"Tahimik mo yata?"

Nilingon ko si Lhyle na nagpupunas ng pawis habang kunot-noo akong pinapanood na tumakbo sa treadmill. Kumpleto ang barkada ngayon dahil walang klase ang Intersci. Early in the morning, biglang nagpasamang mag-gym si Anjo bago kami mag-lunch.

Magdadalawang oras na rin kami rito. The girls were now using the stationary bikes on the other side of the gym. Ahron naman went out earlier to answer a call. Kaming dalawa lang ni Lhyle ang naiwan dito sa lane ng mga treadmill.

"Bawal ba?" biro ko sa kanya.

Naningkit ang mga mata niya sa 'kin, parang binabasa ang mukha ko. "Anong problema?"

Of course he'd notice something was up.

Bumaling ako pabalik sa harap ng treadmill at umiling sa kanya. "Nothing's wrong. I'm just spacing out."

"O talaga? Sige. Kunwaring naniniwala ako."

I knew he wouldn't. Being friends with him since childhood made sure he wouldn't easily believe any lie I'd serve him. Halos kabisado na kasi ako ni Lhyle. Simula pagkabata ba naman, magkasama na kami. It didn't help that he was naturally observant too, something that came from looking at people's emotions through the lens all the time.

"Wala nga, bes," sabi ko na lang, hoping he would let it go.

I felt uneasy doing this. 'Di naman ako sanay na nagtatago sa kanila, but what could I tell him?

That I was spacing out because I was thinking of someone else?

Someone I shouldn't even be thinking about?

Buti na lang, hindi mapilit si Lhyle. Nakahinga ako nang maluwag nang bitawan niya yung topic at bumalik siya sa treadmill niya para ituloy ang pagtakbo.

I could see him shooting glances my way every now and then pero 'di na niya 'ko tinanong ulit. Being best friends for so long also made him aware na 'pag ayaw kong magsabi, 'di talaga ako mapipilit.

I pressed some buttons, and from running, I shifted to walking bago ako tuluyang huminto. Catching my breath, I sat down on the nearest bench and wiped my sweat with my towel.

Since my silent admission to myself, that guy had never left my mind. Lagi kong gustong tingnan ang social media niya, just to check on him and see how he was doing. Lagi akong napapaisip kung naiisip din ba niya ako.

I wanted to reach out and take back what I said.

Pero pinipigilan ko ang sarili ko each time.

I kept reminding myself of the boys' warnings, of how getting involved with him would be nothing but trouble for the both of us - for all of us. I shouldn't think about him at all.

And yet here I was, spacing out once again, kasi sa kanya na naman bumabalik ang isip ko.

Sighing, I uncapped my hydro flask and drank my water to cool down. Napalingon ako sa gilid nang umupo si Ahron sa tabi ko. Yumuko siya para magsintas ng shoe laces niya.

"Your brother's here. With your new friend."

Kumunot ang noo ko, iniisip kung sino tinutukoy niya. "Who and who?"

May basketball match si Kuya Jacob ngayon kaya imposibleng siya. Ang iba naman, hindi rito nagpupunta.

"Andrei. With Shane's friend."

Umangat ang mga kilay ko nang maintindihan ko kung sino tinutukoy niya. Hoshet.

"You mean Angelo?"

She didn't have to answer to confirm. At that exact moment, my brother entered the gym with the guy in question. As if they had a magnet pulling everyone else, some of the girls paused their routine to look at them.

I grinned.

"Kuya!" I called out, waving a hand to get their attention.

Sabay silang lumingon sa 'kin. Angelo's face instantly lit up as soon as he spotted me. Tumango naman si Kuya Andrei sa 'kin at kay Ahron.

With long strides, Angelo crossed the space between us, a beaming smile fixed on his face, with my brother walking right behind him.

"Jamie V!" nakangiting bati niya, his dimples coming out in full show. He nodded at Ahron to greet her, which she returned with a polite wave of her hand. "Hey. Nice seeing you two again."

Napangiti ako nang marinig ko na naman yung nickname niya para sa 'kin. Kuya Andrei raised a brow at us, as if he was silently questioning us.

"Jamie V?" natatawang tanong niya.

"Cute nickname, right?" Angelo answered with a lopsided grin.

"Nalingat lang ako saglit, and suddenly, you're on nickname basis with my sister?"

Angelo snickered at him. "Right? You hid her from me for years, tapos we'd meet in that camp lang pala. Sucks ba?"

My brother gave a silent chuckle, looking amused. "Not my sister, bro," he said calmly. "And not when I'm around."

"So pwede na when you're not?" Angelo answered with a light grin.

Umiling lang sa kanya si Kuya, parang natatawa lang. Sanay na siguro.

"Kayong dalawa lang?" he then asked me, referring to me and Ahron.

