Rune's POV

First I have to go Nix's funeral, on a Wednesday, now I have to go to my brother's, on a Wednesday!

Sighing deeply, I move around my room solemnly, picking up and putting on my all black clothing, before sitting on the side of my bed and tying up my full black, leather shoes. I stand up and walk to the mirror and gaze at myself grimly.

Dim, red rimmed eyes stare back at me, dark half circles occupying the space under my eyes. My skin an almost sickly pale colour and my hair, don't even get me started on that mess that looks worse than a mop.

Grimacing at the shell of a person staring back at me, I turn away from the mirror and walk out of my room, making my way into the living room where my dad sits waiting, dressed in his all black suit, his own eyes red rimmed and dark half circles cling to his slightly sunken face.

I give my dad a grim half smile and walk over to sit beside him.

"Are you ready?" I question softly. My dad just shakes his head as his eyes get watery.

"Of course not.." I answer for him. I place my hands in my lap and awkwardly look down, but we don't have to sit for long in awkward silence because my mum comes downstairs, dressed in an all black dress, black heels and a black hat, along with sunglasses to hide her own red rimmed eyes.

"Come on.." she says softly, grabbing the keys off the bench and walking outside to the car, not even waiting for myself or my father. My father and I slowly walk out after her and get into the car.

The drive to the cemetery is silent and filled with tension, so I take my phone out of my pocket and put in my earphones, before shuffling my playlist.

Why God by Austin French plays.

Sighing softly, I lean my head on the windowsill and watch the sky as we drive, my thoughts a million miles away as I watch the birds in the sky flying carelessly, the trees sway calmly and the clouds create images.

Tears prickle in my eyes as we get closer to where the funeral will take place, the exact same place where Phoenix's empty casket lays in the ground, surrounded by flowers brought in by his family and myself.

My mother parks the car under a large, old weeping tree. Gulping slightly, I slowly exit the car, after my parents have already started walking towards the seats near the coffin. I close my door and slowly follow after them, greeting some people and accepting their condolences silently.

I make my way to the seats and sit beside my mother, staring at the coffin that's surrounded by pictures of my brother before he started doing drugs, a couple of the pictures are of myself and my brother hugging and pulling faces at the camera.

A lump forms in my throat and tears sting my eyes as I stare at the pictures, I turn my head and look at the coffin that reads;

In loving memory of
Kasper Kane Knight
A wonderful son, amazing older brother and a fantastic friend.

In a golden plaque, and all I can think is; what a load of bullshit.

My parents threatened to disown Kasper when he started doing drugs, they kicked him out multiple times when he tried to come home high or drunk, they sent him to rehab multiple times and never said a word to him after they left, and barely spoke to him when he was allowed back home.

Kasper wasn't always the best brother, especially after starting the drugs, he had his moments, like all brothers and sisters, but they were rare, and a fantastic friend? What a load of bullshit. He never had a single friend since he started drugs, and even then, come to think of it, I don't think he had any, or at least not very many, even before that!

My anger depletes, only to be replaced with more sadness, because that's my big brother laying dead in front of me.. sealed shut in a coffin, and ready to be given to whatever afterlife he deserved.
My big brother who taught me how to talk to people properly, how to make friends, how to ride a bike because our father was always too busy with work. My big brother who would hold me through storms when I was younger and terrified, who would read me bedtime stories because our mum was too tired, or too busy.

My big brother, who only got to live barely half of his life, and now he's gone.. and I'll never see him again, never hear him again, never touch him again, no more hugs, no more playful banter, no more silly faces pulled at one another when we catch each other's eyes.

None.

My big brother, my Kasper, is gone. For good, just like my best friend, Phoenix.

Without really meaning to, tears start to gush down my face in a hot path, landing on my hands, I bow my head down slightly, letting my hair fall into my face and hide the fact that there's a fucking waterfall coming out of my face.

I choke on a silent sob and more tears rush down my face, trying to make a pond in my lap as more follow in pursuit, trying to reach my hands before each other.

Suddenly, there's tissues shoved in my face, making me choke slightly but take them gratefully and use them to wipe my eyes and blow my nose, I take multiple deep breaths and attempt to calm down.

The funeral director person thingo that says the speeches for the funeral clears her throat and taps on the mic.

