Racel and I texted for a while before I fell asleep on him. Siya ang last text at napangiti ako nang mabasa ang good night niya.

We both slept really late last night. Buti na lang at hapon ang arrival ng mga Zobel ngayon.

Bumangon na ako para mag-ayos. I knew I did something irreversible kagabi-I completely went against my brother's requests-pero hindi ko mapigil ang ngiti sa mukha ko. Last night was replaying in my mind like a slow movie and I couldn't help but touch my lips at the memory of his sweet kiss.

Technically, I kissed him. But then he pulled me again for a second kiss soon after we pulled apart to breathe. Not that I was complaining.

Kahit pagkatapos kong mag-ayos, ngiting ngiti pa rin ako. Dammit. Wala pa kaming isang araw na magkahiwalay pero gusto ko na siyang makita ulit. Gusto kong bumawi sa mga panahon na iniwasan ko siya. I missed him.

I caught myself before I even texted him. Tulog pa 'yon ngayon at ayoko namang lumabas na sobrang eager. There's a fine line between liking someone and getting clingy.

Hinarap ko ang sarili ko sa salamin at tinuyo ang buhok gamit ang towel. A thought came to me then, clear and fast. We both confessed to each other last night. I even kissed him, our second and third kiss.

What did that make us now? Everything was clear cut na, e. Wala nang paligoy-ligoy pa. We were certainly onto something. 'Yon lang, hindi pa definite kung ano.

Pumikit ako nang bumalik ang mga kulisap sa tiyan ko.

Iniisip ko pa lang na isang Racel Gutierez ang may gusto sa 'kin, hindi ko mapigilan na kiligin. Oo, I had doubts about him. Na baka player siya katulad ng iba, na baka ginagamit niya lang ako para bumawi kina Kuya. But after last night, a bigger part of me won over and I decided to give him my whole trust. He deserved as much. No, he deserved nothing less than that.

Tumunog ang cellphone ko. Quicker than lightning, I jumped to the bed to read the message.

RCG:
Good morning. You up?

Hoshet. Here came the stronger butterflies.

Me:
Yup. Morning, you're up early

RCG:
Your fault. Why are you awake na?

Me:
My cousins are coming home. Sunduin namin sila sa airport.

RCG:
You'll be busy the whole day?

A grin broke onto my face.

Me:
We can still text.

RCG:
It's okay. Spend time with your family. I'll miss you but I'll tough it out.

Me:
You sure?

RCG:
Yeah. Nagpapagood shot ako. Don't wanna come across as needy. They'll be my family soon.

Me:
Haha. :)) You're too far ahead na!!

RCG:
Just saying.

Bumaba ako para kumain ng breakfast. Gising na sina Mom and Dad at kausap nila si Kuya Travis sa dining table. Wala pa yung tatlo. Mga tulog pa panigurado; it's still so early after all.

Nag-angat sina Kuya ng tingin nang mapansin ako.

"'Nak. Sumabay ka na," Dad told me with a warm smile.

Umupo ako sa tapat ni Kuya Travis at naglagay ng sinangag, egg, at bacon sa plato.

"Coffee or water?" Mom asked, rising onto her feet to get me a glass.

"Milk na lang po."

Mom went to the kitchen to get the milk for me. When she returned, she said, "Tulog pa ang mga kapatid mo. Baka tayo na lang ang sumundo sa mga pinsan mo mamaya."

I took the milk from her and poured it into the glass.

Maybe it was for the better kung wala muna sina Kuya. Nagi-guilty pa kasi akong harapin sila, knowing what I did last night.

Kailangan ko lang humanap ng timing para magsabi kina Kuya. I already let several chances go. The next time it would come, I'd definitely grab it. To hell with fear. My brothers needed to understand. I was more than determined to do it this way.

"They partied all night, e," I answered. "Baka hapon pa sila magising."

Mom shook her head, clicking her tongue. "Ikaw kasi, Dad. Masyado kang maluwag sa mga bata. Hindi ko talaga gusto ang mga party-party nilang 'yan. Unhealthy lang 'yan."

Dad chuckled, sipping his coffee. "They're young. Normal naman sa mga kabataan 'yan. Ganyan din kami nina Nicollo dati."

"Kahit na. Iba na ang panahon ngayon. Just look at Zoey. Mainam na hindi talaga kay Gian 'yon. But you know our boys. I won't be surprised kung bukas lang, may iuuwing baby 'yang si Jacob!"

Kuya Travis and I exchanged amused glances. I pressed my lips to stop myself from laughing.

"Don't worry too much, wife," Dad assured. "Ayos lang naman 'yang parties as long as walang masamang ginagawa. Trust Jacob. He's my son." Parang may ibang ibig sabihin ang sinabi ni Dad na 'yon, judging from the sparkle in his eyes.

Mom pursed her lips, not quite accepting it but said nothing else. The brooding pout on her face almost made her look like a child.

Nagkatinginan ulit kami ni Kuya at tumawa.

Hindi na nakapagtataka na magkaiba sila ng view tungkol sa ganito. See, Dad was raised in a lax environment kasi kung saan okay lang yung parties and booze. Hell, even girls. While kina Mom, it was much different. The Zobels were rather strict and more conservative. Kaya nga kung dumadayo man sina Kael sa bar, bihira lang. Instead, they took to sports and adventures na lang. Si Alec nga lang 'yata ang madalas sa bar, e, but then again, that's because he worked as a DJ there. I heard ilang buwan din siyang nakipagtalo kina Tita para payagan lang siya.

"Siya nga pala," Dad said, darting to me. "We're going to Fontana with them after Christmas. Tell your cousins. Isama mo sila."

Natigilan ako doon. Bumaling ako kay Kuya Travis na tumango lang. Should I? Baka mag-away lang ulit sina Kael at Mathev.

"I dunno, Dad," sabi ko after I swallowed the bacon. "The boys don't really get along. I mean, remember last time? I don't think they've forgotten about it yet."

Hindi rin naman kasi biro yung palitan ng black eye at bruises nina Kael at Mathev noon. Granted na bata pa kami then, but still. Both of them hold grudges for a long time.

"Naaalala n'yo pa pala 'yon? It's been years. Four? Five?" gulat na tanong ni Mom.

Tumawa lang si Kuya Travis. "It shouldn't be that surprising. You know how they are."

Bumuntonghininga lang si Mom at umiling si Dad.

Well. Dudes. Some of them love their pride and ego better than their prized cars, booze and girls.

"Kayong bahala. But if the boys want to come, I'm just saying we're open to the idea."

Siguro tatanungin ko muna sina Kael bago ako mag-text sa boys. Saglit lang dito ang mga Zobel. I wouldn't wanna ruin the holidays for them kahit pa gusto ko silang makasama nang buo.

#

The Zobels were an even bigger family than the De Villas. In total, we have nine boy cousins sa mother side and most of them were around my age. Kung hindi lang sana nadisgrasya si Tita Chynna dati, we could've gotten a girl cousin kaso wala. She had a miscarriage kaya heto. Tadhana ko na yata talaga ang maging only girl sa family.

I was a bubble of excitement when noon struck. We headed over to the airport to wait for their arrival. Bale apat na SUV ang dala namin para sunduin sila. Yung dalawa, driven by Dad and Kuya Travis while the other two, sa drivers na kakilala namin.

