*Camera pans over a sprawling estate, acres of green land, massive mansion, in ground pool the size of small house, attached hot tub, four cars parked on the winding driveway*

*Cut to a shot of the front doors of the mansion, closed. They open and out steps a man in his early to mid forties and a woman around the same age, both smiling.*

"Hello! I'm Bruce Wayne."

"And I'm Selina Kyle."

"And welcome to our season of Dysfunctional!"

*Slide show intro starts of family photographs of Bruce Wayne and Selina Kyle's family, ending with a current professional portrait over laid by the word Dysfunctional*

*Cut to a shot of the kitchen island. A young woman sits on the island, phone in hand while a boy in his late teens stands by the fridge, rummaging through it*

"I just don't get why mom and dad would agree to air our dirty laundry on this stupid reality tv show. I mean, its not like we need the money."

"I know, Hel, but just think. Maybe having the cameras around mean Damian will act like a civilized child?"

*A scream is heard off camera followed by loud cursing*

"Father! Jason just threatened to break my neck!"

"Only because you tried to stab me, again! And no one likes a tattle tale, you little imp."

*The woman on the counter looks at the boy by the fridge, who shrugs*

"I did say maybe."

*Cut to a shot of the backyard pool. Bruce is standing by the grill, a towel resting on his shoulders while he chats quietly with Selina. Helena is laying on one of the pool chairs, earbuds in. Three of the brothers, Dick, Tim, and Jason, are sneaking up on Damian, who sits on the edge of the pool. He hears them coming and grabs Tim's arm when it touches his shoulder, flinging the older boy into the pool, diving in after him. He hops on his shoulders, continuously dunking him into the water.*

"Ooh, shit! Damian is giving Tim the beat down!"

"Quick! Gimme your phone!"

"Why?"

"I'm gonna make a TikTok."

"Oh, word."

*Dick and Jason both pull out their phones, filming the interaction between their brothers. Out of the house emerges Duke, Cassandra, and Terry. They see what is happening. Duke instinctively pulls his phone out. Terry goes toddling over to his parents. Cassandra sighs, making her way to the pool. She jumps in, grabs Damian by the ear and yanks him from the pool.*

"What do you think you are doing?"

"He was going to push me in the pool!"

"Be the bigger...man."

"Ha! Cass, you're hysterical. You think demon here is a man! Oh, that's a good one."

"Shut up, Jason."

"Fight me."

"Boys! Enough. Thank you, Cassandra, for separating your brothers. Tim, Damian, a word?"

"Ooh, they're in trouble!"

"Richard Wayne! Another word from any of you and we take the electronics."

"..."

"..."

"You know what's funnier than twenty four?"

"Twenty five!"

"That's it!"

*Cut to a shot of the dinner table where the whole family is gathered. Alfred, the butler, enters with a tray of food. He places it on the table, taking off the lid.*

"Oh, nasty. Why do we all have to eat vegetarian just because Damian here does?"

"Its not all the time, Tim. And to show support."

"Why? Its not like he supports the rest of us."

"He went to Helena's law school graduation, didn't he?"

"Yeah, only because you bribed him with another pet."

"Tim!"

"Yeah, Tim, don't make them look like bad parents in front of the cameras."

"That's not- alright, we are going to have a quiet dinner. No one is going to talk unless it is important."

"..."

"..."

"..."

"I have something to announce."

"What is it, Jason?"

"I'm expecting."

"What?"

"Like, a baby?!"

"Well, yeah, but could be a velociraptor. Who knows."

"Jason, you don't have the right parts for that. And I'm pretty sure Roy doesn't either. Nice try."

"Wow, way to out me to the whole friggin' community."

"Jason, you wear a shirt that says 'The only straight I am is a straight up bitch'. Pretty sure people know."

"You got me there."

*The meal continues in silence for a few more minutes until Jason clears his throat again. Numerous groans sound out.*

"Wow. Way to be supportive."

"What is it, Jason?"

"Just going to say I have a tramp stamp."

"No, you don't. We've seen your back."

"..."

"..."

"..."

"What's a tramp?"

"Jesus, Jason! Look at what you're teaching Terry!"

"Terry, a tramp is Tim."

"Damn, what'd I do to you?"

"More like what'd you do to Steph. And Cassie. And Conner. You get around, Tim."

"Alright, new dinner rule. Jason can't talk."

"Wo-"

"Ah, ah, ah! No talkie!"

"..."

"..."

"..."

"Terry, say fuck."

"Jason!"

"Fuck."

"Terry, no!"

"Oh, my god!"

"Jason, go to your room! No desert!"

"I'm seventeen!"

"And you still live at home! Go to your room, now!"

*Jason throws his napkin on the table and leaves the dining room, flipping his family off. Everyone sits in silence for a few moments.*

"Fuck."

Confessional- Jason

"Was I being a bitch on purpose? Hell yes. It is hysterical to rile my family up, especially Dad. Hey, do me a favor, yeah? When he gets really pressed, a vein under his left eye does a twitchy thing. Catch it on camera. He prides himself on managing to 'stay calm' so if you get evidence to the contrary, well, it would please me greatly."

Confessional- Helena

"Wow! I can't believe my parents bribed my siblings to come to my graduation. Rude. They never bribed me to do any family events. I didn't even know that was an option! But now that I do...

Confessional- Selina

"I promise our kids are good kids! They are just a little rough around the edges some times, y'know? Our family dynamic isn't....traditional. Most of our children don't share more than one parent. Some aren't even blood related. But I wouldn't trade my family for the world. I love them all to pieces."

*Blood curdling scream is heard off camera*

"Sometimes, literally pieces."

Confessional- Tim

*Texting on his phone*

"Sorry, Jason just called me a sloppy bitch in the group chat. What was I saying? Oh, right. The only two sane members of our family are Cass and Duke. And I don't think it is a coincidence that they are the favorite children, either."

*Phone vibrates*

"Oh, fuck you! At least I didn't have a three way with our brother's ex!"

*Looks to camera*

"Are you still filming...? Damnit. Jason! Don't kill me!"