Days before my debut, I kept seeing him. Ang sarap sa feeling na makasama siya, knowing that we were already official.

I admit, mayroong mga araw na iniisip kong baka hindi totoo, baka joke time lang at nananaginip ako. But whenever he'd call me, I'd suddenly wake up and realize na hoshet, he's really mine.

Best gift ever.

We were cuddling on his sofa, katatapos lang manood ng movie at kainin yung burger na binili niya pa sa Alabang Town Center.

"My birthday's coming soon. Ang toxic na ni Mom."

The corner of his lips twitched. "You'll be eighteen."

"Yeah."

He nuzzled my hair. "I won't be able to dance you."

"We can dance now."

He chuckled at the idea.

"Who's your escort?"

I pushed him away slightly to get a better view of his face. "Why are you asking?"

"I need to know if I should be jealous. I need to know who my rivals are."

I laughed incredulously. "Don't be silly. Wala naman silang laban sa 'yo. At isa pa, baka sina Kuya lang din naman."

"May laban sa 'kin ang kuya mo."

"That's fucking crazy though."

"Language, baby," he feigned in a stern voice before he chuckled. "I'm jealous of every other guy around you."

"Clingy nito."

"Sorry, baby. I just wanna be around you, that's all," sabi niya, pulling me closer to his chest.

"I know..." I hummed thoughtfully. "I was thinking... I might tell my brothers then. At least, that's my plan."

He played with my hair, saying, "We can buy our time. We don't need to tell them if you're not ready yet. But if you want, I can tell them myself. Though I'm just throwing the suggestion out there to let you know how serious I am-not that I'm pressuring you into doing anything."

I kissed his hand. He laced his fingers through mine.

"I'll do it na lang muna. Para just in case magagalit siya, he won't be punching it out."

"I already expect it though. I know he'll be upset," natatawa niyang sagot.

"Kaya nga. Baka lumala lang."

"Hm. You have a point."

I released a sigh. "I want you to be there but I can't. You should be my first dance."

He eyed me warily. "Who's the last then?"

"The eighteenth dance is for my dad, syempre!"

"Si Dad pala." He chuckled again, his chest vibrating. "Then I want to be your seventeen dances. Am I being too greedy?"

"Grabe! Give chance to others. I have other boys in my life, too."

"I know. Ang dami kong kaagaw sa oras mo."

Ngumuso ulit ako. "Can I be jealous with you too, then? Ang dami mo kayang fans."

His smile broadened and his eyes twinkled with content.

"Maybe it's for the best that I don't go to your debut."

I raised my brows in query.

"What's gonna stop me from announcing you to the world then? I might bring you to the nearest altar, too. I can marry you right here, right now." He leaned forward, whispering, "Make you mine for real. Make you my Gutierez. Make you feel the things you make me feel."

His Gutierez. I shivered at the thought.

He pecked my forehead, my nose, my cheeks, and then my lips. Ilang beses niya akong siniil ng halik sa labi.

"You wanna be brothers-in-law with Kuya Jacob?"

"We're going there eventually."

I laughed. "That sounds so odd though."

"Are you telling me wala kang balak na panagutan ako?"

"Hindi naman sa gano'n. But marriage? We're barely in the right age."

"Not now, of course but we'll get there. I have no plans of breaking up."

"You know... it's not good to be so certain. We never know what's in the future."

"Stop saying that, please. You're making me nervous."

Tumawa ako. "Sorry na po."

"We'll be graduating soon anyway. We can tie the knot anytime you want by then."

I started, surprised sa mga sinasabi niya. "Grabe. Seryoso ka ba? Masyado kang mabilis."

"Am I?"

"We're young. Ayaw mo bang i-enjoy muna ang buhay na ganito?"

"I will let you do the things you want naman. But the idea is appealing. Thinking of my future with you, it's the perfect thing. My mom already loves you, you know."

"As does mine. But still! Masyado pa tayong bata." I laughed again. "You're thinking ahead, really really ahead," I stressed the words for emphasis.

"One of us should at least think as much. And I'm hurt it never crossed your mind."

"I'm just seventeen. Syempre."

"And I'm in love with you. So?"

"You're unbelievable."

Racel didn't answer me and instead nuzzled my cheek as a response.

"Saka nagsisimula pa nga lang tayo sa relasyon natin. Kasal na kagad?"

"I'm not saying we'll marry soon. I'm just saying I've got you in my future plans. Why? Hindi mo ba ako nakikita sa future mo?"

"It's not that. Actually, hindi pa lang talaga ako nag-iisip about my future. I live in the present, you see."