Miss na miss ko na ang mga pinsan ko. It's been too long. Yeah, nagkakausap kami sa Facebook and iMessage lagi but some of them were elusive sa social media. Like Kuya Zoren na tuwing may himala lang yata nag-o-online.

"Chris texted me. Saan daw nila tayo kikitain?" rinig kong tanong ni Kuya Travis kay Dad. We were here in the arrival area, waiting.

"Tell the boys to eat first. Dumiretso na sila sa Solaire pagkatapos. Wait for us there," Dad instructed.

I piped in, "Ano bang plans today?"

Dad looked at Mom to ask her the same thing.

Mom smiled. "We'll eat dinner together but before that, gusto nilang umikot-ikot muna so probably, MOA? Then we go home to wait for Christmas."

"Tapos babalik sila sa Solaire? Hindi ba sila mapapagod n'yan?" I questioned.

"Bukas na lang daw, e." Nagkibit balikat si Mom.

Strange, but I realized baka gusto lang nilang sulitin. Dahil busy sa trabaho sina Tito, hindi rin naman nila magawang magtagal dito. Actually, years talaga ang inaabot para lang makita ko sila. Si Mom na nga lang ang nag-e-effort, e. Whenever we could, we try to visit London para lang maka-bonding ang mga pinsan ko.

Mom suddenly went forward, waving a hand. Nakita ko ang pamilyar na pigura ni Tito Ram, ang panganay nila, katabi ang asawa niyang si Tita Emiko at mga anak.

Holy shit. Halos hindi ko makilala sina Kuya Zoren, Zian at Zander. I saw them in pictures pero hindi ko pa rin expected na ganito na sila kalaki. Kuya Zoren was still as dashing as I remembered him to be. Zian, gano'n din. But it was Zander who caught me offguard. He's only twelve pero halos maaabutan na niya ako, and I'm not even that petite.

Kasunod nila sina Tita Princess at Tito Patrick, kasabay na naglalakad ang mga chikiting kong pinsan. Johann would be ten now and Kenji, seven. Still, they were big for their age. No doubt nagmana kay Tito Patrick na pinakamatangkad sa kanilang magkakapatid.

Catching glimpse of Tita Isabelle and Tito Kevin, I glanced around for the mop of brown curls that could only belong to my half French cousin, Pierre.

Natawa ako sa hitsura ni Pierre. Halatang naiirita na siya sa init dito sa Pilipinas dahil nakasimangot na ito at hindi maipinta ang mukha. Well, he's the most aloof of the bunch. Kung masungit sina Mathev at Gian, yelo yata 'tong si Pierre.

When Pierre saw me, I waved a hand. Only then did he smile, a small acknowledging curve pulling at his thin lips.

Lalong lumawak ang ngiti ko nang lumabas na rin sina Alec at little Rafael. My eyes found Alec first. He was tall, ambling smoothly with a blank expression on his face. Nang masulyapan niya kami, kumaway siya para bumati.

Then there was sweet little Rafael, his brother.

"Holy shit, Kuya," I exclaimed. "Ang cuuuuute ni Raf!"

Kuya Travis nodded from beside me, iniinda ang bawat hampas ko sa braso niya.

Paano ba naman kasi, Rafael was fudging cute! He was three years old and super duper chubby! Hirap ngang maglakad kaya ginagabayan pa siya ng mommy niyang si Tita Sunshine. Nakasunod naman sa kanila si Tito Geoff.

"Dad oh. Ganyang ganyan si Andrei noon, do you remember?" Mom commented, mooning over Rafael, too.

I burst out laughing. No one would believe me now but that was actually true. Kuya Andrei and Kuya Chris were both chubby toddlers back in the day. Kaya nga lagi silang inaasar kapag baby pictures ang usapan.

Finally, I spotted Tita Chynna and Tito Seth. Huli kong nakita ang pinakamasungit sa mga pinsan ko. Kael walked with a kind of gait that commanded attention. His pace was leisurely and iisipin mong siya lang mag-isa dito sa airport. Drowned in his headphones, he lazily dragged his gaze to look around for us. Typical Kael. Walang pakialam sa mundo.

His eyes stopped on me, and then he smirked. Bad boy pa rin even after so many years. Lalo pa right now na suot niya iyong leather jacket at aviators niya.

"Look at this cousin of yours. He walks so confidently. Akala mo tuloy, artista ang dumaan," sabi ni Mom sa tabi ko, natatawa sa pasulyap-sulyap ng mga tao kay Kael.

"He may as well be one. He has the body for it." Courtesy of his model mom.

"Pero makulit at matigas ang ulo ng pinsan mo. Lagi ngang umiiyak sa 'kin ang tita mo dahil hindi makontrol 'tong si Kael. She even considered rehab."

Ang tinutukoy ni Mom ay ang pagiging troublemaker ni Kael. He was just nineteen pero ilang beses na yata siyang nasali sa gulo doon sa London. Shoplifting, brawls in bars, even almost getting expelled at ang recent, muntik makulong dahil na-involved ang mga barkada niya sa drugs. He vouched for his innocence naman but his dad got mad all the same. Kung hindi lang influential doon si Tito, baka nga'y matagal nang nakulong si Kael dahil sa mga gulo nito.

I was grinning wide when the family finally approached them. Hinalikan ko isa isa ang mga tito at tita ko bago niyakap ang mga pinsan ko.

"Hi, Ate. I missed you," charming Johann told me, returning my embrace.

"You're so gwapo na," I gushed, barely containing my excitement.

"Ito na ba sina Travis at Javee? Aba. Binata at dalaga na, a," bati ni Tito Kevin sa amin.

"Nasaan pala yung tatlo?" tanong ni Tito Ram, ginagala ang mga mata.

"Nasa bahay pa, Kuya. Late na nagising ang mga bata, e," sagot ni Dad.

We helped them load their luggages into the SUV. Hindi na makapagpigil ang mga tita ko dahil kahit kumikilos sila ay todo kwento na sila kay Mom.

I stood at the side and took a snapshot of the moment.

"Sup," bati ni Kael sa 'kin, nodding. He stepped up to my side, along with Pierre and Alec.

"Bonjour, couz," bati ni Pierre.

"Ang tagal n'yo," biro ko.

"We got delayed," paliwanag ni Alec, before giving me a thorough once over. "Oh? Gotten taller and beautiful, e."

Kael scrutinized me. "You've tanned."

"We went to Cebu last month."

"Yeah, I saw. You should keep this. I rather like it," said Kael in his heavy English accent.

Napangiti ako sa kanila. Mabigat ang English accent nila so it made me wonder kung marunong pa bang mag-Filipino ang mga ito. Kuya Zoren still does, and even Zian kahit na may accent na rin. But the others? Parang nakalimot na.

Momentarily, I remembered Angelo with his own accent. He came from London, too.

Sumakay na kami sa sasakyan. Nagsama-sama sa ibang SUV sina Tito at Tita habang sa amin naman sumabay sina Alec, Pierre at Kael. The drive to Solaire was quiet, hindi naman maiingay ang mga ito katulad nina Gian, and the occasional break of silence lang ay kapag magtatanong si Dad sa kanila.

