Second time ko sa Gutierez mansion pero hindi ko alam kung bakit sobrang kinakabahan pa rin ako ngayon. Racel said it was an intimate party so there wouldn't be much people. Pero sobrang kumakabog pa rin talaga ang dibdib ko. Dahil siguro ito sa plano niyang ipakilala na kami as official?

Hoshet. Alam ko naman na pabor sa 'kin ang parents niya pero 'di ko pa rin mapigilan ang kabahan. I was fidgeting and my palms were cold and clammy.

Be still, my heart!

Racel squeezed my hand and laughed at the sight of my face. "Why are you so nervous?"

I bit my lip. "What if they changed their mind about me?"

"Don't be absurd. Mom's been gushing about you since she met you with your parents."

Tumaas ang mga kilay ko. "Really?"

He nodded. "Yeah, so relax. You got me."

The quiet happiness dancing beneath his eyes calmed me down. He was right, of course. I should relax. There was nothing wrong with two people in love and I was sure his parents were the type to support that kung wala naman kaming gagawing mali o masama.

Huminga ako nang malalim. "Let's go."

Binuksan niya ang pinto ng mansyon at sabay kaming pumasok. Naririnig ko na mula sa hall pa lang ang malakas na ugong ng music mula sa backyard nila. Over the reverberating EDM song, his phone pinged, and Racel briefly stopped in his steps to check.

Kumunot agad ang noo niya sa nabasa at mukhang nagbago ang timpla ng mood. A frown made its way onto his face.

"Something wrong?" I asked.

He shook his head, typed a quick reply, and pocketed his phone right away.

"Some pesky person."

I cocked my head to the side. "Sino?"

He pursed his lips. "Don't worry about it," sabay hawak ulit sa kamay ko.

Just then, a thought flitted into my head.

"Nga pala, nandito ba si Giselle?"

"I asked her to come pero hindi daw siya sigurado. Probably not. She's not in Manila yet, I think."

My smile dropped a little. "'Di bale. Next time na lang pala."

"You have plenty of time. Maybe you can meet one of these days."

"You think she's mad at me?"

"Giz? What would she get mad at you?"

"Dahil kay Kuya?"

He pondered about it for a second. "I don't think so. I know Giselle. She's not the type to hold displaced grudges and besides, I don't think she hates your brother even now. Quite the contrary, I'd say."

Natigilan ako sa sinabi niyang 'yon. "Seriously? After all this time?"

He shrugged his shoulders. "Ewan ko ba do'n. But maybe that's what really happens when you fall in love. Kahit saktan ka, ayos lang. Mahal mo pa rin."

Natawa ako. "Wow. Racel Gutierez, humuhugot?" I teased.

His mouth broadened into a grin. "Ikaw kasi, e."

He led me further inside, past the living room and into the backyard where the party was waiting for him. Racel was saying the truth when he said they'd only be inviting family and a few friends dahil hindi nga gaanong marami ang tao doon. Every face was familiar as I'd seen them all before in different occassions.

His parents were by the food table, kinakausap sina Vianne at Claui na kumukuha ng pagkain. Nandoon naman sa medyo malayong table mula doon sina Justin, Marco, Christelle at iilan pa sa mga teammates niya. It was just nine p.m. but they were drinking. Namumula na ang pisngi ng iba sa kanila. Marco, in particular, looked tipsy already.

Napabaling ako kay Christelle. She waved a hand to greet me. I waved back.

Mabuti na lang pala at simple lang ang outfit ko ngayon. I wouldn't stand out so much. White top, printed skirt at ankle boots lang ang get-up ko ngayon. Pinatungan ko na lang din ng maong jacket just in case malamig ang gabi sa kanila.

"So the birthday boy's decided to show up!" maingay na bati ni Justin habang sinasalubong kami. He looked the same since the last time I saw him: buff and friendly pero may kaunting tan na siya. "Javee! I missed you!" Poporma sana ito ng yakap pero tinulak kaagad siya ni Racel palayo.