"You're young after all."

"As if you're very old. But yeah. You're too mature for your own good."

He grinned. "I'm telling my mom this. Wala ka palang balak pakasalan ako. Owning my heart but not claiming me. She'll be heartbroken."

I looked at him weirdly. "You're being funny. But I really hope you won't build so much around me. It's gonna hurt if anything happens."

His jaw went taut. "I told you to stop implying things. It's not funny."

"I don't mean to upset you. I'm just being realistic."

"I don't like it.

Tinaas ko ang mga kamay ko in surrender. "Alright, alright. I'm sorry."

"You think I'm gonna let you go? In case you didn't get the note, this one is for keeps. You signed the deal when you agreed to become my girlfriend."

I sighed. "You're too serious. I never know when you're joking and when you're serious na."

"Ikaw, e. You're too dense sometimes." He pecked my nose.

Ngumuso ako.

"Ayoko lang maging assuming."

"I know. It's amazing and frustrating sometimes."

He leaned down and kissed my lips. Tumaas ang mga balahibo ko. Fudge. Hindi ko alam kung kailan nagsimula but there was a shift in the air and suddenly, I found myself heavily making out with him.

His hand brushed up inside my shirt. That was when reality hit me, anchoring me back to what was happening.

I pulled away from him but he started planting feathery kisses on my neck instead. I reached for his hand inside my shirt.

"R-Racel," paos kong sinabi. It sounded more like a moan than a cry for stop but my chest was heaving wildly in panic. I wasn't ready for this yet. "Racel," I said, this time my voice was firmer.

He stopped his ministrations and looked up to meet my eyes.

"I'm not-we can't-" I mumbled incoherently, my words tumbling over.

The dark in the pool of his eyes was heated, dissipating only slightly when he saw my panicked look. He closed his eyes, his brows furrowing, and he buried his face on the crook of my neck.

"Right. I'm sorry," he said, before pulling away and standing up. "I'll, uhh, take a shower."

When he joined me again, hindi na namin napag-usapan ang nangyari. I felt guilty for doing that. Buti na lang we spent the rest of the day talking about something else.

#

Kabadong-kabado ako sa mismong araw ng debut ko. Nandito na kami sa venue, sa Fernwood, at doon ako inaayusan ng make-up artist. Kasama ko doon sina Mom at Tita Pauline na sobrang abala sa pagkuha ng litrato. They were gushing nonstop until the preparations were finally done. Lumabas saglit sina Tita kasama ang videographer, make-up artist at iba pa para bigyan kami ng moment ni Mom.

"You're so beautiful, anak. Parang nung kailan lang, baby ka pa. Ang tanda na talaga namin," sabi niya habang ngiting ngiti akong tinitingnan sa salamin. Namumula ang mga mata niya.

"Mom, please. Don't make me cry."

Tumawa siya. "Babalik na kami ng dad mo sa New York next week. Gusto mo bang sumama?"

That saddened me a bit. "Ang bilis naman po yata."

"You wanna come with us?"

"'Wag na po. Ayokong mag-absent. At mami-miss ako nina Kuya," I said, grinning.

"True," she said, embracing me again.

"Mom?"

"Hm?"

"May tatanong po ako. Paano po kung . . . " I hesitated, unsure of how to bring the words up. Giving up, I shook my head. "Wala po. 'Wag na po pala."

Her brows drew together. "What is it?"

"Wala po."

Mom's gaze bore into me, unconvinced. Umupo ulit siya sa harap ko.

"May problema ba?"

Umiling ako. "It's just . . ." I bit my lip.

Hindi ko alam bakit nahihirapan akong sabihin. It wasn't that I was scared. I guess nahihiya lang ako? Hindi ko alam kung paano sisimulan.

"Is this about a guy?"

Napatingin ako sa kanya. Her eyes had that knowing look about them. Busted.

I sighed. "Yes po."

"What's wrong then? Hindi ka gusto? Paano naman mangyayari 'yon e maganda ka naman. Kawalan ka niya," dire-diretso niyang sinabi.

"Hindi gano'n, Ma." Natawa ako.

"Then what is it?"

"Kuya Jacob hates him. All of them actually."

"Kahit si Andrei?"

I nodded.

Kumunot ang noo niya and I could almost see the thoughts brewing beneath her eyes as she put two and two together. "Hold up. Is this that Gutierez boy we are talking about?"

Namula ako. "P-po? How did you know?"

