CHAPTER 12

When the sun started to get down. I also started to ready my weapons. Dadaan na lang kami sa kung saan kami nanatili pagkatapos kong mabaril sa labanan.

We all walked incessantly. Si Kit ang may hawak kay Aeina habang ako ang nasa unahan at nakasunod ang dalawa sa likuran namin.

I'm still stunned and surprise about earlier. So it was really me, I thought it wouldn't be that surprising since I'm expecting that it was really me but when he confirmed it, I can't help but to feel surprise.

I mean, he said he saw me inside a coffin. If it's not me, then who's that person?  Why do we look alike?

I shrugged the thought and advert my mind on the other things. Levi thought Aizhalie died, and that's me, which is alive. Ack. . . this is confusing.

What if there's a two Zhail?

That's impossible. Really imposible.

"Stop." I said when I heard something.

"Sa gilid muna kayo," Mahina kong sambit.

Nagtago silang apat habang ako ay naglakad papunta sa kung saan ang mga tunog.

We don't have a light but the moon is bright, we can see our way clearly. I saw a light coming from the north side, I walked through it and saw a  group of people laughing and having some fun.

They looked like a. . . rebellions.

I looked away from them and find a way, hindi kami puwede makita ng mga 'to. Sigurado akong madadamay ang mga kasama ko. Kung ako lang mag-isa, makakaya ko pa. Pero dahil may mga kasama ako, sigurado akong mahihirapan ako kung sakali man.

When I find a way, I came back at them and motioned them to follow me. It was a good thing that I'm with a very careful fuckers that I don't need to stress myself to beseech them to stay freaking quiet.

"Stay quiet as much as you can," I whispered.

The three of them nodded. Then suddenly a sever sound of a stick made me panicked. I immediately pulled them to the nearest tall tree and a bunch of tall grasses, I saw some of the rebellions looked at our direction. 

It was a good thing that it's dark and we're wearing dark clothes. I lowered my body when someone flash it's light at our direction.  

Kit held Aeina, while I get my gun to get ready to fire, just in case they'll saw us.

"May narinig kayo?"

We remained quiet as they start their conversation.

"May narinig ako, baka ahas lang?"

The other one nodded. "Paanong ahas eh sana tinuklaw ka na n'on kanina pa. Mukha ka pa namang pagkain."

I smirked and clench my jaw. "Tumahimik ka nga d'yan! Wala kang ambag sa lipunan eh!"

Naglakad sila pabalik sa kinaroroonan nila kanina at doon gumawa ng argumento.

While us, started to walk slowly and carefully until we were far away from them. I looked at them and sighed. "Let's be careful next time, hindi sa lahat ng oras suwerte tayo."

They nodded but I know I'm not sure with their moves. It was absolutely obtuse, and it will perhaps bring us to trouble or worse, the reason to end our lives.

As far as I observe when I was having our trekking with my team. Our climb was five to six hours, it last long because of our way uphill.

Ngayong pababa na kami, sigurado akong hindi kami masyadong mahihirapan dahil higit na mas madaling lakarin ang daan dito pauwi kaysa papunta pa lamang.

This trek enervates the doctors. Especially Aeina who's walking like a zombie because of tiredness.

My joy when I'm having a mission was evanescent because of this. I don't have bombs with me at all! And I think that's why I'm getting tired and lousy these past few days. I need to touch a bomb, I need to hear it's banging voice again. Fuck, I'm dying to see it!

When I saw them getting really exhaust, I let them rest under the tree for a while. Or maybe I should let them sleep, it's so late and we're far away from the rebellions.

"Dito na muna kayo, gagawa lang ako ng mahihigaan natin."

"Sige," Kit answered.

Levi stood up and smiled. "I'll help you."

I sighed and let him. "Maghanap ka ng dahon ng saging, ihahanda ko ang pagkain."

I throw at him the knife and he avoided it. I tsk-ed and shook my head. Hindi 'man lang naisalo. Lalaki ba talaga 'yan?

Hindi ko na lang pinansin at nagpatuloy na lang sa paghahanap. Nang makahanap ako ng mga prutas sa paligid, sinimulan kong putulin at ayusin ang mga kahoy para sa tutulugan namin. Pinutol ko din ang mga may malalaking dahon at ginawang bubong sa maliit na tutulugan.

When Levi arrived, I get all the leaves and put them in that and it's all ready.

Pumunta ako kina Kit at saka binuhat si Aeina. "Kumain na muna tayo,"

"Salamat,"

I nodded and went to Levi. Sa labas kami kumain at ang ilaw lang namin ay ang apoy na ginawa ko.

"I want to go home," Aeina suddenly uttered while chewing the banana.

"What?"

Kahit ako man ay nagulat dahil mula kanina ay hindi nagsalita si Aeina. Pagkatapos noong nasa kuweba kami, hindi na siya nagsalita pa.

"I miss my mommy, I wanna go back to mommy. My mommy,"

Nagkatinginan kami nang magsimulang umiyak sa mababang tinig ang bata. I squeezed my eyes shut and put down the mango and hugged her. I stood up and console her.