"I see you started without us," Racel said, punching him lightly in the shoulder.

"Ang tagal n'yo kasi, dude! Here, take one for the team!" Ngumisi si Justin at lumapit sa table para magsalin ng alak sa cup na inabot niya agad sa'ming dalawa.

Tumatawa ako nang tinanggap ko 'yon. Justin didn't look like he was drunk yet but his ears were flushed pink. Mamaya lang ay sigurado akong tatamaan na rin ito.

Racel downed the shot in one go. Hinawakan ko lang ang cup ko, not intending to drink it. Hindi pa kasi ako nagdi-dinner at ayoko namang maging tipsy ngayon. I had to at least be at my best behavior tonight. Especially since his parents were here. In Racel's own words, ayokong ma-bad shot.

Sunod kaming binati ng mga teammates niya. Harvey, the most quiet of the bunch, simply nodded at us habang nakipag-fist bump isa-isa ang mga kasama niya. Marco was surprisingly friendly tonight, too. May tama na rin kasi.

"The lover boy and his girl," makulit nitong sabi habang pumipito. "Damn lucky asshole! Uy, Javee. Ba't 'di mo iniinom 'yan?"

"Piss off, bro," biro ni Racel sabay kuha ng cup na hawak ko. "She's not drinking anything strong tonight."

"Wooh! Corny mo, Gutierez. Let the girl have her fun. We girls can hold our own, too, you know!" sagot ni Christelle na mukhang may tipsy na rin. Just how long had they been drinking? Kanina pa ba nagsimula ang party?

Racel turned to me, his eyes silently asking if I wanted to drink. I shook my head, grinning.

"Maybe later."

He nodded his head and tugged my hand. "Let's go to my folks first."

Lumapit kami sa table kung saan kumakain ang parents niya. Nang mapansin kami ay huminto sila sa kanilang pinag-uusapan at binati kami.

"Now you're here," masayang sinabi ng mommy niya.

His dad eyed the cup Racel was holding. "Anak, don't drink too much. Ihahatid mo pa ang daughter-in-law ko pauwi."

As if on cue, both of my cheeks heated up. Naestatwa ako sa kinatatayuan ko dahil sa pagkabigla at pagkahiya.

"Good evening po. Salamat sa pag-imbita sa 'kin today," I told them.

"Hindi pwedeng hindi 'no. Kundi baka hindi rin nagpunta 'tong anak ko sa sarili niyang party. Ano na bang mayroon sa inyong dalawa? Kayo na ba?" nakangiting tanong ng mommy niya.

Tumawa si Racel at inangat ang magkahawak naming mga kamay. "Yes. We're official. Ma, Pa, I want you to meet my girlfriend. She's finally mine," he said and then pressed a kiss to my temple.

"Finally! I've been dying to hear that since you were last here. Ang tagal mo naman kasi kumilos!" Tumayo ang mommy niya at niyakap ako. "'Wag na 'wag kang mahihiya sa amin ha. Laging bukas ang bahay na 'to para sa 'yo. And send my in-laws my regards."

"Ikaw naman, Ma. Masyado kang nagmamadali." Natatawang tumayo na rin ang daddy niya para yakapin ako. "We've said this before but we're glad to have you in the family, Javee. Wag muna kayong magmamadaling bigyan kami ng apo ha."

Kung umiinom lang ako ng tubig, malamang naibuga ko na 'yon sa sobrang kahihiyan. Oh, my God! Pinilit kong ngumiti sa kabila ng sobrang paghuhuramentado ng sistema ko. Ano ba ang magandang isagot doon? Grabeee. Nakakahiya!

Sa gilid ko, tumatawa si Racel at obvious na nag-e-enjoy sa biruan. His arm slowly snaked around my waist. "Stop it, Dad. You're embarrassing her."