Mom grinned teasingly. "That boy, huh? Mabait at gwapong bata 'yon. Nakilala ko siya before sa birthday ng amiga ko. He seems like a nice kid naman. Jacob, I understand pero bakit naman pati si Andrei?"

"'Yon nga po, e. Hindi ko rin talaga alam," pag-amin ko.

"Do you love him?"

Tumango ulit ako.

"Then do whatever makes you happy. I'm sure your brothers will understand. Family always comes first pero hindi sa lahat ng oras, anak." She chuckled. "I remember your dad. Ganyan din ang sitwasyon namin noon."

That piqued my interest. "Talaga po?"

"Oh, yes! Your Tito Ram hated your dad. Magkaribal din sila noon sa high school dahil parehas silang over-achievers. Kuya was so mad when we started dating pero wala na siyang nagawa. Your dad is a nice guy. Alam ng tito mo 'yon. In the end, sila pa ang naging close. Look how they are now."

I was rendered speechless by what she said. Hindi ko akalain na magkaribal pala noon sina Dad at Tito Ram. I mean, they were so close now! Iisipin mong sila nga ang magkapatid! I always thought dahil magkaibigan sila kaya Mom ended up with Dad. And Dad only had good things to say about Tito, too.

Oh, my god. That was amazing!

Mom watched my confounded expression and smiled softly. "Give your brothers time. If Racel can try to win them, then better. That means he's sincere. Coz baby, if a guy likes you, he has to court your family too. Patunay 'yon sa 'min na seryoso siya. And you naman, just follow your heart. Love by your own rules, anak."

Namuo ang mga luha ko dahil sa mga sinabi ni Mom. Niyakap ko siya dahil sa sobrang tuwa. Mom knew, Dad knew, even two of my brothers already knew. Okay na okay na siya sa iba. I just really need to get Kuya's permission. Kung mangyayari 'yon, wala na akong iisipin pa sa mga pinsan ko. They'd follow through.

Not soon after, Dad came to call us. Binulong niya sa 'kin kung ano ang regalo niya at halos mapatalon ako nang malaman kong Jaguar nga 'yon. Holy shit!

"You'll have it come tomorrow but no driving yet. Get your own license first," mariin niyang bilin, but I was too delighted to pay attention.

Kaya naman ay sobra ang ngiti ko nang magsimula ang programme. As I was getting introduced, the lights lit up and focused on my arrival. Bumaba ako ng hagdan papunta sa venue, escorted by none other than Kuya Jacob.

Naghalo ang hiya at saya sa 'kin nang makita ko ang mga bisita. All my friends were here. Yung mga ka-close ko nung elementary, high school at maging ngayong college. Even the friends I met from Youth Camp. I could even see Luis, Dash and Andrew sitting on one side, same table nina Ahron, Hiromi, Maxxie, Anjo at Lhyle habang kasama ng mga boys ang basketball team ni Kuya Jacob at iba pa nilang mga barkada na naging malapit sa 'kin.

Nginitian ko si Luis. After his confession last time, we became good pals na rin pero we weren't that close. Iniiwasan namin to give the wrong impression to the boys. Buti na lang they stopped teasing us after that incident with Kuya.

I sighed. Lahat nandito. Siya lang talaga ang wala.

I shook the thoughts away before anyone could even notice it. Iba iba at sobrang daming programme ang hinanda nina Mom. Sa simula pa nga ay kumanta ng Wonderful Tonight si Mathev na nagpakilig sa amin, kasunod ang Heaven at The Way You Look At Me na kinanta naman nina Dash at Luis. Tuwang tuwa sa kanila ang mga kaklase kong babae, maging ang mga tita ko.

Then, there was a short video performance from my bestfriends. Sina Anjo at Lhyle ang tumutugtog ng piano at gitara respectively habang kumakanta sina Hiromi, Ahron at Maxxie.

I smiled so big after the video was over dahil matapos ng performance nila ay mga video presentation ng mga kalokohan namin.

After no'n, speech mula kay Mom kasunod ng another video presentation na hinanda naman ng mga tita ko. They showed up pictures from my birth to childhood to my college days. Naririnig ko ang tawanan sa audience sa tuwing pinapakita ang mga litrato ng mga kapatid ko. Lalo na kapag lumalabas si Kuya Andrei. He really was a chubby toddler kaya gano'n na lang ang kantyaw ng iba sa kanya.

Lalo pa kaming nagkatuwaan nang ipinakita ng boys ang sayaw na hinanda nila. They were led by Kuya Jacob and Gian na hindi ko inaasahang decent dancers pala. Sure, they loved to play around but damn, those moves were good.

