modern loneliness, we're never alone but always depressed

Neve was anxious. She couldn't stop thinking about the fact that Zach was planning on coming over to her house after school, and she couldn't stop thinking about the risk she was taking by letting him. She knew they needed to work on this project - without the presence of other people. She did plan on going to the library when possible, but it wasn't always going to be open for them to go to and who knew if Dina would show up the way she had last time and prevent them from getting anything done.

The thought of Chris walking in to find Zach at their house was scary. It scared her tremendously for multiple reasons, and the more she thought about it, the bigger the headache she got.

The final bell rang. Neve sat there and inhaled a sharp breath, almost too afraid to get out of the uncomfortable wooden desk. She knew she couldn't wait forever, because even if she had decided to take her time in leaving the class it wouldn't change the fact that Zach had planned on waiting for her in the parking lot.

After shoving her things in her backpack, she finally stood from the desk. Thankfully, a lot of students had cleared the halls for the most part, so finding her way to her locker to grab her things was easier than usual.

It was only when she was putting her textbooks away she didn't need that someone had walked up beside her. "Riding the bus today Newbie?"

Neve looked over to see Jackson standing there. She hadn't talked to him lately - let alone seen him. When she did see him and got on the bus, they sat together but that was the extent of any type of friendship between the two. It was acquaintances more than anything else.

"Oh, actually no," Neve responded as she finished getting in her locker. "I have a study... date." 

The words were very foreign to her. She hadn't ever used the word 'date' before unless she was talking about the current day. She hadn't ever had a study date, let alone been on a real one. And even though this was just that - a simple study date - it didn't change the fact that the title held a lot of weight and still made Neve nervous.

She was going to be alone with Zach. Not just studying alone together, but alone in her entire house. No parents, no teachers, no friends or people around. It was new to her, and she was already anxious enough, so attempting to explain any of it to Jackson wouldn't work out in her favor.

"A date?" Jackson raised his eyebrow. He lightly laughed as if it were a joke, "Maybe this is me reading you wrong again, but you don't really seem like the type to go on study dates."

Neve shrugged. She didn't know what to say, simply because this was true. Jackson read her right this time, she wasn't the type to go on study dates let alone dates at all. This was new to her, but she didn't feel like explaining that to the boy.

"Not that I'm judging you or anything." Jackson then held his hands up in defense, "Just stating my observations since anytime we talk that's all we really chat about."

"You might be right, might not," Neve responded. She shut her locker and turned toward him, holding some of her books in her arms. "To be fair, though, we have only had maybe one or two real conversations."

"You got me there," Jackson said. "Doesn't mean it's fun trying to guess. Especially since you already know so much about me, yet I seem to know nothing about you."

"It's just better that way," Neve softly explained. It was true, because if even Chris was a little lighter on how strict she was - it didn't change the fact that hiding a lot of her past was easier than telling people.

She knew by the way her previous classmates had acted when they found out. She saw it all over social media, and it was one of the few good things to come out of constantly moving away. She never had to tell anyone what she went through, meaning they didn't know and they couldn't judge her based on something she couldn't control.

Even the detectives treated her differently. Sure, they didn't blame her or say anything horrible the way her classmates had - but they treated her like she was a fragile piece of glass that would break at any moment.

That wasn't Neve, and she was glad that she had nobody to look at her differently.

Jackson hadn't responded, leaving an awkward silence between the two. "Well, Newbie, hopefully we'll have another interesting bus chat soon."

He brought himself up off of the surrounding lockers, indicating he was going to leave. Neve bit her lip as he began to back away, before finally stepping forward. "Wait!"

Jackson stopped in his tracks. He turned back to the girl with a raised eyebrow as he waited for her to say what she'd intended. 

"Neve," She finally breathed out. "M-my name. When you asked me I told you that you could call me Newbie. My name is Neve."

Jackson smiled, "Yeah. I knew that."

Neve's brows pushed together, but before she could question it another voice cut into the conversation.

"Neve!" Zach exclaimed, walking up next to her. He curiously glanced between Neve and Jackson before finally settling his eyes on the girl. "You coming?"