Alec was chatty enough. Kael would answer from time to time. Si Pierre, one liners lang. Suplado talaga.

We met the rest of my brothers in Solaire. Agad silang kinausap ng mga youngers habang nag-che-check-in kami.

"Fucking Manila heat," cursed Kael sa gilid ko, obvious na naiinis na sa init.

Napangisi ako. Kaya nga ako naka-tank top lang at ripped jeans. Kahit kasi December, mainit pa rin. Honestly, it wasn't really that much warm naman inside the lobby pero kanina kasi sa labas ay mainit. One stark difference England has with the Philippines.

"Tiis lang," bulong ko, natatawa sa kanila ni Pierre. Kanina pa rin kasi ito reklamo nang reklamo sa init.

As soon as we were checked in, pumunta na sa kanya kanyang kwarto ang mga tito at tita ko habang kasama nina Mom and Dad sina Tito Ram at Tita Chynna. Sina Kuya Jacob, Kuya Andrei at Kuya Chris naman ay na kina Kuya Zoren.

I would've stayed sa lobby to wait pero hinatak ako ni Pierre paakyat sa shared room nila ni Kael.

Kael pulled off the jacket he was wearing quickly and slumped on the couch, exhaustion plain on his face.

"I don't think I'll ever miss this climate."

Sumangayon si Pierre na focused sa pagbaba ng temperature ng room.

I sat at the bed and stared at my brooding cousin for the first time today. Naka-itim na wife beater na lang si Kael kaya kitang kita ko na ang tribal tattoo sa kaliwang braso niya, maging yung manipis na script na nasa collarbone niya. Ngayon ko lang nakita ang mga 'to.

Napansin ni Kael ang titig ko. He quirked a thin brow.

"What?" he asked in a deep voice, its rich timbers rooting on my mind. Over the years, ang laki na talaga ng pinagbago niya. Even his voice changed. He'd grown. . . more badass, too badass now. It's worrying.

"Your tatts. What do they mean?"

His brows shot up and a wicked grin slid onto his face.

Una niyang pinakita sa 'kin yung tribal tattoo sa braso niya. The curves were appealing to look at pero yung kanji sa gitna ang nakakuha ng attention ko. Aniya'y 'King' daw ang ibig sabihin non.

Sunod niyang pinakita sa 'kin ang nasa collarbones niya. They were thin and looked elegant. It was in hebrew, meaning: Conquer like a king.

Then, Kael turned around and pulled up his sando, revealing his toned back to me. I stared in awe at the big snaky curls inked along his spine.

"What does it mean?"

Hindi ko maalis ang tingin ko doon. I wanted to get inked, too, pero hindi pa talaga ako makapagdesisyon. Kuya Jacob has tatts sa likod niya and they looked amazing. Seeing Kael's now, lalo akong nainggit.

"You consume me," Kael had said, "a thousand times."

I was struck with a sudden realization. It seemed that for all the bad boy thing that my cousin got going on, I think Kael had already fallen in love. Deeply, too, kung willing siyang ipa-tattoo 'yon sa katawan niya.

You consume me, huh.

Tumalikod ulit si Kael at nakita ko na naman ang nakakatindig balahibo niyang ngisi.

"Ace, huh?" he said, his voice heavily masked with pride.

Tumawa ako. Hindi na ako nakiusisa pa kung para kanino 'yon dahil alam ko naman na hindi siya magsasalita.

"Ang ganda," I admitted with a grin.

"Of course they are, cupcake."

I rolled my eyes at the stupid nickname he called me. To think na I hadn't seen them in years ha. Hindi niya pa rin nakakalimutan 'yan.

Laging cupcake, laging munchkin. O minsan naman, Cheeky Javee. Hanep.

"Whatever."

Pierre paced across the room to settle his things. Pinanood ko siya habang ginagawa niya 'yon. Si Kael naman, pumikit muna at nagpahinga. He couldn't be bothered to fix his luggage. Tamad.

"So what's new with you?" Pierre started while he moved around. "Do you have like, a boyfriend now?"

Tinitigan ko siya. Nakita kong nag-bukas ng isang mata si Kael para hintayin ang sagot ko.

I thought about it hard. Do I?

Boyfriend ko na ba siya? Wala namang official confirmation so probably not.

Umiling ako.

"Ows?"

A light laugh escaped me. Ang weird pakinggan no'n coming from Pierre, lalo na sa kanilang lahat ay siya 'tong pinaka-slang na talaga.

"Wala nga."

Pierre merely shrugged. "Their loss."

At that, I only smiled.

#

We grabbed a quick lunch before touring around Mall of Asia.

Maingay ang naging lunch namin dahil napakadaming baon na kwento ni Tita Princess kaya hindi natigil ang tawanan. In the midst of our lunch, nagpaalam sina Tito Geoff at Tito Kevin for a smoke. Sumunod sa kanila sina Kael at Alec.

Nanatili sa tabi ko si Pierre na abala sa iPhone niya.

Pinasada ko ang tingin ko sa mga kasama ko. They were intimidating, my uncles. Natural na yata ang masungit na features sa kanila. Lalo na si Tito Ram. I remembered when I was young, tumatakbo ako sa ilalim ng table sa tuwing dadalaw siya. I was that scared of him dahil sa aura nito. Tito Seth was next to him. Although he was by far the most handsome out of the siblings, siya naman 'tong pinakamatalim daw magsalita.

It was no wonder na ganito rin ang mga pinsan ko sa kanila. Ibang iba talaga ang mood kapag sila ang kasama. Minsan naninibago ako dahil sanay na ako sa light at fun atmosphere ng mga De Villa.

"You should come back with us, Javee," Pierre told me.

My gaze flickered over to him. Nakatingin pa rin siya sa cellphone niya at kunot noong nagtitipa doon.

"Hm?"

"Come back with us. To London." Nag-angat siya ng tingin sa 'kin. "You should study there with us. It's too bloody hot in here, the traffic is horrifying and the air . . . The pollution is insane."

I wrinkled my nose, amused. "I like London but no thanks. I'm good here."

He narrowed his eyes. "I won't ever get this. Life in England is so much better than in here."

"Pierre, you only say that 'coz you didn't grow up here. Maybe England has easier systems, but I love the Philippines. We got great places here. You've seen the pictures."

Sumimangot lang siya at parang umirap dahil hindi nagustuhan ang sagot ko. Tumawa lang ako.

"You look dumb, Kuya Jacob," biglang sinabi ni Zander. Napatingin ako sa kanya. Mahina lang ang pagkakasabi niya no'n pero enough na para marinig ko at ng mga nakaupo malapit sa kanya.

Humalakhak si Kuya Jacob sa narinig. "What did you say?"

Zander crossed his arms. "I said you look dumb. You're ogling that lady there."

Nagpigil ng tawa si Kuya Chris habang sinisita ni Kuya Zoren ang bunsong kapatid.

"What? I'm just saying. It's rude to stare." Zander shrugged.

I threw Kuya Jacob a teasing look. Ha. Pawned by a twelve year old. 'Yan kasi.

Nagkibit balikat si Kuya at ngumisi. "When you get bigger, trust me, you'd regret saying that."

Zander met his eyes, furrowing his brows.

