Tsu'na was pretty introspective after that talk we had in bed. I haven't brought up the topic again; I assume she will when she's ready and interested. But we do need to discuss the game...like it or not, it gives Earth perspective on Eorzea, and may be important to inspire some abilities to work and reinforce the paradigm.

For example, we haven't tried the Duty Finder yet. It's in our journal; in theory we should be able to use it to enter dungeon instances, especially since they are in fact instanced. It is "reasonable" for an instance to manifest for us, since instances manifest on demand in the game. We could try forming a private undersized party, which wouldn't get us any experience but might yield loot and gil. If nothing else the loot might be a source of materials from desynthesis.

That's just the one that comes to mind. But I figured that before that conversation with Tsu'na happens I needed to distract her a bit. And we hadn't checked out the bar.

There's only one in Wyatt. Hardcore partiers who want variety can head down the road towards Tulsa, or out the road towards Stillwater, or...well, anywhere but Wyatt. But Wyatt couldn't not have a bar, and Wyatt's bar is named The Pit. The Pit of Hell, the Mosh Pit, the Barbecue Pit, the Cherry Pit...I have no idea. I guess I don't particularly care...perhaps no one does. It's the place with the beer.

Faded wood-paneled walls. A dart board. A jukebox. A cornhole alley. A couple pool tables. A bunch of cheap spindly tables and matching chairs, with a few booths. And of course the bar.

Tsu'na and I found stools at the bar. She looked around at all the details. "It reminds me of the Coffer and Coffin."

"Not Buscarron's place?"

She considered. "Buscarron's has more...warmth?"

I nodded. It did. The Coffer and Coffin in Central Thanalan has a very mission-specific look to it...a place to go and get drunk and forget about whatever the day had involved. This place was similar. Yes, the pool tables were used, and the dart board had holes in it, but it wasn't a very warm place. Certainly no artsy drinks on display and a limited variety of bottles on the shelves.

The bartender at least made an effort. "Hey there...haven't seen you folks before. New in town?"

"Kinda. I'm Steve and this is my wife Tsu'na."

"The pretzel and pie people?"

"Famous, are we?"

"Small town. I'm Sam. What can I get you?"

"What's on tap?"

"Coors."

I smiled and waited a beat. He smiled and didn't continue.

"Guess I'll have a Coors, then."

"Excellent choice. And for you, ma'am?"

"I will try his first."

"One Coors coming up."

The beer came. My wife brought it to her lips. We waited for the verdict.

"...Do you have Coke?"

Sam chuckled and headed back down the bar. Tsu'na kept her face pleasant as she leaned close and quietly asked, "Do you like that, Husband?"

I smiled back and murmured, "I've had worse. Not really my thing, but we're making nice and social."

"But people do like this...beer?"

"People say they do. Maybe because it's a cheap way to get drunk."

"Drunk?"

"Remember when that woman drugged you in Falcon's Nest? Some people like that feeling. Alcohol will do that to you...helps you not think or care if you don't want to. Also helps you do really stupid stuff. And throw up a lot afterward."

"And fall down unconscious under a table?"

"Happens, yeah."

"And people find this fun?"

"Some do. Some just want something different from whatever they're experiencing."

She pursed her lips as she considered this. "The Coffer and Coffin is more understandable now."

Sam brought Tsu'na a Coke. We drank our drinks, her enjoying hers more than I enjoyed mine, and chatted about the things in the room. No pool tables in Eorzea. Throwing weapons at targets is a thing there, but not in the precise manner of darts. Cornhole was nearly incomprehensible to her. I explained half the fun of these games was watching people try them when drunk.

I finished my beer and headed off for the bathroom. I was gone for at most five minutes.

When I came back I found three angry guys crowding my wife at the bar and a fourth one on the floor. Sam was reaching for something under the bar.

While I was sure Tsu'na could easily handle all four of them, I felt it was my husbandly duty to intervene. I pushed in in front of the three. "Hey! Back off from my wife!"

"That bitch just knocked Dewey down!"

Dewey must have been the douche on the floor. I guessed he was the Alpha douche who made the first move. That meant the one yelling at me must be Beta Douche, with Gamma and Delta standing by. I smiled. "Sorry, did you just call my wife a bitch?"

