Trails of brown serpentine through the rushing water as I passed another pan through it. As the sun settled, it glistened with a golden shine. At times if I looked hard enough, the dirty liquid reminded me of home. To the dazzling browns and black oil that fed into our lakes. Here though, it was ominously out of place. Like holding a rock of sulfur into ours. That clear liquid is what they drank yet the water that passed by was forever tainted by our actions.

Before we started, I'll admit, I held high standards for Fernanda. She was very much like another Gaian. Yet, as she demonstrated how to pan for ore and gold. A sickening itch crawled up stomach. If even the kindest person I met so far did not care for Terra, why would anyone else? Perhaps I was missing something. Maybe there were plentiful seas of water for them to drink.

"Hey Fernanda, I have a question."

She grunted and quirked her head at me and awaited my response.

By now she grew used to my odd inquiries. It was nice to bounce ideas off her and to learn more about the Terran world. Like how their world have countless insects buzzing by like ours and just as pesky. Their sleep cycle wasn't regulated by time, but rather daylight, which made sense as the sun dimmed. I've never seen a core that moved over the sky. It was beautiful. Although she did give me some odd glances as I marveled it.

As for more important matters, I learned why we toiled away here. Why we destroyed the land. It was for no other than ores, minerals, and specks of gold.

I consider us Gaians lucky. Our supplies are sitting on the land. If I wanted gold, I would just merely wander to the great chasms. Had it been hidden under the earth, I wonder if we too would violate Gaia for a single speck. The more I learned, the more I wonder how it would be to have grown up here. Still, understanding did not excuse the actions, especially as a swell of angst rose at the sight of the water.

"Earlier, you said it was not safe to drink the water in the stream. How about those who live downstream. Is there plenty of other water for them? Like the pouch you carry?"

She shrugged and went back to sorting rocks out of the wheel barrow of gravel and grit and perhaps a few flecks of gold in the mix.

A moment passed and I wonder if she no longer cared to answer my questions. Perhaps I stepped my bounds too often, yet she paused as she held the filled pan. There was a lull gaze in her eyes as if she looked through me and at the river.

"I don't know.... I tend to prefer not to think about it. And neither should you. If you want to get through another day. You have to focus on you. On the here and now," she said and passed the pan to me. "It's up to them to fend for themselves."

I gritted my teeth and cast my eyes away from her. So, that was how it was then. A fierce world, fighting for personal survival. They would poison another for greed and self-preservation.

Yet.... How was I to speak as I held the guilt in my hands. I was going to poison another for my own gain. Perhaps taint their sources till they had nothing left to drink, like Gaia's rivers that slowly dried up.

"Girl." Fernanda stopped the wheelbarrow short of the river's edge. Rocks rattled and dirt seeped from the side as she stared at me. There was a smug smirk on her face. "This is what I'm talking about. You worry too much about the wrong stuff. I get it. You want to make a difference, it's why you ended up here. But look at yourself, you've worn yourself ragged."

My clothes and arms were caked with mud and dried water like I waded in the geothermal springs. I didn't have a spare robe to change into once we were done with work here, which I never thought about. I'd have to sleep in these dingy things and what once felt smooth like cotton stiffened through the day.

"See. You care more about the people that might be down the stream than about yourself. It's like when you threw yourself in front of an excavator thinking you can do some good, and do what? Protect this forest? Protect this land?" Fernanda cackled. "Whatever it was, think about it." She threw her hands up in the air. "This isn't the only place this is going on. Even if you could stop mining for a day here, not even ten miles away there's another group doing the same thing. You're wasting your life for nothing."

It stung. My whole mission crumbled before my feet. If only I had her talk to me before Sherwin did. I likely wouldn't be here right now. It still irked me that they desolated this land, but at least I understood a little from where she was coming from. Think about myself.... Pressed up against two voids in the world, I too imagine that is the best thing to do. But to be bound to only myself – that wasn't how I wanted to live life.

There had to be more meaning to life than just facing the darkness alone. Just like she was helping me. She might act strong, but helping others and looking out for others is instilled even in the deepest void of our life. There's no nobler sense than to fulfill it. Perhaps she had given up on it on a grander scale, but it was there. A small flickering flame that gave hope that one day, this world would be set ablaze with care once again.

She was right about one thing though. I had to be smarter about what I was doing. Throwing my life away haphazardly would achieve nothing. The excavator bit... that was not my most brilliant idea. I had a goal and I intended to fulfill it, but I needed to look at the bigger picture. For now, that meant getting out of here.

"Right." I lowered my voice. "I'll quit wasting my life away, but I can only do that from the outside."

She smirked and glanced around her. It appeared she seemed satisfied, but leaned in as she whispered, "Good. That's the spirit. Last thing I wanted to do was help free you so you could end up in another damn mine." She snickered for a moment. "Just focus on the here and now, and I'll take care of your escape."

"Thanks. Is there anything I can do to help."

"Other than making the guards disappear." She grunted; "Just keep working hard. This isn't too much for you, right?"

I shrugged. Besides the dirty clothes, I was in decent shape. Those rocks weighed nothing and the repetitive nature of panning and wheelbarrowing over more made time pass by. "It's fine so far."

"Huh." She grunted. "I'm impressed. For a first day of hard work like this, you're tougher than I thought. Most newcomers get the easier eastern bank where we got the sluice box going, and they still fall flat out of exhaustion."

"I guess it's because I got spunk."

She laughed and nearly pushed the wheelbarrow into the river as she leaned against it. After stabilizing it she grinned. "You're the first activist I met with a sense of humor. So, don't go screwing things up. Get back to work"

I smiled. I suppose not all of us Gaian's are the sarcastic or joking lot, especially if they had a reason to travel to the Terran world. She was right though, it was best to get to work.

With the sun setting in the distance and shadows drawing nearer, I needed to get my mind off things. I've heard plenty about the hours that Terra was engulfed by the void. The time that the darkness ruled and people's heart overfilled with it.... There was too much to worry about.

Just pan. Pan the night away.