6

I was delayed. Natutuliro na 'ko kakaisip kung anong mangyayari.

Alexa, Hannah, Jill were livid. Cari was sitting on the couch, staring at me, while I paced around my bedroom. The girls were seated on the carpet, watching me with grim faces.

"Fuck. Fuck. Fuck," I was murmuring under my breath, feeling the gnashing feeling of anxiety rising in my chest.

"I knew that guy was bad news. Ano bang problema n'yan? Bakit 'di kayo nag-protection?" kunot-noong sabi ni Hannah na nagpatango kina Jill at Alexa.

I stopped pacing to look at them, my thumb between my teeth. "It's not his fault. It's mine. I told him I was on the pill."

Hannah frowned. "Kahit pa. Dapat pa rin sigurista siya."

Umiling ako. "I don't think it's right to blame him. It was my decision."

Jill blew out a puff of air, looking just as frazzled as I was. "Paano na? Ano na plano mo?"

Mas dumoble pa ang kaba ko. "I don't know..."

"Sasabihin mo na ba sa daddy mo?"

Iniisip ko pa lang, parang mahihilo na 'ko. Screw him. I was more scared of my lolo.

"Fuck, no. Not yet. Not while I'm not sure yet, and even then, kay Lolo muna," I answered.

"What about Nico? Are you going to tell him?" Cari asked out of the blue.

I darted to her. She was the only one with a calm look on, but her eyes didn't hide the worry she was feeling. "Should I? Kahit 'di pa 'ko sigurado?"

"It's your choice, babe. Kung saan ka comfortable."

I sighed, kneading my forehead. "I don't know. I can't think straight. What would you do if you were in my position?"

"Si Cari? 'Di siya magsasabi hangga't 'di siya sigurado, for sure. Sigurista din 'yan, e. Pero kung ako 'yan, I'll tell him. We did this together. We deal with it together, gano'n," Alexa answered for her.

Cari was nodding. "She's right..."

I bit my thumb again. I had no idea how Nico would take it. With his lifestyle and personality, I could hazard a guess that he wouldn't be ready for a child, ever. We were still young, and our families would never let us live it down. Fuck.

"Stop pacing, AJ. Nahihilo ako sa 'yo. Sit down," Hannah said when I began walking back and forth around the room again.

Huminga ako nang malalim at umupo sa tabi ni Cari. Nilingon ko silang lahat.

"Can I not tell him? Even if I were to get pregnant, can't I keep it a secret? I don't think Nico's fit to be a dad," I told them.

Cari pursed her lips into a thin line. "Babe, it's your choice right now na 'di magsabi. Kasi wala pa at 'di ka pa sigurado. Pero kapag nand'yan na, you have to tell him. It's his right."

My face crunched in grimace. "He's immature. He can't be a father, sure ako. I can take care of my baby myself. Pasasakitin niya lang ang ulo ko."

Cari leveled her gaze with mine as if to gently tell me I was wrong. "That's his choice to make. You can't decide that for yourself. It sucks but it's the right thing to do."

I hated that she was right.

"Tama ka," I said with a groan. "Pero puta kasi. Why am I only attracted to assholes?" I leaned in the couch and sighed sharply. "Puta talaga."

Cari took my hand in hers. "Kaya next time, don't get too drunk na. You have to promise us."

The others nodded and were expecting me to answer positively.

I closed my eyes. "Malagpasan ko lang talaga 'to, I promise. 'Di na talaga mauulit 'to. I'd be more careful."

Pero bahala na. Bahala na talaga.

***

In the end, I chose to tell him.

Ang gago, gustong umisa na naman sa 'kin kaya napilitan na 'kong magsabi.

Seeing the shock on his face, I just knew my initial judgment of him was right. His face went so pale that I thought his blood had run out of his body.

"Shit. Buntis ka talaga?" he sputtered, eyes wide.

From the couch, he leaned away from me to run his gaze over me up and down.

"'Di ko pa alam. But I could be. Delayed na 'ko ng three days."

He wiped his face with a hand. "Tangina."

That was a valid reaction, pero nairita ako. "Look, I'm not telling you to ask you to take responsibility. I just want you to know para 'di ka mabigla kung may mabuo man."

"Fuck, Aaliyah." He rose to his feet, looking terrified as he stared at me from under his lashes. "What would your dad say? He'll have me killed. I know someone. We can just..."