"Girls are made to be loved, cousin. Remember that. We boys exist to admire," Kuya Jacob said, grinning. "Especially us Zobels. We're damn born to please."

Napailing ako sa narinig. Lalong naningkit ang mga mata ni Zander sa kanya habang napanganga naman si Zian.

"Kuya. He's talking rubbish," sumbong ni Zian sa panganay.

Kuya Zoren shook his head.

Saglit lang ang lunch namin but it felt long anyway. Parang nananadya kasi 'tong si Kuya Jacob at patuloy na inaasar si Zander.

We strolled around the mall after. Or my aunts and mother, more like. Sina Tito at Dad, nagpaiwan na lang sa cafe para doon maghintay habang kaming magpipinsan naman, humiwalay na rin. Syempre, kasama nina Mom si baby Rafael. There's no way he'd go with us, may sarili pa naman siyang mundo.

Nagvi-video si Johann habang gumagala kami sa Mall of Asia. We weren't doing anything special really, just mindlessly walking around. The older boys were not fond of shopping pero ayaw magpapigil ni Kenji na gustong ikutin ang buong mall. We even stopped sa Fully Booked para pagbigyan ang mga hiling nito.

"Say hi, Ate Javee," Johann told me while pointing his video camera to me.

Hinawi ko ang kamay niya at ngumiti lang. Tinutok niya naman 'yon kay Kuya Andrei and then, kay Kuya Jacob.

"You're ugly, Kuya," asar ni Johann sa kapatid ko.

Sinita ni Zian ang sinabi ni Johann pero hindi 'yon namansin. Finally, pinatay at tinago na niya ang camera nang may madaanan kaming sports gear shop.

Alec whipped to Kuya Andrei. "I heard you love to surf. Any good places here?"

Tumango si Kuya. "You can try Baler kung malapit. I prefer Siargao."

While I listened to them, tumitingin-tingin din ako ng mga gamit na nando'n. My phone vibrated in my bag.

I pulled it out and saw the name. Tumingin muna ako kina Kuya, then lumabas ng shop para replyan 'yon.

RCG:

You having fun there?

Me:

Yeaa what are you doing?

"Kuya Andrei, have you tried trekking, too?" rinig kong tanong ni Zander.

Si Kuya Chris ang sumagot no'n, tumatawa. "All the time, kiddo. The real question is, when is he not trekking?"

"Cool. What's the best place you've ever climbed?" Si Pierre na kanina pa hindi kumikibo ang nagtanong no'n.

RCG:
Baking with mom. Do you want anything?

Me:
Omg marunong ka? Brownies??

"Definitely Mt. Pulag," sagot ni Kuya Andrei.

"Is it good?" tanong naman ni Zian.

"Sea of Clouds, Zi," I joined in from the entrance. "Totally worth it."

"Awesome! I wanna go. Next time we go back here, we should go," sabi ni Zian sa amin bago inirapan ang kuya niyang umiling lang.

Kuya Andrei chuckled. "Be sure to come back. We can arrange that."

RCG:
She's baking a cake right now. I can sneak in a few brownies for you.

Me:
Aww. Dapat good yan, a. Impress me. Haha

"I will. Kuya Zoren kasi won't bring me with them. He's dull. He only ever tries water sports," Zian grumbled, upset with his brother.

"Hey. Water sports are good ha," I said to him.

He shrugged. "Not as cool as treks and climbing."

RCG:
Isn't that what I've been doing since Youth Camp?

Oo nga pala. You won't know. Hindi mo ko pinapansin no'n. Sungit

Me:
Hahaha ako pa? Sino kaya nagsungit doon sa maze?

"'Yan. Magsama kayo ni Andrei. You get to do all. This dude here is the god of adventure. Kapatid ni Dora." Humalakhak si Kuya Jacob.

Zander crossed his arms, humahakbang palabas ng shop. Lumabas na rin ang ibang boys at naglalakad na ulit kami.

"You're stupid, Kuya Jacob. You still watch Dora," komento ni Zander.

Nagkatinginan kaming lahat sa sinabi niyang 'yon, sabay hagalpak.

"Burn," asar ko.

Lalong tumawa si Kuya Jacob. "Damn brat."

RCG:
I was jealous. Castillo was flirting with you and you were smiling too much.

Me:
I wasn't! And he flirts with everyone. Kung girl ka lang, he'll flirt with you too

Ilang mga shops pa ang dinaanan namin dahil sa pamimilit ni Kenji. I was sure Kael and Pierre were getting bored. Their eyes were beyond unhappy at mukhang iritado pa ang mga ito sa mga tingin ng mga babaeng nadaraanan namin.

It was hard to reply to Racel, too. Pinapansin kasi ni Alec ang bawat tingin ko sa cellphone ko kaya napapatingin na rin sa 'kin sina Kuya Travis at Kuya Jacob.

The boys got preoccupied with buying ice cream. Doon ko lang nabasa ulit ang text niyang kanina ko pa na-receive.

RCG:
He doesn't stand a chance. I'm taken.

Me:
Hahaha really now

"If you want adventure here, you better start coming frequently. There are many good places here. We can even drag race," began Kuya Chris.

Inabot sa 'kin ni Kuya Travis ang order kong ice cream. Huminto muna kami sa bandang wala masyadong tao para kainin 'yon. We would sit sa mga upuan dito but there were no empty seats here.

"Whoa. Like in the movies?" Zander said, awed.

"You race?" Kuya Zoren asked Kuya Chris.

"Yeah. And Kuya. He brought me there."

RCG:
Should I kiss you then? I need to remind you yata

Napahinto ako sa nabasa ko. Biting my lip, I keyed in my reply.

Me:
You getting pikon? :p :p

"Saan kayo madalas?" tanong ni Kuya Zoren kay Kuya Travis.

RCG:
Baby. Don't sound so happy when you talk about Castillo. You don't know how much I wanted to strangle him that day

"I usually go to Clark," sabi ni Kuya Travis sa malalim na boses.

"Ayos 'yan. Pa-try ako minsan."

Hindi muna ako nakapag-reply dahil tumabi naman sa 'kin si Kuya Andrei. Nagkatinginan kami. He flashed me a meaningful smile. Ngumiti lang ako, lumayo nang konti, at pasimpleng nag-reply ulit.

Okay. I knew I was treading a very dangerous line here pero hindi naman niya mapapansin. His hands were currently full kina Johann at Kenji na tanong nang tanong sa kanya tungkol sa mga hilig niyang gawin.

Me:
SLR. Bro's beside me. Buti you didn't. Madaldal lang yon but he's nice. You'll be friends if you try hard enough

When we were done with the ice cream, we moved again. Hindi pa man kami nakakalayo ay may tumawag na ng atensyon namin. Tumigil kaming mga nasa harap para sulyapan ang nangyayari sa likod. May mga babaeng lumapit kay Kuya Jacob.

My brother accommodated them with his easygoing smirk. Nag-ayos pa ng buhok bago ngumiti sa camera. Lumayo sa tabi niya sina Pierre at Kael na halatang naiirita sa dami ng babaeng 'yon. Umalis do'n si Alec at lumipat sa tabi ko.

"He's really famous here?" Alec quipped habang hinuhubad ang jacket na suot niya, exposing sculpted biceps. "I thought you were kidding when you mentioned it earlier over lunch."

