Gusto kong bawiin ang mga sinabi ko.

Gusto kong tumawag at mag-sorry nang mag-sorry.

It took everything in me not to. Nagsisisi ako na sinaktan ko siya pero alam kong mas mabuti na 'yon para sa amin.

I'd stand by this choice kahit mahirap. Tama na. Isang sakitan na lang.

We both deserved to heal.

#

I told Lhyle what I did first thing in the morning. Nasa klase na ang girls at hindi sinasadyang nagkasalubong kami sa may Gonzales hall.

I thought he would avoid me; I thought he'd walk by without glancing at me but he caught me by surprise nang huminto siya para suriin ako. In the end, hindi niya ako natiis.

I must have looked like shit then because his forehead creased in worry.

"What happened?" his first spoken word to me after days of not talking. Narinig ko ang panic sa tono niya.

Umiling ako. Hinatak ako ni Lhyle sa lugar na wala masyadong tao.

"Javee. . . " tawag niya.

"I ended things with him," simple kong inamin.

Parehas kaming natahimik. Eternity seemed to pass before understanding dawned on his face.

"Tara," anyaya niya.

I looked up to his face, confusion getting to me. "Saan?"

"Let's cut."

My eyes widened. Lhyle does things like this from time to time but not me. I don't take to cutting classes well dahil inaalagaan ko ang good standing ko.

"Hindi pwede. Baka may quiz kami-" But he was already pulling me to his car. Although my mind told me I didn't want to go along, hindi rin naman ako lumaban pa. I knew as well as my bestfriend that I wasn't in my best state of focus right now. I needed to unwind.

"Where are we going?" I said when I climbed into his Veyron.

"You need a breather," he said with a grin, waggling his brows. "We won't go far. Don't worry."

#

We ended up in Kapitolyo, Pasig.

Papunta pa lang doon, na-realize ko na ang plano niyang gawin. Despite myself, I laughed.

"Foodtrip?" I said to him.

He grinned at me. "Nothing cures heartbreak best but good food."

And so, we ended up hopping from one restaurant to the next. Bihira ako dito sa Kapitolyo, sa totoo lang. It's too far from my place pero gusto ko ang Old Beans nila sa Capitol Commons. Though if I were to really choose, mas maganda pa rin sa 'kin ang branches sa Intramuros at Tagaytay.

Habang kumakain kami sa RUB Ribs & BBQ, pinagmasdan ako ni Lhyle. The expression on his face was contemplative, curious. I knew that look too well. I knew what he was going to ask.

"I want to know how, Javee. Bakit si Racel? Paanong siya?"

I recounted to him everything. It wasn't easy. Ang hirap na balikan ang lahat. I fought so hard against the urge to shake and cry. Buti na lang at kinaya ko.

Lhyle understood. He took it well. Tahimik lang siyang nakikinig, no ounce of emotion at all. He wasn't judging nor was he mad. Kalmado lang pero paminsan-minsan, napapansin kong tumitingin siya sa malayo kapag binabanggit ko ang nararamdaman ko. As if the thought of me liking Racel was burning him.

When I was done, Lhyle released a deep breath. I knew he was trying his best to wrap his head around it.

"I would never have thought," he finally said, still absorbed. "Mabuting kaibigan ko 'yon. I thought he was better than this."

"He was. Bes, trust me. Wala naman sa 'min ang ginusto 'to."

"You could've avoided him."

"I did," I answered weakly.

"Not hard enough." He sighed again. "Pero wala, e. 'Pag puso ang nagdikta, ano ba ang laban mo?"

That made me look up to him in surprise. That was new. Seryosong seryoso ang mukha niya nang sinabi niya 'yon. Ibang iba sa Lhyle na nakilala ko. But just like that, the magic was broken when he laughed.

"Shit. Hugot 'yon."

I was stunned for a second before I melted into laughter as well.

The girls joined us in Starbucks after classes. It was difficult to act okay but I pulled it off, thanks to them. If they noticed something, walang pumansin katulad nang hindi nila pagpansin sa biglaang pagbabati namin ni Lhyle.

When late afternoon came, Lhyle offered to drive me back home. Tahimik lang kami sa byahe until nagsalita siya.

"I didn't want this for you, you know. I didn't want you to get hurt."

I remained quiet, just listening to him. Ipinasada ko ang mga mata ko sa mga nadadaanan namin.