Patuloy lang ang programme. May part pa nga kung saan umamin ang mga kaibigan ko tungkol sa mga kalokohan ko nung mga bata pa kami. My personality and bloopers. Lahat, no holds barred. Nagpatuloy 'yon kahit nang kumakain na kaming lahat.

While everyone was eating, mabilisan kong inubos ang akin dahil kailangan ko pang puntahan ang bawat table para batiin sila. When I arrived to the boys' table, sakto namang may papalapit sa kanila.

"Jamie V! Happy birthday!" bati ni Angelo who looked quite good tonight. Naka-brush up ang usual na magulo niyang buhok. He's wearing a light blue long-sleeved button up shirt under a grey jacket.

"What are you doing here, kumag?" biro ko.

"Won't miss a party this big, you know?" sinabi niya in his bubbly, ever so contagious spirit.

Binati siya ng boys with the usual fistbump. Constello then stood up and nodded at him. Then, Angelo escorted me back to the stage. Sa laking gulat ko ay nagsimula silang tumugtog. Nakikilala ko ang kanta. It's One Call Away but what surprised me more was kung sino ang may hawak ng mic.

Angelo flashed a wicked grin. "Sorry for being late. Here's my gift to you," sabi niya sabay kindat bago sinimulan ang kanta.

The rest of the crowd cheered him on. Ngiting ngiti ako as he serenaded us. Angelo is not the best singer there is but he is good. Really good, enough para humiling pa ng ibang kanta ang mga high school friends ko. From the corner of my eye, nakikita ko si Anjo na nakikihiyaw.

Angelo, suddenly shy at the attention he was receiving, agreed and with Luis, sang another song.

When the song finished, I embraced all of them.

"Thank you, guys!" Then to Angelo, "Not bad. Pwede na!"

He grinned. "Yung gift ko sa 'yo nasa table na ha? Open mo kaagad. I wanna see your reaction."

I nodded my head, excited. "Sige, later!"

I was swept away by my mother then para maisuot ko na ang next gown. It was a black balloon gown this time. Paglabas ako ay naghihintay sa labas si Lhyle.

I raised my brows in question.

"I'm the second escort," he replied in a dashing voice. "Ganda, a. Parang 'di amasona."

"Tse!" I laughed and looped my arm around his.

"Anong gift mo sa 'kin?" I teased.

His eyes glittered. "Secret. But it's something you really like. Matagal mo nang gustong bilhin 'yon. You'll like it for sure."

Ngumuso ako. "Marami kaya akong gustong bilhin. Dali na. Ano nga? Clue?"

He laughed, refusing to answer me, and led me back to the stage. Just before he went to the seat beside mine, he whispered, "Locket."

I gaped at him. Lhyle let out a grin.

Hoshet.

If I were right, I think he bought that golden angel locket I'd been digging since the last two months! Gustung-gusto ko kasi 'yon kaso hindi ko naman mabili dahil sa Singapore lang available.

Soon, the eighteen candles began. Puro mga kaibigan kong babae ang kinuha para dito. But the first one who spoke was my mother.

Ang pinakanatandaan ko sa sinabi niya ay:

"No secrets ha and no lies. You can tell me everything. I'll be the sister you never had. I'll be the bestfriend 24/7. I'll be your best kaaway. Mahal ka namin, anak. At ngayon na talagang dalaga ka na, I know you'll make tough decisions. Just know that whenever you make one, never regret it. Push forward lang. Ayusin ang dapat ayusin. Matutunan ang dapat matutunan. It's how you go through life. It's how we grow," by the time she was done, the audience was clapping and she was crying.

I hugged her then. Sumunod sa kanya sina Anjo, Hiromi, Ahron at Maxxie na puro kalokohan at pambibisto lang naman ang ginawa. When the entire eighteen candles were done, sumama ulit ako kay Mom para makapagpalit ng damit sa Tavern.

I slipped out of my black balloon gown and donned the white ball gown. Laced ang top nito at puno ng sequins ang bodice but aside from its intricate wide skirt, the gown was simple and elegant. Ako mismo ang pumili nito.

Mom was fixing my make-up when she said,

"Anak. Galing ako kanina sa labas. May nakapark na BMW do'n. I think that's the Gutierez boy there. Pinapapasok ko pero ayaw naman," sabi niya.

My breath hitched. Oh, my God. He's here!

"Mom, can I go outside? Please. I want to see him."

Tumango siya and with a smile, said, "Be quick."

