Trigger warning: Eating disorder, anxiety, depression

Alternative Press Magazine: 

Fans of Black Veil Brides share concern over unexpected tour cancellation and inactivity of the band online. (Read full article here). 

* * * 

Andy is sitting cross-legged on the bed when Jinxx arrives at just after midday. He looks at the elder, troubled, before turning back to the Batman comic in his lap.

"Hey, man," Jinxx says, pulling the chair closer to the bed. "I saw Jake earlier, he's gonna come in tomorrow, if you'll let him." 

"Yeah, whatever," Andy replies, mind elsewhere. The door opens again and his eyes snap up to see who it is. He brings a hand to his mouth, as though he's going to be sick even though he isn't. "What is it?" He asks anxiously, watching the nurse set a bowl down on the over-bed table. The nurse tells him it's cereal, and he, dropping his hand into his lap, pulls his bottom lip between his teeth. When the nurse is gone, he looks at Jinxx. 

"I'll eat with you," the guitarist assures him. In his hand is a sandwich he bought on the way to the hospital.

"Thanks." Looking again at the bowl, he sighs, makes no attempt to bring it any nearer, as though it could hurt him if it's too close. 

Jinxx puts a hand on Andy's knee. "You got this, buddy," he encourages. "Sooner you do it, sooner it's over, yeah?" 

Andy nods but doesn't seem convinced. 

"I brought my Switch, we can play on it after," Jinxx suggests, trying to give him something to look forward to. 

Lifting his eyes to meet the elder, Andy says, "You have a Switch? Wow, that's something I didn't ever expect." 

"Why not? I'm keeping up with the kids." 

"Never say that again." 

"Alright, don't get bitchy, or I won't let you play on it." 

Andy shakes his head. Then he sighs. "Right," he says. "Sit next to me. Here." He moves to make space, waits for the man to settle beside him. "Give me your arm." 

Jinxx breathes a soft laugh.

"What?" 

"You're very bossy today, Biersack." 

"Yes. It's what happens when I'm stressed. Surely you've worked that out by now. Arm." 

"What do you want my arm for?" 

"To bite because I'm secretly a vampire. What are you, an idiot?" 

"Apparently so," the elder responds, humoured. 

"For God's sake, just put your arm around my shoulder, it's not rocket science." 

Jinxx does as he's told, saying, "What would my wife have to say about this?" 

"What would she say if I killed you? Make another comment like that and we'll find out." 

"Jesus, alright." 

"Good. Thank you. Now shut up." 

"Charming." 

"Now shut up, please." He sighs again, and heavily. "You know you're gonna have to make me do this because I'm just gonna keep finding ways to put it off." 

"Just get the bowl, Biersack." 

"Hey, don't be mean about it, I'm fragile." 

"Your future of Switch gaming is hanging on this." 

"What is your obsession with the Switch? What're you gonna do? Marry it?" 

"Yes, I'm going to marry it. Get the bowl, buddy." 

Andy folds his arms. "I don't want to, though," he complains. 

"Tough, because you need to." 

"I said don't be mean." 

Jinxx leans over, behind Andy, and grabs the edge of the hinged table, pulling it over the bed, keeping hold of it when the younger makes a weak attempt at pushing it away. "No, it's staying there," he says firmly. "Now pick up the spoon." 

"No thank you." 

"Pick up the spoon, Biersack." 

Andy does, with a huff. 

"Good. Now we'll have a mouthful together," Jinxx says, releasing the tray and returning to his previous position to open the packet the sandwich is in. Then he puts his arm back over Andy's shoulder. "Come on, buddy, you ready?" 

"Are you seriously asking me that right now?" 

"You can only put this off for so long before you run out of snarky things to say. Have a mouthful with me, okay? And if it's really bad, I'll let you win at Mario Kart." 

Andy can't help but to breath a laugh at that. 

"Come on. One mouthful. Spoon in the bowl." 

"I know how to use a spoon, thank you very much." 

"Good, so do it." 

"I said I know how, not that I want to. Learn the difference." He looks at the man and Jinxx sees that his expression doesn't match his words. There's a long pause, then Andy whispers, "I don't think I can." 

Jinxx rubs his shoulder. "Course you can, because you can do anything. I know you can do it. I promise you can do it." 

"That's a bold promise." He turns the spoon over. "What if I can never do it?" 

"Well, let's do it now and prove that thought wrong. I know you can do it, you just need a little help, that's all." 

"Help is for the weak." 

"Now, why on earth would you say that? Would you ever say that to any of our fans? No, so don't be so mean to yourself. Help is for everyone who needs it, and right now, that's you, and that's okay. So put that spoon in that bowl and I'll help you eat it, okay?" 

Andy just continues turning the spoon over in his hand. 

"D'you need a hug first?" 

Andy nods, puts the spoon back on the tray. He turns and wraps his arms around Jinxx's shoulders. "I'm sorry," he says. "I am trying, I swear I am." 

"I know you are, pet, don't apologise. I know it's hard. You're doing great, I promise." 

"Doing great at nothing," Andy mumbles. 

"Oh, shush. You know that's not true." He rubs the singer's back, tries not to notice the bumps of his spine. "You don't deserve to be dealing with this and I'm so sorry you are, but if you push through and eat this now, you'll be one step closer to not having to deal with it anymore, and I want that for you. I really do." 

"If only it were that easy," whispers the younger. "I fucking hate this." 

Jinxx holds him tight. "I know, buddy. It's not fair." 

"I wish I could just fucking be done with it now." 

"I know. Me too." 

"I don't want to cry again." 

"There's nothing wrong with crying." 

"I know, but I'm sick of it." For a minute or two, he's quiet. He lets Jinxx hold him because it makes him feel at least a little less alone, lets the comfort wash over him, hopes for it to ease his mind, though nothing could do that, not to the extent he desires. Then he says, "I don't know, I'm just sick of everything. I keep thinking that once I can go home everything will sort itself out, but it won't. It'll be exactly the same except I'll be at home and everyone will expect me to not end up back here like some loser. And then I think, at least at home I won't be forced to eat, but I know that's fucking wrong and I shouldn't be thinking that at all, but I don't know how to stop thinking about it, and then I just, like, spiral, or something. I don't know. I'm a mess." He sighs again, then pulls back from the hug and picks up the spoon. "Let's just fucking get this over with," he decides. "I'm literally fucking shaking at a bowl of cereal, look how pathetic that is." 

"It's not pathetic at all. We'll count from three, okay?" 

"You'll count from three, I'll sit here like a scared little boy and probably burst into tears when you get to one." 

Andy is right, in fact, and does burst into tears when Jinxx gets to one, though despite that, he swallows a spoonful of the now soggy cereal, sniffling after and saying, "You better let me fucking win at Mario Kart." He hesitates, then has another spoonful. "Honestly, this might be the worst thing after finding out you own an actual Switch."