On Saturday, I slept until noon. As if the skies were reflecting my current emotional state, this weekend was rainy and gloomy.

The first thing I did when I woke up was check my phone. I groaned when I saw the vacant inbox. Still no message. Frustrated, I threw it back on the bed and jumped off. I did my morning rituals as quick as possible, my mood relatively sour, and then I went down just in time to see my brothers making a crazy show in the living room.

Kuya Travis and Kuya Chris were home this weekend. Even Kuya Andrei went home last night kaya kumpleto kaming lima. And what were the rascals doing?

Singing. Shouting their lungs out. More like, Kuya Chris and Kuya Jacob were messing around while Kuya Travis watched amusedly and Kuya Andrei filmed the whole thing. Wala namang mic but they were singing this tuneless song na hindi ko maintindihan kung bagong kanta ba o gawa gawa lang nila.

As soon as they noticed me, they stopped. Syempre, no amount of shame on their faces. The devils wore cheshire grins that could put the infamous cheshire cat to shame.

Kuya Jacob nodded his head, as if greeting me and saying 'sup?'

"Kumain ka na. May nakatabi do'n sa table," sabi naman ni ni Kuya Travis habang tinuturo ang dining table. Ever the thoughtful one.

"Anong meron?" I said, gesturing to the video cam.

"Kuya wanted us to help him. He's composing a proposal song for Ara, apparently," Kuya Andrei answered.

Nanlaki ang mga mata ko. "Oh my God. Official proposal? As in?"

Kuya Chris shook his head. "Hindi. Naniwala ka naman d'yan. It's her birthday soon. Gusto ko lang siya bigyan ng special na regalo."

"You mean, gusto mo siyang haranahin?"

He grinned. "Yeah, parang gano'n na nga."

Natawa ako. "Piece of advice, Kuya. Para 'di ka mapahiya kay Ate. Make sure si Mathe ang tutulong sa 'yo at hindi sila."

"Hey!" the boys chorused in protest.

"The art of breaking your brothers' heart, huh?" Kuya Jacob told me with a teasing smirk.

Ngumisi ako. We've gotten past our differences in the last days. Medyo okay na talaga kami at nagbibiruan na rin.

I snuck out a tongue at him and went to the table to eat breakfast. Wala akong gana, honestly. But I needed to act as normal as possible para hindi nila mahalata na there was something wrong between Racel and me.

Kuya Andrei tagged along and sat beside me, his eyes focused on the video he shot earlier, his lips curling into a snicker.

Habang kumakain, sinisilip ko rin ang video. My God, was it horribly chaotic. Hindi naman kasi nila sineryoso ang ginagawa. Kumuha pa nga ng mic 'tong si Kuya Jacob at ginamit kahit na hindi naman naka-on ang sound system. Feel na feel niya. Silang dalawa ni Kuya Chris. Real idiots.

Napangisi ako. Well, we're finally back to how we were. Kind of. I liked it.

"Sama ka?" tanong ni Kuya Andrei habang nagtitipa sa phone niya.

"Saan?"

"Geon and I are going to chill tonight."

"To drink? Nah." I shook my head and sipped from my glass of juice.

"Dapat but if you're going then we can just go to Tags and eat somewhere. You'd like that."

Hm, tempting. But I suddenly remembered the cause of my current dilemma. I had a sharp intake of breath. Shoot! Si Angelo! Masyado akong naging caught up kay Racel, nakalimutan kong mag-apologize kay kumag.

"What time ba?" I hastily asked.

"Night. Say, ten. Dadaan lang ako sa school mamaya then sunduin na lang kita."

"Sino-sino tayo?"

"Geon, me. Not sure yet but maybe Paul will tag along."

"Sige. Daan tayo sa Obi, a?"

Kuya chuckled. "Sure."

#

Kuya Andrei picked me up at around 8:30 PM. Medyo napaaga dahil maaga din natapos ang kung ano mang inaasikaso niya sa school. We met Angelo in a bulalo restaurant somewhere and was now chilling at Twin Lakes.

Busy ang dalawa sa mga ka-text nila. I was frowning as I stared at the bandaid on Angelo's right cheek.

Medyo kinutuban ako. Kanina ko pa gustong magtanong pero nandito kasi si Kuya Andrei. I didn't want him to know.

"Restroom lang," paalam ni Kuya after a while.

Tumango ako. When he was gone, my eyes zeroed in on Angelo again.

