Why.... I know I'm mean to everyone...

I know I'm rough and the "bad" one...

I know it's hard and fucking difficult to handle me...

I know I'm not fucking perfect nor even a number one...

I know I should change my attitude.... I know I've done so many things wrong.... I know that OKEY?! I FUCKING KNOW THAT!!!

I KNOW I'M BAD!!! I'M FUCKING SORRY!!! OKEY?!?!

I'm yelling around... I'm acting totally proud and strong...
Actually I'm not strong...
I'm not that strong....
Never....
When I'm home.... I get weak...
I remember those eyes...
Those eyes were staring at me.... avoiding me... disgusted.... mad.... angry....
Not even my mom know what's wrong... but she always saw me... How I cry...

I'm sorry for disappointing her.... for being so bad... for having such an aggressive child...
I'm so.... so fucking sorry....

I know I have anger issues...
i know I'm swearing a lot...
but I'm sorry! I don't know what I should do against it....
I fucking don't know...

I know I can't be a hero...
I know with that attitude I'm not even close to become a hero number one...
not close enough....
many people fucking tell me that every fucking day...
YOU KNOW HOW HURTFUL THAT IS?
I'm so sorry for my past me...
for that innocent child that wished to be number one hero to shatter those dreams...
to doesn't bother about it...
trying to stay strong the hole time but lying to myself...
I'm so fucking sorry

I'm so sorry for what I have done to you... for what I have dome to everyone out there... I'm.... so freaking sorry... 

It's useless to write it down but I can't take it anymore... The darkness around me...

I'm alone... everytime... everytime when I'm home I'm alone. When I go outside I'm alone because everyone is avoiding me... Sure who wants to be with a bad person like me?

If someone would read this don't come to me like "no you're not that bad! It's not your fault" or stuff like that.

You know what I earn when I act like a hero?
I'll tell you...

Once I saved a child! I risked my life for her because her mother started to cry out for help with tears in her eyes.

It was fucking difficult to reach that kid but I did it because I won't give up! But do you know what I've earned? Not a thank you... no that would be nice.

She simply took her child and thanked another hero who was by my side and showed me where she was. She totally ignored me... who was bleeding on the head because a stone hit it hard.

I never felt so betrayed before...
Is that what it called being a hero? Or is it because I have this attitude with swearing and being mean to other people? Is that what it means for me? I also risked my fucking life!!

But maybe... maybe I deserve this after all.... maybe... that's my fate?
It's like the darkness overwhelmed me and was slowly killing me... it's like someone tell me I should go over the line and enter the shadows...

I'm.... fucking sorry....
Everyone is leaving me.... everyone left me behind just because of my attitude.... maybe... I'm not good? Like everyone is saying it... but I'm sorry... please don't fucking leave me alone... I want to change me.... I want but... i can't...

But please.......

Please.......

Don't fucking let me hanging.... don't fucking pretend like you don't know me.... don't tell me that I'm fucking bad.... because I know.... I fucking know and I'm fucking sorry.... I'm so sorry for what I've done....

I'm sorry.....