Parents

[Spain is over for thanksgiving]
Florida: Could you pass the salt?
Spain: Could you pass ELA? 
Florida, who does not care for thanksgiving: 
Florida: Get out of my house
Florida: we're not doing that this year

Spain: [panicking because he can't find Florida]
Florida, on the roof: it's always "where's Florida" but never "how's Florida"

[In discussion of his wedding]
Florida: Will you give me away?
Utah: Never.
Florida:
Florida: I mean will you walk me down the aisle?
Utah:...Oh
Utah: Of course.

Utah: Excuse me ma'am, have you seen my kid?
Utah: they're about this tall, clearly gay, but we haven't had the talk.

Utah: You know, you can't live off of soda and pizza rolls forever.
Alaska: I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE

Utah: Yesterday I overheard Louisiana saying "are you sure this is a good idea?" and Florida replying "trust me"
Utah: I've never moved to another room so fast in my entire life

Illithyia: [doing makeup]
Florida: :0
Florida: Can I have some
Illithyia: of course
Florida: :'0
Florida: thank you

Alaska: :(
Utah: Who do I need to kill

Someone, talking about Texas: Is that your kid?
Utah: What?
Mexico: no, he's- 
Utah: Yeah, that's my kid

Florida: Holy shit
Florida: he just yeeted that at you!
Utah: he just...what? 
Florida: oh... y'know [throwing motion] yeet
Utah: 
Utah: You're fucking grounded

Utah: Hey- can you watch these guys for me?
Gov: What?
Florida: Hey! We don't need a babysitter!
Utah: [gives him a lollipop] be nice
Florida: 
Florida: [grumbling] fine

Teacher: Can we talk about your son's attendance 
Spain: What? He hasn't missed a day all year-
Teacher: That's the problem
Teacher: can you give us a fucking break
Teacher: like, just a day or something

Utah: Hey, I'm going to the store what do guys want?
Florida: my dad to come back
Alaska: A will to live
Texas: happiness
Utah, ready to adopt all of them: I don't think they sell those at target

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Tags: #benbrainard