"Look at what she did to Dewey!"

I glanced back at Tsu'na, who said, "He grabbed me and would not let go."

I turned back to Beta Douche. "Your friend laid hands on my wife?"

"He was just being friendly! Now get the fuck out of my way!"

He tried to shove me aside. I wasn't shoved. I kept smiling. "Okay, let's just think about this a minute, shall we? My wife put your guy down. So one of two things is true here. Either she's stronger than me and you're yelling at her husband, or I'm stronger than her..." My smile got a little wider. "...and you're getting in my face."

Beta Douche stared at me a moment. Then he did that thing you see on TV where a thug with an entourage is trying to be clever...he looked back at his buddies with a smile, which he used to cover up a windup for a punch.

He connected to my jaw. I kept smiling. His smile went away. I grabbed his shirt with one hand, hoisted him a foot in the air, and slammed him to the floor through a nearby table.

I was still smiling as I looked up at Gamma and Delta Douches. "Hey, I think your friends have had enough party this evening. Why don't you make sure they get home safe?"

They looked at me, looked at each other, looked briefly at Tsu'na, and moved to help their fallen comrades leave the field.

I turned back to Tsu'na and saw Sam with a baseball bat in his hands. "Oh, hey, I'm really sorry about that...I just got carried away with those guys crowding my wife and all. I just wasn't thinking. I didn't mean to break the table."

"You gonna pay for that?"

"Better. I'll do you one better. We'll make you a new one. It'll be real nice, I swear."

That gave him pause. "You're gonna make me a table."

"Yeah, my wife and I work with wood all the time. Just give me a couple days, okay? You'll love it, I promise."

Sam didn't seem to know what to do with this. "...Fine. Two days. Money or a table. Or I'm calling the Sheriff."

"Right, sure thing. We'll get right on it. Let's go, my love."

Tsu'na stood up and gave Sam a smile. "Thank you for the Coke."

She took my arm and we headed out of the Pit. As we got outside, she murmured, "Was that theatre, Husband? Was I a prop?"

"No, my love, that was a hostile encounter. You were a party member."

"Yet you did not need to throw that man through the table. You could have thrown him elsewhere."

"Serendipity, my love. Happy accident. When we come back with a new table we'll show people we can do decent woodwork. Might start a new business line."

"Tactical theatre, then."

"Sure. As Doctor Willoughby said about his cockroach business, 'First you have to create a market.'"

"What is a cockroach?"

"An insect that infests places with food like restaurants and bars."

She peered at me. "Why would anyone want to buy a cockroach?"

"Well, first you have to create a market."

She was going to ask more, but we noticed we had another hostile encounter waiting. The douches had come back armed. Alpha Douche had a tire iron, Beta Douche had a board, Gamma Douche had a knife and Delta Douche had a broken beer bottle.

Tsu'na released my arm. I thought about switching to Paladin, but before I did Tsu'na threw something at the douches. It burst with a wet-sounding explosion and covered them with sticky stuff.

They didn't react well to that. They thrashed around, getting tangled with themselves, their weapons and each other. I turned to Tsu'na. "What the hell was that?"

"My new latex bomb. Do you like it?"

"...I totally need the recipe."

"Of course, Husband."

We moved in on the douches. Alpha tried swinging his tire iron; I caught it, pulled it away from him and shoved the round end into his gut. One down.

Beta tried to swing his board but it was stuck to his shirt. Tsu'na yanked it free and swatted him in the knee. He yelled and crumpled. Two down.

Gamma was too busy panicking and struggling with the goop to do anything useful. That left Delta, who was apparently the brains of the group because he was standing very still, watching us.

I gave him a smile. "Hey, guy. Wanna be a messenger?"

"Messenger?"

"Yeah, I need you to deliver a message to your friends here. Know what the message is?"

He shook his head.

"We are Hyurcat. Don't fuck with us. You got that?"

He nodded.

"Cool. Enjoy your evening."

We walked on and left them to deal with the mess. Tsu'na murmured to me, "I am sorry, Husband. I did not think this evening would be fun. I was mistaken."

"I'm wounded from you doubting me."

"I will try to believe in you in the future."