Point of View: Third Person
Timeline: Present Day, August 4th, Six Months into Moxiety, Five Months Since Roman Moved to LA

"Breaking News: Young Actor Roman Prince was found dead in his apartment this afternoon. Numerous sources report that Prince allegedly overdosed on anxiety pills at approximately 4:24 am yesterday morning..."

__________

Roman hesitated, staring at his phone.  He stared at Virgil's contact photo guiltily.  Virgil told him to call when he arrived but...

Roman sighed, clicking the screen of his phone off.  He already missed the both of them so much.  Roman paused for a moment to get his bearings, taking a deep breath as he eyed the busy airport street - full of people rushing to catch their flights, others just trying to figure out where they were going.  Taxis were everywhere, waiting to take people where they needed to go.

Roman waved at a taxi, hoping it was empty.  But unfortunately the taxi kept going and Roman sighed.  Perhaps this wouldn't be as easy as he'd hoped.

Eventually Roman managed to wave down a taxi - an old man who obviously hated his job.  Roman tried to make small talk for the beginning of the drive, but after a minute of awkward silences and minimal response he decided to listen to music on his phone instead.

The taxi dropped him off at the apartment complex Roman was renting for the time being.  Roman hoped that the shabby place he'd rented wasn't as terrible as the reviews, but he wasn't feeling particularly optimistic.  But it was one of the only places he could afford, so there wasn't much more that he could do about that.

He felt bad lying to Patton and Virgil about getting the part in a movie.  He was glad that they didn't question it too much.  It was the perfect lie.  Even if they had their suspicions about the state of his mental health what were they going to say? Stay home and don't chase your dreams?

Roman sighed, eyes flickering quickly over to his carry on bag.  He could almost see the pills now.  He hoped that Picani wouldn't be too disappointed about him leaving without even saying goodbye...

__________

Virgil's coffee mug slipped out of his hand as he stared at the screen. His mug shattered and coffee spilled onto the carpet but Virgil paid it no mind as he stared at the screen, not able to process the headline. He continued to stare, as if the television would magically change its mind because no, no Roman would never... Roman was fine...

Wasn't he?

__________

Roman flopped onto the bed.  He didn't want to move for another 24 years.

And he had to admit - he had seriously underestimated the shambles that this place was in.

Roman had taken one look at the elevator and immediately decided to take the stairs.  The elevator looked like the most unstable thing he'd seen in his entire life.  He didn't trust it.  He didn't trust the elevator with just him in it, especially not with all of his bags.  No, absolutely not.  It looked like at any given moment it was ready to take an accidental one-way trip down.

Roman didn't bring that much stuff to LA with him.  Just what he could fit in two suitcases and a carry on.  Patton said that Virgil and himself were probably going to move soon, so Roman would have to come back soon.

Roman didn't have the heart to tell Patton that he had no intentions of going back home.

Roman rolled onto his back, sighing at the ceiling.  He frowned at paint that needed touching up.  Well it didn't matter, he wasn't going to stay here long.

This wasn't about a job, this wasn't about chasing his dreams - no, this was Roman running from them, getting as far away from them as he could.  He couldn't bear to see Patton with Virgil.  He just couldn't.  And he wanted to be a supportive friend, he really did.  But how could he?  Can you really blame him for not wanting to slowly watch his soulmate fall in love with his best friend instead?

Roman's eyes flickered sadly to his wrist - wincing as he remembered the pain from that terrible thing he'd done.  Oh, why didn't he just tell Virgil right away? Why? Now, even if he wanted to, there's no way Virgil would believe him.  Not now anyway.  He had no proof.

"No, no time for that," Roman sat up, taking a deep breath and his eyes landed on a mirror - and he flinched involuntarily at his reflection.  There was something vaguely familiar... vaguely familiar in his eyes, but he didn't know why.  "You're creative, you're smart.  You are going to make this work.  You can make this work.  Just pull yourself together, you're going to chase your dreams - you're here, in one of the most amazing cities in the world," Roman told himself.  "Make the most of it while you can."

