Dan's POV

Him. I couldn't look at him without noticing how beautiful he was. How his green eyes shone in the sunlight and reminded me of the moss that ran up people's houses; beautiful, tall and ever growing - like my love for him. Ever growing. 

I couldn't look at him without getting envious of his curly locks that he covered so neatly with a beanie. Rather than covering them up with a straightened version of the same brown hair he embraced the twists and turns that littered his hair. Every time I saw one I wanted to wrap my fingers into it. I wanted to run my fingers through every curl.

I couldn't look at him without noticing his hands, the ones that played such sweet melodies. I would imagine him serenading me with a tune he dedicated to me. I would imagine him intertwining our fingers together so his hot hand would burn love into my cold hand.

I couldn't look at him without taking in his tall frame and wondering what it would be like for him to wrap me up in him.

I couldn't look at him without falling in love all over again.

I wasn't sure how a simple crush could spiral into such a heart aching love that made my skin itch whenever he was away for too long and butterflies run riot in my stomach when he was close. 

He left me with an aching feeling in my chest - the butterflies wouldn't stop pushing at my stomach nor would they let go of my heart as it was tugged so hard it throbbed with a fiery heat.

He was so much more than just a him. He was PJ and that name means a lot, he means a lot. I was in love with my best friend but he didn't listen to the words of love that filled my mouth - ah a taste so bittersweet. 

I was in love with him the way a bee loves a flower.
I'm attracted to him, a single flower in a garden full of thornes that would sting me and shove needle like pains down my throat as I tried to reach him. I'd get thorns stuck in my wings as I tried to reach what he had to offer. He promised me something sweet, he promised the nutrients that would help me have the energy to live and grow and flourish. We had a beautiful symbiotic relationship. It was special but it was just as harmful as it was beneficial.   
We both take and give from each other but I give PJ more than he gives me back. I go through turmoil. I get cut and broken down, my wings tear and I fall, but I do it all for him.

He is a pretty flower,
I am a bumbling bee.
He is elegant,
I am awkward. 
I love him. 
But he doesn't love me.

AN: here's the story you voted for! This has a major trigger warning as it mentions purging, binging,  calorie counting and just self harm in general. If this story will put you at risk please don't read it, if you choose to continue I'll still be putting up warnings when Dan's actions are especially triggering.
I used to experience very similar things to what Dan does in this story  (I'm fine now so don't worry) but my writings won't relate to every person with an eating disorder.
I hope you like my story and chapters will be up every Sunday plus my Monster story uploads every Tuesday so check that out too :)
- Ray xx