John woke to the sun streaming through a crack in the curtains, dust specks sparkling in the light. He heard laughter and levity coming from the other room. His family was probably in there, making breakfast, loving life, but he was not happy. Don't get it wrong, he loved his kids and he loved his wife more then words. He has just been down on his luck for a while now and he had done what he had to, to keep his farm and make a life for his people.

He walked in to the kitchen yawning, sauntered over to his wife, who was cooking sourdough pancakes over the wood stove. She made the best pancakes, a strain of sourdough that could be traced back one hundred years. He wrapped his arms around her, kissed her neck and told her he loved her. Inside he was aching. He was lying to her, not about loving her because God knows he did, but about something else, something much worse.

He grabbed some black coffee Helen had made from their dwindling stores and crossed the room to see the kids. He sipped his coffee, bitter and dark. He disliked black coffee but as they say, needs must. What urcked him most was he had money after what he did last week, but his "friend" was holding it for now.

He ruffled Juniors hair and kissed Junie's forehead and ask playfully, "Why ain't yall out milking the cow yet?"

Johnny responded with a laugh, "We still eating brekist da."

"Well, you look done ta me, now out wit ya." John said without anger.

He sat and ate his pancakes, mentally checking his game plan for his trip to town today. He had to leave soon to make it there and back before dinner.

"What's on your mind sweetie?" Helen asked, he hadn't realized but he was staring off into the distance.

"Awe nuttin, I was just getting myself prepared for the ride to town."

"I made you some sandwiches to bring, don't forget to get something for June, her birthday is coming up and you might not get anther chance to go without her along."

"Thanks love, I won't forget about Junie, I've got sumthin big planned." He said with a wink. He felt a twinge of anxiety and his heart raced.

"I'm going to have to tell her," he thought, "but will she forgive me what dreadful thing I have done."