The social media platforms were on fire as soon as July rolled in. Zoey Chen had given birth to a healthy baby girl whom she named, Zel Ashley. She was named after Gian's second name, Asher. The baby was cute. Lahat kami bumisita sa hospital and I'm telling you, I'd never seen Gian like this before.

Kahit naman noon alam kong mahilig na siya sa babies. But seeing his delighted, joyful face while he was looking at baby Ashley gave me this hope that maybe-just maybe-there's a good future waiting for the three of them.

Nakakatuwa. Even though the baby wasn't his, he looked the part of a very proud dad and maybe he really was. He stayed with Zoey for nine months. If that wasn't enough to qualify him for the role, I didn't know what would.

For a few days or so, there was confusion kung anong surname ang ibibigay kay Ashley. The Chens were reluctant to give her our surname. Syempre, nahihiya sila kina Tito Nicollo, but in the end, they gave in. Tita Geanna was willing to give it a shot and I think Tito saw how drastic Gian changed in the past few months kaya pumayag din siya.

It took me days and weeks before I completely stopped mooning and gushing over my niece and what was even better? My cousins were already doting on her, lalo na si Kuya Nick. Ang cute cute nila tingnan lalo na kapag pinag-aagawan nila si Ashley.

So yeah. There. Meet our new family member.

Welcome to the world, Zeline Ashley De Villa.

#

Two months after that, school life kicked in and became hectic. Buti na lang I wasn't part of any councils this year kaya sa acads at dance troupe lang nakatuon ang atensyon ko. Speaking of the troupe, I had to go to Intramuros later to check the venue. We were invited to perform kasi for a college event kaya kailangan kong puntahan ang school para tingnan ang magiging laki ng stage at para kausapin na rin ang mga contacts namin doon.

Around two in the afternoon, right in the middle of my Psychological Testing class, a text message lit up my phone screen, distracting me. I tore my eyes off my partner for the activity and fished out my phone. Slide, unlock.

Angelo Castillo:

Hey, wanna hang out?

A grin instantly burst onto my face. Wala bang pasok ang kumag na 'to? He's always up and about, always ready to go and jump to adventures.

Me:

Can't. I'll go to PLM later :p

Angelo Castillo:

Intra? Why?

Me:

Sasayaw kami for an event. I need to check the stage.

Angelo Castillo:

Can I tag along? I'll drive you there.

I thought about it. That would be more convenient, I guess, than taking a cab or calling our driver. Lhyle had a late class today so I couldn't ask him to accompany me and 'di ko naman kabisado schedule nina Kuya sa ngayon.

Me:

Mamaya pa dismissal ko. 3 pa.

Angelo Castillo:

It's cool. I can wait.

By the time the text convo was done, my professor was also done giving out his instructions. As if taken over by a new and much much eager spirit, I brought my focus back to the activity, excitement tingling on my chest. It was always fun to see Angelo. In fact, I'd began to see him as part of my family. Like how Lhyle, Ahron, Anjo, Maxxie and Hiromi had swayed into my life and fit into my family perfectly like puzzle pieces.

#

Dahil maaga kong natapos ang joint activity, maaga din akong nakalabas ng klase. I met Angelo at UP Town where he waited for me. Kumakain siya ng ice cream sa labas when I found him.

His face lit up like the sun when he noticed my approach. "Yo."

"Napabisita ka?" bati ko.

"Ah, I'm supposed to meet your brother but he won't be out until much later. So I figured, why not meet the sister instead?" He flashed his lopsided grin.

"You could've texted the others though. Dismissal na ni Mathe, kanina pa, if I'm not mistaken."

"Why ba?" He tilted his head and furrowed his forehead. "Tss. You're the one I wanted to see so don't ruin it," sabi niya sabay tawa.

We made our way to the space where he parked his car. In no time, we were hitting the road. I made sure to text Racel about where I was going and who I was with just to avoid complications since we already decided to be more honest with each other.