Nagmamadali akong lumabas. Medyo mahirap dahil naka-heels ako at medyo mabigat ang gown. But as soon as I saw him sa other field, halos kumaripas ako sa takbo. I ran to him as fast as my gown would allow me to. Buti na lang wala masyadong tao doon dahil katatapos lang ng kasal na doon ginanap.

"Hey!" bati ko as I ran into his arms. I pecked his lips. "You're here. I can't believe it."

"Buti nakalabas ka?" he said, seemingly surprised. "How did you know I was here?"

"Nakita ka ni Mom. Why didn't you tell me you're coming? Anong ginagawa mo dito sa labas?"

The thought that he was alone here, waiting, made me sad a little bit. But he pinched my nose right away, his other hand still resting around my waist.

"Waiting for you. I was hoping I'd get to see you."

"I've been missing you all day long," I admitted and embraced him again.

When we pulled apart, he took that time to look at me intently. "Damn, you're beautiful."

"I wish you're there with us. I'm sorry, baby."

"Don't be. I want you to completely enjoy this day. It's yours."

"I'm yours, too, you know."

"I know," he said with a tender smile.

I couldn't help it. Nasasaktan ako na ang pinakamamahal ko ay nandito ngayon sa labas. He couldn't even go inside. I couldn't even announce him. He's still my secret.

"I have a gift for you," bulong niya sa 'kin.

He pulled out a box from his pocket and opened it. Halos masilaw ako sa silver na kwintas na pinakita niya sa 'kin. It was shaped as a puzzle piece. Sinuot niya 'yon sa 'kin and then I noticed it-there was another one hanging around his neck. A different piece and I figured it would fit into mine kung susubukan ko.

"One half of a whole," he said, "to remind you that you're already my other half."

Bago pa ako makasagot, he leaned forward and placed his forehead against mine, his eyes locked deeply into mine.

He put my arms around his neck before resting his hands on my waist. Then, with no music, he began to lead me into a slow dance.

Kumakalabog ang puso ko sa ginagawa naming 'yon. It felt so intimate. Halos ayoko nang matapos ang gabing ito. I wanted to stay here. Ayoko nang bumalik sa loob.

"Has the eighteen roses started yet?"

Umiling ako.

"Then I'm your first dance?"

"You are."

Parang natuwa, lumawak ang ngiti sa labi niya. He couldn't have looked more dashing then.

He started whispering something with a tune. Nakilala ko agad ang kanta. Beautiful in White.

He was whisper singing habang sinasayaw ako. Titig na titig ang mabibigat niyang mga mata sa 'kin. I found that I couldn't even breathe dahil sa sobrang lapit niya sa 'kin. My heart was thundering so loud in my ears. When the chorus ended, he placed a chaste kiss on my lips. All those longings, all those wants, I felt them all in that one single gesture of love.

God. I am so in love with this boy.

I shiftened and deepened the kiss. Siniil niya ako nang mas malalalim at maririin pang mga halik. Binalik ko ang mga 'yon nang kasing lalim at diin din.

Now that he was here, kumpletong kumpleto na ang debut ko. He was ravishing tonight. Nakasuot pa siya ng tux at maayos ang buhok kahit na nagulo ko na ito kanina when we kissed.

"Akala ko hindi kita makikita ngayon," bulong ko.

"Pwede ba 'yon? I couldn't resist not coming to see you. I want to take part in your special day kahit sa ganitong paraan lang. I want to see how beautiful you are today."

"I'm so glad you're here," I whispered fervently.

"I'm glad too," sagot niya before he planted another kiss on my forehead.

Not soon after, tinawag na ako ni Mom and I reluctantly parted with him.

#

Puro katuwaan lang nang dumaan ang eighteen shots. Sa totoo lang, hindi pa ako makapag-focus sa kanila dahil inaalala ko pa si Racel.

Nasa labas pa kaya siya? Did he go home already?

The eighteen roses were announced at once, catching my attention. The lights dimmed just a little bit as the music shifted.

Unang tinawag si Kuya Onyx. He was wearing a wicked grin as he stepped up to me. Nag-bow muna ang loko bago kinuha ang kamay ko.

"I hope you'll like my gift. 'Di ko na lang sasabihin na Chevy Impala collectible 'yon."

I gasped.

He grinned. "Yeah? Hinanap ko pa 'yon. Ang effort ko lang 'no?"

"Thank you, Kuya. Thank you!" I said, hugging him tight.

"Not only that, I bought the whole thing. Magsawa ka kaka-replay ng lahat ng seasons."

"You bought the DVDs?"

He nodded.

"Oh my, god. Thank you so much!"

When Mathev came to replace him, sinasabayan niya ang kanta.

