Point of View: Roman, First Person
Timeline: Present Day, One Month After Logan's Death, Three Weeks Before Virgil's Birthday

I stared at Logan's suicide note on my dresser for what felt like the hundredth time.  I had briefly scanned the letter a couple weeks ago when I was in Virgil's room, but I haven't read it and its been sitting on my night stand ever since.  It wasn't that I didn't want to know what it said; in fact, I've picked up the letter multiple times but...

It was like my brain just... just decides to shut down whenever I start, not letting me process... anything.  Was this how Logan felt the day that he killed himself?

"Woah," I said out loud into the silence of my room, surprised by the quick turn of my thoughts.  Did I really just think that?  Where did that come from?

...

You know what? I'll go talk to Patton.  Yeah, I need to get out of my own head for a bit.  Just a little distraction and I'll be back to myself.  Staring at Logan's letter must've just thrown me off...

I knocked on Patton's door which was only a couple steps away from my own.  But Patton didn't open up.  "Patton?" I asked, knocking again.  But instead of Patton opening the door, I heard a faint "I'm in here" coming from... Logan's room?

I walked a little ways down the hall to what had once been Logan's room.  I hadn't been in there much before Logan died, and I certainly hadn't come back after Logan -

Pull yourself together!

I pushed the door all the way open and  walked as casually as I could into Logan's light blue painted room to find Patton, smoothing out the sheets on Logan's bed.  He carefully tucked the black blankets with a sort of delicate nature that made me unreasonably sad.

Patton must've come in here a lot, I realized, as I noticed the bloodstains gone from the carpet and wall, the desk looking neat as ever, and the closet open and very clearly organized by color (which was mostly blues and blacks, but still).

Patton fake smiled towards me - I pretended that I didn't notice - standing up straight and sheepishly glancing at the bed.  He nervously fiddled with the sleeves of his cat hoodie.  Patton had taken to wearing the garment daily, ever since the funeral.  It was a gift from Logan and I doubt Patton would take it off lightly.

"What have you been doing in here?" I asked, noticing more things as I took a closer look.  Even the doors looked like they had been cleaned.

Patton sighed.  "I like to come in here, once a day.  And just... tidy something for him.  Whether its alphabetize his notebooks or make his bed or even vaccum, I like to just do something.  And sometimes I'll just come in here to talk to him.  It's been helping me... deal with the fact that he's... gone," Patton murmured sheepishly at the end, avoiding my eyes.

The two of us stood in silence for a while, Patton moving to sit down on the bed and I quickly joined him.

"Off topic, but there was something I wanted to talk to you about, unless you kinda just wanna be alone right now," I absentmindedly traced over Virgil's name on my wrist with my index finger.

"No, of course not! I'll always have time for you! Go right ahead," Patton adjusted his glasses, eyes blinking curiously at me from behind the fat lens.  "What is it?"

I miss Logan.  I miss him so much it almost breaks my heart in the rare moments where I turn and expect him to be standing beside me and he's just not.  Logan isn't coming back and I don't understand why I just can't accept that.  And I'm so scared, Patton.  I'm scared of everything nowadays, but I'm especially scared of my thoughts and the direction they've been leading me -

"Virgil's 25th Birthday is coming up this month," I forced a smile, quietly hating myself.  Why don't I feel comfortable talking to Patton about how I'm feeling?  Surely he'd understand and be able to help, so why am I holding back?

"Yeah, his birthday is on the 19th, right?" Patton interrupted.

"Yes," I confirmed.  "And since Logan's birthday went... not good, I want Virgil's to be better.  Besides, I... need something to be excited about right about now."

As much as I wanted to just flat out tell Patton that Virgil was my soulmate, I wanted Virgil to be the first to know.  So for now Patton had to be left in the dark, but at least he wouldn't be for too much longer.

"Uh, I dunno," Patton hesitated.  "Maybe Virgil won't want to do anything.  He's been practically living in his room except to go to work really.  Maybe it would be better to not make a  big deal out of it."

"Please?" I pleaded.  "I - I just want something to look forward to, please? I want him to have a great day," I argued.  Thankfully I'm known for being quite a big birthday person, so wanting to do something special for Virgil wasn't really that far out of the ordinary.

"I understand," Patton encouraged.  "But Virgil is probably really anxious about it.  I mean, look at what happened when Logan didn't have a name on his wrist.  I just don't want you to be disappointed if things don't go well."

"They will," I said confidently.  "So will you help me?"

Patton hesitated before nodding slowly in agreement.  "You're right, what's the harm? We should be looking forward to it, it's a birthday! And maybe whatever we come up with will help Virgil still have a good day if things... don't go well."

"That's the spirit! Now, here's what I was thinking..."

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