"These past few days, I avoided you to forget. To think. Para malinawan ako. But that doesn't mean I wanted you hurt."

Bumaling ako sa kanya dahil sa narinig. He passed me a sidelong glance, and I saw the sincerity swimming behind his dark hazel eyes.

"I know, bes. I'm sorry for hiding things from you," I said in a quiet tone. My eyes slightly teared up.

"Stop crying," he said softly. Buti na lang din at stuck kami sa red light. Lhyle leaned closer to me and reached out a hand to ruffle my head. "Nagalit ako sa 'yo, aaminin ko 'yon. Pero dahil lang naman nagtatampo ako. Matagal ko nang alam, e. Alam kong may nagugustuhan ka na. I know you that well. Hindi ko lang akalain na si Gutierez pala. I'm sorry if I reacted that way."

I shook my head, shrugging away his apology. There's nothing to apologize for. Naiintindihan ko naman. Like everyone else, he was trying to protect me.

The cars in front of us started moving again. Lhyle shifted his attention back to the road after sharing a smile with me.

Kahit papaano, nabawasan ang bigat sa dibdib ko. Hindi nabawasan yung sakit, but I was relieved na sa lahat ng maling desisyon ko, may isang maayos na.

#

I couldn't sleep or eat properly for days. Sa sobrang kaiisip ko yata, bumigay na ang katawan ko dahil sa stress. Nilagnat ako ng ilang araw. Mom was insistent to take care of me despite my protests. Paminsan-minsan, sumisilip din ang mga kapatid ko para kamustahin ako.

I was bedridden for a day. On the third day, my fever broke. Nang mawala ang hilo ko, I took a brief shower, ate the breakfast sent up to me, and jumped back on the bed. I grabbed my PSP and played a few games.

Maaliwalas na ang pakiramdam ko. If this kept up, baka sa makalawa lang, makapasok na ako.

There was a knock on my door. Bago pa ako makapagsalita, bumukas na ito. Napangisi ako nang makitang si Lhyle 'yon.

"'Yan ba ang gawain ng may sakit?" he said amusedly.

I straightened up and noted the paper bag he was holding. "Napadaan ka?"

"May sakit ka daw sabi ni Mathev," sagot niya habang pumapasok sa kwarto ko. "Kung naglalaro ka na, malamang okay ka na."

Ngumisi ako. "Hulaan ko. Nagluto si Tita?"

"Oo. Spoiled ka talaga do'n."

I feigned sick and pouted. "Feed me."

"At talagang nagpa-baby pa ha."

Lumapit siya sa 'kin at s-in-et-up yung dala niya sa bed tray.

"'Wag ka masyado lumapit. Baka mahawa ka."

"Sus. Daming arte."

Lhyle didn't stay for long, baka daw mabinat ako. Bago siya umalis, may inabot siyang mga notebooks sa 'kin. Hiniram niya raw kay Nami para makahabol ako sa lessons. Mukhang magkaka-quiz kami pagbalik ko.

I smiled at his thoughtfulness. Kung sana hindi lang siya pihikan at mailap sa commitment, Lhyle would've been a perfect boyfriend for some lucky girl.

Matapos nang bisita niyang 'yon, buong magdamag akong nagpahinga at natulog. Nagising ako nung bandang madaling araw nang maramdaman kong may pumasok sa kwarto ko.

I knew it was Dad before I could see him. I felt the warm press of his hand over my forehead, feeling if I still have fever. I heard a sigh of relief.

I opened my eyes, trying to see through the darkened room. Nakaupo si Dad sa tabi ko at nakangiti nang bahagya.

"Did I wake you?"

"What are you doing here, Dad?"

"Checking up on you. Kamusta na ang pakiramdam mo?"

"Better." I sat up and looked at the time. Halos alas dos na. "Kakauwi mo lang?"

"Had some things to do. Nagugutom ka ba? Do you want something to eat?"

"I'm fine, Dad. Thank you." I smiled.

"Okay, sweetie. Just making sure. Magpapasko na. Your cousins are coming over soon. Take care of yourself, ha."

"I could say the same to you," I responded as a tease.

He chuckled, kissed my forehead and excused himself soon after.

Now that he mentioned it, naalala kong may tweet nga pala si Alec na hindi ko na-replyan.