"Well, I'm just saying. Jaime is my friend but I'm sure he'll kill me if he finds out we stole his only girl away much too early."

That, I was sure of. And it wouldn't be just him. Malamang ay magagalit din ang mga tito at pinsan ko. Pero hoshet. Yung totoo. Bakit ba ito ang pinag-uusapan namin? Mabuti na lang mabilis din ang pick-up nitong si Racel. He felt my unease and steered me away from the table after that. Mas naging kumportable na rin naman ako matapos no'n dahil kinausap ako nina Vianne, Christelle at Claui.

We were eating dinner and just having fun. Simpleng handaan lang naman kasi, nothing too fancy dahil ayaw din naman talaga ni Racel ng magarbong birthday party.

Racel fished out his phone and cleared his throat. "Hey, I'll step out for a sec. Susunduin ko lang 'to."

"You're going out?" gulat kong tanong.

"D'yan lang sa labas ng bahay. Nahihiya kasing pumasok." He kissed my knuckles and excused himself.

Agad na ngumisi si Christelle sa nakita niyang ginawa ni Racel.

"Knew it would come to this. Youth Camp pa lang obvious na talaga, e. Kunwari pa kayong nag-aaway no'n. Ngayon, look at you. Pa-kiss-kiss na lang," said Christelle in a teasing tone.

I laughed. "Totoo naman na nag-away talaga kami noon."

God, how nostalgic. It seemed so long ago pero hanggang ngayon ay malinaw sa 'kin ang bawat alaala from that day.

"E gano'n naman, 'di ba? The more you hate, the more you love!" Vianne said.

"Cheers to that!" Claui raised her cup.

Hindi umiinom ng alak si Vianne kaya kaming tatlo lang ang nag-toast. Wala talaga akong balak uminom ngayon pero napilit nila ako since red wine lang naman ito at mahina ang alcohol content.

Sobrang focused ko sa kwentuhan namin kaya hindi ko namalayang nakabalik na pala si Racel. Behind him was a moreno guy who looked so awfully familiar. Nakasunod ito kay Racel papunta sa table nina Tito at Tita.

I immediately froze, recognizing that boyish smile and lazy eye smile. That same figure I used to admire so much.

Napasinghap ako.

Holy fuck. What was he doing here of all places? I heard he was back pero hindi ko akalain na magkikita pa kami nito sa kabila ng mga lumipas na taon.

Racel was saying something, to which he laughed. Bigla naman kaming tinuro ni Tita dahilan para lumingon sila sa 'kin.

Nagtama ang mga mata namin. His eyes widened. Kitang-kita ko ang gulat doon.

"Jamie?" he sputtered.

Halatang nabigla din si Racel dahil pabalik-balik ang tingin niya sa 'ming dalawa.

Tumayo ako at sinalubong silang dalawa.

"Rohann," bati ko. Walang emosyon doon. Walang galit o kahit ano. I wasn't lying when I said I didn't care about him anymore. But seeing him here wasn't part of the plans. Numerous questions were circling in my mind. Magkaibigan ba sila ni Racel? What was he doing here?

This was so unexpected and fucked up.

Rohann appraised me with a cool, light gaze. "Wow! Long time! Ang laki na ng pinagbago mo. Kamusta ka na?"

"Never been better," I replied curtly ngunit wala sa kanya ang attention ko. Nakatingin ako kay Racel. With my eyes, I was asking him for the answers to my questions. He was clearly confused and at a loss dahil ganoon din ang ginagawa niya sa 'kin.

You know each other? he seemed to ask.

"Anong ginagawa mo dito? 'Di ko inaasahan na makikita kita ngayon," sinabi ni Rohann. "Hinahanap nga kita do'n sa kaibigan mo kaso ayaw naman ibigay ang number mo. Nagulat talaga ako na nandito ka. Anong ginagawa mo dito? Magkaibigan pala kayo?"

