s•c•a•t•t•e•r•e•d
part two of ebullience
the lost of it all

at night, i will wonder why i cannot find myself full, like most everybody else in the world. they know and understand where they stand in the world, so why can't i? why does it not come easy? i am a female, a feminist, a believer, and many other traits, but why do i feel lost? like i continue to lose myself every moment when i'm not true to myself. when my eyes are heavy, and my weight has sunk deep into the bed, i'll finally let myself shut down and sleep. but in my dreams, different parts of me are distributed different places in the world. in my world. the problem is, i can't go to all those places right now to fix myself . . .

. . . in the day, i'll scoop every piece and inch of me that might've strung loose and i'll sew myself back together for the day. great posture: sew. tight, polite smile: sew. open eyes: sew. i want to stay strong for those who cannot be. what seems unfair, though, is when i am weak, those same people take advantage of that. it's okay though because, my perfectly sewn lips refuse to fall loose and say otherwise. see? i'm separated, thrown-about, scattered. all the pieces of me decline to ever agree on one thing. scattered, i am, and scattered i will be.