I felt my drawer for my phone and checked my Twitter to reply to my cousin. Then, I checked my messages. Puno ang mga 'yon at isa-isa kong binasa. Nothing that important naman, save for one.

Christelle:

Hey, Javee. My bday's coming up. Punta ka ha. I'll send you the details later.

That put me in a somber and pensive mood. Inimbitahan niya daw ang buong council na nag-ayos ng Youth Camp, so Gwen and the others would definitely be there. But I was hesitant to go.

He would be there, too. I wasn't sure if it would even be right to go.

#

It's almost Christmas. Just seven days now.

Pinag-iisipan ko pa rin kung pupunta pa ba ako sa birthday ni Christelle. Kaso pinangunahan ako ng hiya kaya hindi ako nakapag-cancel. Racel would be there. Or not. Hindi ko sure.

Ayoko siyang makita. Baka mawala ang resolve ko at magbago ang desisyon ko sa oras na magkita kami. Baka manghina ako, makalimot at habulin na siya. Baka mawalan na ako ng pakialam sa lahat.

I'm scared of my feelings. So scared that I might choose him over them. Scared that I already did.

When the birthday finally came, I arrived with Ahron right beside me. Nasa Candid kami, and basing from the texts, narito na sina Gwen, James at Ivan.

"You sure you can face him?" Ahron asked close to me. Kaninang umaga bago kami nagpunta dito, kinuwento ko na sa kanya ang lahat. I didn't leave out any single detail. Babe just nodded at me with understanding eyes. No judgment there. Just what I needed today.

"Baka wala siya dito."

"You're here. I bet he's here as well."

Sinundo kami ni Ivan from the entrance. Animatedly, he greeted us with his ever so present charming smile. Hindi pa rin nagbabago. Makulit pa rin.

"'Bat 'di kayo nagsama ng chics? Sayang naman!" he said with a laugh.

Ahron shook her head at his antics.

"Tara. Nandito na yung iba." He placed an arm around my shoulder and led us inside.

It didn't take long to confirm if Racel was here. Habang naglalakad kami papunta sa table, nakasalubong na namin siya. He wasn't hard to see. Racel was a head taller than everyone here. May mga kasama siyang lalaki at iilang babae habang naglalakad papunta sa labas.

I forced myself not to stop in my tracks but my breath hitched in my throat and my heart sped into a frantic race.

Racel caught my eye. His eyes lingered for a while but I couldn't detect any emotion on his face. My knees weakened. Sa gilid ko, ramdam ko ang kamay ni Ahron sa braso ko at ang braso ni Ivan sa balikat ko.

Almost immediately, Racel averted his eyes and lost my gaze. Napaso ako sa ginawa niyang 'yon. Hinabol ko siya ng tingin. Dire-diretso silang naglakad at dinaanan kami ni Ahron. All this while, I couldn't breathe. My heart was thumping loud in my ear. I didn't know what ached more. His stoic dismissal or my chest heaving up for air.

That stung. Masakit pala na hindi niya ako pinapansin, na parang wala na lang ako sa kanya.

But I asked for this, didn't I?

Ahron squeezed my forearm. It helped anchor me back as if she was telling me, 'Grip, girl. Grip.'

"Iba talaga ang sikat oh. Yosi break lang ang dami pang nakasunod. Whoo!" komento ni Ivan.

He led us past the gyrating bodies and toward the table where the others were waiting.

We found them already drowned in laughter and drinking up Tequila. Kumpleto ang Youth Camp council at mukhang malalim na sa kwentuhan.

They greeted us warmly, offering drinks right away. Binati namin si Christelle at inabot ang gift namin, which she accepted with a grateful smile. In no time, we eased into the conversation. It was shortlived, though. My unease set in when Racel joined us with Justin and another girl at his side.

This was going to be a long night, I thought, when I saw the girl inch into him perhaps a little too close. Agad akong lumingon palayo. Fuck this.

"Yo, Javee!" bati ni Justin, smiling lopsidedly. Then he turned to Ahron with a boyish grin. "Glad you came, babe. I was hoping to see you."

Ahron shrugged him off with a roll of her eyes and casually downed her shot.

The entire night felt bloody awkward since then. Kahit na tawanan nang tawanan ang iba, hindi ako kumportable. Hindi ako makakilos nang maayos. Hindi ako makatingin nang diretso. Hindi rin ako makasali sa usapan. From time to time, Christelle would strike up a conversation relevant to me to engage me. I would try to act as normal as I could, kahit na ramdam ko ang mga mata sa 'kin ni Racel kapag napupunta sa 'kin ang usapan.

