Everything made sense. Lahat ng tinatago niya sa 'kin, lahat ng hindi malinaw, lahat ng sikreto. Suddenly, everything was clear as daylight.

Kaya pala. Kaya pala lagi na lang siyang may kausap. Kaya pala lagi na lang siyang abala. Kaya pala lagi na lang akong nagdududa. I was fucking sharing him with some other bitch.

With that reminder, my blood ran cold and those stupid tiny needles began their assault on my heart again. Tears pricked my eyes.

Dammit.

Maybe I should've ended things right before they began. I miscalculated. This was nothing but a mishap in my plans. Ang tanga tanga ko rin kasi not to see the red flags, the glaring signs. Player din siya. Katulad ng mga iniiwasan ko. The worst of all. All those archetypes I made for nothing. In the end, wala pa rin pala akong takas sa kanila. How could I not notice the signs-or did I ignore them? I'd never thought I'd see that type in this life.

Maybe that's how it is? Every wall has a crack just like how every plan has a hole. Walang foolproof plan ever. Kahit gaano ka pa maghanda mahirap talaga kapag ikaw na ang nasa sitwasyon. May kanya kanya tayong katangahan pagdating sa pagmamahal. This was mine. He was my mistake.

Matapos kong ubusin ang lakas ko sa shooting range at kung saan saan pa, nandito na ako sa Roxas Boulevard. I wasted all day going around places, aimless and unsure of how to steel myself. It was now getting dark. Wala na akong pakialam kung manganib ako dito o magmukhang tanga kasi kanina pa ako umiiyak.

Shit kasi.

Sobrang sakit. It only took a minute to break my world. It took even less to destroy every good memory we had. Ang masakit pa doon, ang atake ng mga katanungan sa isip ko.

Bakit? Paaano niya nagawa 'yon? Kailan pa?

Saan ako nagkulang?

Binigay ko naman ang lahat, 'di ba? I even almost lost my brothers for him! So bakit? Collateral damage lang ba talaga ako? Casualty lang ba ako sa naging away nila ng kapatid ko? 'Yon lang ba talaga ang worth ko, ang identity ko sa kanya? Kapatid ng lalaking nanakit sa pinsan niya?

Tangina. Tangina talaga. Paano ko kakalimutan ang lahat ng pinagsamahan namin? He was a lot of my firsts and above all, he was my greatest love.

Paano ko sisimulang buuin ang sarili ko sa pagkakalugmok na 'to? At ang mas masakit pa kasi kahit na sinaktan at niloko niya ako, mahal ko pa rin siya. Just . . . dammit!

The sound of my phone blasting through the silence of the night made me jump from my seat. It was Angelo calling.

I rejected his call again. Wala akong lakas ng loob na sumagot ng kahit anong tawag.

Angelo Castillo:

Jamie V!! Why u rejecting this handsome god :((( Let's hang out! U promised me :(

With shaky fingers, I wiped the tears on my face and responded.

Me:

Not the best time, sorry

Angelo Castillo:

Oh he's there? Sorry :(

Me:

No. It's over

Angelo Castillo:

What? Where are you?

Me:

Here and there.

Angelo Castillo:

Stay put. I'll be there.

I had no idea what he meant by that. There was no way he could possibly know where I was right now. Bukod pa doon, isang beses ko lang nakwento sa kanya na gusto kong pinupuntahan ang lugar na 'to kapag gusto kong mapag-isa and that was a long time ago. Ta's, I said it in passing pa. Hindi na niya maaalala pa 'yon.

After I replied to Angelo, I turned off my phone. Ayoko nang makita pa ang mga sumunod na mensahe doon. Kanina pa ako tinatawagan ni Racel. I even received countless messages from him, all pretty much saying the same thing.

I wasn't thrice-damned stupid para magpaloko pa ulit. I was so sick of it. Ang ayoko pa naman sa lahat, yung nagsisinungaling sa 'kin. I can't handle dishonesty at all kasi hindi ako yung tipo ng tao na mahilig magsinungaling. But come to think of it, I'd told more lies than I could count ever since I met him.

See? Fuck. I changed. I turned into this version of myself. I even defied my family. All for him. And this was what I got out of it-a frigging broken heart. Joke's on me, huh?

I was so pathetic.

Ilang oras akong nanatili doon at iyak lang nang iyak. Mga bandang alas-otso, may narinig akong tumawag ng pangalan ko. I hastily turned and found Angelo running over to me.

Startled, napatayo ako sa kinalalagyan ko. What the hell? How did he find me?

"Hey, you!" sabi niya nang maabot ako. He doubled over, hands on knees, as he panted for breath. "Been looking for you. I thought you were in MOA at first."

"You found me . . ." I breathed out, flabbergasted.

"Of course I did. Looked everywhere for you."

"But . . . how?"

"Oh, babe. All roads lead to you, didn't you know?" When he looked up, I expected to see that lopsided grin he loved to wear like a charm on his face but instead, he looked straight into my eyes, his grey orbs devoid of any playfulness. Angelo stood to his full height, pulling me into the protective shelter of his arms.

"I was so worried for you. Buti na lang I remembered you loved going here." He inhaled, placing a hand behind the back of my head.

I nuzzled into his arms, the tight string in my chest unraveling slightly. "I actually wanted to go to MOA. Could use a drink or two but then I thought, I don't wanna be with people."