"The girls are here din." Tinuro ko kung nasaan sina Anjo, Maxxie, at Hiromi na lumipat na pala sa ibang equipment. Nang mapansin nilang tinuturo ko sila, kumaway sila kay Kuya. Si Anjo naman, instantly nagbago ang mood. Parang hihimatayin sa kilig nang makitang nandito din si Angelo. "And Lhyle."

We turned to the direction of the treadmills. Sakto, Lhyle was already walking toward us, a towel draped around his neck, when I pointed at him.

"Dude," he greeted Kuya before turning to acknowledge Angelo with a nod. "Lhyle, pare."

"Geon," Angelo answered cooly, nodding back, still wearing that permanent smile on his face. "Nice. So you're Lhyle pala? I heard about you," Angelo told him. "Jamie V mentioned you last time."

Nag-angat ng kilay si Lhyle at nilingon ako. "Oh? Anong sinabi nito, ha? Na patay na patay siya sa 'kin?" 'Di nakuntento, inakbayan pa 'ko at pinisil ang ilong ko.

Kumalas ako sa pagkakahatak niya sa 'kin bago siya hinampas sa braso. "Feeler ka." Sa gilid namin, nakita ko si Ahron na napapailing lang, nakatuon ang atensyon sa binabasa niya sa phone niya.

Ngumuso si Angelo. "Aw. Touchy best friends. Dami pala kaagaw." He turned to my brother. "Why is he allowed to do that but I can't?"

Kuya Andrei only shrugged at him as an answer before he turned to me again, "Hanggang what time kayo?"

I glanced at my wrist watch. "Paalis na kami, I think. We'll eat lunch siguro. Sabay ba kayo?"

"We'll try. I'll text you later after we're done," nakangiting sagot lang ni Kuya. Ginulo niya ang buhok ko bago nagpaalam at naglakad na papunta sa men's area.

"Guess I'll see you later!" paalam ni Angelo, giving us a playful salute before walking off to follow my brother.

Lhyle stretched his arms once they were out of earshot.

"Tara na ba? Sa'n tayo?"

"Old Beans na lang?" Ahron offered.

"Sige. Pero mauna na kayo mag-ayos. Mababagal pa naman kayo."

Uminom lang ng tubig si Lhyle at naghanap na ng bagong equipment na magagamit.

Tinawag ko na sina Maxxie, Hiro, at Anjo matapos n'on para ayaing mag-freshen up. On our way to the shower room, doon lang ako nagkaoras para tingnan ang cell phone ko.

I had a lot of notifications coming in from Facebook. Kahapon pa 'to, actually. Nag-post na kasi ng official photos si Christelle from the Youth Camp. Ang ilan doon, naka-tag ako. Nakikita ko sina Gwen, Ivan, at James na tina-tag ako sa comments.

Ngayon ko pa lang din makikita kung ano-ano ang mga 'yon dahil na-busy ako sa dance rehearsals after dismissal at may tinapos naman akong write-up pag-uwi.

Nando'n na rin na umiwas akong makita siya kasi baka mawala pa 'ko sa focus.

Clicking the topmost notification, I got led to a group photo, the one taken from after the treasure hunt. It was a photo of Angelo, Racel, and me.

Seeing his face again, the flutter of butterflies immediately returned, and my heart started making somersaults in my chest. I frowned at my reaction.

Agad kong binaba ang tingin ko sa mga comments.

Geon at Racel? Walastik.

Wew, this team. #plottwist

Sana pala sumama ako :( #gwapofest :(

Yan ba kapatid ni De Villa? Hahahaha. Mukhang may magsasapakan ulit ah.

Lalo akong 'di natuwa sa nabasa ko.

Quickly untagging myself, I exited the app.

'Di ko alam kung bakit natutuwa pa yung iba na makakita nang mga nag-aaway na tao. What was so fun about seeing people getting hurt? Or hurting others?

How could people be so violent and vicious like that?

Sana lang 'di na makita pa ni Kuya Jacob yung album. Iniisip ko pa lang na matatanong niya 'ko, kinakabahan na 'ko.

* * *

It was past noon and I was already starving when we arrived at the cafe. Lhyle went to the counter to order our brunch for us while the girls were busy looking at their phones.

Kinukuhanan ko sila ng stolen shots when Anjo suddenly made a disappointed noise.

"Saklap naman!" she muttered before placing her phone down in dismay. "Wala na. Finish na. May tumapos na ng pila."

Napalingon kaming lahat sa kanya.

"Anyare?" tanong ni Maxxie.

Anjo looked at us with sad, puppy eyes, almost pouting. "Si Racel, babe. May girlfriend na pala."

I froze in place. What?

Mabilis akong pinasadahan ng tingin ni Ahron bago kinuha ang phone ni Anjo para silipin 'yo. "Hmm. Oo nga. Seems legit."