The kumag chuckled, lowering his phone, and with grey eyes twinkling, said, "You're so obvious, Jamie V."

"What happened d'yan?"

He shrugged. "I had a run-in with a tree."

I gave him the eye. "Who won?"

"Well, have you heard of any bruising tree?" Tumawa siya.

I knitted my brows. "No, seriously. What happened? Did you . . . Did you have a fight with Racel?"

Tumaas ang mga kilay niya at napaayos siya ng upo niya. "What? No!" Lalo siyang tumawa at kinapa ang bandaid sa mukha niya. "This one's from Cari's stalker. I missed a bit so the dick landed a punch but it's nothing. Just a silly bruise is all."

I wasn't totally buying it but my shoulders sagged in somewhat relief. "You sure?"

"Oo nga. Your bro kasi, e. If only he didn't break up with my bes, e 'di sana I won't feel the need to round on every other guy out there."

"I didn't break up with her."

Parehas kaming nagulat sa bagong boses na 'yon. Straightening up, we turned over our shoulders to see Kuya Andrei walking over to us.

Tinitigan ko siya as if silently sending him my confusion.

"Yeah?" Angelo said, confusion written all over his face too.

Umupo si Kuya sa harap ko. He wasn't looking at us but at the scenery laid out in front of us. The cold wind blew over, sending his black locks dancing around his alabaster face.

"She broke up with me," paglilinaw niya.

"And you let her?" Angelo asked.

Kuya Andrei shrugged, a look of defeat passing quickly over his face before his usual poker face came back on. "What was I supposed to do? I couldn't force someone who was bent on leaving to stay. It was her call to make and she made it."

The solemnity in his voice, the carefully hidden emotion there, and the way his eyes wavered rendered me quiet, thinking and curious of what exactly went down with these two in the past.

Nagkatinginan kami ni Angelo. Same questions were obviously running through our minds, but none of us voiced them out loud. We both knew Kuya would refuse to speak any more than he already had.

#

It took another three days before I saw him again. Three long fucking days.

I just got home from a bonding with Lhyle and Hiromi when I spotted him outside our house, leaning against his BMW with a bouquet in his hands.

Bumaba ako ng Uber with a tight and firm line on my lips. I'd admit it. I missed him so bad. Halos kumakalabog ang puso ko ngayong nandito na siya pero kasabay no'n ang pagsabog ng tampo ko sa kanya.

Racel, in five long strides, was immediately in front of me, pulling me into his embrace. That was all I needed before my waterworks started and my eyes welled up.

"I'm so sorry, baby."

His voice sounded tender and broken and desperate that I felt the last traces of my negative emotions ebbing away, replaced by warmth and relief. Gano'n gano'n lang, nakalimot na ako.

Niyakap ko siya nang mahigpit. "I missed you so much."

"Me too."

We stayed there like that for who knew how long. Naputol nga lang yata kami nang narinig kong may papalapit sa amin.

Turning around, I saw my brothers, Kuya Jacob and Kuya Andrei. Pauwi sila galing sa match nila sa liga nila.

I stiffened right away. Racel was staring straight at Kuya Jacob, as calm as possible, which my brother returned with a blank mask.

Kuya was ice. Every inch of his face, body and gestures were cold and aloof. Tahimik at walang imik siyang naglakad padiretso ng gate namin.

Before he could get inside, he stopped and spied the bouquet of red roses Racel handed me a while ago. For a moment there, I thought he'd smirk and insult him, saying, "Corny." He's just the type to do that but he surprised me when he said,

"That's wrong. She likes white roses better."

Racel's brows arched in mild surprise.

Pumasok na sa loob ng bahay si Kuya Jacob habang lumapit muna sa amin si Kuya Andrei. Tinapik niya sa balikat si Racel at bumaling sa 'kin.

"Why don't you go inside?"

I wanted to take him up on the offer but it felt wrong, however, so I said, "'Wag na siguro." I didn't want to push Kuya Jacob to his limits. It was one thing Racel was here outside his territory, it was another thing if I'd invite him in. It might seem like an intrusion to his privacy.

Baby steps, I reminded myself.

Nang wala na ang dalawa, lumingon ulit sa 'kin si Racel. "Are you still mad at me?"

Umiling ako.

He placed his hands on my forearms and rubbed circles on my skin using his thumbs.