Half past five, we arrived in PLM. Iniwan ko na lang muna sa sasakyan si Angelo habang inasikaso ko ang mga dapat kong asikasuhin sa loob. It didn't take much time. Siguro mga forty minutes lang din akong nag-stay sa loob. The school premises were inarguably much smaller than Intersci but there was an intimate and sophisticated sense in the campus and all the students there seemed like they were all smart and hardworking. And they are since I was told they're all scholars too. Wow.

Nung lumabas ako, Angelo was outside his Lambo, casually leaning against the hood. Several girls were making small conversations with him, which the kumag naman obviously enjoyed. His grey eyes were twinkling ever so mischievously, more so when he spotted me making way toward him.

Seeing me, the girls took a step back and whispered to themselves. Angelo bid them goodbye and they reluctantly excused themselves.

"Tagal mo naman," he said.

"Nag-enjoy ka naman," nakangisi kong sinabi habang sinusulyapan ang iba pang mga babae na nakatingin sa kanya.

"Well. Can't really do anything about the face. So ano, let's go?"

Tumawa ako. I was about to say yes when a thought struck me. I glanced to the right where the food cart was standing.

"Dude, have you ever tried that one?"

"Alin?"

"There. Fish balls?"

Angelo laughed. "Oo naman, Jamie V. Mom tried to cook that for us before."

"No, no. I mean, yung nandito talaga sa streets?"

He tilted his face, confusion and curiosity taking over his child-like features. "Not yet. Why?"

A Cheshire grin curled in my mouth. "Tara," sabi ko sabay hatak sa kanya.

In truth, kaya lang naman ako naka-experience nang kumain nito dahil lagi nga kami sa Roxas Boulevard dinadala ni Dad dati. Tsaka, mahilig kasi sa ganito si Lhyle kaya sa tuwing may nadaraanan kami, binibilhan niya din ako. Naging favorite street food ko tuloy ito.

I ordered ten fish balls, five on each stick. Angelo watched in fascination as I dipped them down the sweet sauce.

"Is that masarap talaga?" he whispered beside me.

I nodded, humming my response, before I popped one into my mouth.

"It's not dangerous? Hindi siya madumi?"

"'Di naman. Kuya's been here for a long time na. Nakita ko rin siya before nung nagpunta kami ni Hiromi dito. So far wala pa naman nagkakasakit dahil dito. 'Di ba 'no, Kuya?" I said to the middle-aged guy behind the cart.

"Opo naman, Ma'am. Malinis naman po ako sa pagkain."

Angelo looked dubious. Napatingin ako sa kanya. His expression was so cute and childish that it made him look ten years younger. Clearly, he hadn't tried this before. Naalala ko tuloy sina Kael at Pierre nang pinakain ko rin sila ng ganito many years back. They had the same expression on their face.

I laughed. "Here, try it," I said, bringing the stick near his lips.

He looked at me uncertainly before he opened his mouth and took a bite. He looked thoughtful at first, while he was savoring the taste, and then a bright sparkle glittered in those grey orbs and a wide grin spilled on face.

"Shit. That's sarap," sabi niya, making me smirk smugly.

"I told you so. Oh, heto." Binigay ko sa kanya ang isa pang stick and like a kid with a new lollipop, he happily ate his fill. "Try the spicy sauce. Masarap din."

"Damn. Why didn't I try this out before?" he said, walking around me to dip the stick down the spicy sauce.

"Delish, yeah?" I said, twirling around to look at him when I noticed someone familiar behind him. "Oh." My smile fell.

Shit. Si Racel. Frowning and looking gloriously annoyed right now.

My heart skidded.

"Jamie V?" Seeing my expression, Angelo turned around as well. "Oh, you're here pala."

Racel's jaw tightened, his adam's apple bobbing up and down as he ran his eyes over to Angelo and then to me. He nodded to answer him.

I was quickly by his side, lacing my fingers through his, the remaining fish balls having been dumped to the trash kanina pa. I pecked his cheek. "Akala ko busy ka today?"

"Maaga kaming pinalabas," he answered in a strained voice.

Angelo finished the last of the fish balls and grinned at Racel, completely oblivious of the tension. Or if he was aware, he made no indication that he was.