__________

Patton stumbled down the stairs in true Patton fashion, alarmed. He must have heard the mug shatter. Patton paused at the bottom of the staircase as he took in the scene, but ultimately focused on Virgil. "Virgil? Love? What's wrong, what happened?" Patton asked, carefully making his way across the room - the sound of broken glass crunching occasionally under his sneakers.

Virgil couldn't bear to repeat it, instead merely pointing at the headline. 

__________

Roman's knee bounced anxiously as he waited for his name to be called.  He couldn't help it, he just couldn't and who knows how many auditions it's cost him.  Trembling fingers and sweaty palms were the norm now that he stopped taking his medication.  He had left a little over half of the container filled with pills in case of an emergency, but he had no intentions of getting it filled soon.  He'd have to start seeing a new therapist for that.  And admittedly Roman wasn't particularly eager about having to go to a new therapist - he'd been quietly going to Picani for years.  He didn't want to have to talk about his problems someone completely new.

"Roman Prince?"

Roman's breath caught, but he forced a smile that he knew looked genuine (being a good actor was quite helpful at times).  Roman got to his feet, giving the lady a brilliant smile.  "Hello, miss," he greeted.

The tiny brunette didn't seem to care, just blinking back at him in return.  "They're waiting for you," she said gestured to the door behind her.

Roman bowed a little.  "Thank you."

"Best of luck," she returned, but she didn't meet his eyes - already focused on the next name on the clipboard.

Roman took a deep breath, walking in the room with much more confidence than he felt.

__________

 Patton gasped, immediately reaching into his pocket and pulling out his phone. Virgil didn't have to look to know that he was looking for Roman's number.

"Oh my gosh, please pick up, please pick up," Patton prayed, tears already falling as the truth settled in. He cried out as Roman's phone went to voicemail, frantically calling again. Virgil shook his head, trying to focus on what the reporter was saying...

__________

"Is this Mr. Roman Prince?"

"Uh, yes, that's me," Roman frowned, looking back at the number.  "Who is this?"

"Ah, good.  I am the casting director for Pyscho Godfather Wars.  We're calling to inform you that we were quite impressed with your audition, and would like to offer you the leading role."

"Oh," Roman blinked speechless.  "Is this real?" he murmured, not quite believing it.  Was this real? After all this time, did he finally get a part? And not just any part, but the lead in a movie franchise that was already so popular?

The lady on the other end laughed.  "Yes, this is real," she confirmed.

"Yeah, yes, yes!" Roman pumped one hand in the air, not being able to hold back his squeals any longer.  He danced in a quick little circle.  "Yes, I accept!"

The lady on the other end just laughed again, amused.  "Congratulations - we'll contact you with more information soon."

"Thank you, thank you, thank you!" Roman was grinning from ear to ear.

"Congratulations," she repeated.  "I look forward to seeing you again soon."

"Likewise," Roman agreed, before hanging up.

Roman squealed, jumping on his bed.  Oh, this was amazing! He hadn't felt this amazing for months! All the work, all the pain, all that he sacrificed to get here - this made it worth it, this made it all worth it.  For the first time in months he was excited about something, oh gosh he can't even remember the last time that he was excited about something!  Roman collapsed in the center of his bed, not able to stop smiling.  He laughed - he laughed! - and hugged a pillow.  Gosh, he was drunk, he was drunk on his happiness.  It had been so long...

"I've missed you dearly," Roman sung softly to the walls of his shabby apartment which was only starting to feel like home in the past four months.  "Thought I was nearly there, forever, at last together.  Is our time fleeting, is even meeting a healthy idea, or am I getting too near?"

Roman blinked.  "That's a good one," Roman sat up, rolling onto his side and reaching for the notebook on his nightstand.  It was filled - mostly with pieces of paper stuffed inside, sticky notes thrown hazardously between pages, and half-remembered ideas stuffed between the covers.  "That would make a great song," Roman hummed, mentally replaying the melody he'd just created - being careful to notate the melody exactly as he'd sung it.  "A ode to happiness.  What an beautiful idea," Roman mused, closing the book and resting it on his chest.  He just didn't want to move - he just wanted to hold this moment, hold it as close as he could, and never let go.

__________

"... to Thomas with more details. Thomas, to you."

