'I'm fine'- the simplest answer ever. No questions or doubts....no explanations. We just move on an I am relieved.

I am in love with the two words lately because it's so hard to explain.

I am fine tho. It's not like I'm holding my shaking hands together while hiperwentilating on bathroom floor. No.
I overcame that. Now I'm breathing like someone is hanging from my diaphragme and clenching onto my neck all the time, but I become conscious of that just once in a while. Couple times per day. But it passes quickly in a blur of dizziness I feel constantly so all the colours are a little grayinsh and faces of people are not so clear anymore,but just a little.
Maybe because I am not breathing properly my brain doesn't have enough oxigen and I feel so dizzy all the time. It'll pass. I just won't  think about it,talk about it,I'll pretend I don't feel and it'll pass. I will be fine as always.

Maybe I just need something to distract myself. But I am afraid to hold a pencil after a week because my hands seem normal but I feel them shaking. What if I drop the pencil while someone is there?

Explanations.

I hate them.

I am tired of them.

I am too lazy for them.

They doesn't matter anyway.

So I haven't drawn for a week. I haven't drawn today because my whole body is shaking but not shaking. Funny...

Maybe I drank too much coffe. But when I think about it I feel like this in days I don't drink coffee,too. It's not  about the coffee.

It's this annoying problem with my head that locks me in and drains me  and I can't help it.

Maybe it'll pass if I sleep.
I feel nauseus. Maybe I should vomit and I'll be better. But I am sick more and more every day. If I vomit all the time it'll be problem too. Maybe not. I'll handle it. It'll pass or I'll get used to it,like I got used to dizziness,to exhaustion,to not solving this problem.

I just need to forget about it and it'll pass.
I'll be just fine as always....