"Hello everyone, it is today with great sorrow that we say goodbye to a much beloved young man, Kasper Knight." She starts and looks around at everyone.

A few people nod.

"Today, we're letting the lord have Kasper back.." the lady trails on, but I tune out, instead turning my head to stare at the pictures of my brother and I again, reminiscing the things we used to do together, and how much fun we used to have.

More tears fill my eyes and I just let them fall freely as I remember the fun things Kasper and I used to do.

Sometimes, if I couldn't sleep at night, he would take me to the kitchen when our parents were either asleep, or away at work, and he would make a bowl of ice cream and we'd search through the cupboards and add anything and everything we could find to it, and then we could go to the den like entertainment room and put on Disney movies and watch them and eat our late night snack until we passed out and our parents found us dead asleep, watching something or another, sticky fingers and face on their cushions and our bowls either on the floor or us half in them.

I think my mother has a couple pictures of us both half in our bowls somewhere.

The funeral drags on for what feels like hours as different people stand up and say something or read something about/to Kasper, but I don't hear anything, I stay lost in thought, thinking, remembering. Missing.

Eventually, the funeral is over and people start departing and heading back to our house for the wake, my parents leave not long after too, trying to get home and set out the food and drinks before too many people arrive.

I stay behind though, and help the funeral service people cover the coffin with dirt. I listen to them talk about their lives, how their kids are doing this or that, or how they're thinking about getting a puppy as the next step in their relationship, etc.

I stay silent however, and help them until the hole has been completely filled. I watch them drive off once they pack up, before making my way to Phoenix's grave, which lay not very far from my brother's.

I sit down between the headstones of Nix and some random person I never met; that died many, many years ago that's covered in faded pink, blue and red fake flowers.

I lay my head against Phoenix's headstone and weep loudly, knowing that there's no one around, except me and those who have been buried.

Thunder rumbles nearby and soon, the dark sky begins to downpour. I stay sitting, my head leaning against Phoenix's headstone, sobbing loudly as the rain soaks me to the bone, causing shivers to attack me randomly and goosebumps to prickle my skin.

The sky continues to weep with me as I sit there, unable and unwilling to move, feeling all my energy leaving as I sob for all that I am worth.

I sob for the loss of my best friend, I sob for the loss of my brother, but I also sob for the loss of myself, and of who I could have been with the help of my brother and best friend guiding me. I miss them both dearly.

I had only just gotten Kasper back, only to have him ripped away from me, again, this time for good.

I cry for what is probably an hour, before I am unable to cry any longer and I just sit there, my head against Phoenix's headstone, my back aching, lungs gasping for air, heart racing, teeth chattering. I take in a shuddering breath before slowly heaving myself to my feet and push my soaked hair out of my face.

I look up at the dark sky, rain still pelting down and not seeming to cease any time soon, I sigh deeply, filling my lungs with cold, crisp air before looking ahead, and starting my lonely, wet walk home.

•••

I arrive home almost two hours later, soaked to the bone from icy cold rain, my teeth chatterIng loudly as I walk inside and head straight for my room and lock the door, before walking into the bathroom that connects to my room.

I strip and turn the shower on, adjusting the taps until it's suitable and then I step in, sighing in relief as the hot water chases away the chills.

I close my eyes and tilt my head back, letting the hot water wash away the aftermath of tears and rain. Taking in a deep, shuddering breath through my mouth, I slowly tilt my head straight again, and open my eyes, staring at my distorted reflection in the mirror through the steamy glass of the shower.

I purse my lips, running a hand through my saturated hair, pushing it out of my face before turning my head away from the mirror, not wanting to look at the person staring back at me any longer.

I turn off the shower and step out, grabbing my deep, blood red coloured towel off the rack and begin drying myself thoroughly, once dried, I make my way into my room, towel wrapped tightly around my waist.

Upon arriving, I head straight to my closet and grab out fluffy pyjama pants, underwear and one of Phoenix's hoodies. I dress myself in the clothes before getting into my bed, snuggling up under the warmth of my electric blanket that I forgot to turn off earlier in the day.

A deep, dissatisfied sigh leaves my lips and I slump down under my blanket cocoon, and pass into the wonderful dreamworld, where my brother and best friend are waiting for me.