The screen flipped to another man. "Thank you, Remy. I am currently outside of Roman Prince's apartment complex in LA," Thomas gestured at the shabby off-white apartment behind him. "Where he committed suicide yesterday morning. And yes, it has been confirmed by authorities that this was, in fact, a suicide. 

"The young actor was recently announced in the cast as the lead role in the new Alfred Hitchcoppolucas movie and showed a lot of promise, but now it looks like those hopes were misguided..."

__________

"Well hello stranger," Virgil's voice rang clear through the phone.  "Glad to see you can still make time for your best friends."

Roman forced a laugh.  Gosh, it was so good to hear his voice.  "I've missed you too, Virge."

"HIIIII!" Patton squealed from the other end.  He must be on speaker phone.  "How are you? Is everything okay? Is there any good news?"

Roman chuckled at Patton's enthusiasm.  "Uh, actually... I do have some pretty good news." Roman teased.

"Wait really?" Virgil's voice was barely heard over Patton's excited intelligible squeals of what sounded vaguely like 'congratulations.'

Roman kept his eyes trained on the his ceiling, even as the tears rolled down his face.  Gosh, he missed his friends, he missed them both so badly.  He was so lonely here, it was just... just so hard.  "Yeah! I, uh, I recently auditioned for a part and... the casting director called to let me know that I had gotten the lead."

"That's amazing, Prince!!" Patton screeched and Roman chuckled.  

"Yeah, she called me like a couple of weeks ago and told me all about the project,  I'm really excited to  - "

"A couple weeks ago?" Virgil cut Roman off.  "You've known for a couple weeks now? Why haven't you called to let us know sooner?"

Roman panicked.  "Uh, it's just been really crazy - I mean, I haven't called you in a couple of weeks and I didn't want to just send a text."

Virgil didn't seem to buy the excuse.  "You didn't have 5 minutes... to call your two best friends... in the past three weeks."

"Hey, I've been working a lot of hours," Roman said defensively.  Not that Roman was wrong, he had been working a lot.  He was paying rent on a month to month basis, never quite sure if it would be enough.  "And between my job and gigs I've been really tired."

"Well make sure that you're not wearing yourself too thin, kiddo," Patton interjected.

"I'm not wearing myself too thin," Roman lied.  "But... even when I do, I'm doing what I love in a business that isn't the easiest to get into - isn't that worth a couple sleepless nights?"

"Nothing is more valuable than you taking good care of yourself," Patton argued.  "Sure, you might love doing all these things but they do take a toll on you, kiddo.  And you've got to give yourself a second to breathe otherwise you're just - just - "

"Yeah, yeah, I know what you mean," Roman ran a hand through his hair.  "But yeah, anyway I'm gonna let you guys go, I know that it's pretty late over there."

"It's not that late."

"Isn't it 2 am over there?"

"So? You know I'm lucky if I'm asleep by four," Virgil countered.

"So now you're taking Patton down with you?"

"Nah, we actually just got done binge-watching Sherlock.  It's a great show," Virgil voice trailed off.  "Logan would... Logan would've really loved it."

I flinched at the mention of Logan.  I tried not to think about it too much.

"Oh, by the way," Patton interrupted, breaking the silence.  "A guy named Emile Picani called asking for you? He said that you'd sorta dropped off the grid a couple months ago and he hasn't been able to get a hold of you."

Oh no.

Roman eyes guiltily glanced over at the pill container on his nightstand - half filled with exactly twenty-four Zoloft pills.  "Uh, the name kinda sounds familiar but I don't know," Roman dodged.  "Did he say why he was looking for me?" he asked hesitantly, not sure how much Picani had given away.

"No, he didn't say much," Patton returned and Roman let out the breath he'd been holding.  Thank God for patient confidentiality.  "He just asked for you call him back when you get the chance.  He sounded really worried about you, Ro," Patton's tone twisted a little, a bit more hesitant than it was before.

"Well I don't know what to tell you, Pat.  I don't know who he is," Roman lied, eyes fluttering shut and so thankful that Patton couldn't see him.  "But seriously, you guys should get some sleep."

"Alright," Patton yawned.  "Alright we will.  You should get some sleep soon.  And don't wait to call us next time," Roman could almost see Patton pouting over the phone.