"Abort it? Are you fucking serious?" Napatayo na rin ako sa narinig ko. Putanginang 'to. "You know my history and my issues with abandonment and you're asking me to kill my child?"

That shut him up. Naghintay ako nang ilang minuto para bumalik siya sa tamang huwisyo. But he kept on cursing and pacing, and he never bothered taking back what he was saying earlier.

I lost my patience. My anger was soaring at an all-time high. I'd seen enough. Kahit gaano pa kabigla-bigla ang sitwasyon, it would never be right in my books to talk about murdering my own baby. I don't fucking care what others want to do with their lives but no one has the right to tell me to abandon my child.

This is my baby.

"Alam mo, Nico. Let's stop it here," I said, trying to tone down my simmering rage. "Gago ako pero mas gago 'tong gusto mo. I guess this is how far you can go, huh. We're done. I don't wanna see your face ever again."

I grabbed my Prada hand bag and made way for the door.

"But the baby—"

"Wala ka nang responsibilidad. Do me a favor and forget this ever happened."

I stormed out of his house in fits of anger, throwing the door close in my wake. Buti na lang he knew what was good for him because he didn't bother contacting me after that either.

Which just cemented my decision to cut him off in my life. What an ass. Hanggang sarap lang, wala namang balls to take responsibility.

If this had been Zach, at least he'd be different. The guy was also an ass, but he was way gentler to children.

Anyway, I didn't have to concern myself with this issue for much longer. Eventually, dinatnan ako at nakahinga na 'ko nang maluwag. But I didn't bother informing Nico.

Bahala siyang lamunin ng takot niya. I was just so glad I dodged a bullet there.

***

"Ano 'to, Cari? Did you invite me to thirdwheel?" I told my best friend as soon as I arrived in the restaurant she texted to me.

We were in Makati. It had been a week since I found out I wasn't pregnant, and three days since I last saw her. Bigla siyang nag-ayang kumain sa labas. I thought it would be just the two of us, but there was someone else at the table with her.

Her new boyfriend. Si Andrei De Villa.

I'd seen the guy before, in passing lang and very quick pa. We were introduced then, but they weren't dating yet. Ngayon ko lang talaga siya makakasama at makikilala nang pormal.

I had nothing much to say about him. He was good-looking, as most of the De Villa boys were, but he was also begrudgingly quiet and cool-headed. He was exactly the type of guy I'd envision Cari to be with, pero 'di ko alam kung magkakasundo kami.

I had no taste for tamed boys after all.

Tumawa si Cari sa sinabi ko. "No. This is for you. We're celebrating your freedom because finally, you dumped that guy."

"Why do you hate him so much?" taas-kilay kong tanong sa kanya.

She countered it by raising her own. "'Di ba ikaw ang nagsabi? He's an asshole."

Point there, but I shrugged nevertheless. "So? He's not that much different from Zach." Umupo ako sa tabi niya at nilingon si Andrei. "Hi."

He greeted me with a light smile. Didn't even bother with pleasantries. So not my style.

Cari made a disgusted sound. "Don't start me on that. I celebrated too when you guys broke up."

I clicked my tongue thrice. "Cruel. It was a tough break-up for me too, you know. And I thought I was the cruel one here."

When the waiter arrived to give the menu, I opened it to check their best-selling dishes. Mm, Cari chose a good restaurant.

"Yeah, so tough you jumped to another guy," she fired back, which made me laugh. "I'd feel much better if you'd stir free from trouble and find yourself a decent guy. Someone who actually likes you for you. Not men who'll push you to vices."

At that, my brows arched and I pulled my attention from the menu to look at her. From my peripherals, I could see her boyfriend checking the menu as well.

"They didn't push me to any vices." Even as I said that, all the times Nico went to my house to drink with me flashed in my head. I was a party girl, that was a definite, but I made sure to do it only in my free time.

With Nico, it became an everyday routine. The guy couldn't sleep without alcohol in his system after all. Sabi niya, it was too lonely being alone in his house and he needed the help he could get to drown away the silence.

That was something I could relate to so I kept him company. In hindsight, that started my weakening control over myself.

"Okay, fine. I wasn't the best version of myself with Nico. But Zach was tame."

Cari relented with a sigh. "Tama ka naman. Mali ako do'n. But that doesn't explain his infidelity."