"Talagang legit. Look oh. May pagyakap pa talaga? Instagram-featured pa talaga?"

To prove her point, pinakita niya pa sa 'min yung Instagram post na tinutukoy niya.

Totoo nga. May babae ngang nakayakap kay Racel doon sa photo. Her arms were wrapped around his waist, her head placed against his chest, while his hands rested on her lower back. Parehas silang nakangiti sa camera.

Shit.

Ang intimate ng shot. According sa Instagram, sa Fort 'yon. It was recent, too.

I looked away. May kung anong matutulis ang tumutusok sa dibdib ko ngayon at biglang bumigat ang paghinga ko. Fudge.

Tumawa lang si Maxxie. "Akala ko ba kay Jacob ka? Ano naman kung may girlfriend na 'yan?"

Anjo frowned at her. "Ang supportive mo, alam mo 'yon?"

"Wala pa naman confirmation, A..." tahimik na sagot sa kanya ni Hiro.

"Anong confirmation pa ba need mo, girl? Nakayakap na nga, o."

Anjo moved her phone around in the air so all of us could take a look. Saktong dumating si Lhyle kasama ang mga orders namin kaya nakita niya rin 'yon.

"O 'di ba? Maikakaila pa ba? Girlfriend na girlfriend," sabi niya habang tinutulungan ko si Lhyle na ilapag ang mga orders namin sa table.

Umupo si Lhyle sa tabi ko at hinablot ang phone niya para tingnan yung photo. "Ah, heto ba iniiyakan mo? Si Claui 'yan."

"Kilala mo yung girl?" asked Hiromi in her quiet voice. "She looks familiar."

"Oo naman. Childhood bestfriend niya 'yan, kung hindi ako nagkakamali." Lhyle added, "Nag-mo-model 'yan kaya baka nakita mo na dati. 'Di ko lang sigurado kung girl friend pero close nga sila."

I rubbed my neck, suddenly feeling stuffy. Bakit gano'n? I was supposed to getting over my crush on him. Why was I getting uncomfortable because of a mere photo?

Ano naman kung may girlfriend na siya?

"So girlfriend nga?" Ahron prodded, throwing little glances at me.

"'Malay ko. Baka? Tanong ko ba?"

"Girlfriend na 'yan! Sure ako. Nakita ko Twitter niya. In love na in love oh!" Binawi niya yung phone niya at nagmamadaling pinakita sa 'min yung Twitter posts.

I looked away before I could even see anything. Ayokong makita 'yon. For days, pinigilan ko ang sarili ko na i-stalk ang social media niya. 'Di pwedeng ngayon pa 'ko malalaglag.

"For Lhyleee?"

Napadilat ako nang marinig yung tawag mula sa counter. Tumayo kagad si Lhyle para kunin ang additional order niya. Sumabay na rin ako sa pagtayo at nagpaalam na magre-restroom lang ako. I needed to take a second to get my composure.

I could see Ahron's knowing look following me even as I left the table.

Alam kong may hint na siya kung bakit ako nagkakaganito. Like Lhyle, she's perceptive, and we'd been friends for years too. If she'd ask me about it, 'di ko naman ide-deny. I knew she'd understand.

Pero parang ayoko pa munang magkwento kahit kanino. I wanted to deal with my feelings on my own.

I checked myself in the mirror. Damn. I looked so unfocused right now.

Ngayon na lang ulit ako nakaramdam nang ganito. The last time had been with Rohann pa, yung ex ko, and that was years ago.

I'd thought that the next time I'd be attracted to someone, sa tamang tao na. I wanted to enjoy the wild rush of excitement from having a crush sana, to savor every moment because it's been a while and falling in love had always been my dream talaga.

I was so excited to feel again.

Pero why did it have to be with the wrong person pa?

And why was I even jealous?

It was just a silly crush. We weren't even friends. Maganda pa nga 'tong nabalitaan ko. Mas magkakaroon ako ng reason para mag-move on. Dapat talaga matuwa ako.

I tapped my cheeks once, twice, to compose myself. Angelo then texted me nang pabalik na 'ko sa table.

Tazmanian Devil:
Where you at?

Me:
Old beans. The closest one.

Tazmanian Devil:
Aight. See u in a bit. :D
Before I forget... Does Andrei know about... you know...?

Me:
No diba? So don't mention it please?

Tazmanian Devil:
Oki gotchu :)

Iba na ang usapan nila nang makabalik ako. They were now discussing Hiromi's photo entry for the fashion icon. Nasa kalagitnaan kami ng pagbe-brainstorm for her theme nang sumunod sina Angelo at Kuya Andrei sa 'min.

After getting formally introduced to each other, parang magic na nawala yung disappointment ni Anjo sa photo na nakita niya. For the rest of our lunch, kay Angelo na lang siya nakatingin, mamula-mula pa ang pisngi kada kinakausap siya at tinatanong ng kung ano-ano.