"Sana kapatid na lang kita. Para araw-araw tayong mangungulit sa bahay. I'll bring you to Japan. You'll enjoy the cherry blossoms there."

"Sus. Busy ka na nga, wala ka nang panahon sa 'min."

"Pwede ba 'yon?" He smirked. "Lagi akong may oras para sa inyo. Also, we're flying to Paris this summer. You wanna come with us?"

My eyes widened. "For real? Pwede ba?"

"Gusto mo ba?"

"Oo naman!"

"Great! You might want to check my gift then."

"Whoa! Whoa! Tickets?"

He grinned. "To Paris, baby."

Sobrang saya ko by the time Kuya Paul came. As if being playful, sinayaw muna ako nito ng Chacha bago siya umayos. Nagtawanan ang lahat ng nanonood sa kakulitan namin.

"Mom and Dad love you so much. Minsan sa 'min ka matulog. They'll be so happy."

"Arrange natin. Kaso uwi natin n'yan inuman."

"Pwede bang wala no'n?"

Nagtawanan kami.

"Now that you're eighteen. What are your plans?"

"Iwasan kayo sa pag-inom."

He laughed. "You can try. You love it as much as we do."

"Legit ba yung Paris?"

"Mathev told you? That little fucker."

"Excited siya e. Ako rin. Talaga bang kasama ako?"

"Yeah. Mathev asked Dad and he agreed."

"Oh my god talaga."

"Baka 'di ka makatulog, a."

"Kayo e!"

Tumatawa siya nang ipasa ako sa susunod.

"I can see that you're happy. Halata na glowing ka ngayon. Tell me, couz. Are you in love?" Gian asked me as he spun me around.

Ngumisi ako. "What do you think?"

"Kanino ba? Kay Luis o kay Dash?"

"Uy, grabe kayo. Wag n'yo ko masyadong tinutukso sa mga 'yon. Nakakahiya lalo na kay Mathe."

"Nahihiya ka pa kay Mathev? Gusto mo pulbusin ko pa 'yon e."

"Baliw, Gi."

"'Di. Biro lang." Tumawa siya. "Basta, a? Alam mo na. 'Pag may problema, nandito lang ako. Sabihin mo lang, tatamaan sa 'kin yung mga nang-aaway sa 'yo."

"Warfreak mo talaga kahit kailan."

Ngumisi siya at ipinasa na ako sa susunod.

Si Kuya Nick siguro ang pinakagwapo sa mga pinsan ko ngayong gabi. He's really nailing that tux look na kumapit nang husto sa hulma ng katawan niya.

"Ganda talaga. Nakaka-proud."

"Baller ka, Kuya?"

"'Di nga. Seryoso. Kung 'di lang kita pinsan e," sabay halakhak.

"Ano ba 'yan, Kuya. Kadiri ka!"

Tumatawa pa rin siya. "Biro lang. Jacob told me pala, may Jaguar ka na daw?"

"Yup!" I said, popping the p. "Bigay ni Dad."

"Ayos 'yan. Ano, sa'n tayo? Roadtrip na!"

"Oo ba! Sched natin."

After my cousins, isa isang tinawag ang mga tito at ninong ko. Halos iisa lang naman ang mga mensahe nila sa 'kin. Kahit daw eighteen na ako, 'wag daw muna akong magbo-boyfriend. Lagi daw silang kasangga ni Dad sa lahat ng oras lalo na kung may mananakit daw sa 'kin. I was laughing and crying at the same time, touched beyond words. The guys in my life were all protective to the point of paranoia, but I loved them just the same.

Si Kuya Andrei ang unang tinawag sa mga kapatid ko. His hair was gelled to the side, giving him a soft look tonight.

Ngumiti siya habang pinagmamasdan ako.

"Wala bang performance d'yan? Geon wants to hear you sing."

"Ay, naks. Kailan pa kayo naging partners-in-crime no'n?"

"Kanina lang." He chuckled. "Do you like Geon?"

"Ey, natanong mo na 'yan, e."

"I'm asking again." His eyes were twinkling in mirth.

"Why? Did he ask you to say anything to me?"

"No. Can't I be curious lang?"

"It's not like that, Kuya. Between us, things are great. Like bestfriends."

Tumango si Kuya at inikot ako.

"You're stunning tonight. I'm sure all the boys here are captivated."

"I tried." I laughed.

Kuya Chris had a teasing look about him when he came to me.

"Susumbong kita kay Dad. May boyfriend ka na pala," pang-aasar niya.

"Sumbong mo," biro ko sabay tawa.