Steady lang siya at straight ang tingin sa 'kin habang nilalaro ng katabi niya ang mga kamay nila. He looked unreadable, as always.

He confused me to no end. Kanina hindi niya ako pinapansin. Paano niya nagagawang tingnan ako nang matagalan ngayon?

The girl beside him, as it turned out, was Christelle's bestfriend, Natalia Hernandez. Ka-block siya ni Racel at mukhang malapit sila sa isa't isa if their linked arms and whispered conversations were anything to go by. Kung saan saan dumadapo ang kamay niya. What irked me was that he didn't seem to give a damn. Para ngang nagugustuhan pa niya.

My chest burned when she giggled and sent up a smile to his face.

I stiffened at how intimate they looked. My mind whispered, 'Flirting.' Yeah, 'yon nga ang ginagawa nila. Well, they could keep at it for all I care. I shouldn't even be minding them. Badtrip.

I would focus somewhere else . . . Like, say, this Tequila. . .

Nag-abot ng shot sa 'kin si James. I took it and drank it in one go.

"Dahan dahan sa shot, girl," bulong ni Gwen sa 'kin. Ngumiti lang ako.

Tawa nang tawa sa tabi ko si Ivan at nagsimulang nagkukuwento. Ang likot niya magkuwento, at minsan ginigitgit pa ako para i-enact ang mga sinasabi niya.

I tried to smile para makasabay, hoping it wouldn't look like a grimace.

"Ang off niyong dalawa, ha. Trouble in paradise ba?" Melissa commented from across me. Nung una, nanigas ako. I thought she was referring to me but I sighed in relief when I realized the question was pointed to Ahron and Justin.

"Tell her, Mel. Tell her to stop ignoring me," Justin responded with a hearty laugh.

Ahron didn't react, though. She's cool with everything. If only I could be like that.

"My god. Magkaka-sore eyes yata ako sa inyo, e. Puro couples!" Melissa said again. "Si Gwen, text nang text. Si Sheena mukhang may love life na. And now, these two!" Tinuro niya si Natalia at Racel. "Girl, hinay hinay. Nandito pa kami." Tumawa ito.

Natalia giggled and flashed a delightful smile. Maganda siya, 'yon ang totoo. Her heartshaped face was accentuated by her make-up and her lips were plump and luscious. Sexy din at well-endowed. She might as well be Ahron's rival in the modeling industry. I could easily see how they fit each other.

At ang mas nakakainggit pa, they could be open with their affections. It was never like that with us. It could never be like that.

"Sorry. Can't help it. He's too hot today. I can't keep my hands to myself," Natalia said in a teasing voice.

I didn't turn to them. Ayokong makita nila na affected ako pero sa gilid ng mga mata ko, napapansin ko ang malapusang tingin ni Christelle.

I took a silent breath to calm my nerves.

Just . . . fuck this. Ayoko na dito. Hindi ko na kaya.

Masakit palang makita na may ibang babae sa tabi niya.

James made a gagging sound. "Get a room." Si Ivan naman, "Tss," mukhang hindi nagugustuhan ang usapan.

"Hoo. Pahingi pong love life, please!" biro ni Melissa, tawa ng tawa. "'Siya ba, Racel? Siya ba yung laman ng mga tweets mo?"

I almost froze sa tanong. Oh, my God. Ito ba ang magiging usapan buong gabi? Sila? Really?

Mukhang natigilan ang lahat. Mabilis na napatingin sa 'kin sina Ahron at Christelle. Maging si Natalia, lumingon kay Racel, uncertainty playing in her eyes. Siya mismo hindi sigurado. God, I didn't know how to think right now. Should I be happy sa reaction niya?

Racel only gave out a noncommittal shrug. I fisted my shaking hands, keeping myself from reacting in any way.

Just a little more. Tiis lang. It will be over soon.

"Fine. Keep secrets," Melissa dismissed. "Pakasal kayo! Hmp!"

Christelle took the reins then and shifted us to a safer topic. I was grateful for the sudden change. When I turned to her, she was peering at me with knowing-yet confused-eyes. She's curious.

I waved her silent question away with a shake of my head.

