tonight?"

A man answered, "Yeah, over in Sperry."

"Good. Go get the car." She waved me out and spoke to the men. "This here's..."

"Tsu'na."

"...Tsu'na. I checked her out, so don't hassle her or she'll kick your asses. You got that?"

"But ma'am..."

"You got that?"

"...Yes, ma'am."

It was my first time in an Earth "car". I sat in the back seat with the woman. I think I prefer buses so that I do not need to sit close to people if I do not want to.

We stopped at a store with lots of sports things. I got a black "sports bra" and black shorts. I needed to cut a hole in the shorts for my tail. I put my coat on over the new clothes and wore them and my beret out of the store.

After we left the store the woman told me about the fight. "We'll get there in time for the last fight of the evening. You'll get five hundred if you win, plus a percentage of the house's take. This isn't like paramutual betting...if you win and no one bets on you, it's all ours."

"How do I win?"

"Knock 'em down so they don't get up again. Pinning 'em works, so does knocking 'em out."

"What if I kill them?"

"Try not to. I know, shit happens, but the police leave us alone as long as no one ends up dead."

"But I win if I do?"

"Yeah, but you'll have a hard time finding someone else to fight you."

"What equipment is allowed?"

"None. Just your hands."

I did not mention my glamoured Monk gloves and headpiece. I could be fair and remove the headpiece, but the gloves were part of the Monk class.

We got to a large building with metal sides that looked like a larger version of Sam's shed before we worked on it. I could hear men yelling as I got out of the car. It got much louder as we got inside.

The cage was made of metal poles and woven metal wire like fences I have seen in Wyatt. Two men were inside as we entered, punching each other. One looked to be doing more punching than the other. Both had blood on their faces. Neither appeared very skilled, but the crowd watching them seemed to enjoy the violence.

The woman stopped to talk to a man near the cage, that I guessed was Tom, who looked me over and shrugged at her. They turned to watch the fight. It did not last long. The slower man staggered and fell to the mat after a few more punches by the other man. Some of the crowd cheered, most of the crowd yelled, and men came to open the cage and carry the fallen man out.

People exchanged money with a man near the door. A woman went into the cage and cleaned up some of the blood, but left a smear behind. When the woman left, Tom got up on a small platform near the cage and spoke into something in his hand that made his voice loud. "All right, folks, one more fight this evening. Here we got The Grinder coming back for another go..."

A bald man with a beard, wearing nothing but shorts, entered the cage.

"...And this round he's facing off against a newcomer. Let's all give a warm welcome to Cat's Meow!"

The casino woman nudged me and held out her hand. I guessed this meant I was Cat's Meow. I did not like the name, but I allowed it as part of what I was being paid for. I removed my beret and coat and handed them to her.

The crowd was quiet as I stepped into the cage. I could hear murmurs, but there were so many people that I could not understand what they were saying. The Grinder was looking at me as if I were a baby morbol in the Bismark. "What, I'm supposed to fight this? Someone put a kittycat in the cage with me!"

People outside were laughing as he stepped forward. "You gonna scratch me or something, kittycat? Hey, check out these ears..."

He reached for my head. I brushed his hand away and shoved against his chest. He stumbled backwards a couple steps. "Oh, you wanna play, bitch?" He raised a fist and swung at my face.

He was slower than a roegadyn. I ducked under his swing and this time shoved his chest with both hands. He flew backwards, bounced against the fencing and landed on his hands and knees.

No one was laughing now. Some started yelling encouragement for The Grinder. He did not need encouraging. He got up and charged at me. I braced myself and slammed my hands into his shoulders, which stopped him dead. He snarled, raised a foot and stomped at my stomach.

This did not hurt much, but such a crude and brutal move surprised me. It told me about the sort of fighting people expected here. I decided to increase my effort. I used Bootshine -- three jabs and a full punch to the chest.

He grimaced, coughed, took a step forward and coughed again. He put a hand to his chest. He coughed a third time, spraying blood. He wrapped an arm around his chest, fell to his knees and coughed once more.

Earth people are more fragile than I had thought.

The audience was silent. The Grinder had fallen onto his side. He was still breathing, but blood kept coming from his lips.

After a moment, Tom called out, "And the winner is...Cat's Meow! Great showing for her first time! Looking forward to seeing her in the ring again! That's all for tonight, folks."

Men came to open the cage and help The Grinder leave. He was shaking and in pain. I followed and met the casino woman. She led me to a room in the back and offered me a bottle of water.

"Thank you. Will The Grinder live?"

"Eh, I'm sure he'll be fine. Got a clinic we take people to now and then."

"I can help if..."

"No, your job was to fight him and you did that. Hell of a good take tonight. No one bet on you. Let me talk to Tom and get you totalled up. Cash okay?"

"Cash is good."

She left, and after I'd changed to my regular clothes she returned with an envelope. "That's two thousand. Base fight pay plus a percentage. You come back, you fight more, people get to know you, the base goes up. You coming back?"

"Probably."

"Good. What's your phone number?"

"I do not have a phone. I have email."

I gave her my email address. She offered to give me a ride home, but I declined.

"You sure? Got people out there who aren't too happy about losing their bets. Might be dangerous to walk home with cash."

"I am dangerous."

"Hah, yeah, guess you are. Okay, I'll be in touch."

I walked out of the building. I did see some men starting to follow me, so I walked faster, got around the corner of the building, shifted to Ninja and Stealthed. They came running around the corner and looked around.

"Shit, she's fast!" "Where'd she go?" "Get after her!"

They kept running around the building. When they were out of sight I Returned to Wyatt, then walked to the Pit to meet Husband at the end of his bouncer shift. We stood and held each other for a while outside the door...he is always glad to see me, and I wanted to be touched without violence.

Then we walked home together. It was not until we were in bed that I realized I had not actually seen the casino.

I do not know why I did not tell him about the fighting or the money. I think I liked doing something myself, making something of myself. I will tell him. But I think I will make more of myself first.