I smiled at her, relieved at the distraction. Ganyan talaga si Anjo. Maraming crushes. Mabilis magkagusto. Pero mabilis din magpalit. Madaling maka-move on just like that.

Unlike me.

Lunch had been quick. May lakad din kasi sina Angelo at Maxxie kaya 'di na rin kami nagtagal. Lhyle was supposed to take me back, kaya nagtaka ako when kuya Andrei insisted to drive me home.

'Di naman kasi siya sa Las Piñas umuuwi ngayon. Nandito lang malapit sa Katipunan ang condo niya kaya out of way kung ihahatid niya ako pauwi.

I realized he had something serious to tell me when he didn't turn on the music after he revved the engine of his Aventador.

I started fidgeting, suddenly growing nervous with the silence. 'Di ako sanay na ganito ang mood ni Kuya Andrei.

"I saw the photos," he started after a while, darting a lingering glance at me, "of your Youth Camp."

Damn. Trust Kuya Andrei to go straight to the point! Lalo akong kinabahan dahil sa walang preno niyang bungad.

"I saw everything. You were with him," Kuya said matter-of-factly. 'Di ko mabasa ang expression sa mukha niya kaya 'di ko matukoy kung galit ba siya o hindi. I could never tell with him. "With Geon, too."

I expected this naman. Alam ko at some point na makikita nga nila yung photos pero 'di ko maiwasan na matakot. I knew it would upset the boys because I did keep it a secret despite their warnings. Lalo na si Kuya Jacob. Pero kasi.. iniiwasan ko lang din naman na pigilan nila akong sumali sa Youth Camp kaya mas pinili kong 'di magsabi.

"Kailan mo nakita?" bulong ko na lang, still testing his mood. 'Di ko alam kung paano sasagot.

"Yesterday," sagot niya. "Did he say anything to you?"

Nag-flash sa utak ko ang mga nangyari sa Youth Camp. His gazes, my stupid emotions. The hunt. The maze. Our conversation/one-sided argument, and that frigging third night. Lahat.

"Nothing bad naman," tahimik kong sagot, hoping he wouldn't notice how nervous talking about Racel was making me. "I don't know why this would be an issue with you, though. Official event naman 'yon and we were there as reps. Saka, si Kuya Jacob, gets ko, but you? Naninibago ako sa 'yo because you've never liked involving yourself in petty fights."

"It's not petty if you're involved."

I took a deep breath to calm my frayed nerves. 'Di ako sanay na ganito siya, na kinakapa ko kung ano ang mood niya.

Was he upset with me?

Wala naman kaming ginawang masama. But this dreadful crush I had on Racel was making me feel so guilty too. Pakiramdam ko, sinisira ko ang tiwala niya - nila.

Using one hand, Kuya Andrei steered the wheel and made a turn. Binalot kami ng katahimikan.

"Aren't you going to ask . . . how it became like that?" I asked after a while, sounding uncertain even to my ears.

"It doesn't matter anymore."

"Nakita na rin ba ni Kuya Jacob?"

"Yeah."

I bit my lip, worry starting to flood my chest.

"Galit ba? Anong reaction?"

"Upset," sagot niya. Mabilis niya akong nilingon bago binalik ang atensyon sa kalsada. "But not at you, don't worry."

"Why didn't he say anything kaninang umaga?"

"'Cause you didn't bring it up either. We were waiting for you to say something. Jacob was actually furious when he saw your photos together."

And yet he didn't talk to me about it? Kinausap at kinulit pa nga ako kaninang umaga bago ako sinundo ni Lhyle kaya 'di ko napansin na nakita na nila.

"Is Kuya planning to confront him? Magkakagulo ba ulit?" kinakabahan kong tanong. "Wala naman siyang ginawa sa 'kin, Kuya..."

"Relax, he won't. We all know magagalit ka 'pag ginawa niya 'yon."

Lumunok ako. Nanunuyo ang lalamunan ko at ang lamig na ng mga palad ko. Huminga ako nang malalim. "I'm sorry, Kuya. This is exactly why I didn't tell anyone. Ayoko ng issue. Ayoko rin na pigilan n'yo 'ko from joining the camp because I was joining as a school rep naman. Wala rin naman siyang ginawa sa 'kin. In fact, he was respectful from start to end pa nga."

"I know. I understand why you didn't tell us." He turned to me again. "But next time, I hope you'll tell us, so it won't catch us by surprise. I don't like hearing things about you from someone else."

I looked outside, my chest squeezing. I nodded quietly.

"We're just looking out for you. Jacob, most especially. Ayaw niya lang na madamay ka."

Alam ko naman 'yon. Mahirap lang talaga maipit sa gitna.