Napunta na ang usapan sa modeling career ni Ahron. Balik na sa sariling mundo iyong dalawa. I couldn't stand it anymore.

Feeling too much, I stood up and called for a restroom break. Sumunod sa 'kin sina Gwen at Sheena.

"Sila ba? Bakit gano'n makadikit yung isa?" tanong ni Gwen sa amin ni Sheena as soon as we were out of earshot. The irritation was plain on her pretty face.

Sheena shook her head. "Hindi ko alam, e. Akala ko nga si Javee ang gusto niya."

Napahinto ako sa gulat at agarang tumingin sa kanila.

Sheena offered a small smile. "Sorry. Akala ko lang naman. Nakita ko kayo nung Youth Camp. May chemistry, e. I thought after that magiging close kayo pero na-realize ko parang imposible."

"Imposible nga," I heard myself echoing back weakly.

I wanted to stall sa restroom. Ayoko na sanang bumalik sa table. Lalo na at nakasalubong namin sina Natalia at Racel. Schooling my expression, dinaanan ko sila nang hindi man lang tinitingnan at pinapansin.

"I don't like her," bulong ni Gwen. "Magre-restroom na lang kailangan pa ng escort? Clingy."

"Shh. Bestfriend siya ni Christelle."

"Ay nako. May attitude 'yan, be. 'Di mo ba pansin? Kanina pa siya papansin sa table."

I did notice. Bukod pa sa payakap-yakap niya kay Racel ay napansin ko rin kung paano niya irapan si Gwen. It was without a doubt na maganda si Natalia. She looked high class enough. Pero ganoon din si Gwen. She probably thought Gwen was a threat lalo na't mukhang nasa ugali ni Natalia ang gusto laging nasa sentro ng atensyon. Always the first to comment, always the first to laugh quite loud. It made me wonder kung bakit si Gwen at hindi si Ahron.

Pagbalik namin, simula na ng second round. Nagkukuwento si James tungkol sa trek adventure niya sa Mt. Pulag kasama si Angelo.

Angelo . . .

The reminder of him made me smile a little. Remembering kung gano siya kakulit, I felt warm somehow. I somehow missed him. Matagal na ang huli naming pag-uusap.

"Chrissy, you should've invited him. This would be even more fun kung nandito ang kupal na 'yon," Ivan told Christelle.

I found myself nodding. It would be better kung nandito nga siya but Angelo was quick-witted. He would've known for sure. He would've asked me things kaya okay na rin siguro na wala.

"Wala akong number niya."

"Dapat kay Javee. Barkada 'yon ng kuya niya."

Slight lang pero napansin ko ang pagbagksak ng ngiti ni Racel. Hindi ko alam kung dahil sa usapan namin o dahil sa binubulong ni Natalia.

"'Di rin naman kami close no'n. Nakakahiya."

"At kailan ka pa nahiya? Wala kang gano'n," asar ni Justin dahilan para magtalo ang dalawa. The others were quick to jump on and tease the two.

Amid that fiasco, Ivan leaned closer to me and snaked his arm back around my shoulders.

He whispered, "Uy. Lakad mo naman ako sa kaibigan mo. 'Di ako nirereplyan, e."

Napatingin ako sa kanya. He was still onto Camille? "Ayaw no'n sa play boy."

"Huy, sobra ka. 'Di naman ako gano'n, a? Seryoso 'to. I'm wounded." He placed a palm against his chest, feigning hurt.

Natawa ako. "Bahala na. Pihikan 'yon, e."

"Pero tutulungan mo 'ko?"

"Siguro. Try ko. Pwede," I mused.

"Kaya gusto kita, Javee, e." In happinees, he said that a little too loud kaya napatingin sa amin yung iba.

Justin cleared his throat and started a new conversation none too soon, eager to ease the obvious tension that filled the air. Nagkatinginan kami ni Racel saglit bago niya nilingon si Natalia para sagutin ang tinanong no'n. Hindi pa nakuntento, Natalia giggled and placed her hand on top of his leg.

I noticed Christelle studying me with her brows knitted together. Umiling lang ako at ininom ang shot. Napapadami na ang inom ko. Dizzy spells were starting to kick in. My emotions were also getting the best of me.

Hindi dapat pero naba-badtrip na talaga ako. They were too damn close. Masyadong dikit na dikit sa kanya 'tong si Natalia. Buong gabi na silang magkausap. Sa kanya lang din nakatutok ang atensyon ni Racel.