Without taking my eyes off Racel, I answered, "Likewise. And I could ask you the same thing."

"Ah, hindi ko ba nakwento sa 'yo? Tropa ko 'tong si Racel nung high school pa. Are you guys going to the same school? But I thought you study at Centrex, pare? Magka-school ba kayo?" tanong niya kay Racel.

Racel withdrew his gaze to turn to his friend. "No," before he glanced back to me.

Kumunot ang noo ni Rohann. "Then how do you know each other?"

"She's my girlfriend."

At that, shock flickered on his face. Nanlaki ang mga mata niya at napaatras para pagmasdan kaming dalawa. "H-ha? How did that happen? Akala ko si Claui ang girlfriend mo? Your mom said so."

"She was pointing to Javee, obviously."

"No shit. You two are really dating?"

"Yes. Is there any problem with that?" Racel deadpanned. Kanina ay masaya pa siya dahil nakita niya 'tong si Rohann. Now his mood completely changed. He sounded cold all of the sudden and I knew why.

"How did that happen? I thought you ain't good with the De Villa?"

Racel shrugged. "Long story."

Rohann released a breath. "What the hell. This is so unexpected. Hindi ko akalain."

Well. Wasn't this awkward? Hindi ko alam kung pano magre-react. Racel knew I had an ex-boyfriend. Wala naman siyang problema doon dahil kahit naman siya ay nagkaroon din ng dalawang girlfriends in the past. And look, I was even friends with one of them. Ang hindi ko lang inaasahan ay kaibigan niya pala 'tong si Rohann. How the fuck did that happen?

I dated him back in high school. We were an item for years. Papaanong hindi niya kahit kailan nakwento na barkada pala sila? I thought he was friends with my cousins way back. Lalo na kay Gian. Kung gano'n, matagal na rin bang nagkikita sina Racel at ang mga pinsan ko?

What?

My head spun. Bigla akong nawala sa mood. Sure, wala na akong pakialam dito kay Rohann. No more bitter feelings or any lingering affections, but I still didn't want him around me. And I most certainly didn't want to act chummy with him. We never patched up. He suddenly upped and left without so much as a word after making me feel like shit because of his immaturity and callous behavior. Dahil sa ginawa niyang 'yon, I never had a closure and we never really had a proper break-up. How he was managing to act so friendly in front of me right now sickened me. Parang walang nangyari? Ang kapal din naman talaga ng mukha. But then again, ganyan na siya noon pa lang. No wonder my brothers hated his guts.

Huminga ako nang malalim. Wala akong oras makipag-plastikan pero ayokong sirain ang gabi ni Racel. I wanted to go so I could sort out my thoughts. But what should I do?

"Baby, can we talk outside?" Racel interrupted my reverie, his hand finding mine. Bago pa ako makasagot ay hinahatak na niya ako palabas ng mansyon nila.

We were silent for a full minute outside, both of us drowning in our thoughts and testing the air. Nagpapakiramdaman lang. Until he broke the silence.

"So, Rohann . . ." panimula niya. Hinagilap niya ang mga mata ko, almost like he was desperate to reject what we just discovered. "You know him?"

I nodded. I had this inkling na napagtagpi-tagpi na niya ang lahat ng detalye. He wasn't stupid. He already knew who Rohann was to me. He just wanted confirmation.

"You're friends?"

"No."

"Then . . . ?"

I sighed. "He's my ex. The one I mentioned before." I lifted my hand and kneaded my forehead.

Nawala ang sigla sa mga mata niya at para siyang namutla. "How did that happen?"

"'Yan din ang tanong ko. All this time, hindi ko alam na magkaibigan pala kayo. Ang liit naman yata ng mundo."

He averted his gaze and looked down. "So the Jamie he had been talking about before, that ex-girlfriend was you? And the Gian he was friends with before, that was your cousin? Shit." Napapikit siya at ginulo ang buhok niya. "Shit! I'm a fucking idiot! Why didn't I realize this sooner?"

