[--,2018, Seoul, South Korea]

"Mom! I'm home!" I shouted as I threw my shoes away from my foot and ran immediately to my room, heart beating madly due to my excitment.

I pulled my laptop from underneath the bundles of clothes in my closet and plopped myself onto my bed.

I opened YouTube and waited for nearly five minutes until I finally got a notification.

'BangtanBomb just released RUN BTS episode 41! Wat-' I read then immediately clicked on the link, not having enough patience to read any further.

My heart was beating furiously in my chest as I waited for the episode to load, causing my leg to shake impatiently against the mattress of my bed, making the whole bed shake alongside my body and releasing squeaky noises the more I shook my leg vigorously. During times like these, I always felt as though the wifi router was teasing me, testing my patience with its capability of controlling everything that my heart desired.

"Come on," I muttered impatiently, my eyes going back and forth between my wifi signal and the triggering loading circle in the middle of the screen.

Once their faces popped onto my screen, a smile immediately formed on my face and my heart began squealing.

How can humans be so handsome?!

The episode, as usual, consisted of a couple of games that the members had to play. This time, they were all in a white studio, wearing tuxes so we can differentiate them from their surroundings. Normally, Yoongi was the one who acted as the MC or the judge between the two decided teams, but that time it was Jin blessing us with his world wide handsome face. My heart couldn't stop beating madly in my chest throughout the whole episode, and I definitely wasn't capable of erasing the smile off my face. I couldn't even open my eyes properly due to my extreme joy.

The final game was the funniest to me. It was something close to the game Chinese Whisper except that all members from the same team would wear earphones with music blasting through so they wouldn't be capable of hearing anything. The other team should present to the first player a word which he then has to say it to the next player and so on. The game goes on that way until Jin, who acted as the last player in both teams, shouted the last word to be presented in each team's round.

"Carbonara~" I heard Hobi say out loud to Jimin, excitement visible in his tone as he moved his hand forward and back. I watched with anticipation, wondering what word Jimin will come up with.

"Tony Montana?!" Jimin asked, confusion written all over his face. I let a scoff exit my mouth at the weird way he deciphered the movement of Hobi's lips.

"Carbonara~" Hobi said again, his face still shining bright with happiness which gave me an extreme amount of energy.

I put my finger close to my mouth as I waited for the word that Jimin was going to come up with. My eyes twinkled as the light of the screen shone against my eyes, Jimin's face reflected on my glossy iris.

"Large Meolalala~" he sang, his eyes disappearing as his lips rose, taking up most of his face. Just at that moment, I knew that this word wouldn't ever part my brain.

[Present]

Large Meolalala.... I was never going to be able to use this word again. I couldn't. Why was that? It was because it reminded me of the person that I left behind. I knew that I didn't mean to leave him, but my intention didn't matter anymore. It was a fact; I left him. Part of me couldn't leave him because I still had the feeling that he was still breathing, that his heart was still beating the loudest it could, so I couldn't leave without planning something. I knew I had to do something, so I did. I secretly allowed my fingers to find their way to the opening of the packet of skittles in my pocket, and silently pulled a piece out. I had to make sure to not use all the pieces that were left in the packet, so the whole journey was basically comprised of me calculating the distance that we walked so I could throw another piece of skittles and make a track. I was sure Jimin was smart enough to figure it out no matter where he was. Why else would he find scattered pieces of skittles in a single line? He would definitely think it was a planned path and associate the skittles with me. I didn't feel as bad as I initially did, but despite my effort, every step I took away from the river made it feel as though my heart was being crushed. Yes, I was still sulking and blaming myself repeatedly for something that I knew I had no control over, but that was what felt right to me at that moment. There was no other feeling I knew the definition of except the feeling of loss and pain so I let myself be.

Not only was I experiencing the feeling of loss and pain, but also hatred, a word that I had learnt the definition of too. Thinking about the series of tragic events that I had to go through, I realized that my injury was the only thing that held me back and I hated it. I never hated anything as much in my whole entire life. I hated being incapable of doing what I wanted to do, and that was exactly what that injury was doing to me: depriving me from my ability to move around, taking away my right to save the ones I loved most.

It wasn't long until the rain actually started pouring. The wind was too cold and strong to the point that walking was becoming a little bit more difficult than it initially was. In such a situation, one would need to use his whole body to move forward, but again, my injury was holding me back. Using my leg almost felt like torture, so I avoided using it. I didn't ask anyone for help either and I wasn't planning to. No matter the amounts of excuses I tried to make up, I was still kind of mad at Taehyung and of course, I was mad at Chung Ae even more. Taehyung had no fault in anything. It was logical to believe that Jimin had died given the condition he was in and I understood that very well, but I didn't know why I was acting the way I was. I knew that it was only a matter of time until Taehyung and I could cool down, so I allowed that awaited time to come gradually.

"The amount of trees are decreasing! I think we will be faced with a road soon!" Chung Ae shouted as loud as he possibly could against the deafening sound of the blowing wind. For some unknown reason, my heart started beating faster and I felt torn.