"Well, just don't get hurt. You're our princess, remember?"

"And you're still my ninja."

"I got your back, bunso. Through thick and thin. I love you."

He kissed my head bago ako binigay kay Kuya Travis.

"You've grown so fast. Parang dati ikaw pa yung batang iyakin."

"Hindi na ngayon 'no."

"I still remember how you used to throw tantrums kapag hindi mo kami nakakasama sa paglalaro. You were your kuyas' little girl."

"Hanggang ngayon naman?"

"No, not really. It's slow but you're having a life outside of us. But don't drift too far."

Si Kuya Jacob ang sumunod. For some reasons, tears instantly welled up in my eyes as he slowly walked down the distance between us.

"Ang ganda, a." Nakangisi niyang sinabi.

"I know, right."

"When you were a kid, I remember you used to cry a lot whenever you'll sleep in your room. That's how we ended up sharing the same room. Before Lhyle came, before your girlfriends, I was your bestfriend. We were solid. Partners in crime. It was us against the world," simula niya in a rare serious tone. There was a tender look on his face as he smiled gently at me.

"It's a vague memory but I remember seeing you the first time. Ang liit mo no'n. Pero ang saya ko kasi may babae na sa pamilya. I remember fighting a lot with Andrei just to get a chance to play with you. I still remember getting smug kapag ako ang pinipili mo. Heck, I was even jealous of Dad kapag siya ang kasama mo at hindi ako," dagdag niya as he spun me around. "I'm sorry if I'm so possessive of you, baby. Alam mo naman na mahal ka lang ni Kuya? You're my baby sister. Do you remember? Gusto mo akong pakasalan dati. It's not even Dad or Andrei or Kuya Travis or Kuya Chris. But me. It's me. You trusted me too much. And I'm telling you. You can still trust me now. Even more. I won't let those spineless bastards hurt you."

I was on the verge of tears then. Niyakap ko lang siya nang mahigpit, the words escaping me. There was no need for them. I was sure nararamdaman ng kapatid ko kung gaano sila kahalaga sa 'kin.

When Kuya Jacob left the center, the lights dimmed and a special light lit up to focus on me. Nagbago rin ang tugtog.

Dad stepped up to me, his smile so dashing. He took my hands pero hindi ko napigilan. Tears were streaming down my face kaya niyakap ko siya all throughout our dance.

"I remember clearly the day when you were born as if it was just yesterday. Anak, parang kahapon lang, bata ka pa. What happened? You grew up so fast. Time flew so fast. Minsan 'di ko napapansin. Dalaga ka na pala. Minsan 'di ko pa tanggap. Hanggang ngayon kasi ay 'pag nakikita kita, I don't see the woman you are becoming but that baby girl I used to hold in my arms. But now reality has sunk in. Dalaga ka na. I really see it now. My baby girl has grown so much, into this beautiful lady. Sometimes I ask your mom paano nangyari 'yon? Ang bilis naman yata. You're quickly slipping through my fingers. Soon some other boy will take you from me." He chuckled.

"I'm still your baby girl, Dad."

"And you will always be. Alam mo ba? The first time I beheld you with my eyes, you made me fall in love with you. You're not my first baby. But you're my first baby girl. In my life, I fell in love the third time. First with your grandmother. Second with your mom. Third, with you. My princess," sabi niya pa. "You were so little then. That tiny bundle of joy. So fragile. So beautiful. Ibang iba sa mga kapatid mo. I was so scared to hold you in fear I might crush you. But your Mom made me. And it was the most special thing ever. I remember holding you and you smiled. Your first smile. Sa 'kin. Not to anyone else. When you opened your eyes, I was in cloud nine. That was so precious. I still remember the feeling even now. How happy I'd been. How blissful that day was. It was a different feeling altogether. I'm so happy you came into our lives. Thank you, baby, for making me proud. I love you. Ang dami kong kaagaw sa 'yo. Your brothers. Your cousins. And I think those boys looking at you right now. But promise me. You'll always be Daddy's princess?"

"Always, Dad. Always. I love you." Humikbi ako.

I hugged my dad even tighter.

Everyone clapped. I don't care kung masira ang make-up ko. I love my Dad. He's the first man in my life and I'd always be his little girl.

Then, the music changed. Mas naging upbeat. Humiwalay si Dad para sumayaw. He gestured for me to follow. We ended up dancing hiphop, making the crowd laugh. Impromptu lang bago bumalik ang music sa dati. This time, I only hugged Dad and he held me just as tight. We were both quiet as we waited for the dance to come to a finish.

