chapter 1
"Riku, don't cry. Smile for your big brother."
A voice called out to him.
He knew this voice.
He was very familiar with it.
He had to be, the childish voice of his older twin brother would forever hunt his dreams. Riku always found himself in a black void whenever he dreamed of him. Him running after a fading memory, him falling and crying out for his brother to come to him. To help him.
"Riku, I'm sorry."
______________________
When Riku woke up, the sun had yet to rise. There was no bright and warm sunlight streaming through his tall window, nor was any light filling up his bedroom. The sky was dark, decorated with small stars. Looking out of his window, the only light seen came from the cresent moon and it's stars. The street wasn't part of his view, so no light from the street lamps could enter his room.
What woke him up, he didn't know. It couldn't be the barely there light, nor the sounds of people driving their cars on the street. He was not that light of a sleeper, where anything could wake him up. Maybe it was a dream. Maybe it was his body, letting him know that it rested enough.
Riku wouldn't dare to look the time up, it was early, it was dark. Wandering through the dark dorm, he could hear signs of the living. Somewhere a window was left slightly a jar. From where he stayed rooted to the ground, a place between kitchen and livingroom, Riku could make out the slamming of car doors and the starting of engines.
With a sigh, the redhead went to the kitchen and turned a small cabinet light on. He leaned on the nearby counter, head held on his hands. With the early hour, none of his friends were awake. He had no one awake around him except for him and his thoughts.
Riku did not like that.
Not wanting to be consumed by his thoughts while alone, the boy put himself to work. Getting coffee and tea done, doing his best at making two lunchboxes for the youngest ones. It was usually Mitsuki doing these things in the early morning out of habit, but the older was still asleep. Riku didn't want to wake someone up, even though he really wanted someone with him.
His thoughts were not... a good place. He learned that over the years. As he grew up and got older, this non-good place grew too. His weak immune system didn't help with that and sometimes he likes to believe that his bad thoughts evolved from his illness. No doctor ever mentioned how something like this could be a side effect from the multiple medicines he received in his childhood, so he could not be sure.
Sometimes this non-good place made him do things, things which worried his mother, things which made his doctors mad at him. Things like not eating enough or not at all. Things like hesitation when taking his medication or 'forgetting' to take them in the first place. Things like-
"Riku?"
Riku looked from the unfinished lunchbox to the space where the voice must've come from. He wasn't quite surprised to see Mitsuki standing in the doorway. He was usually the first to be awake and be productive, it was more the fact that he didn't notice him at all. He really did not like his mind.
"Good morning, Mitsuki." A smile. He was good at them.
"Are you okay? Did you not sleep well?"
"I'm fine, just woke up actually. I made coffee if you want one."
Mitsuki liked coffee. He drank one cup every morning, on the more hectic days it would be two. Riku already had a cup, an orange one, ready for the older male.
"A-ah thank you."
As Riku finished up the lunchbox before him, Mitsuki watched him. It was unusual for the other to be up at this hour, or at least that's what he thought. Riku left his room at a later time on an average day, but Mitsuki actually did not know when the younger person will wake up.
Mitsuki was an older brother, his brotherly instincts were definitely on guard. There was something with seeing the younger up and about making him aware of everything. Everything Riku did at least.
"Are you okay, Mitsuki?"
"Huh?"
"You were staring. And you haven't tasted your coffee yet."
"A-haha guess I'm not quite awake yet."
"If you say so..."
Embarrassed, Mitsuki started drinking his coffee. He must've been staring for quite some time as his coffee is now lukewarm. While practically forcing his cold-warm coffee down his throat, Riku made his way over to the house phone.
He slowly pushed the needed numbers for an unfamiliar phone number. At least for Mitsuki. For Riku it was something that stayed with him at all times, whether he liked it or not. The younger mustered up a smile when the call must have connected on the other end.
Mitsuki kept his focus on the redhead, now hiding behind his cup of coffee though.
"Good morning Doctor Yamazaki"
'Doctor huh?' the older thought, his focus solely on the ongoing conversation.
"Yes, I'm fine." Riku answered the well meant question from the doctor. "I could come in early today if you have time."
'I hope it is nothing serious...' Mitsuki's coffee was now cold and forgotten in his hands.
"Yes, yes. Thank you." Riku's smile seemed... off to Mitsuki. He couldn't put his finger on it though. "I'll see you then, Doctor Yamazaki."
Mitsuki hastily drank his cold coffee with a grimace. He turned around and tried to find something to make it seem as if he couldn't have been listening in on the call. His gaze landed on the two lunchboxes on the counter. 'Huh...'
Out of the corner of his eye, he could see Riku leave the phone and walk away. 'Probably his room...' the older thought, having kept in mind what has been said before.
"Guess I don't have to do the lunches today." Mitsuki muttered to himself.
Going back to his observation from before, something seemed off. Maybe it was Riku's early running around in the dorm. Maybe he himself was just tired and still half-asleep. But something was there.
He just could not think what it could be.
It was as if...
"I'll be going out now, Mitsuki."
...something about his smile...
"Be careful, Riku."
...was fake.
The door closed as the older finished his thought. He was worried. But maybe he was mistaken.
'Riku never seemed to be one to fake anything.'
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