"UAAP player kasi," I explained to him.

"Is he good? I heard his team lost."

Yes, couz. At kausap ko ngayon ang nakatalo sa kanya.

"He is. Too bad nga."

Speaking pala, he texted again.

RCG:
He's competition.

Me:
Trust me he's not.

"I noticed it even earlier. We were sat together and people just kept shooting glances at us. So that's why." Alec spied my phone, trying to take a peek. "Sino ba 'yan? Kanina ka pa may kausap," he said in a cute accent.

I only grinned at him, hiding my phone from view.

He chuckled. "You only see us once in a blue moon. Stop texting."

May mga lumapit na girls kina Kael at Pierre. Pumito si Zian na para bang alam na niya ang mangyayari. Pinanood ko yung dalawa habang pinagkakaguluhan.

Hindi malabo na mapansin din talaga sila. Bukod kasi sa malapit sila kay Kuya Jacob, may ibubuga din naman sila. Kael was hot in his black wife beater and tattoo. Gano'n din si Pierre sa suot niyang muscle shirt.

"Kuya Kael is so annoyed now. He hates girls like that," Kenji remarked.

Zian snorted. "He hates everyone, except maybe for that one girl."

Sure enough, Kael paced away boredly as if he didn't hear the girls habang si Pierre naman ay cold silang tiningnan. Slowly getting the point clearly, the girls immediately backed off.

RCG:
I'd rather be careful.

Me:
Hahaha too hot. Chill

I realized mali ang pagkaka-word ko right after I sent it. Shit.

RCG:
When am I not?

Natawa ako.

Me:
Ha! Yabang!! So you have this side after all. Player!

RCG:
Dw. This hot body is yours. You own it so take it anytime

Uminit ang pisngi ko. What in the world was he saying? Natulala ako nang matagal, paulit ulit na binabasa 'yon. Another text followed.

RCG:
Damn. All this talk makes me miss your lips. I'm obsessed with your kisses now

Me:
Stop iiiit! Innocent thoughts. Christmas na tom

RCG:
I can never be innocent with you.

Bumalik na sa 'min yung tatlo. Natagalan pa kasi ang daming nagpa-picture kay Kuya. After it was done, Kuya Jacob sauntered toward us, looking pleased with himself.

Pierre was peering at me with curious brown eyes.

"You're blushing," he told me, barely audible.

Umiling-iling ako at ngumisi, trying to act casual.

"May naalala lang."

"Like?"

"Wala, Pierre."

Matagal bago ako nakapag-reply ulit. I had to be careful now dahil maging si Pierre ay pinupuna na ako. Kalaunan, napagod na rin kami sa pag-iikot. We were talking about finding a restaurant na lang nang may makita si Zander. At his insistence, inubos namin ang natitirang oras para mag-bowling.

The boys were finally occupied again. This time, pati sina Pierre at Kael ay mukhang interesado na dahil nagpustahan sila. Umiling ako. Kuya Travis was damn good at this. Sila lang ni Dad ang laging nananalo sa ganito. They shouldn't even dare.

Only when they began playing did I reply to the message again.

Me:
Dirty mo, Gutierez. Stop talking sweetly baka mamiss kita. LOL

RCG:
Stop talking sweetly. I might just steal you from there

Tumawa ako, syempre may halong kilig. Ako daw ang sweet? Siya nga 'tong kanina pa sweet kung mag-text. Hindi ako nagrereklamo pero mahirap magpigil ng kilig lalo na kung puro lalaki ang kasama mo.

Eventually, nagpaalam na ako sa kanya. Nakisali na ako sa gulo ng mga pinsan ko and to my surprise, si Alec ang lumalamang sa kanila. Sunod si Kuya Travis. Obvious na nakuha nila ang attention ng group of girls na naglalaro malapit sa 'min. Ang isa nga, mukhang nagpapa-impress na kay Kuya at lingon nang lingon sa tuwing turn niya.

Napangisi ako nang hindi niya 'yon pinansin. Kuya Travis was more Zobel than he was a De Villa. Mas seryoso sa buhay. He was after all, the eldest in both sides. I couldn't say the same about Kuya Andrei, though.

From the corner of my eye, nakita ko kung paano niya ngitian yung babaeng kamukha ni Georgina Wilson. He was cool about it, nothing more than a cryptic smile and small nod but the effect on the girl was amazing. Namula ito at pasimpleng nag-ayos ng sarili.

Kuya Andrei chuckled beside me, putting his hands on his pockets. He slid his attention back to our cousins. Hindi na niya ulit tiningnan yung babae.

"Johann," tawag ko sa pinsan kong manghang-mangha kina Alec. "You should record this."

"It's dead batt na," he answered then he grinned. "I'll use my phone na lang."

Masaya ang naging laro nila. Tawa ako nang tawa sa tuwing titira si Zian dahil hindi niya makuha nang tama. I faintly remembered about my other cousins. Ano kayang ginagawa nila ngayon?

Mas masaya sana ito kung nandito sila. If Kuya Onyx was just here, for sure ay malalamangan niya ang mga ito. He's the only one who could ever compete with Kuya Travis pagdating sa bowling while Gian and Kuya Paul sucked at it so bad.

I smiled. Na-miss ko tuloy sila. Nagtatampo kaya sila na hindi namin sila kasama ngayon?

Around the scheduled time, nag-text na sa 'kin si Mom at pinapapunta na kami sa Buffet 101. It wasn't a long walk pero nahirapan kami dahil sa dami ng tao ngayon dito sa mall. Nang dumating kami, naaninag ko si Dad na may kinakausap na babae tungkol sa reservation namin. It was getting dark now and the cold night gale was beginning to blow from the ocean.

People milled about the waiting area while we waited to be ushered inside.

Pagod na ako. Ilang oras lang ang tulog ko unlike my brothers kaya maaga ko nang nararamdaman ang bigat ng katawan. I was sleepy, too. Maybe I should take a nap mamaya sa car. For sure kasi, magpupuyat kami para salubungin ang Christmas mamaya.

"Wala ba tayong Noche Buena mamaya?" I asked Kuya Andrei na tahimik lang sa gilid ko.

"Meron. Naghanda na si Mom, sina Nanay na lang ang magluluto pag-uwi natin."

Napangiwi ako. Buffet ngayon, Noche Buena mamaya.

Tumawa si Kuya at tinapik ang balikat ko.

The dinner was light and fun. Walang mahabang table para ma-accommodate kaming lahat kaya we ended up breaking into groups. I shared with my cousins dahil sa kabilang table nagpunta ang mga kapatid ko.

I could hear all the business talks from across the other table. Tito Ram and Dad were discussing the wine project they started. Iyong inaasikaso ni Kuya Travis sa Ilocos recently.

All my uncles were business-minded, that much I could say. Mom's side of the family came from old money kasi. Ang business nila ay namana pa sa grandparents ng grandparents ko. From what Tita Isabelle told me, our grandmother met our grandfather daw sa London. Doon sila nagpakasal pero sa Pilipinas sila bumuo ng pamilya. Nung bata pa sina Tito, tumira sila doon ng ilang taon bago bumalik sa Pilipinas. Kaya si Mom ay sanay sa pabyahe byahe dahil palipat lipat din talaga siya. She took her schooling here and masters there. Two years old ako when the Zobels finally migrated sa London.