"You're just in time, dude. I'm starving. Let's go eat early dinner."

I perked up and clapped my hands. "Sige. We can go to SM Manila na lang?"

"Sounds good. So, paano? I'll see you guys there?" Angelo said, referring kung kanino ako sasabay papunta doon.

Pinagpawisan ako. Shit. How bloody awkward talaga. Both guys were practically oozing animosity toward each other.

Racel squeezed my hand tighter, marking his territory.

I cleared my throat and nodded. "I'll text you na lang."

Once Angelo disappeared into his car, Racel commented inside his BMW, "Or we can just ditch him and eat dinner by ourselves."

I sighed. "He's a friend. We can't do that to him."

"He's not my friend. And clearly not just a friend to you. Not if you're even feeding him."

"What?" I said in shock. "I wasn't feeding him. Pinapasubok ko lang sa kanya yung fishballs." His expression didn't waver, still mad, still unforgivingly jealous. "C'mon, pag-aawayan ba natin 'to? It wasn't like that."

Racel took a deep breath and said nothing else. Pinaandar niya ang sasakyan niya at pinaharurot 'yon papuntang SM Manila. Ramdam ko pa rin ang tension even during dinner. By Angelo's request, we ate in Buffalo Wings 'N Things, and it was the most awkward dinner I'd ever come to have.

Hoshet. Hindi ko alam kung paano babasagin ang katahimikan. On one hand, masaya akong makasama silang dalawa nang sabay. It reminded me of Youth Camp lalo na nung kumakain din kami noon. But on the other hand, things stayed exactly the same. They still didn't like each other. It would've been better if I could say we became friends since then. But it couldn't be farther from the truth.

Angelo tried to stay pleasant the whole time. He chatted him a bit, opened up some topics he knew would lighten up the atmosphere, but the monosyllabic answers of Racel soon put him off that by the time we were done with the dinner, he was no longer smiling.

There was a solemn look on his face as he stood up, cellphone in his hand. Angelo nodded at me.

"Thanks, Jamie V. I have to meet your brother na. He said he's done."

I stood up as well, thinking of walking him to the entrance, but Racel stayed planted on the same spot. He stood up and placed an arm around my shoulders, keeping me in place.

By this time, I was already frowning as well. Hindi ko nagustuhan ang naging takbo ng araw na ito.

"Paano, pre? I'll go ahead."

Racel said tonelessly, "I hope the next time you try to see my girl, you'll give me heads up."

Angelo looked at him weirdly. "Right. Listen, I didn't mean to walk all over you. Javee's a friend, a sister and I don't wanna cause any gulo between you so I better leave." He nodded at me once last time, the serious expression not belonging anywhere on that angelic mischievous face, before he left without backward glance.

Tahimik kaming parehas na lumabas ng restaurant. Sa totoo lang, medyo naiinis ako sa nangyari. Noon naman, he acted all nice and sweet to Claui and Vianne din and did I react this way? Hindi naman.

And was I even acting all sweet to Angelo? No. I was simply telling him to try the dratted food out. So what gives?

Racel was acting out of line. Nakakainis. Parang ang laki ng ginawa kong kasalanan. Parang . . . Parang wala siyang tiwala sa 'kin.

Nung hindi ko na maitago ang nararamdaman ko, I snapped at him, "You didn't have to be so rude to him. He was trying to play nice."

"He was flirting with you and you were flirting back," came his biting remark.

Natigilan ako at nanlamig. Huminto kami sa paglalakad at matama ko siyang nilingon.

"What the hell? Ilang beses ko bang sasabihin sa 'yo na wala lang 'yon. Paulit-ulit na lang ba?" Frustration coated every word of that sentence.

The gap between his brows creased as Racel stared me down, his eyes cold and hard. "Paulit-ulit tayo kasi paulit-ulit din kayong ganyan."

"Ganyan? What the hell does that mean? Are you seriously telling me I'm flirting with another guy behind your back? Is that how you see me? Some kind of a slut?"