I'm getting rescued, so why am I feeling that way all of a sudden?

I knew that Taehyung probably felt the same. Throughout the whole way, he was silent, dead silent. He wore the same facial expression as though it was the only expression he had ever learnt to use.

He is dead on the inside. A part of him is missing, and he has the right to feel empty and dead.

I didn't know how to describe how he looked. He did look pale and his lips which were always moist were now chapped and dry. His hair was a total mess and he seemed to be thinner than I last saw him. His eyes, which were once so sweet and soothing, were stone cold and dead. No matter how much I tried to look into them, I was never capable of finding the light that once shone in them.

It will change us all. This experience will be the death of every beautiful thing our hearts contained and I am not ready for this.

I couldn't tell for how long the wind kept on blowing, but it felt like an eternity. Getting drenched wasn't a big issue to me since I was close to drowning a million times before, but it still felt different. It was this type of rain that made you want to cry knowing that people wouldn't be able to distinguish between your tears and the raindrops and that was why I started crying.

It had been so long since I last cried, and it felt good. Alot of things happened at once and I lost so many people whose presence really made a big impact on my life. I didn't realise that what Chung Ae had said was true, that I needed a chance to cry as well. It felt really good to finally let my tears flow, to be capable of expressing how I felt on the inside. It felt as though a train loaded with all my pain and sadness was falling down my eyes and it felt good releasing such a heavy weight. Suddenly, for the first time, I was capable of breathing in the wind that had been blowing in my face for a long time.

So that was how Taehyung felt when he ranted to me? No wonder he was capable of sleeping afterwards.

At the mention of Taehyung's name in my thoughts, I felt my face bump into his back. It was so stiff, stiffer than I ever thought it would be and for some reason, it made me want to start crying all over again. However, as I was busy staring at Taehyung's back, I remembered something: a promise.

The skittles. I told Jimin that I will feed some of them to Taehyung once I find him.

I immediately pulled the sealed packet out of my pocket and unfolded it.The sound of the wrapper seemed to have reached Taehyung's ears despite the roaring of the wind because his head shot into my direction.

He must be starving to death.

A smile automatically formed on my face as I picked up three pieces of skittles from the packet, just the way it formed the time I fed them to Jimin.

"Here. Take some," I said and dropped them carefully into Taehyung's hands. All he did was stare at them as though they were sent down from God.

I took out three more pieces and passed them on to Chung Ae, who sent me a gentle smile in return. I was about to eat one myself, but I couldn't and I knew the reason behind it very well. Taehyung and Chung Ae eyed me skeptically. Since I wasn't eating the skittles and just staring at it like it contained poison, it probably discouraged them to put the pieces of candy in their mouths. I noticed the way I was being eyed and immediately threw one into my mouth and smiled with delight as its flavour filled my mouth.

What was that flavour again? Oranges?

The amount of relief and delight I felt as the flavor of the skittles circled in my mouth were indescribable. It felt as though it was making my taste buds dance with happiness. Not only were my taste buds dancing, but so was every single cell in my body as the the single piece of candy provided my blood with a dose of glucose.
Chung Ae and Taehyung seemed to be sharing me the same feeling: the feeling of being alive.

I, on the other hand, related all my survival probabilities and my body's biology to the single piece of candy that I had swallowed. If my taste buds were still functioning properly, it probably meant that I will live longer than I thought I would have.

We were so engrossed in eating skittles that we forgot all about why we had stopped walking in the first place and the fact that it had stopped raining. The sky was still grey and the wind was still blowing, but luckily it the rain ceased and I was grateful.

I don't want to cry anymore.

Just then, it occurred to me that I should most probably put the packet of skittles back into my pocket before our greedy selves could ask for more. I bent the packet of skittles, but frowned when I was capable of feeling only two round pieces of candy in there. The fact that the packet was big enough to feed Jimin, Taehyung, Chung Ae and I and also help me with creating a route for Jimin to follow was something to be grateful for, but I knew that I had to decide between using the last two pieces for the route and saving them in case any of us felt extremely hungry.

Once we were done depicting the flavours of the candy to ourselves, we looked ahead and that was when we remembered why we stopped moving in the first place. It was also the reason behind why I made the decision to save the pieces of skittles and not throw them on the floor for Jimin to follow.

In a very far distance, we were capable of seeing the silhouette of many, destroyed buildings, but that was only the bright side of the picture. We had to cross a whole river of speeding water to get to the other side. Not only that, but we also had a couple of miles to walk before reaching the buildings.

Crossing this river might not be a piece of cake, but if I can make it to the other side, I will do everything in my power to keep us waiting for Jimin there.

●●●●●●●

Hello my lovelies!

New chapter!

I really hope you liked it!

I'm also sorry for not writing much in author notes as I used to, but my hands just hurt after typing all this and also because I feel so excited to publish the chapter so try to cut the author notes short...

Yep that's how much I love this story... I hope you do too :)

Don't forget to take care and love yourselves,

Thank you all,

I love you,

-R 💜💜