Roman forced another laugh.  "Night guys," he said, hanging up.

__________

"Although Prince does not have any movies under his belt as an actor, he has quite an impressive list of theater productions. Prince moved out to LA approximately 6 months ago, in hopes to make it big."

Virgil stumbled backwards - narrowly dodging the coffee table, head spinning as he fell onto the couch.  For once the soft brown couch gave him no comfort.  No, he - no, he couldn't do this right now.  He just couldn't, he couldn't.

Instead, Virgil turned to look at Patton.  Patton was sobbing, eyes already bloodshot and cheeks soaked his tears.  Patton sniffled, but kept his eyes trained on the screen.

Thomas continued, oblivious to what his words were doing to them.  "Now experts are still debating on what could have caused Prince's sudden breakdown, but there are quite a few factors that investigators are looking at. For example, Prince lost a close friend to suicide back in November."

Thomas glanced down at his notepad momentarily before his eyes returned to the camera. 

"About two months later," he continued.  "Dr. Emile Picani, who had been Prince's therapist for several years, took Prince off Lexapro and instead chose to prescribe him Zoloft. Now Zoloft, like Lexapro, are classified in the group of medications knows as Selective Serotonin Reuptake Inhibitors - a SSRI. Now this type of medication work to regulate serotonin levels - what would be considered scientific happiness - in the brain, making sure there is more available," Thomas explained. "Now there isn't a dramatic difference between the two, other than Zoloft having more FDA approved indictations - such as PTSD and OCD," Thomas started pacing in front of the apartment building.  "And although nothing has been confirmed, most experts believe that with the evidence being presented at the moment, Prince suffered at least from PTSD after the death of his friend," Thomas paused, hand coming up to his ear piece.  He listened for a moment, before nodding curtly and dropping his hand.  "I'm Thomas Sanders from Fox News and we'll be back in a moment with the rest of this story in just a short moment..."

__________

Roman phone rang again.  He halfheartedly blinked at the Caller ID.

Emile Picani

Roman let the call go to voicemail, turning on his other side and burying his face into his tear soaked pillow.

__________

"Welcome back, and you're continuing the story surrounding Roman Prince - a young actor that committed suicide yesterday morning and was found earlier today.  Here's Thomas, inside Prince's apartment, Thomas to you" Remy said. 

"Thank you, Remy," Thomas was now inside the apartment building.  It wasn't a pleasant view.  "I'm currently inside Prince's apartment building.  Prince's room was only a couple doors down," The camera man got a good shot of the hallway, showing off the police tape blocking off a section of the hallway.  "He was unemployed when he rented this apartment, quickly getting a job as a secretary to make up for the cost as well as doing gigs at some coffee shops and randomly out on the street," Thomas explained.  "Since then Prince did audition after audition, unfortunately with little to nothing to show for it. That is, until the Pyscho Godfather Wars, where he got the lead role as, ironically, Prince Charming."

___________

Roman didn't move, not even when he heard Patton's ringtone.

Roman didn't move, not even when he heard Virgil's ringtone.

Roman didn't move.

He was so lonely...

___________

"Another possible factor that could've possibly lead to this suicide is that Prince has clearly been self-harming for quite some time, for reasons undetermined. Medical professions estimate that Prince has been self-harming since December, possibly early January. However, Prince took a more creative approach, where would burn his wrist - right where his soulmate name would normally be. Investigators are trying to decipher the name, or even if there's a name to decipher as we speak for further questioning.  That's all the information we have right now, but we'll keep you updated.  For now I'm Thomas from Fox News and back to you Remy..."

___________

Roman blinked at the pill container in his hands.  The light blue tablets poured themselves into his hand, his shaking hand.  It was too much, it was so much.  He couldn't take it.  He loved him so much it made his head spin and he wanted - no, needed him.  He needed him.  But he couldn't - he couldn't, he couldn't.  He needed to stop, he needed to stop thinking.  He couldn't help it, he felt like his emotions - they were just gone, all of them.  Oh, he just felt so - so empty, so empty all the time.  All the time the emptiness filled him, he was a walking corpse already, what difference would taking the pills make? He should be happy, he should be so happy.

So why wasn't he?