His jaw clenched. "I didn't say that."

"Then what? What were you trying to say? Angelo is a brother to me. Sinabi ko na sa 'yo 'yan before. 'Yon lang 'yon," I said, my voice raising.

"He's not your brother," Racel was quick to say. He balled his hands into fists, "A girl and a boy can't just be friends, dammit! Alam mo 'yon!"

I squinted my eyes. "How sure are you?"

"Look at us!"

I drew an angry breath. "That's different! What about you and Vianne then? She's your goddamn ex."

"Nonsense. You know Vianne and I are nothing."

"Kami rin ni Angelo! Stop being unreasonable."

Disbelief registered on his face and he said, frustration coloring his voice, "I'm being unreasonable? You're the one acting all sweet with him."

"Ilang beses ko bang sasabihin na hindi? Clearly wala kang tiwala sa 'kin. Kaya ka ba sumunod ngayon?"

The infinitesimal flicker of emotion on his face confirmed my assumptions and I released an icy breath. Nanginginig ang mga kamay ko sa nangyayari at sobrang lakas ng kabog ng dibdib ko.

"Fine. I think we're not going anywhere with this. Maybe we need some time to think," I finally told him.

"What? What are you-"

Hindi ko na pinakinggan 'yon. Tumalikod ako at naglakad palayo. Wala kaming kapupuntahan sa ginagawa namin ngayon. One of us needed to back down and that wouldn't happen if we keep at this.

Racel jogged forward and grabbed my wrist but I shook him off.

"Go home, Racel. Talk to me once you're thinking straight. Ako rin. I'll talk to you once my head clears up."

He gazed into my eyes for a second, searching, asking, probing, before his face turned ashen and he released my wrist. I walked away without another sound.

I was in the height of my emotions. A sea of turbulent, angry emotions were raging in my chest right now and I knew if I stayed, lalo lang kaming mag-aaway. We needed to cool down, both of us.

But as I walked farther and farther away from him, my heart started to break into thousand pieces. So this was how it feels like. Our first official fight as a couple. Damn.

Bakit gano'n? Pakiramdam ko talong-talo ako. Hindi pa ako nakakalayo but I already wanted to run back to him and say sorry. But I was as much a De Villa as the rest of my brothers are. Pride kept me from going back and so, I clenched my fists, swallowing down the lump in my throat and ignoring the tell-tale signs of tears pricking the sides of my eyes.

#

We didn't talk for a whole week. At first, I was angry and bitter, then I became numb, and then I became mad at him again for not reaching out to me. Now, I felt exhausted and lonely and hurt. And God, I missed him. I missed him.

I wanted to text him first pero paano kung galit pa siya at hindi ako sagutin? Mas lalo lang akong maiinis at masasaktan. Confused thoughts swirled in my head, making me dizzy. For once, I didn't know what to do. Ngayon ko na lang ulit ito naranasan.

I sighed for the nth time that day and stared at the patbingsoo on the table.

"Chill, girl. Normal sa mga mag-jowa ang nag-aaway at hindi nagpapansinan ng ilang araw. Tingnan mo lang. Once you make-up, I swear everything will be more exciting." Eyes sparkling, Anjo said animatedly, "The kisses will be hotter, the hugs will be tighter and the sex, oh my God, the sex will be-" Anjo didn't finish that since Maxxie clamped a hand over her mouth.

Kung hindi lang ako problemado malamang namula na ako dahil sa sinabi niyang 'yon.

"Ang ingay mo talaga kahit kailan," sita ni Maxxie kay Anjo.

"KJ mo, Max. Mag-boyfriend ka kasi nang mag-loosen up ka naman!"

"Nagsalita ang may boyfriend ha."

"Che. Hintay ka lang. Once na makita ko na ang right guy ko, tingnan natin kung 'di mo kainin lahat ng sinabi mo about love."

"Whatever." Maxxie rolled her eyes and scooped a spoonful of icecream. She brought it to her mouth, her attention flicking over to me. "But you know, she's right. Don't stress so much, Jan. First fight n'yo 'yan, e. Nangangapa pa kayo. Baka nga naghihintayan lang kayo."