"Let's not fight anymore. I was wrong. I'll try not to be jealous that much. Kaya lang naman ako nagkanoon dahil nagseselos ako. It sucks that another man can make you happy and it sucks even more that it's always Castillo." I opened my mouth to say something but he hung his head and said, "But I realize how wrong I am. I trust you. I should trust you like how you trust me. Forgive me."

"I already did." I pouted. "Pero nagtatampo pa rin ako sa 'yo. You didn't text me for weeks but then again, I made the mistake naman talaga. It only meant you were still mad at me."

"Hindi, a. I was just scared you were still mad at me. I thought if I texted you that you'd reject me."

"You didn't text me din. I thought..."

"Thought what?"

"I thought you don't want me anymore."

"Never. Dammit, baby," he said, taking a deep breath. "These past few weeks were the worst days of my life. I went crazy thinking of ways how to win you back."

Niyakap ko siya ulit, but I was careful not to crush the bouquet. He placed his chin over my head while he gently secured me against his warm chest using his strong hands.

"Let's not do this anymore. Kung mag-aaway tayo, 'wag tayo maghintayan. We should resolve it before the night ends," I said, remembering my dad and how he usually handles feuds.

"Deal. I don't think I can manage another bout of this either. I'll go insane missing you. If only you know how much I made a mess of myself the last few days. I tripped over my feet, missed my shots and even screwed up horribly. My coach even let me off the group, can you believe that? I really really really missed you, baby."

He pulled away and planted a feather-light kiss on my lips.

"So what made you decide to come here now?"

He smiled sheepishly. "Justin and I brainstormed a bit. We came up with something but . . . " his words trailed off, a dust of pink coloring his cheeks.

"But?"

"It was embarrassing."

"Embarrassing, ang alin?"

"I'll show you."

He guided me to his car. Lalong dumoble ang pamumula niya nang lumapit siya sa trunk at binuksan 'yon. As soon as it opened, balloons popped into view and floated up, revealing the white tarpaulin that said, I'm sorry. I'll do better. There was a fluffy teddybear under it, drowned by the colorful confetti strips.

My mouth hung in surprise and then I shifted to Racel.

Pulang pula ang pisngi, tainga at leeg niya ngayon. Oh, my God. He's seriously embarrassed.

"Sorry. We couldn't come up with anything better."

My grin could break my face in half because of how big it was right then.

"Cheesy pala ang mga Centrex students, I didn't know," I teased.

He sighed in deeper embarrassment, flustered to the roots of his hair. "Sorry. Just forget it." He made a move to close the trunk but I'd already stolen the teddy bear before he could do so.

"I love it. Thank you. I seriously love it."

Mukhang nagulat siya don. "Do you, really?"

"Yes. This is my first time. I always thought sa movies lang may ganito." Tumawa ako. "But seriously. I didn't peg you to be this type."

"Me neither but desperate situations call for desperate measures." He added, "So we're really good?"

"We are. Better, even. And parang 'di lang tayo. My brother talked to you earlier. Napansin mo ba?"

"How could I not? That's the first decent thing your brother said to me in years."

"Maybe he's slowly warming up to you. To the idea of us."

"I hope so. Coz I'm sticking with you for the rest of your life."

Hinampas ko siya sa braso. "Ayan ka na naman, e. Always thinking that far ahead."

"What? I'm just saying and I told you this before. I fully intend to make you my Gutierez. Someday, when the day is right."

His Gutierez.

I smiled, saying nothing.

He clicked his tongue. "I'm still not part of your plans, I see."

Tinawanan ko lang siya at niyakap. I said nothing else, just enjoying the warmth of his body against mine. It felt so good to be back in his arms and I wouldn't lie. Hearing him talk about a possibility of us in the future, thinking of the plausibility of being married to him, knowing that I was part of his future plans, made me feel all warm and fuzzy inside.

I'd never tell him he was secretly part of mine too. I am someone who lives in the present kasi kaya hindi ako mahilig mag-plan ahead. Baka kasi ma-jinx, but since I met him, things changed. I changed bit by bit. I started looking far into the future, started making plans. I even wrote them down pa nga on my notebook so I wouldn't miss a thing.

Maybe. Someday. 'Pag natupad na namin ang lahat ng mga plano namin, ipapakita ko sa kanya 'yon. By then, that notebook would be our greatest remembrance of our love, something to see, read and laugh over while we cuddle by the sofa, drinking a cup of hot chocolate. Then, I would curl up into him and whisper in a soft smiling voice, that if I was part of his plans then he'd always been the start and end of mine.