Andrei closed the menu and turned to us. "I think I should leave you girls to talk."

Patayo na siya when I held up a hand. "No, stay." Bumaling ako kay Cari na pinaupo ulit siya. "Wag na natin pag-usapan ang past ko at 'wag sa harapan ng boyfriend mo, please? Masisira lang ang araw mo. Now, would you care to introduce me properly?"

The conversation about that ended when Cari morosely sighed again. "Fine." She turned to her boyfriend. "This is her, AJ. The one I told you about—my best friend."

When Andrei nodded at me, his light brown eyes settling on my face, I placed my arms on the table to lean closer to him. "So we've met again. Cari told me you're a big family. May marereto ka ba sa 'kin?"

With that, Andrei raised a brow, looking every bit amused as he turned to Cari before shifting his gaze back to me.

Cari was caught off-guard but she didn't look scandalized or anything.

Andrei answered coolly, "I have someone I know who'll like you. But I don't know if you'll like him."

"Bakit hindi?"

"He's not the easiest to deal with." He exchanged glances with Cari, and she began to nod, like he passed a silent message to her.

Doon pa lang, gets ko na.

"Let me guess," I said, my voice coming out as impassive. "Your youngest brother? Yung maginoong gago daw?"

Sa sinabi ko, tumawa si Andrei. Cari looked surprised  at my choice of words, but then she chuckled as well. She jerked my arm with her elbow.

"Sa'n mo naman nakuha 'yon?"

I shrugged. "I've seen that Jacob na. During the match I told you about. I'm not an idiot to not see how he carries himself around women."

Andrei gestured like he just proved a point. "Like I said, not the easiest to deal with."

I licked my lips where a hint of a smile was starting to show. "You're doing this wrong. If you want to discourage me, you should pick your words carefully."

"Why is that?"

"Hasn't Cari told you yet that I like bad boys?" I asked, glancing at Cari.

"Bad boys? Sure. But rebels with a temper? I doubt it," Andrei replied. "You'll only butt heads with him."

I couldn't help the laugh that came out of my lips.

Wala akong clue ano na ba ang mga narinig ni Andrei De Villa about me. I never really asked Cari what she told him about us, but it was apparent to me that this guy had already formed an accurate map of my personality. Hmm, maybe magkakasundo kami after all.  I liked smart people.

"I like you," I said after my laughter receded. "You're good. Babe, I like him," I told Cari.

Cari cut her eyes back and forth between the two of us and only shook her head, unable to mask the smile ghosting her face.

***

That night, the scum of the Earth came home again.

Nalaman ko lang because I heard him talking to someone over the phone when I walked past his office after getting dinner. The door was left ajar, and when I heard my mother's name being mentioned in a whispered voice, I lingered just enough to hear what he had to say.

The call was brief, but it gave me enough information to go on. My hunch was right. My father really hired someone to look for my mom. There was no progress yet, buti na lang, but Dad was getting increasingly frustrated. He wanted her back, and he wanted her now.

I almost gagged at his words. Talaga?

Coiling in disgust, I spun on my heel and went back to my bed room. My temper was flaring. Ang ganda-ganda ng araw ko, sinisira pa nito.

He was unbelievable. Really, he was stooping this low? Lolokohin niya repeatedly and he had the gall to look for her? That he was actually looking for her, that he wanted her back, was making me feel sick to the core.

I wanted to spit at him. What right did he have to play with her feelings like that? What right did men have to think that they could toy with women whenever they wanted? That they could have them and dispose of them anytime?

Fuck them! Fuck all of them!

I just hoped that wherever she was, my mom would be smart enough to never ever let herself get discovered by this sorry excuse of a man. Wag na wag siyang babalik sa impyernong 'to.

Unnerved and seething, I pulled out my phone. Suddenly, it was getting hard to breathe again and I was dying to fly out of here. Kakauwi ko lang two hours ago, but I needed to get out again.

I knew I promised Cari I'd stay sober, but the frustrations were creeping up on me. I needed an out.

I needed to get away.

Now.

So I texted my friend and hurriedly slipped into one of my party dresses.

Me: Bring me out, Yoj. Please.

Yoj: Monster in the house? Kk. Give us 15.

Senator Montevista could try and stop me. But there was nothing that he could do that could keep me in this house tonight.