Parang nananadya.

I couldn't help the prickling in my chest and swirling of bitter thoughts in my head. I shouldn't watch but I couldn't look away.

Ganoon ba? Gano'n kadali sa kanya ang makahanap ng bago?

He knew I was here. That I could see them. Sinasadya niya ba?

But then, what do I care, 'di ba? 'Di naman kami. We never were. Ni wala ngang confirmation of feelings. At isa pa, ako ang tumapos. Ginusto ko 'to.

I shouldn't care. Damn. Dammit. I should be happy. But I wasn't.

I felt sick. Maybe I was drunk now dahil umiinit ang dugo ko sa inis kahit wala akong karapatan. I knew it could be like this. I wasn't ready to face him yet. Ayoko na dito.

I needed to go.

"It's late. I'll go ahead," I announced kahit na alas dose pa lang. In my books, it was still early to go but I needed to go away from here-and fast.

All heads turned in my direction, surprised. Si Ahron lang ang hindi. She seemed to have seen this coming from miles away.

"Already?" Ivan asked. "Mamaya na. Hahatid na lang kita."

Napansin kong nakatingin na sa 'kin si Racel. Hindi mabasa ang expression niya. Oh, now he's looking at me again?

"I think I'm drunk. And Kuya is looking for me na." Lie. Nagpaalam ako ngayon. Baka nga magulat pa silang maaga ako umuwi.

"Naparami na rin ang inom mo, e," Gwen said. "Paano ka uuwi? Sunduin ka ba?"

"I'll hail a cab."

"Sige. Hatid na kita sa labas," Christelle said. The look on her face told me na alam niya exactly why I was acting this way.

"No. Kaya ko na. I'm good." I turned to Ahron. Mukhang gusto niya nang sumabay sa 'kin but I reassured her with, "I'll text you when I get home."

I excused myself fast. I couldn't bear to stay there for another second. Mabuti na lang at kakilala ko na ang guard dito. Hindi na ako nahirapang kumuha pa ng taxi.

Drowned in my thoughts, hindi ko napansin na sumunod pala si Racel sa 'kin until hinablot niya ang wrist ko bago ako pumasok sa taxi. Nagulat pa ako nang makita siya.

Why the fuck was he here now?

"Ihahatid na kita."

"'Wag na." Hinatak ko ang kamay ko. "Go back inside. They're waiting." Natalia's waiting.

Anger rippled across his face, his words hard and icy, "Kung ako si Ivan, papayag kang magpahatid? Kung siya, ayos lang?"

"What? Where did that come from?" I answered back. Breathing unsteadily and frantically, I turned to the taxi again.

He grabbed my wrist again and pulled me to his side. Enraged, pinaalis niya ang taxi driver at sinara ang pinto nito. Wala na akong nagawa nang humarurot 'yon. I wanted to lash out at him dahil sa ginawa niya pero naunahan niya ako.

Racel roughly turned me around so I was facing him. He drew a furious breath, sending fear into my system. "You're being unfair to me."

"I'm being unfair to my friends, brothers and cousins," I shot back, my voice an octave higher.

"Bullshit!"

Namula ang mga mata niya. Pumikit siya na parang nagpipigil habang humihinga nang mabilis. He's clearly drunk, otherwise he wouldn't be acting like this. Ngayon ko lang siya nakitang ganito: his control down, his defenses low.

"You're too much," he said in a strained voice.

When he opened his eyes, I almost died under the weight of his stare. Intense unguarded emotions met me. "You know my feelings but you're still doing this. Why can't you just try? Why can't you give me a chance? Am I not worth it?"

I was at a loss for words.

"Racel," I said, trying to break free. He held me in place with a vice-like grip that I was sure would bruise. "Racel. Let go."

"Hindi. Ayoko."

"You're drunk. Let go."

"Not this time," he said in a firm tone.

"But Natalia-"

"I don't fucking care about Natalia!" he snapped, surprising me.

Humihigpit ang kapit niya sa braso ko. "You're hurting me."

That seemed to wake him up and immediately, he dropped his hands, guilt and shame flickering across his eyes. "Sorry, I-"

I couldn't have hated myself more right then. Kasi instead na sagutin siya, tumakbo ako palayo at sumakay sa bagong taxi. Doon ako umiyak nang umiyak.