Because of Virgil, because he could never love his soulmate.  Or maybe because his soulmate couldn't love him, maybe that's why Virgil didn't have his name, maybe Roman was just so unlovable not even his own soulmate could love him.

Roman let out a half-broken sob as the first pill climbed past his lips.  He couldn't take it, he couldn't take being empty all the time.  He missed Patton, he missed Logan, he missed Virgil, oh God he missed Virgil.

The next several pills were easier, Roman had found a rhythm.  He could've taken them all at once, but no, no this was better taking them one at a time.  The shaking in his hands had only gotten worse, but he kept going - swallowing pill after pill after pill.  He was starting to feel dizzy, was it working? He wasn't sure, he probably should keep going to be sure.

Roman vaguely wondered if his heart was actually beating that fast.  Oh, was that why his hands were shaking so much? Oh, who knows.  It doesn't matter now.  Pill, after pill, after pill.  Roman falling, falling down a seemingly endless downward spiral.

Tears blurred his vision, but he kept going - pill after pill after pill after pill.  As they rolled down his flushed cheeks - the silent screams they released were almost deafening.

Roman's vision suddenly tilted sideways and it took him a minute to realize that he'd fallen.  Dazed, he frantically picked up the few pills that had slipped out of his hand and onto the floor.  He whimpered, grabbing the counter and using it as leverage to pull himself back to his feet on shaky legs.  He reached for his water bottle and kept going, pill after pill after pill.  The pill bottle was almost empty now.

Pill after pill after pill...

Roman gasped as the final pill crawled into his hands.  This should be more than enough, right? 24 100mg pills of Zoloft was certain to do the trick.  This had to work, this had to work, Roman didn't know if he could live with the aftermath.

"Please," Roman whimpered, he prayed, he pleaded, he begged.  "Please, please take me away from here, I can't do this anymore," he sobbed as the final pill made it's way down.  "I'm so sorry..." he whispered.

Roman went silent again as he looked at himself in the bathroom mirror.  He looked terrible.  A pathetic mixture of sweat, tears, shaky limbs and desperation.

Roman fell again and this time he didn't have a reason to get up again.  He shivered at the cool tile against his cheek.  But after a while he managed to push himself up on his knees, he still had one thing left to do.  Shakily he crawled into his bedroom, somehow managed to reach his nightstand and grab his notebook of ideas.  He gasped on the floor at the sudden pain in his stomach.  How long had it taken him to get over here? No, the pills couldn't be kicking in already.

Roman gritted his teeth as more tears escaped, falling onto the pages.  Roman almost frantically flipped through the book, searching for the one important paper...

There.

Roman shakily pulled out the letter - Logan's suicide note.  He'd hidden it when he moved to LA - stuffing it between the pages of his journal.

The words were too blurred to read, too blurred to make out, but Roman held it against his chest, sobbing.  "I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry," he apologized to the letter - fresh tears landing on the page, smearing some of the ink.  "I'm so, so sorry that you had to go through that, I understand, I understand why you did it.  And I forgive you, Lo," Roman's voice broke.  "I forgive you," he murmured, dazed.  "I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm so, so sorry..."

_______________

Patton collapsed on the couch next to Virgil, ignoring the television, ignoring the mess on the floor.  "We'll make it through," he murmured half to himself, half to Virgil.  Virgil wasn't quite sure who he was trying to convince.  "We can make it through, together."

"... I love you, Patton.  You know that, right?"

Patton hummed in agreement.  "I love you too, Virge," he sighed, resting his head on Virgil's shoulder as the tears continued to fall.

Virgil hugged Patton, neither of them filling the silence.  They just held each other, they just held each other as they cried themselves to sleep and wordlessly vowing to never make the same terrible mistakes as their friends.

_______________

"Get up."

Roman frowned, but he stayed put.  He didn't even have the energy to open his eyes, he was just... just so tired...

"Come on, open your eyes.  It's time to go."

Roman jumped at the hand on his shoulder.  His eyes flew open and he was instantly attacked by a brutal rush of emotions.  He was so overwhelmed he just stared, as the emptiness spun, twisting itself into grief.  

"Hi, Logan."

...

"Salutations to you too, idiot."

____________________