"I don't know, girls. Ang tanga ko rin kasi. Kasalanan ko rin naman talaga. I was proud and 'di ko siya inintindi. He was just jealous of Angelo and what did I do? Instead of reassuring him, I even took sides. Ang stupid ko do'n." I sighed again, burying my face in my hands.

Ahron scoffed. "No, you weren't. He was an ass for getting jealous all the time. May point ka. You accepted his girl friends. He should do the same with you. Dapat maaga pa lang, maayos n'yo na 'yan. You have many boys around you and that's natural because your brothers and cousins are all boys. Of course they have friends as well. 'Di mailalayo na magiging kaibigan mo rin ang mga 'yon."

"Yeah, and that's with Angelo pa lang ha. If he realizes how close you are with Lhyle, baka pati si Lhyle pagselosan no'n," Maxxie added.

I looked at them, quizzical. "Hindi ba since nasa relationship kami, dapat mag-adjust ako? I should probably avoid boys now, right? Even guy friends."

"Do that and you're going down the road of unhealthy relationships. You have a life of your own. Ngayon pa lang, dapat nirerespeto n'yo 'yon. Of course, he has a point too. You have to watch your actions to the other sex. Hindi na pwede yung dati. Kung sa 'yo wala lang 'yon, sa iba kasi hindi gano'n."

My shoulders slumped and I leaned back against the chair. I checked my phone again for any signs of texts from him pero wala pa rin. Para akong tinutusok ng karayom sa dibdib.

"Why don't you text him first?" Hiromi asked from beside me.

"Natatakot ako," pag-amin ko.

"Dahil sa pride?" Anjo asked.

"Or maybe kasi deep inside alam mong tama ka. And iniisip mo na kapag nauna kang mag-text, ang isipin niya, tinatanggap mo ngang mali ka which you don't wanna happen kasi gusto mong i-acknowledge niya na may mali rin siya," Ahron supplied.

I nodded my head. It's as if she took the words right out of my mouth.

"E 'di pride nga!" sabi ni Anjo. "Nako, pag-usapan niyong maigi 'yan. Mahirap palakihin ang away na ganyan kasi kahit magkaayos kayo ta's 'di n'yo pinag-usapan, lagi niyong pag-aawayan 'yan. It will always be nagging at the back of your head."

"It's Racel. He'll understand. Didn't you always talk about how understanding he is before? He loves you. I'm sure 'di ka niya matitiis," sabi sa 'kin ni Hiromi. She bit her lip. "Naiinggit nga ako sa 'yo kasi nakahanap ka na ng ganyang love. Sa totoo lang, nakakainggit nga kayong dalawa. Don't let this simple thing ruin you both."

Pinagmasdan ko siya at ang namumuong kalungkutan sa mga mata niya. What was going on in her life recently? Pakiramdam ko'y may hindi ako nalalaman. Where was this sadness coming from?

Bago pa ako makapagtanong, naputol na ang usapan at nalipat na sa iba ang attention namin. Nasa stage na kasi ang Constello kaya naging maingay na. Nang balikan ko naman ng tingin si Hiromi, may kausap na sa ito sa phone niya at dali-daling nagpaalam para iwan muna kami. Hindi ko na naisip na tanungin siya ulit dahil nakalimutan ko na rin nung pagbalik niya.

All throughout the night, hindi ako mapakali. Racel wasn't texting. Tangina. Bakit ba ako natatakot na maunang mag-text sa kanya? Gano'n ba kababaw ang tingin ko sa nararamdaman niya para sa 'kin na dahil sa simpleng away lang, iniisip kong wala na siyang balak balikan pa ako?

Shit. Ayoko talaga ng mga ganitong away. It was so damn easy to chalk it all up to the natural behavior of men. I can say na hinihintay ko siyang mag-cool down at kusang lumapit sa 'kin but that was a total lie. Ang totoo, naduduwag lang talaga ako. Dammit.

***
AUTHOR'S NOTE

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