Madalas kong makita si Tito Ram dahil madalas din siyang umuwi for business. Pero siya lang. The others, hindi ko talaga nakita in a long time.

After I finished my food, tumayo ako para kumuha ng desserts. Nakasalubong ko si Kuya Jacob na punung puno ang plato at akala mo'y kakain pa lang. Wasn't it his third time na?

Ngumisi siya sa 'kin nang makalapit sa 'kin.

"Diet ka na naman?"

"Hinay, Kuya. May Noche Buena pa."

He patted his stomach. "There's still room for more, sis. I'm a big boy and big boys have big appetites."

I burst out laughing sa sinabi niya. Hindi bagay.

"Che," sabi ko lang at umikot na para sa desserts. Nakasabay ko doon si Tita Emiko, mommy nina Kuya Zoren na half Japanese. Nagkwentuhan kami saglit bago siya dumiretso sa table.

Pagbalik ko, saktong kababalik lang nina Kael at Kuya Zoren. Nando'n din sina Kuya Jacob, Kuya Andrei at Kuya Travis. Tinawag pala sila ni Tita Chynna para mapicturan.

Nakita ako ni Kuya Zoren at tinawag. Sumiksik ako sa pagitan nina Kuya Andrei at Kuya Travis. Ilang beses kaming nag-picturan bago lumipat si Tita Chynna sa ibang table.

May naalala ako bigla tapos naming kumuha ng litrato.

"Punta daw tayong Fontana," sabi ko sabay upo. Pinaglaruan ko yung cake gamit ang tinidor. "Pinapasama ni Dad yung mga De Villa."

"Pupunta tayo? Kailan?" asked Kuya Jacob.

"Sa 26th."

"Bat 'di namin alam?"

"Kasasabi lang din ni Dad kanina."

"I have plans though," Kuya Andrei said. Nag-angat ng kilay sa kanya si Kuya Travis. Kuya Andrei said with a sigh, "Fine. I'll cancel."

"Who's going?" Alec asked suddenly.

"Our other cousins. Sina Kuya Onyx."

Nag-darken ang mukha ni Kael at sumimangot agad si Pierre.

Kuya Zoren chuckled. "Bring them. I wanna see them again."

"Man, can I pass?" Kael grunted.

"They got chics there, bro. You should go," Kuya Jacob said.

Kael shrugged. "I'm not in the mood to play games with those dipshit."

"Me as well," Pierre grumbled. "The sight of them turns my stomach."

I frowned. "Be nice. Ang tagal na ng naging away n'yo e. How about you boys make up na?"

"Can't be arsed 'bout it," Kael said, annoyance flashing in his dark brown eyes.

Alec let out a laugh. "Don't mind a twat. He'll go if we all go. And Pierre, don't be difficult. Just go."

Umirap lang si Pierre at hindi kumibo. May tiningnan ito sa cellphone niya then immediately, he excused himself.

"I'll be back."

Tumayo siya at umalis without even looking back.

"Hilig mo pa rin mang-chix, Cob. Haven't you got any steady girlfriend yet?" tanong ni Alec nang bumalik na sa table nila sina Kuya Travis at Kuya Andrei.

"I have. You wanna see?" Magarbo ang ngisi ni Kuya Jacob.

Siniko ko si Alec. "You ask the wrong questions, Alec," pasok ko after swallowing the cake. "Question is, how many steady girls does he have?"

Humagalpak si Kuya Jacob at umalis na pabalik ng table.

"Kayo ba? You boys have any girls?"

Alec burst out laughing, sitting carefree in his chair. "Me and Pierre, nada. I happen to love my freedom and Pierre will never have one as long as he has this scary air around him. But Kael, on the other hand, he has plenty. Maybe that's why this punk wants to come home as fast as possible, to get away."

Kael merely regarded Alec coolly, a light smirk playing on his lips.

"I heard DJ ka na, a," sabi ko kay Alec.

"Yeah," he said, nodding. "Mom raised so much hell but eventually, I won her over."

"Was it worth it?"

"Hell yes. If you want something, you should always go for it. No one will do it for you, see," Alec explained. "Don't mind the losses. Risk lang 'coz otherwise, the chance will just-"

"Pass by," I finished for him.

He nodded. "Yeah, exactly. Pass by."

Tumatak sa isip ko ang sinabi ng pinsan ko. Naglaro lang 'yon sa isip ko hanggang sa mamataan ko ang oras. Kinuha ko ulit ang phone ko at nag-text sa kanya.

It was around ten p.m now.

Me:
Christmas na later. Merry Christmas.

RCG:
You're a few hours early

Me:
I wanna greet you first

RCG:
Can I call you later?

I looked around. Busy naman ang lahat sa kwentuhan at tapos na rin naman akong kumain.

Me:
You can call now. Wala naman akong ginagawa.

Tumayo ako at nagpaalam sa boys na lalabas muna. I started for the entrance and stopped short at the sight of Dash Lim on one of the tables near ours. Nagulat pa ako nang kausap niya do'n si Pierre, kasama ang tatlo pang lalaki na hindi ko kilala.

Nang madaanan ko sila, tinawag ako ni Pierre. Huminto ako para bumati. There was no recognition whatsoever in the Chinese's face. Na-realize ko lang kung bakit when Pierre introduced them.

Dariel Lim.

The one in front of me wasn't the Constello vocalist but the twin brother.

Nagtataka ako kung paanong may mga kaibigan dito si Pierre pero naisip kong baka nakilala niya ang mga ito sa London o France. Mathev did mention na laging nasa ibang bansa ang mga Lim.

"My cousin. Javee De Villa," Pierre introduced.

Dariel glanced at me intently. Up close, lalo kong napansin ang similarities niya sa kapatid niya. Parehas silang mukhang tahimik. No wonder Pierre is friends with them.

"You're cousins with Mathev?"

I nodded. "Yup. I met your twin already. Akala ko nga ikaw."

Tipid siyang ngumiti. "That happens a lot."

My phone rang, reminding me of Racel. Nagpaalam ako ng mabilis kina Pierre at lumabas para sagutin ito.

"Sorry," I greeted him. "Got held back by my cousin. His friends are here, which is weird."

"What friends? Guys?" Harmless na tanong lang 'yon pero hindi ko mapigilan ang mang-asar.

"Yeah, boys. Jelly?"

I heard his chuckle. "Play girl. Don't go around collecting hearts or I'm breaking their bones."

Tumawa ako. "I hope you don't think I flirt around as a habit. Hindi naman."

"I trust you. Not them," Racel replied quickly. "You easily catch attention. While I don't mind having rivals, ayokong may makaagaw pa sa 'yo." He sighed. "Why are you so perfect? It makes things difficult."

"Ako pa? Clearly you never paid attention to the girls around you. You're in the heart of every competition out there. Besides, ikaw nga 'tong may Natalia. What did she say? 'He's so hot,'" I said, mimicking her tone.

"Were you jealous then? I damn hope you were," natatawa niyang sinabi.

"Aha! Sadya 'yon 'no?"

"I didn't want to, I swear. But Ivan was getting too close with you and I," he paused. "I was annoyed. I didn't want to get even. Just distraction."