Neve looked from Zach to Jackson, noticing the way Jackson's eyes narrowed, much like they had the day Zach picked her up near the bus stop. "Hello, Zachary." Jackson awkwardly greeted.

Zach looked from Neve to Jackson, an awkward smile on his lips. "Hey." He greeted the other boy.

"You should be careful with her, Coast. She's very good at reading people." Jackson told the boy, "She read me like an open book."

Neve looked down at her feet, ready to leave. She hadn't expected this encounter, and although only ten minutes ago she was finding any reason to put off going home - that's where she wanted to be.

Zach glanced between the two, "Thanks? I guess."

Jackson nodded once before deciding he'd spent enough time there. He waved one last goodbye to Neve before heading down the hallway, dragging his finger along the walls as he walked.

Once he was out of sight, Zach looked down at Neve. "You talk to him?"

"Sometimes. He's who I sit by on the bus." Neve shrugged.

"Hmm," Zach hummed. "A little weird though, don't you think?"

"He's unique in his own way. Like a lot of us are." Neve shrugged, "We should probably get going."

"Right, yeah." Zach agreed. The two began to walk toward the exit, silence between them as the rest of the students had vacated the school. "So what was that about?" The boy let only a few moments of silence pass before asking. "The whole 'reading him like a book' thing?"

"Oh, right." Neve nodded. She avoided eye contact as they walked, her eyes squinting when they exited the building and entered the school parking lot. She tried her best to ignore the bright glare from the sun as Zach led her to his car. "It's basically how it sounds."

"I don't get it," Zach's nose scrunched up.

"He basically just said he judged me wrong, thinking I was like every other new student or something." Neve shrugged. 

They approached Zach's car, and the boy quickly opened the passenger door for Neve. She smiled gratefully at him before getting in, holding her backpack on her lap. She sat in silence as he rounded the car and got in, throwing his belongings in the backseat.

"And that had to do with you reading him like an open book?" Zach asked, continuing the conversation.

"Well, he was wrong by thinking I was like everyone else I guess. So I just kind of told him what I'd noticed about him, and turns out I was spot on. He hadn't expected it." Neve softly explained.

Zach began to drive, stealing glances at the girl every so often. She avoided eye contact, looking everywhere but in the direction of the boy sitting next to her.

"So you watch people or something?" Zach asked.

"Something like that, yeah," Neve answered, "When you're not very social and more into just observing, you learn things about people. Their actions, mannerisms, all of that stuff. It's just easy the more you do it, it becomes routine."

"What do you think about me?" Zach asked, driving in the direction of Neve's house.

Neve didn't respond. She didn't know how to respond, truthfully. She had her own thoughts of Zach - nothing bad - but she didn't want to scare him away. Thankfully, she hadn't scared Jackson away by doing it to him, it was unlikely she'd get away with doing it to Zach as well.

"Is it- is it bad? That why you don't want to tell me?" Zach stole numerous glances at Neve.

She shook her head, smiling. "No, no. It's just weird telling someone your observations of them."

"You told Jackson," Zach told her.

Neve pointed down the street, "Park up here. We can walk the rest of the way."

Zach obliged, parking the car in a nearby parking lot. It wouldn't look suspicious that way and helped Neve feel a little bit better about sneaking a boy into the house.

"I told Jackson because I didn't even know him. If he were to not like what I said and had decided to not be near me, it wouldn't affect me as much." Neve finally responded to Zach as the two exited the car.

They walked side by side toward Neve's house, Zach mindlessly following Neve as she led him in the right direction.

"So you're saying you'd be affected if I thought something like that of you." Zach cheekily spoke, smiling down at the girl.

"Well, yes," Neve admitted. She wasn't usually the type to admit things like this to people, especially someone as intimidating as Zach. However, she couldn't help but be honest with him, not thinking as much before speaking like she usually did.

Zach hummed, glancing around at the wooded area they walked in. "Kinda far out, huh?" He asked.

Neve glanced at him, and he quickly let out a chuckle. "I mean where you live. It's really far out from everything else, isn't it?"