He took a deep breath. I could feel his chest rising and falling against my skin. "C'mon. Let's get you out of here," bulong niya sa tainga ko.

"Where to?"

"Anywhere at all. You can't stay here and sulk." Angelo pulled away and studied me closely. He traced a finger down my cheek, following the trails that my tears left and wiping them off. "Damn, I hate seeing you cry."

"You shouldn't have come."

He frowned. "And go crazy from overworrying? Hell no. I almost died trying to find you and no, Jamie V. You're not going to waste yourself over that guy. Cry all you want, my shoulders are yours. But there's no way in hell I'm letting you kill your liver. C'mon."

Hinatak niya ako papasok ng kotse niya. Bago niya pinaandar ang kotse, may tinext muna siya. Then, we were driving along in no time. Dumaan muna kami sa Jollibee to order take-outs then we cruised around with no specific direction in mind. Hours after, we were heading North and I realized Angelo was driving to Pangasinan na. Dito na kami napadpad sa kakaikot namin.

We stopped at an empty parking space. Umupo kami sa hood ng car niya habang kinakain ang mga inorder namin.

Angelo engaged me in a light conversation. I appreciated his effort to keep my mind off things. Pinapatawa niya ako at ni minsan, hindi nagtanong kung ano ang nangyari.

But the question was in the air, begging to be noticed, and its weight was suffocating me despite his endearing attempts to shoo them off.

I bit my lip, drumming my fingers along the surface of the soda I was holding. "Was this what you meant nung sinabihan mo 'kong iwan siya?" I added, "Did you know he was . . . " Napahinto ako at napalunok, "cheating on me?"

Suminghap siya at nawala ang sigla sa mukha niya.

"Yeah," he muttered.

I tore my eyes off my feet and turned to him. His grey eyes were fixed at the skies, dark and contemplative.

"How did you know?" bulong ko.

"Nakita ko sila."

Kinuyom ko ang mga nanginginig kong kamay. Huminga ako nang malalim.

"Ba't 'di mo sinabi sa 'kin?"

"Ayokong manggaling sa 'kin, e, and I couldn't bear to see you hurt, too. Besides . . . " He whipped to me and smiled wistfully. "You wouldn't have listened to me anyway. You love him too much and I wasn't so sure with what I saw. I didn't have it in me to break it to you."

"How did you find out about them?" I asked, my voice small and fragile.

"Saw them once in Makati. They didn't see me though. But I saw that douche walking around with another girl on his arm. Akala ko nga it was you but then the hair was different. Didn't see the face. Wala akong proof," he said glumly.

Habang sinasabi niya 'yon, nagsimula nang sumikip ang dibdib ko. May sasabihin pa sana siya pero hindi na niya tinuloy nang makita niya ako. Napamura na lang siya at nanahimik.

"So ako lang pala ang hindi nakakaalam. Ang tanga ko." I hit my chest to relieve the tension building there.

"No, you're not. You're damn special, Jamie V," he quickly reassured, reaching over to squeeze my hand. "Gago lang siya to hurt you like this. If that were me, I'd never cheat on you like this."

Humikbi ako. Ayokong umiyak. Pagod na akong umiyak. Akala ko wala na akong mailalabas pa pero bakit parang namumuo na naman ang mga luha? I angrily wiped them away.

Angelo scooped me closer to him, securing my head against his shoulder.

"You can cry, you know. I don't like to see you crying but if you need to, I swear I'm not gonna laugh."

Like a trigger, his words pierced through my walls and opened the dam of emotions again. My tears welled up and fell down like bullets, leaving burning trails along my cheeks.

"You know . . . I was there when my bestfriend got her heart broken, too. I guess it's my destiny to become everyone's superhero. I'm really fucking Superman, baby," biro niya habang lalo akong hinahawakan nang mahigpit.

Despite the lump in my throat, I chuckled. It felt hollow and brittle to my ears, as if I was already devoid of all life and meaning. "Yes. Yes, you are." He really is. "Why are you doing this? You're so nice to me."

"You have to ask? You're my Jamie V, silly. I don't need a reason. You know that I love you, yeah?" He pulled away to look at me for good measure as if he's ensuring I'd get his meaning.

"I don't deserve you. You're too bright and sunny for me."

"I should be the one saying that. You're one of the strongest girl I know. You're definitely right up there with my mom and Cari. And you know what I love about you? You make me wanna become a better version of myself. You inspire the coward in me to want to fight for once."

"What does that even mean?"

He grinned, saying, "Exactly what it means," and then kissed the top of my head.

I was glad that Angelo was here. His bright smile was enough to soothe and nurse that large gaping hole Racel left in place of my heart. Mabuti na lang at sa tuwing kailangan ko siya, lagi siyang nandiyan. Ano na lang ang gagawin ko kung wala siya?

Hinilig ko ulit ang ulo ko sa balikat niya. Kahit na patuloy ang bagsak ng mga luha ko, gumagaan pa rin ang pakiramdam ko kasi kasama ko siya. His presence helped numb the pain. Not take it away. Just numb it down. Because I didn't think this hurt would ever go away.

That chance flew past when I gave Racel my heart and the right to destroy it.

I loved him so much and it was hurting me so bad. I didn't think it would ever go.