"Excuses," biro ko. "You were clearly enjoying her presence."

"I wonder if you forgot all about how I stared at Ivan to death that night."

"Grabe ka. We weren't flirting no'n. Gusto niyang magpalakad kay Camille."

"His arm was around you. I don't like that. If I can't touch you, no one can."

"Possessive," I said as a joke, though I was shivering at how thrilled that made me feel. "Didn't know you have that streak."

"Your fault, De Villa. You do all sorts of things to me."

My heart stopped at his words and I breathed faster.

I faked a gasp to keep the mood light. "Hoshet. Stop flirting."

Tumawa ulit siya. Then, he sighed softly.

"I wish I'm spending this day with you."

"I wish you're here, too."

"You're not regretting, are you? Staying with me, that is."

"Never. I'm done running away," I answered truthfully. "Do you? Regret chasing after me?"

"No," sabi niya. "And I'll never regret. I only have one plan, baby."

Another shiver ran down my spine at the way his endearment rolled out of his lips. It sounded sexy. Hindi ko ma-explain. Common na ang baby but it sounded so uniquely him.

"What plan?" I asked, breathless.

"I'll make you fall so damn hard you'll never regret choosing me," he whispered huskily.

Halos malusaw ako sa sinabi niyang 'yon. Nanlambot ang mga tuhod ko. Hinigpitan ko ang kapit ko sa phone dahil nanginginig ako sa sobrang tuwa.

"It's good that you went after me. Kung hindi, wala tayo dito ngayon. Kung nagsawa ka, wala na talaga."

Ngayon ko talaga naiisip kung gaano ako ka-selfish noon. I asked him so many times na 'wag, pushed him away just as many times. Paano ko nagawang hilingin 'yon sa kanya kung ako mismo ay ayaw huminto? Deep inside, ayoko naman talaga. I hurt him for nothing. We already took the fall.

"Kung hindi kita pinuntahan, isa lang ang ibig sabihin no'n. Ang kapatid mo ang pinuntahan ko." He took a deep breath. "I was ready to beg for you."

I'd beg to him for you too, I wanted to say.

"You don't have to do that. I'm here now. We'll do this together."

"Together," I could imagine him smiling as he repeated that.

We dropped the call soon after. I spun on my heel and went for the door when I caught Kael standing at the other side, wearing a confident smirk on his face, a cigar caught in between his fingers. Nakatingin siya sa 'kin na para bang may nahuling bata. I could feel the color draining out of my face as he stared at me.

"You're dating," Kael pointed out offhandedly. "You told us you haven't got a man yet."

"I don't," I said honestly.

He raised a brow, his amused smile widening. "Pray tell what did I just hear?"

"He's not my boyfriend."

Totoo naman 'yon. Kahit na mutual ang feelings namin, hindi pa namin napag-uusapan kung ano ang totoong estado ng relasyon namin. We'd get there eventually. Sa ngayon, I wanted to do this slowly.

"But you like him," he said as a fact than a question. "And you're keeping him a secret."

Kael and his keen perceptiveness.

I hesitated before answering with a sigh, "Yes, to both."

Kael stalked toward me, his gait both confident and carefree. Kung matikas ang Constello boys tingnan, nasa ibang level 'tong pinsan kong 'to. He practically oozed out a deadly aura and he may as well be dangerous, what with those glinting smoky eyes and several tattoos on his body.

"Who's the lucky bloke?" he asked in cool tones.

"Hindi mo rin kilala, Kel."

"True." He nodded his head, taking another whiff from his cigar. "He any good?"

Uminit ang pisngi ko sa suggestive tone ng tanong niya at lalong lumawak ang ngisi sa mukha niya. Kumalabog ng husto ang dibdib ko.

"We're not sleeping together!"

"Why not?" He sounded amused.

"Because."

He chuckled. "Alright, cupcake. It's a joke. Don't get all flushed here." Lumapit siya sa 'kin at kinurot ang ilong ko. "But he better treat you well or my fist will beg to introduce itself."

I bit back a laugh. Liberated man but he's still a protective ass after all.

He took a last whiff bago tinapon ang sigarilyo niya. Hinatak na niya ako papasok sa loob. Hindi ako gaanong natatakot na may alam siya. I could trust Kael and besides, he'd got no beef with Racel and his team. Alam ng pinsan ko kung paano ang mga De Villa. He was smart. I was sure by now he had put two and two together.

#

After dinner, we headed straight to Las Piñas. Nakalatag na ang Noche Buena but we were too full to even take notice. Doon nagsi-upuan ang mga matatanda. Me and my cousins went in the gaming room para mag-relax.

Lumilinga-linga sina Pierre, Zian at Zander sa kwarto para pagmasdan ang mga alak at car collectibles na naka-display doon. Kael took to the family pictures. Bored na bored na ang hitsura nito. I knew wala na siyang ibang gustong gawin kundi ang matulog.

The rest of the boys took turns in playing games. Sina Kuya Travis, Kuya Zoren at Kuya Chris ay nagbukas na ng Jack Daniels at umiinom na sa may bar. Nauna pa kina Dad. Tsk.

Thirty minutes before Christmas, we were called to the dining room. Malaki naman ang dining room namin pero hindi na kami nagkasya dahil sa dami. Some of my uncles sat in the living room at doon na lang kumain.

Ang laki talaga ng pamilya namin. Kaya sa tuwing may reunion ay nahihirapan kami. Malaki rin kasi ang pamilya ng mga second degree cousins ko.

Takbo nang takbo si Rafael sa bahay, tuwang tuwa sa mga nakikitang tao. Natatawa ako kasi hirap na hirap siya sa ginagawa niya dahil sa super cute na weight niya. I was surprised na hindi pa siya inaantok. It was late now at kanina pa siya gising.

Nang madapa si Raf, nagtawanan ang lahat. Agad siyang dinaluhan ni Tita Sunshine at inakyat na muna sa taas para patulugin.

Exactly twelve midnight, we greeted each other and exchanged gifts sa living room. Matagal na akong may hinandang gifts para sa pagdating nila at natutuwa ako na nagustuhan nila ang mga binigay ko.

I received a handful of gifts, too. Dala-dala ko ang mga 'yon sa gaming room at doon binuksan. Nakatanggap ako ng mga damit at dresses galing kina Tita. Perfume galing kay Mom. G-Shock galing kay Pierre at mga accessories galing kina Tito. Ewan ko kung nang-aasar ba pero Fifty Shades Trilogy ang binigay sa 'kin ni Kuya Jacob. I had nothing against the book pero yung ngisi niya kasi nang makita ko 'yon ay sobra. Mad asshole.

I opened the gift with the orange wrappings. My mouth dropped sa hawak kong bikini. Sobrang manipis at daring na bikini. Nag-angat ako ng tingin kay Kael na nakangisi sa 'kin.

He's even worse than Kuya Jacob! Fuck. But hey, at least hindi ito kasing lala nung regalo ni Mathev sa 'kin dati. That was a frigging condom at sa sobrang inis ni Kuya Jacob ay nagsapakan sila noon. Naaalala ko pa, pumutok ang labi ni Mathev no'n. Ilang linggo rin silang hindi nagpansinan.

Nagkunot ng noo si Alec sa nakitang hawak ko at ginulo ang mahaba niyang buhok.