"Yeah, I guess so. But it keeps the unwanted guests away, right?" Neve asked as she looked away from Zach, cutting through a different path.

Obviously, this was just a shortcut to her house. She could've taken the rest of the main roads but after walking back and forth from the bus stop every day, she realized she preferred to take the cut through the woods to shorten the length it took. She also wanted to bring Zach this way, because this meant they'd get to her house sooner.

And the sooner they got to her house, the quicker the 'study date' was over with.

Not that she was against spending time with Zach, she wasn't. It was just the fear of Chris coming home early or walking in to see Zach that terrified her that much.

"But couldn't it also lure them in?" Zach couldn't help but question.

Neve stopped in her tracks, causing the boy to follow. He looked at her with a curious look and Neve began to grow paranoid, taking in her surroundings.

Of course it would. What was Chris thinking? If her birth father was actually searching for Neve and knew deep down that she hadn't died the way the detectives made it look, he'd probably know better than them. He'd know they were hiding, that they'd changed their identities, and that if Neve were somewhere - it'd be somewhere more secluded such as this.

Paranoia was a killer. Neve was already paranoid 99% of the time, on edge, especially with the way Chris treated her. She was alone because even when Chris instructed her to stay home - the older blonde never did. She constantly left Neve alone, meaning if her dad had somehow managed to find her without the detectives or even Neve herself catching on - he'd know to pop up when least expected. He'd know how to make his way around without being seen, and he'd know to come when Chris wasn't around. This meant Neve wasn't safe, despite letting herself feel that way since she'd moved there.

She'd grown too comfortable, and although she hated to admit it - maybe Chris was right all along.

But maybe she was also wrong in some ways.

"H-hey," Zach stumbled toward Neve, tripping over a branch. It looked as if the girl was in a trance, her mind battling with herself as if something he'd done or said had triggered her. He didn't know what to do, growing anxious as this was something he'd never had to deal with before.

Panic began to set in. It grew hard to breathe, and the thought of a repeat of what happened years ago terrified Neve. Her breathing grew heavy as she gasped for air, her hands shaking as she found herself back to that horrible day.

The sound of Zach tripping on the branch caught Neve's attention, and she jumped back just as Zach approached her. She tripped backward and fell onto her butt, the palms of her hands scraping against the dry leaves and branches that littered the ground.

Pain seared through her hands, and she pulled her palms in front of her to see blood beginning to break through the skin. Her brows raised as she studied her hands, staring at the gross specks of dirt that sat in the small cuts.

Zach was confused. He didn't know what was bothering her and was almost too afraid to ask. It seemed as if something had triggered her, and his suspicion was only confirmed when she began to look around her as if someone was in the woods with them.

"Neve," Zach spoke. He needed to do something - and he knew this - but he didn't know what. He knew Neve, sure, but not well enough to know how to calm a panic attack. If this was a panic attack, he didn't know what to do. He'd seen one or two from Owen during the time he'd been friends with the boy - but none were like this.

"We need to go," Neve suddenly spoke. Tears glistened in her eyes as she finally tore her eyes away from her scraped-up hands, scrambling to pull herself from the ground. "We need to go before someone sees us."

"W-what?" Zach softly asked. He was genuinely confused, watching as she pulled herself up completely.

She passed right by Zach, her pace twice as fast as it previously was. She continuously glanced around to keep her eyes everywhere, almost as if someone had been following them.

This began to freak Zach out, unsure of what to think. He began to glance around too as he sheepishly followed her the rest of the way to her house, her paranoia rubbing off on him as the feeling of being watched began to take over.

"Ne-"

"Shh!" She suddenly exclaimed as she turned, raising a hand in the air. "We have to be careful."

"You're..." Zach began to say something but realized it could come across the wrong way. Saying something along the lines of 'you're freaking me out' might mess with Neve even more, and he realized this was something more than just her being weird.

He could tell by the look in her eyes that she was terrified. Something was bothering her, and although that much was obvious - the last thing he wanted to do was make it worse.