"Shh.  .  . it's okay, I'm here. I'll take you back to your mommy, hmm? I promise that."

She started to cry harder but she nodded. I just let her until she fall asleep. Inihiga ko siya sa loob ng ginawa kong tulugan at saka lumabas. Apat kaming nakapalibot sa apoy habang nakatitig lang doon.

"Can we get back home alive?"

All of them stayed silent when Dianne asked that. I turned my eyes to her but she's looking at the other direction, I looked at Levi and saw him looking at me. Kit was playing with the fire.

I mentally rolled my eyes and shrugged my shoulders. "It'll be easy to go back now, especially we already make our way to those rebellions. But. . . I still don't know what will happened to us through the trek."

Nabigla ang lahat maliban sa akin ng magsimulang humagulgol si Dianne, Levi started to console her so I just looked away.

"What if. . . what if mamatay tayo dito? I can't, no I don't want to. I still have a lot of dreams,"

Bakit ba sila umabot dito kung ganito naman pala kahina ang loob nila? They know that they'll be having a missionary in the middle of the war. Bakit ngayon sila nagrereklamo kung alam naman nilang malalagay ang buhay nila sa peligro?

I can't understand these doctors.

"We're not dying, I promise. I'm here,"

Dianne hugged him tightly and sobbed. I looked at Kit but he just smiled bitterly and looked away. Levi sedate Dianne until she recovers, nakatingin lang kaming dalawa ni Kit sa kanilang dalawa.

What. . . am I doing?

I shrugged my thoughts immediately when I felt my head getting groggier. Kumirot ito bigla kaya isinantabi ko lahat ng mga iniisip ko. I don't want to stress myself over something, I need to get out of this jungle as soon as possible.

When I remembered the mission. I stood up emotionlessly and went to a little far away from them. I enabled the earpiece I was wearing and spoke.

"Nana? How's my team?"

I didn't hear anything, instead, I heard someone shouted. "Nana? Are you okay?"

I stared to get panicked but I calmed when I heard her voice. [Sucker, I'm okay. Those scumbags pissed me really off, they entered my room without my permission!]

I chuckled lightly and stared at the nighty sky. "How's my team? Are they okay?"

Nana hummed and sipped. [They arrived, well not all of them were in a good state but yes, they're in a good place now. Kayo na lang ang hinihintay namin.]

"Malapit na lang kami, I just need to let them rest for a little while. I don't want this to end in a debacle."

[It's not a debacle Zhail, okay? You're good and I know you can do this. Honey, go back to your senses! This is not you! You're far better than this, where are my Angel?]

Napaisip ako bigla. It's true, I'm not in my true self this days. I've been laughing and I'm getting vocal to my emotions. I smiled in a simple gestures, I suddenly felt tired holding a gun. I felt tired rescuing anyone.

And now, I want to go back to my senses. She's right, it's not me. I'm better than this, I can be better and honestly, walang wala ito sa mga misyon ko dati. I can put my life at risk and die for just to complete my mission.

[Don't let anyone control you, if that's what you were thinking. Aizhalie, past is past. Let go of that and go start to rewrite the tomorrow. Stop your emotions to weaken you, it should be your strength.]

How'd she know? That i've been suffering from a trauma? She'd been my bestfriend since I woke up from a coma.

I shut my eyes tightly and smiled bitterly. "I will, Nana. I'll do my best to fight this, I won't let the past get through of my life."

[That's right. Wake up and bring back my cold, snob and emotionlessly Zhail. Yung sa akin lang sisigaw at magtitiis sa pagsasalita ng matagal kahit na napapagod ka nang magsalita.]

I chuckled and nodded as if she's seeing me right now. "I will, thanks Nana."

[Sure is, I'll be waiting for your comeback. You still have a mission to do,]

I nodded again. "I know, thanks for reminding me."

[Do you need anything else?] She asked when she notice my silence.

"Can you play a song? The whole night?"

She chuckled. [Sure.]

I smiled and go back. I saw them sleeping inside, hindi na ako nag-abala pang pumasok doon at sa isang kahoy na lang sumandal at pinikit ang mata habang nakikinig sa kanta.

It's so romantic but then it suddenly turned into a very messy one. I chuckled again. Sheesh, she really like that fliptop lines in the middle of the rock n star.

While I was listening to the song. I then realized how grumpy I was while I was with these doctors. How lousy and tires I am.

Ngumiti ako at saka nagdilat ng mata. Nagbago ako sa kadahilanang isa si Levi sa taong gusto kong makilala mula sa nakalimutan kong ala-ala noon.

What will I do? If he's really part of my life then what? Gusto ko pa bang ipagpatuloy ang kagustuhang maalala lahat? But then, I don't want to be weak. I notice that everytime I remember or I think about my past, my strength suddenly weakened.

Now I promise.

I'll be back. I will never let anything or anyone control me. Never.