"Is it the right size? I hope I got it right." Tumatawa na si Kael ngayon. Kumunot ang noo ko. Gusto ko siyang sapakin dahil sa sobrang kahihiyan.

"Why would you give her a bikini, dude?" Alec asked, incredulous.

"What? Mom gave her bras. Wala na akong maisip." Kael looked at me again. "What, did I get the wrong size? Smaller?"

Uminit ang pisngi ko. Oh, my gosh. Kahit pa pinsan ko siya, it felt so awkward.

"I'll punch you, bro, kung hindi lang pasko ngayon," Kuya Jacob said, glowering.

"You're such an idiot," murmured Pierre sa pinsan namin. "This is why Tita is always breathing down your neck. You're too rude."

"Like I care." Kael snorted.

"It's fine," I said to the boys, collecting myself quickly at baka magkaaway pa. "Walang masama sa bikini." I looked up to Kael na nakangisi pa rin. "And no, Kel. This is perfect size. Thanks." I kissed his cheek para tapusin na 'yon.

When things settled down, the Zobels packed up to leave. Pagod na ang iba at antok na antok na rin ang mga bata. Humalik sa pisngi ko sina Rafael, Zander, Johann at Kenji nang nagpaalam sila. Yumakap naman ako kina Tito at Tita bago sila lumabas.

"I want to sleep here, Pa," Kael said, yawning.

"Your things?" Tito Seth said.

"With me."

Kaya pala may dala siyang rucksack kanina sa van.

"Me as well," Pierre chirped in. "I'm too tired. There's another spare room?" he asked me.

I nodded.

Tumango si Tita Isabelle at pinagbigyan ang anak. They slowly filed out of our house.

"See you derps tomorrow, then," Alec said before leaving.

Uminom pa sina Kuya at Dad sa baba pero pumanhik na ako agad. I'm too tired to even think of drinking kahit pa ilang beses nila akong inaaya.

Later on, I hopped on a call with the girls. We couldn't contact Lhyle, possibly nasa Baguio na 'yon ngayon.

We chatted for a while. Kung ano-ano ang kinukwento ni Anjo tungkol sa mga nakita niyang foreigner sa Bicol. Nang wala na kaming mapag-usapan, a thought came to me.

This was the perfect time, right?

If I intended to continue this with Racel, dapat unti-untiin ko ang mga taong nakapaligid sa 'min, 'di ba?

Taking a deep breath, I said, "I have something to tell you girls."

"Ooh. Chika ba 'to?" Anjo said, laughing.

I told them everything. Simula sa pagkikita sa Centrex hanggang sa recent na nangyari when he came to our house.

Hindi makapaniwala si Anjo nang marinig 'yon. I felt bad and apologetic. Anjo had a crush on Racel, too.

"Who cares about Gutierez? Naka-move on na ko sa kanya," sabi niya nang humingi ako ng tawad.

"About time you admitted to us," Maxxie said. "Napansin ko na 'yan, 'di lang ako nagsalita. 'Di ko rin akala na si Racel. I thought baka si Dash Lim o Luis. Lagi ka do'n inaasar, e."

"And your brothers? What did they say?" Ahron asked me.

"'Di pa nila alam."

"Anong plano mo?"

"Hindi ko alam. Sa totoo lang, wala pa. Probably wait for the perfect timing."

"Dang, girl. Screw that. Just go to Racel, grab him and then smooch. Make up and make out," halakhak ni Anjo "Everything else be damned. At bakit ba kami pa ang kausap mo? You should be earfucking with your boy."

Tumawa nang tumawa si Maxxie. "Your words, babe. Ano ba naman 'yan."

"Duh. Sayang kaya! Hellooo, Racel 'yon. Sexy, eyegasmic beast."

Napangisi ako sa mga sinasabi ni Anjo.

"Pa'no sina Kuya Jacob? It's one or the other," sabi ko.

"I think . . . you have to tell them really soon. Baka magalit sila lalo kapag pinatagal mo," Hiromi said quietly. Kanina pa siya tahimik at ngayon lang nagsalita.

"Oh, bull shit. They just have to suck it up. You like the guy. They'll have to learn how to live with that," Anjo replied.

"Kung sana, gano'n lang kasimple 'yon," I said.

"It is simple, girl. Kapatid mo naman 'yan. He won't hate you forever."

Someone knocked on the door. Bumukas 'yon at nakita kong si Pierre. Makinang ang earrings niya sa dilim ng kwarto ko. Sumilip siya at ngumiti nang maaninag na gising pa ako.

He took long strides to enter my room. "Sorry but have you got any spare towels? I want to shower."

"Oh my gosh, oh my gosh! Who's that hot voice there, babe!" sigaw ni Anjo sa earphones ko.

Nagpaalam na muna ako sa girls at inasikaso muna sina Pierre at Kael. Pagbalik ko ng kwarto, umiilaw ang phone ko. Sinagot ko 'yon kaagad.

"Hey," Racel said from the other end.

The smile was quick to spill on my face. Napasinghap ako sa bungad ng boses niya.

"Hey."

"Merry Christmas."

"Merry Christmas din."

There were noises in his end. May party pala sa kanila at humiwalay lang siya para kausapin ako. I smiled at the thought na kahit busy siya sa kanila ay nagagawa niya pang alalahanin ako.

"I was bored," he had said. "You're not here."

I bit my lip. Hoshet. Lalabas na yata ang puso ko sa sobrang lakas ng hataw nito.

"How were your cousins?"

And so, we spent the early hours of the Christmas talking. Nagkuwento ako sa kanya tungkol sa mga Zobel. What they do, how they are, kung ano ang ugali ng bawat isa. I even told him about their mishaps with the De Villa boys.

All this time, hindi siya nagsasalita. Tumatawa lang sa tuwing nagbibiro ako.

"Salita ako nang salita, hindi ka naman sumasagot."

"I like listening to your voice. Go on."

My heart somersaulted again. Humiga ako sa kama at nagtalukbong ng kumot. I felt so tired. Ang bigat na ng mga mata ko dahil sa antok pero nilalabanan ko. I wanted to speak to him some more.

"Will I ever get to meet them?" Racel said nang hindi na ako nakapagsalita ulit.

"Gusto mo ba?"

"Can I?"

"I don't know," I admitted. "Kael knows about you but that's it. Masungit 'yon, e. I'm not sure if he'll want to see other people and the others, they're just cold."

"Sounds like they're a lot like you."

"What? I'm not cold."

He chuckled at napapikit ako sa tunog no'n. God, I loved it when he did that.

"As much as you think you belong to the De Villa, you don't. There's something different. Maybe it's from this side."

"I don't think I can follow," I admitted, covering a yawn with my hand. "I'm sleepy."

"Don't hang up. Let's sleep like this."

"That's awkward though?"

"It's the only way to celebrate with you."

Tumawa ako. "Ayoko. Kuya said I snore daw," though hindi ko alam kung biro lang ba 'yon.

"I don't mind."

"Ayoko pa rin. Good night na. Go back to your family. Greet them for me."

He chuckled. "Okay. Good night." Para siyang may sasabihin pa pero huminto siya. He said instead, "Good night."

I fell asleep with his baritone voice in my mind and a smile on my face.