Once the music was done, doon ko lang napansin na kinukuhanan pala kami ng videos and photos ng mga tito at tita ko. Some of them were even crying. Pinunasan ko ang mga luha ko nang dahan-dahan, hoping na hindi nasira ang make-up ko.

There was another ice-breaker then. Sinamahan ulit ako ni Mom sa Tavern para makapagpalit into my last gown. This time, it's a detachable high low black and red gown.

When I came back, ngiting ngiti ang mga bisita.

"Look up!" sigaw nina Kuya Jacob and as soon as I did, fireworks lit up the skies.

Sobrang ganda. Halos hindi ko naipikit ang mga mata ko dahil bawat sandali ay sobrang remarkable sa 'kin. After that, they urged me to open one gift bago ko hipan ang kandila ng cake ko.

Remembering Angelo, I decided to open his gift. Dalawa 'yon. Isang malaking box at isang maliit. When I opened the first one, natawa ako. It was a book with a cover that said, How not be stupid when you are. I flipped it over. Tumambad sa 'kin ang troll meme.

The emcee asked me to show it to the audience so I did. Tawa sila nang tawa nang makita 'yon. The kumag naman was smiling so smug, his grey eyes lighting up in laughter.

Then, I opened the next box-the smaller one.

Hoshet. It's a pandora charm bracelet!

What a curious thing dahil isa sa mga charms no'n ay traffic light. And the red light was on.

"Coz you're a red light, Jamie V," sigaw niya mula sa table niya when the emcee asked for the meaning of each charms.

"What in the world does that even mean?"

"Secret!"

And that was that.

My dad gave a message to the guests, then I blew the candle na nakapatong pa sa customized Harry Potter cake.

That ended my debut program.

Now it's time to confess the truth.

#

After the programme, the after party began. The strobe lights flickered around the venue, the music booming loud. Nag-uwian na ang iba sa mga bisita pero nandoon pa ang mga kaibigan ko na enjoy sa enjoy sa pagsayaw. My uncles and aunts had crowded over sa isang side para uminom habang ang iba sa kanila ay nasa gitna rin at sumasayaw.

I released a breath. Tapos na ang party. Nasa labas pa kaya si Racel? I wished I could text him pero wala sa 'kin ang cellphone ko ngayon.

Which reminded me. I had something to say to my brother.

Amidst the party, lumapit ako kina Kuya Jacob. Kasama niya ang mga kapatid at pinsan namin, mga barkada niya at pati na rin sina Angelo, Luis, Dash at Andrew.

Nang lumapit ako sa kanila, ngumiti sila at pumito naman sina Gian at Kuya Onyx.

"Look who's here! The birthday girl," biro ni Kuya Jacob.

I smiled at them and grabbed my brother's hand. "Kuya, let's talk," bulong ko sa tainga niya. I was nervous as hell but thanks to the Patron I drank earlier, medyo lumakas ang loob ko.

"About what?"

"Sa labas na! Maingay dito!"

"Okay!" Humarap siya sa iba at ngumiti. "Later, fuckers. 'Wag kayong magpakalasing habang wala ako!"

Bago kami lumayo sa kanila ay nagkatinginan kami ni Angelo. I think he knew what I was going to do. He showed me a lopsided grin and gave a thumbs up, obviously to cheer me on.

Once we were away from them, Kuya Jacob faced me with his undivided attention. I began fumbling with my hands. Hoshet. Kinakabahan na naman ako! Ayoko sanang sirain ang gabi niya but this was the best chance.

"Kuya, may aaminin sana ako."

"Ano?" pag-ngisi niya.

"Kasi-"

"Ano nga! Boyfriend 'yan 'no?" putol niya sabay halakhak. "Kung boyfriend 'yan, I don't wanna hear it. Not tonight. Sa 'min ka pa tonight. Bukas na kayo," dagdag pa niya habang tumatawa pa rin. He was clearly drunk.

"No, I mean . . . " I trailed off again. Shit. Nawala ako dahil sa sinabi niyang 'yon.

While I was forcing the words out of my mouth, sakto namang tumunog ang cellphone niya. Napahinto ako habang tinitingnan niya kung sino ang tumatawag.

"It's Dad. Tara na, hinahanap yata tayo. Just tell me later, okay?" he told me with a soft smile, kissing my forehead before steering me back inside. He tapped my shoulder and said again, "Later, sis."

Halos maiyak ako dahil sa nawalang chance na 'yon. It was the only chance I had dahil pag-uwi namin, lasing na lasing na ang mga boys and before I had the next chance again, it was already too late.