I saw the play of emotions on his face. Frustration, confusion, hesitation, fear. Holy shit. Was he thinking I was still in love with that douche?

I grabbed his hand to call for his attention. He opened his eyes and wildly looked at me. Parang sumisikip ang dibdib ko sa naging reaction niya. Great. His night was ruined. Ang ganda din naman ng timing talaga. Any news of Rohann was never a good one. Now, he was here in the flesh. Dammit. Natatakot akong isipin kung paano nito babaguhin ang relasyon namin.

"What are you thinking about?" I started gently. "Listen, it doesn't matter to me if you two are friends. It's just . . . ayokong magpanggap na magkaibigan kami. We left on bad terms, baby, and it's not in my personality to deal with people I don't really appreciate."

"Why? Do you still . . . ?" The question was left hanging in the air.

"Still have feelings for him?" I finished for him. "Not anymore, I swear. I haven't thought of him in years. I moved on long time ago. And now that you're here, I don't even have any reason to remember him. When I say ikaw lang, I meant every bit of it. Trust me?"

He took a deep breath and stared at me for a long while. Nakikita ko kung paano niya inaayos ang mga iniisip niya. He was just as startled as I was. Probably even more. Mahirap siguro sa kanya ang malaman na ex ko ang kaibigan niya.

"Of course, I trust you." Racel closed the gap between us and pulled me into a protective embrace. "I just don't know how I should go about with this information. It's a lot to take in. I can't imagine you were that girl I kept hearing about since high school. I almost even met you, you know."

I blinked. "How?"

"He was about to introduce you to us. But you never went to watch our basketball matches." He paused and cursed, burying his head in the crook of my neck. "Fuck this! I don't even like talking about your past together."

"Then don't. It hardly matters to me now." I pulled away from him and cupped his face with my hands. "We're okay, right?"

"We will be." He planted a kiss on my forehead. "Tara." Hinatak niya ako papunta sa kotse niya.

"Saan?" Napabaling ako sa mansyon. They were probably wondering where we went off to by now. We should be returning, not leaving!

"Let's get away from here. 'Wag na tayong bumalik sa loob."

"Huh? Hahanapin ka nila!" I tugged his hand back but he was stronger than me.

"I'll text them. Ayoko lang makita kayong magkasama ngayon. Not tonight. This is supposed to be our night." Pumungay ang mga mata niya.

He sounded so serious and disheartened that I had no choice but to relent. Kahit naman ako ay ayaw na rin naman talagang bumalik sa loob. Something about the idea of seeing Racel and Rohann together didn't sit well with me. Ayokong maging dahilan pa ang nakaraan para magkaron kami ng hindi pagkakaintindihan. I didn't want him to be jealous.

"Okay, okay," I caved in. "But where to?"

"Kahit saan lang." He pulled out his keys and unlocked his car.

"Wait," I called out before he could open the door. Huminto siya para tingnan ako.

Hinubad ko ang suot kong relo at sinuot sa kanya 'yon. It was a sleek blue Blancpain watch. Simple lang pero matikas tingnan. The truth was, I bought this (using the money from my savings) as a gift for him. Sinuot ko lang para hindi halatang may gift ako sa kanya. I wanted to pretend that I forgot to buy a gift.

Tumingin siya sa 'kin. "Why are you giving me your watch?"

"It's yours, silly. Naniniwala ka talagang wala akong gift sa 'yo?" Tumawa ako at tumingkayad para halikan ang pisngi niya. "Happy happy birthday, baby. I really am in love with you. Please believe me."

I pecked his lips.

The happy, content smile that I was rewarded with was so much more precious than any other thing I could ever have. This must be the reason why. Itong mga maliliit na bagay na ito ang dahilan kung bakit alam ko na wala na akong nararamdaman para kay Rohann.

I was completely taken by him. And not even a sudden return of an ex could change that.