"We-we're almost there, okay?" Neve asked. She looked as if she was beginning to calm down, although not by much. Her breathing was still heavy and tears stained her cheeks, her eyes continuing to dance around the secluded woods in nervousness.

Zach didn't say anything. Truly, he was speechless. He wanted to say something to calm her down - but Neve's only accepted his embrace one or two times. He was almost sure that if he were to try and physically comfort her she'd freak out more. He didn't know what to say, because he didn't know what was going on. Since he didn't know what was going on, he didn't know what would be the best thing to say. If he were to know, he'd know what to say and what to avoid saying, but he couldn't. He was stuck wanting to comfort a girl he barely knew, one who was very obviously haunted by something.

They finally arrived in a clearing, onto a dirt road. It was clear to Zach she'd brought him through a shortcut, but he didn't say anything as he followed the girl past the white wooden fence that surrounded the house.

"Lock it please," Neve softly asked, watching to make sure he did so.

He quickly latched the small lock before turning and following her up the porch.

Neve stopped in front of the front door, staring at the doorknob. She didn't move despite her hurry to get to the house only seconds before, only earning another confused glance from Zach.

"Are we going in?" Zach softly asked, almost too afraid to speak to her.

Neve drew in a sharp breath, wiping away a stray tear with the back of her hand. She reached out, but the sight of the blood on her hands only reminded her of that day again. A fear of walking in to see the same sight again - this time with Chris - flooded her mind, nightmarish visions flashing through her head.

Finally, she turned her head to Zach. "I-I can't," She whispered softly, "Can you open it?"

She'd never asked for anything like that before. Ever since her mother and stepfather died, she'd managed to do everything on her own for the most part. Sure, Detective Forbes and Chris helped with what they could, but when it came to walking into whatever house they lived in at the moment, walking home from school, or anything like that - Neve managed to do it alone.

It felt like a step back. All of the work she'd done healing from what had happened seemed to disappear, almost as if she were at step one again. She was afraid and it was obvious, all because of a small remark Zach made unknowingly.

Zach was confused but nodded without a second beat. He didn't even question or have to think about it - immediately doing as he asked. He wasn't sure why he had the feeling to do what he could to help her but he did. 

"M-my keys-" Neve stopped, reaching back toward her backpack to where grab them.

"Hey, hey I got it." Zach quickly cut her off. He gently grabbed her hand, moving it away from the backpack. "I'll get it, okay? It's okay."

Despite being confused and not knowing what to do moments prior, he felt like she'd finally calmed down enough to have some control. She seemed to listen - and almost come across as comforted - by his voice, soothing her shaking even if it was only slightly.

Obviously, Zach couldn't make her feel better. He didn't, and he knew this. But he also knew he didn't want to make it worse so he was gentle with his actions as he pulled her keys from her backpack.

He side-glanced at her before beginning to proceed. Just as he was about to put the key in the lock, Neve grabbed his arm. "The alarm code," She mumbled.

It was then that Zach noticed the little white box next to the door. He nodded and she glanced around once before leaning in close. "08151." She mumbled.

Zach typed in the code she handed him and the light turned green, meaning it was disabled. He then wasted no time in unlocking the door, opening it to see what looked to be a normal house. He then glanced down to see her grasping his arm tightly, her eyes looking around in the house for anything that might be... out of place?

That's how it seemed. Neve let out a deep breath, a look of relief washing over her face. She finally let go of Zach's arm and slowly stepped forward, holding her hands in a fist as she inspected the living room. "I think we're okay," She mumbled.

Zach walked into the house, locking the door behind him. Neve slowly walked back toward the boy and pressed a few buttons into the code, one Zach noticed was similar to the one she told him. 08152.

"I-I'm sorry," Neve mumbled. "This is embarrassing."

Zach's eyes snapped to the redhead, seeing her mess with her dirty hands. "I-I've never had one in front of anyone before."

"A panic attack?" Zach asked.

Neve nodded, "I'm sorry."

"Don't apologize, okay?" He softly asked her. He then watched as she picked at the small cuts on her hands, causing the dirt to mix further into the wounds.

"Let's get you cleaned up, okay?"

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OPE sorry this took like a week to write LMAO